by E. L. James
I hear her catch her breath and see her fingers twitch.
“Touch it,” I whisper, knowing that’s what she wants. She raises her hand, pauses, then runs her fingers through the soft suede tails. It’s arousing. “I will use this. It will not hurt, but it will bring your blood to the surface of your skin and make you very sensitive. What are the safe words, Anastasia?”
“Um…‘yellow’ and ‘red,’ Sir,” she murmurs, transfixed by the flogger.
“Good girl. Remember, most of your fear is in your mind.” I drop the flogger on the bed and brush my fingers down her sides, past the soft swell of her hips, and slip them into her panties. “You won’t be needing these.” I drag them down her legs and kneel behind her. She grabs hold of the pillar to shuffle awkwardly out of her underwear.
“Stand still,” I command, and kiss her behind, gently nipping each cheek. “Now lie down. Faceup.” I spank her once, and she jumps, startled, and scurries onto the bed. She lies down facing me, her eyes on mine, glowing with excitement—and a little trepidation, I think.
“Hands above your head.”
She does as she’s told. I retrieve the earbuds, blindfold, iPod, and the remote from atop the chest of drawers. Sitting beside her on the bed, I show her the iPod with the transmitter. Her look darts from my face to the devices and back again.
“This sends what’s playing on the iPod to the system in the room. I can hear what you’re hearing, and I have a remote control unit for it.”
Once she’s seen everything, I insert the earbuds into her ears and place the iPod on the pillow. “Lift your head.” She obeys, and I slip the blindfold over her eyes. Rising, I take her left hand and cuff her wrist to the leather shackle at the top corner of the bed. I let my fingers linger down her outstretched arm and she wriggles in response. As I walk slowly around the bed, her head follows the sound of my footsteps; I repeat the process with her right hand, cuffing her wrist.
Ana’s breathing alters, becoming erratic and fast through parted lips. A flush creeps up her chest, and she squirms and lifts her hips in anticipation.
Good.
At the bottom of the bed I grab both her ankles. “Lift your head again,” I order. She does so immediately, and I drag her down the bed so that her arms are fully extended.
She lets out a quiet moan and lifts her hips once more.
I cuff each of her ankles to the corresponding corner of the bed so that she’s spread-eagled before me and I step back to admire the view.
Fuck.
Has she ever looked this hot?
She’s totally and willingly at my mercy. The knowledge is intoxicating, and I stand for a moment to marvel at her generosity and courage.
I drag myself away from the spellbinding sight and from the chest of drawers collect the rabbit-fur glove. Before I put it on I press play on the remote; there’s a brief hiss, and then the forty-part motet begins, the singer’s angelic voice ringing through the playroom and over the delectable Miss Steele.
She stills as she listens.
And I walk around the bed, drinking her in.
Reaching out, I caress her neck with the glove. She inhales sharply and pulls at her shackles, but she doesn’t cry out or tell me to stop. Slowly I run my gloved hand down her throat, over her sternum, then over her breasts, enjoying her restrained squirm. Circling her breasts, I gently tug on each of her nipples, and her moan of appreciation encourages me to head south. At a leisurely, deliberate pace I explore her body: her belly, her hips, the apex of her thighs, and down each leg. The music swells, more voices joining the choir in perfect counterpoint to my moving hand. I watch her mouth to determine how she’s feeling; now she gapes in pleasure, now she bites her lip. When I run my hand over her sex she clenches her behind, pushing herself into my hand.
Though I normally like her to keep still, the movement pleases me.
Miss Steele is enjoying this. She’s greedy.
When I brush her breasts again her nipples harden in the wake of the glove.
Yes.
Now that her skin is sensitized I remove the glove and pick up the flogger. With great care I trail the beaded ends over her skin, following the same pattern: over her chest, her breasts, her belly, through her pubic hair, and down her legs. As more choristers lend their voices to the motet I lift the handle of the flogger and flick the tresses across her belly. She cries out, I think in surprise, but she doesn’t safe-word. I give her a moment to absorb the sensation, then do it again—a little harder this time.
She pulls at her shackles and calls out once more, a garbled cry—but it’s not the safe word. I lash the flogger over her breasts, and she tilts her head back and lets out a soundless cry, her mouth slack as she writhes on the red satin.
Still no safe word. Ana is embracing her inner freak.
I feel giddy with delight as I rain the tails up and down her body, watching her skin warm under their bite. When the choristers pause, so do I.
Christ. She looks stunning.
I begin again as the music crescendoes, all the voices singing together; I flick the flogger over her, again and again, and she writhes beneath each blow.
When the last note rings through the room I stop, dropping the flogger on the floor. I’m breathless, panting with want and need.
Fuck.
She lays on the bed, helpless, her skin pretty in pink, and she’s panting, too.
Oh, baby.
I climb onto the bed between her legs and crawl over her, holding myself above her. When the music starts again, the lone voice singing a sweet seraphic note, I follow the same pattern as the glove and the flogger—but this time with my mouth, kissing and sucking and worshipping every inch of her body. I tease each of her nipples until they are glistening with my saliva and standing at attention. She writhes as much as the restraints allow and groans beneath me. My tongue trails down to her belly, around her navel, laving her. Tasting her. Venerating her. Moving down, through her pubic hair to her sweet, exposed clitoris that’s begging for the touch of my tongue. Around and around I swirl, drinking in her scent, drinking in her reaction, until I feel her tremble beneath me.
