by Sam Destiny
“Mason, do you ever stop to think before you talk?” Ash rounded the corner, almost running into him.
“My brain shuts off when she’s around. I don’t know how to change that. It’s like my body goes into survival mode. Breathe and just don’t appear stupid. There’s no time to think.”
Ashley didn’t seem appeased. She still glared at him, and he wished he could read her better.
“Could you make her more unhappy?”
“Not my goal,” he retorted, and she crossed her arms in front of her chest.
“What is your goal then? Because I thought you wanted to win her for you, and unless you changed your mind about that, you have a pretty weird way of going about it. Have you ever considered those words? The three magical ones?”
He watched her for a long moment and then decided to just throw a question out that bounced around his skull every time he heard that Ash and Tay hung out together again. “You’re really okay with this, Ash? Because Taylor won’t do anythin’ that could potentially –”
Ashley rolled her eyes. “She and I solved that already when you started to insult her, and she couldn’t stop cryin’. I want her to be happy, and frankly, I want you to be happy, too, even though right now I think you don’t want that!” It wasn’t exactly what he wanted to hear, but it was enough for now.
“You never deserved to be in that weird triangle that was me, you, and the ghost of her. You never should’ve gotten that baby. It was more a desperate move on my part than real hope. I thought you wanted it, and maybe that could fix us. I should’ve never allowed it,” he blurted out. “I would never give her up, but you didn’t deserve that. Any of it.”
He watched as she wiped away a tear, the hostility long gone from her face. “I fell in love with the way you loved her. It was stupid, but let’s face it, you can never love two people the same way. You’ll never love anyone the way you love her. I wasn’t okay with the way you loved me. I was jealous. I wanted her way. I thought giving you a child would get me that. Instead, you found a new, amazin’ way to love another human being, while I realized I wasn’t a mother and would never be. Good news, though. There’s a perfect mother just down the hall, and if you’re ever ready to pull your head from your ass, you might manage to say more than the bullshit you’re spitting out.” The fire was back in Ashley’s eyes, but he still noticed the teasing curve of her lip.
“What woman will raise her best friend’s daughter like her own?” That was his biggest worry and all it came down to really.
Ash smiled. “A woman like Taylor Collins.”
***
Returning after this shift was brutal. He no longer had any idea what to do or say to Taylor to make things right. Stella waited for him when he stepped out of his truck. It was the middle of the night, yet she sat outside on a rocking chair, sipping a glass of white wine.
She got up the moment she spotted him. “What happened today? Is Taylor okay? Will she be out soon? Are you okay?” She fired questions in such a rapid succession; Mason didn’t get a chance to answer any at all.
“Mom …”
“What am I going to tell Tim? Are you goin’ back tomorrow?”
“Mom!”
“Does she need anything? Clothes? Food? I could –”
“Mom, stop! I’m not gonna go back there, and no, she won’t stay long. She wanted you to know that she’s grateful you picked up Timmy. She doesn’t want Tamara informed, either.” He rattled off all she had instructed him to say. Even though that wasn’t really the right word. He’d asked her if she wanted Stella or Timmy to know anything. Manners, again, because his body didn’t really function anymore.
“Why?”
He couldn’t remember why. It was something about Tamara having grown up too fast. His mind was so crowded; it might as well be blank.
Maybe it’s best if we don’t see each other for a while. Taylor had uttered those words in a tone that made his bones freeze. There was no room left for debates or pleas, no room left for doubts. He’d been right about her having reached a decision.
You and I need to stop hurting each other. I need to stop being a disappointment to you and hating myself for it, and you need to take care of your daughter instead of me.
How often would his mind have to replay those words until his heart would finally go back to beating normal in his chest?
“Mason?” He focused on his mother again, seeing her brows arched in question.
“What?”
“What happened?” Her tone had an edge of annoyance, hinting that she had asked that exact same question a few times already.
He recounted the events from the moment they were alerted of the accident up to the moment he had left Taylor’s hospital room the second time.
