by Aria Ford
I grinned. “Let’s go and ask him…I’d pay to see the look on his face when you tell him you’re sending him into the cold.”
Laughing, we left the kitchen together. In the hallway, I bumped into Carson.
He was turning to hang up his coat and I wasn’t looking where I was going. He looked down into my eyes and I looked up into his.
We were wordless for a moment. My body ached for his touch, but my mind was in torment. Come away, it told me. He doesn’t love you. He loves someone else. Forget him.
I drew in a shaky breath. Let my eyes go blank. Walked past him up the hall. I didn’t look for long enough to see what he would do, but I saw his brown eyes cloud over with confusion. He looked hurt.
Seeing him hurt was at once a pain and a little satisfaction. Good. Now you know how I feel.
He didn’t, of course. I hadn’t and couldn’t do to him what he had done to me. And it wouldn’t have helped either of us if I could.
I walked away up the stairs and shut my door. Then, slowly and systematically, I started to pack. I was leaving this evening anyway. He would probably leave after lunch. I would walk out of this place, I told myself as I savagely stuffed my jerseys and shoes into my suitcase. I would walk out and not think of him again. I would never look back.
My hands closed around the gold locket where it lay where I had hidden it and I closed my eyes, feeling fresh tears slide down my cheeks.
CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX
Carson
I went back up to my room to pack. Then I went back downstairs. I could hear Brett in the kitchen, making lunch. I wanted to talk with him before I left, so I went in.
“Brett?”
“Hey, Grant!” he called cheerfully, using my surname as he had done. “How are you doing?”
“Okay,” I said, sitting down at the table. “Anything I can do to help?”
“Not really,” he said. “The salmon is in the oven, doing what it does. Amelia’s just gone to fetch the parsley from the garden, so…”
“Oh?” I stood. Somehow I didn’t want to come face to face with Amelia right now. The way she had looked through me in the hallway had scared me. Even though I spent the last few days doing my best to try and push her away—making a real hash about it, I had to admit—I hadn’t expected how bad it would be when it really worked.
“What’s up, brother?” Brett asked, looking confused. “Did I say something wrong?”
“N…no,” I stammered. Just then the kitchen door opened. Amelia appeared. With her cheeks red from cold, her hair loose and shiny, cleaning her boots on the doorstep, she was beautiful.
“Brett? Is about a handful enough?”
“Sure,” my friend said obliviously. “Put them at the sink, will you?”
“Okay,” she said. Then she saw me. She looked surprised, then that shutter came down over her eyes again. I winced.
“I should be going, Brett,” I said quickly.
“Okay,” he said, looking suspiciously at me. “But wouldn’t you like…”
At that moment, my phone vibrated. Then rang. I pulled it out of my pocket. Oh, heck. I need to take this call.
“Sorry, Brett,” I said quickly, pressing the answer button. “Hey, sweetie!” I said. I walked quickly out of the kitchen door and into the hallway, then upstairs.
When the call was over, I closed my eyes, worried. I had planned to leave this afternoon, but it seemed like I’d have to stay another night. I hoped Brett and his family would be okay with that.
I went down to the kitchen. “Brett?”
“Yeah?” my friend was on his knees by the oven, looking in on the salmon. He looked up at me.
“I…I’m sorry, brother, but I…would it be possible to stay for another night?”
He blinked at me. “Sure. Why not? Are you okay? I mean…”
“I’m fine,” I said quickly. “Don’t worry about me.”
“Okay,” he said mildly. “Well, I think we need to give these guys a couple more minutes, then we should be able to eat. Have you seen Amelia anywhere?”
“No,” I said quickly. That was the one topic I didn’t want to think about. Anything about Amelia was like stabbing my heart.
“Daddy, I’m hungry,” Josh said, appearing suddenly in the kitchen. His father laughed and ruffled his hair.
“I think it’s almost done, Josh,” he said gently.
“Would you like to do some fencing?” I suggested as the little boy’s face fell.
“Yes!” Josh said, brightening again. “Can we go up to your room?”