Oh no. Not yet, Ana. Not yet.
I stop and she huffs her voiceless disappointment.
I kneel up between her legs and pull open my fly, freeing my erection. Then, leaning over, I gently undo the left shackle around her ankle. She curls her leg around me in a long-limbed caress while I release her other ankle. Once she’s free I massage and knead the life back into her legs, from her calves up to her thighs. She wriggles beneath me, raising her hips in perfect rhythm to the Tallis motet, as my thumbs work their way up her inner thighs, which are dewy from her arousal.
I stifle a growl and grasp her hips, lifting her from the bed, and in one swift, rough move I bury myself inside her.
Fuck.
She’s slick and hot and wet and her body pulses around me, on the edge.
No. Too soon. Way too soon.
I stop, holding myself still over her and in her, while sweat beads on my brow.
“Please,” she calls out, and I tighten my hold on her as I quell the urge to move and lose myself in her. Closing my eyes so I can’t see her laid out beneath me in all her wonder, I concentrate on the music; and once I’m in control again, slowly I start to move. As the intensity of the choral piece builds I slowly increase my pace, matching the power and rhythm of the music, cherishing every tight inch inside her.
She fists her hands and tilts her head back and moans.
Yes.
“Please,” she pleads between gritted teeth.
I hear you, baby.
Laying her back down on the bed, I stretch out over her, supporting my weight on my elbows, and I follow the rhythm, thrusting into her and losing myself in her and the music.
Sweet, brave Ana.
Sweat glides d
own my back.
Come on, baby.
Please.
And finally she explodes around me, shouting out her release and pushing me into an intense, draining climax where I lose all sense of self. I collapse on top of her as my world shifts and realigns, leaving that unfamiliar emotion swirling in my chest, consuming me.
I shake my head, trying to chase away the ominous and confusing feeling. Reaching up, I grab the remote and switch off the music.
No more Tallis.
The music definitely contributed to what was almost a religious experience. I frown, attempting but failing to get a handle on my feelings. I slide out of Ana and stretch to release her from each cuff.
She sighs as she flexes her fingers, and gently I remove the blindfold and the earbuds.
Big blue eyes blink up at me.
“Hi,” I whisper.
“Hi, yourself,” she says, playful and bashful. Her response is delightful and, leaning down, I plant a tender kiss on her lips.
“Well done, you.” My voice is filled with pride.
She did it. She took it. She took it all.
“Turn over.”
Her eyes widen in alarm.
“I’m just going to rub your shoulders.”
“Oh, okay.”
She rolls over and flops down on the bed with her eyes closed. I sit astride her and massage her shoulders.
A pleasurable rumble resonates deep in her throat.
“What was that music?” she asks.
“It’s called Spem in Alium, a forty-part motet by Thomas Tallis.”
“It was…overwhelming.”
“I’ve always wanted to fuck to it.”
“Not another first, Mr. Grey?”
I grin. “Indeed, Miss Steele.”
“Well, it’s the first time I’ve fucked to it, too,” she says, her voice betraying her fatigue.
“You and I, we’re giving each other many firsts.”
“What did I say to you in my sleep, Chris—er, Sir?”
Not this again. Put her out of her misery, Grey.
“You said lots of things, Anastasia. You talked about cages and strawberries. That you wanted more, and that you missed me.”
“Is that all?” She sounds relieved.
Why would she be relieved?
I stretch out beside her so I can see her face.
“What did you think you’d said?”
She opens her eyes for a brief moment, and shuts them again quickly.
“That I thought you were ugly, conceited, and that you were hopeless in bed.” One blue eye peeks open and watches me warily.
Oh…she’s lying.
“Well, naturally I am all those things, and now you’ve got me really intrigued. What are you hiding from me, Miss Steele?”
“I’m not hiding anything.”
“Anastasia, you’re a hopeless liar.”
“I thought you were going to make me giggle after sex; this isn’t doing it for me.”
Her answer is unexpected, and I give her a reluctant smile. “I can’t tell jokes,” I confess.
“Mr. Grey! Something you can’t do?” She rewards me with a broad, infectious grin.
“No, hopeless joke teller,” I say, as if it’s a badge of honor.
She giggles. “I’m a hopeless joke teller, too.”
“That is such a lovely sound,” I whisper, and kiss her. But I still want to know why she’s relieved. “And you are hiding something, Anastasia. I may have to torture it out of you.”
“Ha!” The space between us is filled with her laughter. “I think you’ve done enough torturing.”
Her response wipes the smile off my face, and her expression softens immediately. “Maybe I’ll let you torture me like that again,” she says coyly.
Relief sweeps through me. “I’d like that very much, Miss Steele.”
“We aim to please, Mr. Grey.”
“You’re okay?” I ask, humbled and anxious at once.
“More than okay.” She gives me her timid smile.
