by Aria Ford
I buried my face between her breasts and kissed her there, then moved to the other nipple, sucking on the smooth skin. I could smell her scent, and it was driving me crazy. I moved lower, lingering at her bellybutton. The musky smell of her womanhood drifted to me and I licked lower, feeling a rising urgency building inside me as I slipped between her thighs.
She cried out as I licked at her. I felt my cock throb as I sucked on the damp, slippery folds of her body, probing them for the hard nodule beneath. I found it and worked it with my tongue and she gasped and tensed and pressed closer.
I was completely overwhelmed. My body took over and my brain shut down and all I wanted was to go on licking and sucking and mouthing and making her shudder.
She was shuddering now, and I could feel she was about to climax. I worked harder, pressing and biting just a little, drawing her into my mouth.
When she cried out, I felt my own body almost reach the pinnacle too. Without thinking further, I threw off my night-robe and underpants and plunged into her.
She gasped with longing and I thought I might die as her warmth and wetness enveloped me. I slid into her and she held me tight as I shuddered and groaned and moved.
We were moving together, first slowly and then faster as I thrust into her, faster and faster.
“Oh!”
I gasped as an orgasm like I would never have imagined built to a crescendo inside me. I collapsed against her, moaning and shivering, feeling my body still pulse in her.
We lay like that for ages. I think I slept. My face was pressed to her neck, her arms around me, her body still warm on mine.
I woke up some unfathomable time later, realizing it was cold. I shivered and sat up.
“Carson,” she whispered. “Stay here?”
“No,” I whispered. Kissed her brow. Shook my head. I couldn’t stay the night. If I fell asleep holding her, I would never be able to walk away. And, despite myself, I knew I still should. Today had been an indulgence; a weakness I should not have permitted in myself. I had let myself show her how I really felt and, in so doing, had come perilously close to ruining both of our futures forever.
She can’t live with me. I can’t stay with her.
I was a train-wreck. And I had history. There was no way I could bring Amelia into the crazy mess that was my post-war life.
“Why not?” she asked.
“Because,” I said softly. She looked confused and upset and I wished, more than anything, that I could stay with her. That I could slide under the cover and lie with her until morning. That I could show her, so clearly, how deeply I felt for her.
But I couldn’t.
I squeezed her hand, set my face to cold neutrality, and walked, briskly and quietly, to my own room.
Once there, I drew on my underpants, put my night-robe on the cupboard-door and slid into bed. I was sleepy, but no less confused.
I was, however, tense with resolve.
That was the last time I would spend a night with her.
CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE
Amelia
The next morning, I rolled over feeling dazed and confused. My whole body ached in a wonderful way, my lips bruised with kissing.
I wished more than ever that Carson was there beside me, so I could kiss him again. But he had gone. I wondered, not for the first time, why he’d left.
He doesn’t want to get that close to you.
That was the clearest answer. What else was I supposed to think? He was sending such mixed messages that I found it hard to keep up, but it seemed obvious to me that he was reluctant to make any sort of move in the direction of a relationship.
He’s still attracted to you, but that’s as far as he goes.
It made sense, really. I had been his first real girlfriend, he my first boyfriend. We still felt the flare of that whenever we saw each other. But it was a fire that would not last. I should have known that.
If that’s true, why do I want him so?
I sighed. Sat up. Looked at myself in the mirror opposite the bed. My skin was pale, my eyes huge with bruising around the edges from lack of sleep. I looked happy, but tired. And there was an uncertain, haunted look on my face that hadn’t been there when I arrived at my brother’s house six days ago.
Tomorrow is the twenty-seventh, I reminded myself. My last day here. I would drive away and never see Carson again. That was the way it should be, I told myself firmly. He wasn’t really interested in me.
“But I’m interested in him.”
It was tragic, but true. I really did still want him. He was the only man who made me feel the way he did. I sighed. Told myself to stop being stupid. To enjoy my days here. It wasn’t often I got to see my brother.