“She was in an accident that could’ve easily killed her.” His mother collected her thoughts and then lowered her eyes. “You know, maybe it is a good idea for the two of you to take a break from each other. I’m not saying you should give up. I’m not saying she’s been right and you’ve been wrong, or the other way around. I adore Taylor, and you know that. All I’m saying is that maybe for once, let her come to you. You tried everythin’ and put your heart on the line more than once.” She smiled softly. “Maybe you haven’t handled some situations right or the way you should have, but is there a better compliment for a woman than you stopping to think when bein’ around her?” She hugged him tight.
“I thought if I just say the right words, the ones I thought she’d been longing to hear, we’d be happy, but instead, I put pressure on her to be what she thinks I want her to be. I, of all people, should’ve known how she’d react!”
His mother led him inside, sitting him down on the kitchen table. “She runs.”
He nodded, hiding his face in his hands. “Only now, she can’t run. She’s trapped, so she lashes out instead.” His palms muffled his words, but then he lowered them again. Stella pushed a steaming mug into his hands, and Mason took a deep pull from the hot coffee. He was glad his mother had prepared him one.
“Exactly, which is why I’m sayin’ let her come to ya. I know you hurt, and you worry, but son, sometimes you need to let go of somethin’ you love, knowin’ that if it returns, it’s truly yours.”
He moved the cup out of the way and then crossed his arms on the table, resting his head on them. “She nearly died, and I couldn’t look at her and just tell her I love her. It’s all I should’ve done. Mom, it’s Taylor. I don’t know if I can stay away from her.”
His mother gently kissed his head. “Go upstairs, pick up your daughter, and hold her close. Taylor will come around. I’m sure she won’t be able to stay away too long. If there’s one thing I know, it’s that.”
Mason raised his head, staring at his mother for a long time before slowly nodding.
“Good idea,” he decided, getting up to kiss his mother’s cheek good night and find his daughter.
After all, next to Taylor, Becca was his light in the darkness.
Taylor had trouble moving without hurting. She was sore all over, but since she had seen the pictures of her truck, she was more than glad about the fact that she was only sore. It could’ve been much worse.
As much as she was pissed at the second driver for having destroyed the only transportation she had on hand, she had sighed a breath of relief upon hearing that he had been conscious throughout the night. Ashley had picked her up from the hospital and dropped her off at home, where she currently tried to get her head together enough to prepare a late lunch for her and Tim. The bus had passed their house just a minute ago, and she knew that he’d be inside the house at any second.
He burst into the kitchen, dropping everything by the door and then hugged her tight around the hips. She hugged him back while gritting her teeth against the pain.
“I’m so glad you’re home! The teacher at school told me you’d been in an accident. Why didn’t Stella tell me? I would’ve come and visited you in
the hospital,” he sobbed against her stomach, and she bent softly to kiss the top of his head.
“It was just one night as a precaution, baby, and I had no intention of worrying you until I knew what was going on. And then it was clear I’d be out soon. Look, I’m home already, and I figured we could –”
The door flew open, interrupting them.
“Taylor Collins!” Tay winced. Tamara wasn’t supposed to know or be home.
“Who told her?” she asked in a hushed voice toward her brother, and Timmy shrugged. “No one was supposed to tell her and …”
“Ashley called. Hell, Tay, it should’ve been you calling me, not her! I’m your sister! I need to make sure you’re all right and takin’ it slow the way you deserve,” her sister announced, waltzing into the kitchen.
“My best friend’s a traitor,” she said in the same hushed voice to Timmy and the little boy giggled. Taylor winked at him and then looked up at her sister.
Tamara had pulled her blonde hair up into a messy bun, and her hazel eyes were swimming with tears. It was exactly the reason why Taylor hadn’t wanted her informed. There was no use in anyone worrying about her. She’d be fine in no time again.
“Your stubborn ass -”
“Tamara Collins! Clean up your language around Tim,” Taylor scolded, and Tamara rolled her eyes before leaning in to kiss Tim’s cheek.