“You’re amazing.” I kiss her forehead, then climb off the bed as that ominous feeling ripples through me once more. Shaking it off, I button my fly and hold out my hand to help her off the bed. When she’s standing I pull her into my arms and kiss her, savoring her taste.
“Bed,” I mutter, and lead her to the door. There I wrap her in the bathrobe she’s left hanging on the peg, and before she can protest I pick her up and carry her downstairs to my bedroom.
“I’m so tired,” she mumbles once she’s in my bed.
“Sleep now,” I whisper, and wrap her in my arms. I close my eyes, fighting the disquieting sensation that surges and fills my chest once more. It’s like homesickness and a homecoming rolled into one…and it’s terrifying.
SATURDAY, JUNE 4, 2011
* * *
The summer breeze teases my hair, its caress the nimble fingers of a lover.
My lover.
Ana.
I wake suddenly, confused. My bedroom is shrouded in darkness, and beside me Ana sleeps, her breathing gentle and even. I prop myself up on one elbow and run my hand through my hair, with the uncanny feeling that someone has just done exactly that. I glance around the room, peering into the shadowy corners, but Ana and I are alone.
Strange. I could swear someone was here. Someone touched me.
It was just a dream.
I shake off the disturbing thought and check the time. It’s after 4:30 in the morning. As I flop back down onto my pillow, Ana mumbles an incoherent word and turns over to face me, still fast asleep. She looks serene and beautiful.
I stare at the ceiling, the flashing light of the smoke alarm taunting me once more. We have no contract. Yet Ana’s here. Beside me. What does this mean? How am I supposed to deal with her? Will she abide by my rules? I need to know that she’s safe. I rub my face. This is uncharted territory for me; it’s out of my control, and it’s unsettling.
Leila pops into my mind.
Shit.
My mind races: Leila, work, Ana…and I know I won’t get back to sleep. Getting up, I pull on some PJ pants, close the bedroom door, and head into the living room to my piano.
Chopin is my solace; the somber notes match my mood and I play them over and over. A small movement at the edge of my vision catches my attention, and looking up, I see it’s Ana coming toward me, her footsteps hesitant. “You should be asleep,” I mutter, but continue playing.
“So should you,” she volleys back. Her face is firm with resolve, yet she looks small and vulnerable dressed only in my oversized bathrobe. I hide my smile.
“Are you scolding me, Miss Steele?”
“Yes, Mr. Grey, I am.”
“Well, I can’t sleep.”
I have too much weighing on my mind, and I’d rather she went back to bed and slept. She must be tired from yesterday. She disregards my mood and sits down beside me on the piano bench, leaning her head on my shoulder.
It’s such a tender and intimate gesture that for a moment I lose my place in the prelude, but I continue playing, feeling more at peace because she’s with me.
“What was that?” she asks when I finish.
“Chopin. A prelude. Opus twenty-eight, number four. In E minor, if you’re interested.”
“I’m always interested in what you do.”
Sweet Ana. I kiss her hair. “I didn’t mean to wake you.”
“You didn’t,” she says, not moving her head. “Play the other one.”
“Other one?”
“The Bach piece that you played the first night I stayed.”
“Oh, the Marcello.”
I can’t remember when I last played for someone upon request. For me the piano is a solitary instrument, for my ears only. My family hasn’t heard
me play for years. But since she’s asked, I’ll play for my sweet Ana. My fingers caress the keys and the haunting melody echoes through the living room.
“Why do you only play such sad music?” she asks.
Is it sad?
“So you were just six when you started to play?” She continues her questions, lifting her head and studying me. Her face is open and eager for information, as usual; and after last night, who am I to deny her anything?
“I threw myself into learning the piano to please my new mother.”
“To fit into the perfect family?” My words from our candid night in Savannah echo in her soft voice.
“Yes, so to speak.” I don’t want to talk about this and I’m surprised how much of my personal information she’s retained. “Why are you awake? Don’t you need to recover from yesterday’s exertions?”
“It’s eight in the morning for me. And I need to take my pill.”
“Well remembered,” I muse. “Only you would start a course of time-specific birth control pills in a different time zone. Perhaps you should wait half an hour, and then another half hour tomorrow morning. So eventually you can take them at a reasonable time.”
“Good plan,” she says. “So what shall we do for half an hour?”
Well, I could fuck you over this piano.
“I can think of a few things.” My voice is seductive.
“On the other hand, we could talk.” She smiles, provocative.
I’m not in the mood for talking. “I prefer what I have in mind.” I snake my arm around her waist, pull her into my lap, and nuzzle her hair.
“You’d always rather have sex than talk.” She laughs.
“True. Especially with you.” Her hands curl around my biceps, yet the darkness stays still and quiet. I trail kisses from the base of her ear to her throat. “Maybe on my piano,” I murmur, as my body responds to a mental image of her sprawled naked on the top, her hair spilling down over the side.
“I want to get something straight.” She speaks quietly in my ear.
“Always so eager for information, Miss Steele. What needs straightening out?” Her skin is soft and warm against my lips as I nudge her bathrobe off her shoulder with my nose.