I slid out of bed and drew on jeans and a blue blouse that was almost the same color as my eyes. I topped it off with a blue cardigan that was a shade paler, slipped my feet into comfortable flats and headed downstairs for breakfast.
In the kitchen I found Reese, a cup of coffee balanced between her palms. She looked stunning and relaxed as ever.
“Hey, sister,” she said peaceably.
“Good morning,” I smiled, stifling a yawn. “Where is everyone?”
“Good question,” she laughed. “Well, Carson is jogging, I think. And Brett took the kids to the park for a walk. So it’s just us for the next hour or so. You want some toast?”
“Yes, please,” I added, noticing how hungry I was. I bit my lip, remembering how active I had been the previous night. I was always starving after making love.
“Two pieces?” Reese said, back turned to me as she loaded the toaster.
“Please, Reese, yes.” I nodded. I went to the coffee-machine to make coffee and settled back in the chair, breathing in the inviting scents of breakfast.
“You’re leaving us tomorrow?” Reese frowned, coming to sit opposite me, a fresh coffee between her palms.
“Yeah, I am.”
“We’ll miss you,” Reese said sincerely. “The kids have especially loved it. You’re a favorite of theirs, Auntie.” She chuckled.
I was touched. “Thanks. They’re great.”
“They are,” Reese nodded. “We’ll all miss you.”
“Really?” I frowned.
“Amelia Carlyle, you are as insecure as your brother sometimes,” Reese chuckled.
I laughed. I had never thought about Brett as insecure before, but Reese would know better than anyone if he needed reassurance of love. “Thanks,” I said. “I think.”
We laughed. Reese sighed.
“Amelia, I had wanted to talk to you alone.”
“Really?” I frowned for a second time.
“Yes. I know it’s personal, but…oh, there isn’t an easy way to say this!” she sighed. “I see you and Carson together.”
“What?” I put down my coffee cup, not sure whether to be interested or insulted by her words.
“I’m sorry, Amelia. I’m not spying. But…be fair, a blind man would notice you have feelings for each other.”
“Reese, I…” I started. She probably had no idea of our history! What did she think?
“Amelia, I’m not being judgy. I just want to warn you.”
“Warn me?” I frowned. “Of what?”
She sighed. “Carson is…difficult.”
I laughed. “I know that!”
“I know you do, Amelia but…” she ran a hand through her shiny hair distractedly. “It’s not the drink. Or the trauma. I know you know about those. It’s…there were a lot of girls, when he came back.”
“Really?” I frowned. This was news to me, I had to admit. Carson as a womanizer was something I was finding it hard to imagine. I’d sooner imagine him stealing stuff than going after the ladies in a bad sort of way.
“I’m not meaning to put you off, Amelia,” Reese said cautiously. “I just want you to know that…well…Carson doesn’t stick to one woman. Let’s say that.”
I stared at her. “Reese. What are you telling me?”
Reese looked up at the roof. Then back to me. “I’m telling you, be careful, Amelia.”
I laughed, feeling desperate. “Reese, I’m always careful. I’ve been careful all my life. If you mean that I should expect Carson to two-time me, then say it.”
Reese let out a sigh. “Yes.”
“Yes?”
“That’s what I meant, Amelia. I’m sorry. I really, really didn’t want to have to be the one to say that. But someone must.”
“So you decided to just hurt me yourself, so he couldn’t?” I asked. I was angry and I knew it was unfair of me to direct that anger at my brother’s wife. But she had been the one who hurt me and I couldn’t very well lie about it.
“Amelia, please.” Reese closed her eyes wearily.
“I’m sorry,” I said, feeling bad. “It’s just…yes, this is painful for me. Very.” I blinked, looked at the ceiling, determined not to cry here and now.
“I’m sorry, Amelia,” Reese said. She reached across the table to pat my hand. I tensed and she drew away, the gesture incomplete.
“Well, you never know,” I said laughingly. “It’s as well you did. Who knows where he is now?”
“Amelia, don’t be silly,” Reese admonished lightly.
“I’m not silly. I’m serious,” I said, standing and pushing my chair back. “I fully expect he’s next door with the Brownleys, having a marvelous threesome.”