“Well, it’s your room, actually, Josh,” I pointed out kindly as we went upstairs together. I grabbed the broom-handle from behind the front door—my saber—as I passed.
“I suppose so,” Josh said mildly.
We went through the basic blocks together, he with his toy saber, and me with my broom-handle. The little boy frowned with concentration as I showed him a lunge and he practiced over and over to get it right. I sat on the bed while he was occupied. I felt miserable. After a minute of earnest practice in front of the mirror, he dropped the sword and looked at me.
“Carson, why are you so sad?”
I closed my eyes. “You noticed,” I said mildly.
“Sure, I noticed,” he said, coming to sit beside me on the bed. I sighed.
“I’m okay, Josh,” I said sadly. “It’s just…some trouble has come up and I won’t be able to go home before tomorrow.”
“Really?” Josh said brightly. “That’s nice.”
I was touched. I blinked rapidly and ruffled the little boy’s hair. “Aw. You’re great, Josh,” I said.
He looked up at me with admiration. “Thanks.”
Now I really was in danger of tearing up. I stood and went to the window. On top of all the emotional upheaval of the last week, his honest, unconditional care was more than I could handle. I sniffed and then, when I had gotten a hold of myself again, turned around.
“Do you think your dad has finished cooking lunch yet?” I said with a credibly even voice.
“I think we should go see.”
We went downstairs to the kitchen together. Reese was setting the table and Cayley was already seated. Brett was at the stove, stirring sauce.
“Are we ready?” I asked.
“All set,” Brett declared positively.
I took a seat as far away from where Amelia usually sat as I could find. Josh sat down next to me. When Reese came and sat down too, in Amelia’s usual place, I was surprised.
“Is Amelia still here?” I asked, feeling a sudden panic that she might have left without saying goodbye.
Brett looked uncomfortable. Reese blinked. “She’s feeling ill,” she said smoothly. “She won’t be joining us.”
“Oh,” I said awkwardly. I wasn’t sure what to say so I didn’t say anything.
“So you’re staying with us tonight, Carson?” Josh asked me.
“That’s right,” I agreed.
Cayley looked at me with a frown. “I thought you were going today?”
I grinned wryly. “You seem eager to be rid of me?”
“No!” Cayley looked mortified and I felt bad. “I just got confused.”
“I didn’t really think you were excited to be rid of me,” I said consolingly. “I just got held up. Change of plans. Sorry, Reese,” I added mildly.
“Not at all,” Reese said calmly. “Now. Where’s this lunch going?”
We all laughed as Brett fussed and set out lunch. I couldn’t take my mind from the empty place at the table and the sadness that I had finally succeeded in turning Amelia away.
“Is Amelia leaving this afternoon?” I asked Brett quietly.
“This evening. Round six,” Brett supplied. “She’s not that far away.”
“Okay,” I said, as neutral as I could manage. I had no idea how to deal with saying goodbye to her. I didn’t want to think about that. In some ways, it would have been easier if I could have just quietly slipped away after lunch. It would have been
a cowardly thing to do, but it was the only thing that made sense to me at this point.
“She’s resting right now,” Reese put in. I nodded.
“I hope she feels better. It’s not fun to drive when you’re ill.”
“Yeah!” Brett nodded sympathetically, swallowing a mouthful. “I know how bad that can be.”
As Brett and Reese chatted about the vagaries of driving with a headache, I found my thoughts wandering to upstairs to where Amelia was resting. I felt bad and I wished I could do something about it, but I had no idea where to even start.
I noticed Cayley and Josh looking at me oddly during the meal and I felt bad. I knew my own bad mood was probably seeping through to them, but I had no idea how to stop it.
CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN
Amelia
I lay on my bed and closed my eyes. I knew I would be leaving here in a few hours. I was just in a space where I had no idea what to do next.
I know now what Carson really thinks of me.
He thought I was someone he could use and discard. Whoever was in his life at the moment was clearly far more important to him than I was. I had no idea how to deal with this. What could I say to him? That I knew about Leona? The thing was, he wasn’t actually hiding it. I had heard him on the phone. I heard him not even hide what he felt for whoever this was.
