While they’d been talking, Sadie had been moving, just a few inches at a time, scooting closer to them. Finally she climbed onto his lap with her back end, settled her front legs and head on Avi’s, and gave a soft, shuddering sigh.
“Welcome home, Sadie,” he said quietly as he slid his free arm around Avi. “You’ll be the best-loved dog in the entire state of Georgia.”
Avi rested her head on his shoulder. “You’ll still be the best-loved doc in the state of Oklahoma.” She paused, then hesitantly asked, “Have you given any more thought to driving to Augusta with us? It’s okay if you don’t want to. I was just…wondering.”
Unable to meet her gaze, Ben shook his head. “I’m used to being the one left behind. I don’t think I can be the one doing the leaving.”
She wrapped her fingers around his. “It’s okay. Really.” But her voice sounded kind of thick, and he was afraid if he looked, there might be a sheen to her eyes. “Sadie has just discovered the joy of riding in the front seat of a convertible. I’m not sure she’d be willing to give it up for the backseat so soon.”
After a moment, she sniffed. “But we don’t have to talk about that. Sadie and I have much more important things on our minds, namely what’s for dinner? Her tummy’s been rumbling ever since we left Tallgrass. I think she’d love a Fat Guy’s burger if we could find someplace decent outside to sit and eat.”
“They have tables outside, though I don’t know if they allow dogs. If not, we can find a place in Reconciliation Park. Let me get changed.” He started to push up, but Sadie pushed down. “Sadie, let me up, sweetie.”
She pushed even harder.
Grinning, Avi took pity on him. “Sadie, wanna go for a walk?”
The old girl jumped pretty agilely and trotted down the hall, then circled back to wait on Avi. “We’ll meet you at the door. Bring extra money. Sadie’s got an appetite.”
It took Ben just a couple of minutes to change. By the time he’d shoved his feet into sandals and stuck his debit card in his pocket, Avi was wearing her shoes and Sadie had on a lime-green leash to match her collar.
“She moves pretty well,” he remarked as they started along the street toward Fat Guy’s. “She doesn’t seem to have any problem with stiffness.”
“Meredith—she’s the vet at the shelter—says she’s healthy. Just sad. If no one had adopted her, they would have kept her and Jessy would have loved on her every day, but that’s not the same as having a home where you’re special.” Avi gave him a sidelong look. “You should probably consider adopting a dog. They have a lot that need homes. Or maybe even a cat.”
“I have to say, adopting a pet has never crossed my mind.”
“Until now.” She flashed him a grin. “It’s in there now, and you’ll find yourself considering it after I’m gone because you’ll miss me.”
He didn’t admit that he was considering it now, and it had nothing to do with missing her. It was what she’d said earlier. I can make her feel safe and loved again. How incredible is that? To have that kind of impact on someone else’s life…pretty damn incredible.
And, yeah, maybe it would help him not to miss Avi so much. At least he wouldn’t be totally alone.
“Why would her people just dump her?”
“Jessy says some people can’t afford their pets any more, or they don’t want the hassle, or maybe it was the kids’ dog and the kids have grown up and moved out, or a guy moves in with his girlfriend and when they break up, he leaves his dog there and she doesn’t want it.” Avi shrugged. “They should be shot. The least they could have done was leave her at the shelter. She could have been hit by a car, attacked by coyotes, bitten by a copperhead…” She muttered an obscenity Ben had never heard her use before.
“How is she going to fit into your life when you move?”
“Beautifully,” she said with a matching smile. “She’s old enough and calm enough that she’ll be fine while I’m at work. I’ll walk her before and after work, and I’ll get her a crate to use if she wants it, but I’m not Mom. I like the idea of snuggling with her on the sofa or in bed.”
“You sound well informed.”
“I’ve been talking to Jessy, plus while they groomed her, I was online checking out pet websites. Sadie’s my firstborn. I have to take good care of her and yet spoil her, too.”
Ben slid his arm around her shoulders, pulled her close, and kissed her hard. When he released her, she said, “Wow. What was that for?”
“No matter what happens, Avi, I’ll always be glad I met you.”
For a moment, she looked as if she wanted to speak, to give voice to the heartache that briefly appeared in her eyes, but she smiled instead and rested her head on his shoulder as they continued to walk.