“Amelia, you’re being silly,” Reese warned.
“No, I’m not,” I said tightly. “I’m trying not to cry.”
I turned and walked upstairs, my eyes misting with angry tears as I collapsed on the top step. That was where I was sitting when the front door opened and two pairs of eyes met mine.
“Hello, auntie,” Cayley said cautiously. I sniffed.
“Hey, niece.”
“Is auntie okay?” Josh demanded. “You hurt yourself?”
I sighed, swallowing the fresh lump their concern built in my throat. “No, sweetness. Auntie’s fine. I’m just tired.”
“Hey, auntie!” Brett called up to me, oblivious of my sadness. “You want to join me for a walk? We were planning to go to the cafe for lunch. Will you join in?”
“Please come, Auntie,” Cayley said gently. “You need to have some fun.”
I wrapped my arms around her and held her tightly. Her concern moved me more than anything else. “Thanks, Cayley,” I whispered. “Yes, I’ll come along.”
We all wrapped up warmly and soon I was walking with my brother and his kids along the pavement. Reese was there too, but I wasn’t talking to her. I was still angry. She seemed to accept my ire with a kind of indifferent serenity. I was glad she wasn’t angry with me for it.
I still can’t believe she said it. I don’t want to believe it. But she’s not the kind of person to lie.
Reese was the kind of person who hardly ever voiced an opinion, never mind actually told lies. If she said something, she was fairly sure of her facts. I knew she was telling the truth when she said she only had my best interests at heart.
How can I trust him? Or her? Or anyone?
My mind was in a whirl for most of the lunch. Everyone seemed to enjoy themselves and the food was high-quality and wonderful, but I was distracted.
When we got home, my heart leaped to find Carson already there. He was in the kitchen, the paper spread out, coffee at his right hand. Now maybe I could find some time to be alone with him, to talk and find out the truth.
“I’m going to have a shower,” Brett announced, stamping his feet on the kitchen mat by the back door.
“You do that, sweetie,” Reese called in from behind him. “Kids? Who wants to help mommy with the washing?”
Josh sounded enthused, Cayley less so, but they all trooped off to the laundry, leaving me alone with Carson.
“Amelia,” he said, folding up the news. “I wanted to talk to you.”
“So did I,” I said in a small voice. I looked into his brown eyes and he looked back at me. I wanted to trust the sincerity written there, the feeling. But the words Reese had said were like poison between us. I cleared my throat, trying to prepare words.
Just then, his phone rang. He took it out and looked blandly at the screen. His eyes widened. “Sorry, Amelia. I have to take this.”
He sounded as if he meant it, so I nodded. I was cross inside. This was the ideal time to talk. What was so important that he needed to go now?
As I thought about it, a small thought crept into my brain. A creeping, ugly doubt. I tried to push it aside, but it wouldn’t leave.
I wonder who that is?
I stood and followed him into the sitting room. In the shadow behind the door, I listened to his conversation. My heart stopped.
“No, lovey. No. Listen…”
I closed my eyes. Reese had been warning me. She probably knew all along. Carson was two-timing me. He was already seeing someone else.
I felt my eyes fill with bitter tears. I turned in the doorway and fled back to the kitchen where I closed the door, sat at the table and sobbed.
I tried to rationalize things. I knew I was being silly. I stood and slipped into the hallway and did what I would never normally do. I eavesdropped some more. He was still talking out there.
“…please, darling. Please try and understand…”
I went back to the kitchen and wept.
CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR
Amelia
When Reese and the kids got back, I was still in the kitchen. I had managed to persuade myself to stand up and I was in a slow and desultory fashion, putting away washing. I was tired. My whole body felt depressed, as if moving around was just pointless.
“Hello, sister,” Reese said cautiously. I stiffened. Somehow it was all her fault. I knew it wasn’t; knew I was being ridiculous, but I still felt a simmering resentment that she had taken it upon herself to disillusion me like that. If not for her, I wouldn’t know.
Would that really be better?