I should confront him about it.
That would be the adult thing to do, I knew. But I wasn’t feeling like an adult right now. I was feeling like a hurt, miserable kid. All I wanted to do was sit down on my bed and cry. I had to pack, I had to say my farewells. I had to pull myself together. But I couldn’t.
I sat down on my bed and cried. “Carson.”
How could you do this? Don’t you know how much I love you?
I was still sniffing when a knock sounded on the door. I stiffened. “Who’s there?”
“It’s me,” a small voice replied. “Cayley.”
“Oh!” I sniffed, checking my face hurriedly in the mirror. My hair was a mess, but I hadn’t been crying heavily enough for it to show too much. I blew my nose quickly. “Come in!”
Cayley appeared round the door and looked at me solemnly. “You’re going away,” she said flatly.
“I know I am, sweetheart,” I said gently. “But I won’t be away for long, really I won’t.”
“I know,” Cayley said softly. She came and sat next to me on the bed, her hand on mine. My throat closed up as she looked up at me. “You’re sad.”
I had to cough to be able to answer her round the pain in my throat. “I’m okay, sweetie.”
“No, you’re not. You’re sad. I can see you are.”
I swallowed hard. “Yes, I am.” There was no point in lying to such a perceptive kid.
“Whatever it is, it isn’t the end of the world,” she said solemnly.
I couldn’t speak, so I nodded.
“Can I ask what it is?” she asked softly.
“It’s…it’s nothing.”
“I thought I heard you say something about Carson,” Cayley said honestly, taking my breath away. I hadn’t realized I’d spoken.
“Did I?” I asked, not knowing what else to say.
“Yes,” Cayley nodded. “Whatever it is, I don’t think he meant it.”
“He knew it, though,” I sniffed. “He knew he and Leona…” I stopped. What was I doing? This little girl had enough to think about in her own life without me burdening her. And if I told her, there was an outside chance she would tell Reese, or Brett. Why shouldn’t she, after all?
“Leona?” she asked, mildly questioning.
“I’m sorry, Cayley,” I sighed. “Please forget I said anything.”
“I won’t tell anyone,” she promised.
I hugged her. How was it possible that one small child could be so wise? I didn’t deserve so much love from one so young. “Oh, Cayley,” I said warmly. “I’m going to miss you.”
“Me too,” she said gently.
We sat quietly for a while, then she stood. “I should go,” she said firmly.
“I suppose so,” I agreed. “I need to pack. I’m leaving at six.”
“Okay, auntie,” she said. She kissed me on the wrist and walked off. I sighed.
If only all of us had as much emotional intelligence as these kids do.
I sighed again and reached across for my suitcase. I did have to pack. I couldn’t just sit here caught in my sadness.
“Amelia?” I heard another knock on my door. This time it was my brother.
“Mm?” I asked. “Come in—I’m wearing clothes.”
Brett stuck his head round the door. “Oh yes. So you are. I just wanted to say I’m going to the store quickly if you need something? I think Reese is having her hair cut or something. Josh is in the attic with his racing cars. Carson is…I don’t know where, now I think of it.”
Good, I thought woodenly.
“I don’t need anything, Brett,” I said gently. “Thanks, though. I hope you’ll be back soon,” I added, checking my watch. It was 3:00 p.m.
“Of course I will, Mel,” he said softly. “I wouldn’t miss saying goodbye for anything.”
“Good.”
I waved as he left and carried on packing. My work was all done when I had another interruption.
Someone knocked on my door. It sounded urgent.
“Hello?” I called, my blood cold. What if it’s him? What do I say?
But it wasn’t. “Auntie!” Cayley called. “Come quick!”
I dropped my purse on the bed. “What?” I said, worried. I ran and opened the door. “What happened?”
“Auntie! We need some help! It’s Josh!”
I didn’t even think about it. I just ran.
CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT
Amelia
I ran behind Cayley up the hallway. Fortunately, we didn’t have to go far. We ran to Josh’s room and she shoved open the door.
“Josh!” I yelled. “What’s the matter? Are you hurt?”
The kids looked at each other, then at me. I supposed I must have looked quite a sight, with my hair loose and my cheeks flushed, eyes wild. They laughed, self-conscious.
“Sorry, auntie,” Cayley said apologetically. “I didn’t mean to worry you. It isn’t like a life-or-death.”
“Whew!” I sat down on the bed, not even thinking about the fact at first that Carson had been sleeping here all week. “Heck! Don’t do that to me again,” I said, hand on my chest. “I thought someone was injured.”
“Sorry, auntie,” Josh giggled, coming to sit next to me. “We were scared. You see, I lost the spare key. I think it’s in here somewhere. Dad will be so mad! Could you help us?”
“You want to look for it?”
“Please,” Cayley asked. “There are some places we can’t get to.”
“Okay,” I agreed. I bit my lip. Looking through Carson’s things for a second time in as many days would be awkward, but I supposed I could do it. Especially if the kids needed my help.
“I’ll do under the bed,” Josh said. “Cayley, will you do the drawers?”
“Okay,” Cayley agreed quickly. “Auntie, could you do the cupboard?”
“Okay,” I agreed. I set about searching the wardrobe. While I was looking, I saw an envelope on the floor of the wardrobe. I picked it up. I tensed when I saw a name on the front. “Carson”.
Oh, hell. I wanted to drop it like a burning ember. But something made me stay my hand.
I swallowed hard. If this was a card from Leona, I would know for sure. Thanks to the kids, I was standing in the middle of my brother’s son’s room, with a letter from the other woman in my hand. Should I open it?
Josh and Cayley were looking up at me expectantly.
“Open it, auntie,” Josh urged.
“I want to see what’s inside,” Cayley insisted.
I looked at them with amazement. Then I laughed. It was what I wanted to do anyhow, so why not let two naughty kids persuade me into it, after all? “Okay.”<
br />
I opened the envelope. Inside was, as I imagined there was, a Christmas card. It had a snowy mountain on the front with the suggestion of a sled flying over the top. Cute, I thought.
I opened the card.
“Dear Daddy,” I read aloud. “I am so excited about seeing you. Even though you can’t visit for Christmas, I am so happy. I’m so glad I can see you more often now. Wishing you the bestest everything. Your daughter, Leona.”
I dropped the card. Like a snowflake, it swooped and landed silently on the floor.
“She’s his daughter,” I whispered under my breath. I sat down on the bed, tears flowing down my cheeks, a smile on my lips. “She’s his daughter!”
The kids were smiling happily, and I drew them both into my arms and squeezed them close, collapsing back onto the bed. I tickled them both until they screamed for mercy, laughing helplessly in my arms.
“Oh, kids,” I sighed. “I am so happy. Right. Now, let’s put these things away, hey?”
“Okay, auntie,” Cayley said gravely. She winked at me. I laughed.
“Is it a secret?”
“Not really,” I told Josh gently. “I think we can talk about this one.”
“Oh,” Josh said, grinning. “Oh, good.”
I smiled. My whole mood was sunny. I wanted to run out into the freezing cold afternoon and kiss everyone I met, laughing and shouting. Carson wasn’t two-timing me with Leona. Leona was his daughter!
Another thought occurred to me: Was the person he was talking to on the phone his wife? But if he was still married, why was he spending Christmas with my brother? Why did his daughter say she wasn’t expecting him to be there? No, I decided, he was separated from his wife.
I was still grinning like an idiot and the kids were still laughing as we walked down into the sitting room together. We all sat down with an air of celebration. We were still sitting there, laughing and playing some complicated card game that none of us actually knew all the rules to, when I heard the front door open.
CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE
Carson
I came back with the scariest thing on my mind—the thought of seeing Amelia face-to-face. She was so down that I couldn’t bear seeing her and seeing how upset I had made her. I wiped my boots on the doormat and sneaked in.