“Go and get the burgers that I brought from the car and set up in the living room, okay?” Their brother nodded at Tamara and then left. Tammy straightened, placing her hands on her sweats-covered hips. “Your stubborn ass needs to get used to the fact that you have family around again. You don’t have to take care of yourself alone anymore. And you had better get that through your head quickly. Otherwise, you and I will have a problem! If Mason wants to buy you a whole damn bedroom, you say ‘why, thank you, mister’ and hug him tight. If Kelly Rivers wants to take Tim off your hands so you can settle in, be grateful and accept it. If I wanna come and spoil you rotten because you have been in a fucking car accident, you hug me tight, assure me that you’re fine, and then you move to the sofa while I take care of you! That’s how country works, honey. That’s how Sunburn works. So, hug, please?” Tam’s tirade ended in tears, and Taylor moved in, hugging her little sister.
“I just want to prove to people that I can do it, you know? It’s hard being back, but I’m capable of being Timothy’s guardian. I get him to school on time, and I make sure he’s fed. That bedroom ... it was Mom and Dad’s, and they ... I just couldn’t go in there!”
“And now, it’s your safe haven. Mason did amazing,” Tamara pointed out, and Taylor decided to change the topic. Mason was just not something she wanted to talk about with her sister.
“Thank you for coming home, Tam,” she whispered into her sister’s hair. “And thank you for bringing food. I don’t think I could’ve been on my feet long enough to cook well,” she admitted.
Tam pulled back and winked at her. “I figured that, Lori.”
“Come on, you two! I’m hungry,” Timmy called, and together, the sisters left the kitchen, following the call of the food.
***
Later that night, the two sisters sat on the sofa and watched movies together. They had decided on Divergent, but Tamara was constantly looking toward the door, making Tay nervous. Their brother was in bed already, and she was glad about that.
“Don’t you just love Four?” Tammy sighed, and Taylor smiled. No doubt, the actor was handsome, but he had nothing on Mason, which in return made Taylor’s heart squeeze. Another time, her sister snuck a glance at the door, and Taylor had had enough.
“Who the hell are you waiting for?” she wondered, and Tamara furrowed her brow.
“Isn’t that obvious? Is Mason on shift or why doesn’t he show?”
Taylor untangled herself from her sister’s arms and got up, pulling her knitted jacket tighter around her body.
“Mason and I agreed that we shouldn’t ... see each other for a while.” She swallowed, the lie burning like acid in her throat.
“Taylor,” her sister growled, a warning clear in that one word. “What did you do? What did you tell him? What the fuck happened? I thought by now you two would be all cuddly and perfect and happy!”
Oh God, how Taylor wished it were true. “I thought maybe he’d want to be with me when I showed him how much I loved his daughter, and that was wrong, too. You should’ve heard him fussing at me and telling me that I’m not a mother.” Tears sprang to her eyes as the words cut just as deep as it had the first time. “He pointed out that Becca’s not my daughter, either. I know she isn’t. It couldn’t be more obvious, but ...”
“You’d be ready, right? You’d be okay with it, too? Raisin’ your best friend’s child? Everyone knows, Tay. Everyone in town knows who the mother is, and one day, Becca will know that, too. Are you seriously okay with that?”
Taylor arched a brow in question. “What? Are you telling me I shouldn’t love her like my own when her father is the only man I’ve ever wanted?”
“I’m tellin’ you that it’ll be hard and complicated,” Tamara replied, and Taylor nodded slowly.
“I don’t care what the town thinks. I care what Ashley thinks, what Mason thinks, and what’s best for Becca. Let them talk. I know Ashley wants her to have an amazing mother. I know Becca needs one, and I know that I love her. Mothers are made from the heart, Tamara. It’s about loving a child unconditionally. That’s what it means to be a mother. I’m ready to fight for her, to dry her tears, and to show her that she is wanted, no matter who gave birth to her.” If there was one thing she was sure of, it was that.
“You’re pretty amazin’. You know that, right?” her sister wanted to know, and Taylor shrugged a shoulder. To her, it was nothing great. After all, loving Becca was no feat at all.