I knew it wouldn’t, so I shrugged. “Hey, Reese.”
“I hope Brett hasn’t been driving you nuts with his slide presentation?”
“No,” I said coolly. “I haven’t seen him. He’s upstairs.”
“Oh.” Reese paused. “Listen, Amelia. I didn’t mean…”
“Don’t,” I said in a small whisper. “Please, Reese. Just…don’t.”
“Okay.” She sighed. “Are you going to help me with supper?”
I didn’t want to do anything. I wanted to go up to my room and sleep. I didn’t want to hear about anything or see anyone or think. But I couldn’t very well do that, could I? Tomorrow was my last day with my brother’s family and I wasn’t about to spoil that.
“Sure,” I said, hoping I sounded more enthused than I felt. It wouldn’t have been exactly difficult. I couldn’t have been less excited about anything if I tried.
“We’re making a roast,” Reese continued, giving me a frown. “You don’t eat meat, right?”
“I don’t eat pork or beef,” I corrected.
“Okay. Fine. I think we have enough to work around that,” Reese continued, bending to rummage in the vegetable drawer. As she produced various vegetables to roast, I found myself looking out of the window, trying to make myself feel like I wasn’t in some awful dream.
“Amelia?” Brett’s voice called through the door. “Can you help me a moment?”
“Sure,” I said distantly. Everything seemed to be coming at me down a long tunnel. Nothing mattered to me, nothing touched me. I was numb.
I moved woodenly to the stairs and drifted up behind Brett, following him to his desk in the corner of the bedroom.
“I’m sorry, Mel, but I’m having stress with my tax. Normally, the company accountant does it, but I did some extra projects during the year. I had to ask before you go tomorrow.”
I sighed. “I’ll try, Brett.”
“Thanks.” He grinned at me. He looked concerned. “What’s it?”
I closed my eyes, wishing everyone w
ould just leave me alone. I didn’t want their concern. I wanted to forget about it—to forget Carson Grant existed. To walk out of here tomorrow and forget everything. The way he held me, the way we kissed, his words. I would sell that locket he had given back and end this whole farce permanently.
Brett was still looking at me with that tender, brotherly expression and I sighed.
“It’s nothing, Brett,” I explained. My voice was so tight it came out all quiet and whispering, which wasn’t doing my argument any good. “I’m fine. Just bad news.”
“Work stuff?”
I gritted my teeth. “Just bad news.”
“Okay. I’m sorry about asking you this stuff. It can wait,” he said gently.
“No, it’s okay,” I insisted. “I’ll do it.”
“Thanks, sis.” He kissed my hair. “Anything you want to tell me, please do. I don’t care what it is. You know I don’t.”
I sighed. The need to tell him—to ask him—was suddenly overwhelming.
“Brett?”
“Yes, sis?”
“Carson. He…what do you know about him, um…before? I mean, between when he came back and this Christmas?”
Brett suddenly looked guarded. “Not a lot,” he admitted hesitantly. “He…sis, he was weird when he came back. Like I told you.”
“Weird.” My voice was stiff.
“Yeah, I know we talked about this before, but I guess I could have been clearer. I understood his past and why he was like he was, but when he got back…” he shook his head. “He was really screwed up, sis. He contacted me a month after his discharge came through. Told me we should meet up on the long weekend. I flew up there. It was bad.”
“Bad?”
My brother coughed and shifted uncertainly. “I didn’t want to tell you about it. I kinda promised I would never tell anyone. He’s my friend, and I didn’t want people to judge him.” He paused. “He…when he got back he was…he was a mess. Drinking heavily, not taking care of himself. He wasn’t the Lieutenant Grant we all know.”
I sighed. “There were women, weren’t there?”
Brett closed his eyes. “Yes, sis.”
I sighed. I felt as if the pain Reese had inflicted was being walked on again. Imagining Carson with other women was never easy. But now, when I thought about the fact that one of those women was still part of his life, even though he hadn’t told me about her…I tensed, clenching my teeth. “I’m glad to know,” I said in a tight voice.