“It doesn’t matter, though. Right now, I won’t see her, mainly because I can’t face Mason. I can’t be what he wants me to be and ...”
“You mean you can’t be you?” Tamara inquired, and Taylor shook her head. That wasn’t what she meant.
“I mean I can’t be who I was back then, and I can’t be who he hoped I would turn into if I had stayed. We fight or we get drunk and confess to each other how much we like the other one ... only to hurt each other more. I can’t do it anymore,” she whispered, and Tamara got up as well, hugging her tight. She winced, making her sister jump back instantly.
“I’m so sorry! Seriously, so sorry,” she mumbled, patting Taylor down as if she’d be able to feel each and every bruise. Of course, she couldn’t, but that didn’t matter. Tay swatted her hands away, giving her a smile to calm her down.
“You know if I had stayed ...” Her phone interrupted her, and she stared down at it, cursing low. “I wish Ash hadn’t replaced that stupid thing.” She hit ‘ignore,’ but it didn’t take long until the screen lit up again.
“Who is that?” Tamara asked, clearly not recognizing the number Taylor hadn’t bothered to save on the phone.
“Andrew.” He was pretty much the last person she wanted to talk to, even though he had never done anything but be the wrong guy. And that really wasn’t his fault.
“How often has he been calling?” Tamara sounded everything but happy, and Taylor sighed.
“Too often. Just ignore him. He’ll take the hint at some point,” she assured her sister. “We aren’t a couple any longer, and we certainly aren’t friends. There’s nothing he can tell me anyway. So yeah.”
“He bought your business, Taylor,” Tamara gently reminded her, and Taylor gritted her teeth. God, she missed planning parties, especially the high-class stuff. She wanted to have elegant decorations, low-playing classical music, long-stemmed sparkling glasses, and as much money as she wanted at her disposal. She missed feeling as if she was in control. Right now, almost none of her savings was left, and she needed a new truck - yes, it would have to be a truck again, not a small car - and having paid back Mason had put a dent in the fin
ances she had considered her backup for the farm.
“So?”
“Maybe somethin’s wrong with it.”
Taylor took a deep breath and then turned away from her sister. “It’s no longer my business. Whatever is wrong with it, he has to figure it out alone.” Staring out the window, she gritted her teeth not to cry again. She hadn’t even thought about how much she missed it, but now, it bubbled up with all the other emotions that were just too much right now.
“Once I’m back and done with college, you can think about opening a new event management business. You’d be surprised how many people down here would book you,” Tamara whispered, but Taylor didn’t react. As nice as the idea sounded, she couldn’t. No one here needed what she had offered in Michigan, and hope was a treacherous thing. No, for now, Taylor was done hoping for anything. All she’d do was live one day at a time, and maybe, someday, she’d find a path that would be just right for her.
Mason watched from Becca’s bedroom window as his friends hung strings of sparkling lights everywhere. The barn and every damn fence leading to it shone in a soft, warm glow. It was romantic, no doubt, but romance wasn’t what he wanted. Taylor wouldn’t come, and in fact, he was not ready to be among all those people, celebrating his special day.
“Daddy, Ima princess,” Becca announced, dancing circles around him. She had tried to replicate the braid Taylor had once done on her head, and it was a mess, but the little girl refused to let him touch her hair.
“Tay will make it right when she’s here,” she had told him, being so sure of the fact that his heart was breaking. No doubt, Taylor would come over if Stella called her, just because Taylor would never neglect the little girl, but she’d try like hell to avoid Mason, and that was probably why he hadn’t asked his mother to get Taylor over.
He missed her like crazy, and his mood had taken a turn for the worse. It killed him not to know how she was doing, or if she needed anything. He longed to take her in his arms and hold her tight. He wanted to whisper words of love into her hair and make her forget how bad they had fought in the last weeks. He wanted her to say that she was his. Instead, he currently faced the need to force a smile and thank each and every one who’d be dropping by that night. A local band would be playing, everyone and their mother had prepared food, and there certainly would be more than enough beer to go around.