Then why can’t we work this out? That might not have been what was on her mind, but it was certainly on his. He loved her. She loved him. They had the great beginnings of a perfect family, with Sadie the firstborn. Why couldn’t they resolve their issues, get married, give Sadie two-legged siblings, and live happily ever after?
Because some issues were unresolvable. Because they were selfish. Unreasonable. Or maybe it was just him. He’d wanted to fall in love, and boom, there was Avi. He could marry her, could live the rest of his life with her. He should be putting a For Sale sign on the loft, resigning from his practice, telling Sara and Brianne and the kids I can love you and be a part of your lives in Georgia as well as here.
He could, should…Couldn’t? Or wouldn’t?
So he was selfish, unreasonable, and a coward. Avi deserved better.
And she would probably find it in Georgia.
* * *
After dinner at the Three Amigos with the margarita girls, Lucy went to bed with a heavy heart and woke up Wednesday morning feeling as if she couldn’t breathe. Her chest was achingly tight, her skin was prickling, and she had an overwhelming urge to cry. Rolling onto her side, she turned off the alarm clock, calculated the time in California—three forty-five—and pulled the covers tighter. Across the room, Norton’s rubber ducky squeaked as he got up, stretched, then trotted down the hall.
She should get up, too, brush her teeth, and get dressed. Norton liked to eat before going for a walk, and he surely needed to pee. If she didn’t want to clean up his favorite indoor spot—the middle of the kitchen floor—she really should get moving.
Instead she pulled the covers over her head, hiding in the gloom but finding no comfort.
“Happy birthday, Mike,” she whispered. The words felt as empty as her bed, her life, her heart. Most days she did all right. She coped. She was even happy. But then a special occasion would come along, or maybe nothing special at all, and her heart broke all over again. This was the seventh birthday Mike had missed. Seven years that he could have been living and making babies and making life better for everyone around, including—especially—her. Seven birthdays that neither she nor his mom nor his grandmother had been able to hug him, kiss him, or watch his goofy faces as he blew out the candles with all the excitement of a kid.
Norton’s whine at the back door was silenced by a couple of clicks: Joe had let himself in with his key. He’d held the door for Norton, and now, she knew from experience, he was filling the dog’s water bowl and dishing out his chow. He would get the leash from the hook by the front door, set out a granola bar for Lucy, and let Norton back in. Then Lucy had five minutes to put in an appearance.
She should have begged off last night. He would have asked for an explanation, but she could have given him any of a hundred excuses. She could even have pled pure laziness. She’d done it before, and he’d let her. Once.
Quiet footsteps sounded in the hall an instant before Joe rapped on the open door. “Luce? You okay?”
“Hmm.”
“You’d think, dealing with teenagers every day, I’d have interpreting grunts down to a science, but I’m not sure whether that one means ‘Yeah, I’m fine,’ or ‘Go the hell away.’”
Despite the pr
otection of the covers, she squeezed her eyes shut. She usually planned ahead for this day. The first three years, she’d taken vacation and gone home to mourn/celebrate with family. The next two years, she’d taken the day off work and stayed in bed. Last year she had treated it as an almost normal day: She’d gone to work; she’d spent hours on the phone with her mom and Mike’s; and Marti had come over that evening after work with three half gallons of ice cream and two jars of caramel topping. They’d gorged themselves, watched TV, talked, and cried.
She’d thought that had been a turning point.
She had been wrong.
Norton’s ducky squeaked again, courtesy of Joe’s size fourteen shoes, then landed with a thud on his bed. A moment later, the empty side of Lucy’s bed sagged beneath Joe’s weight. “Come on out of there, Luce.” He caught a fistful of fabric and began pulling it away, slowly exposing her.
“That grunt meant ‘I’m hiding in my bed under my covers and I’m not coming out until tomorrow,’” she muttered, shoving her hair back from her face.
“Okay. You’re entitled.” Joe folded the extra pillow in half and leaned back. “Did you tell your boss yesterday?”
Her lower lip poked out. “No. I thought…”
“I’ll call. What should I say?”
She stared at the ceiling. “I don’t care.”
“Okay. I’ll tell him that you undercooked the chicken last night and ate it anyway, and now you have a stomachache and the runs.”
“I would never undercook chicken!” At least, not since she was thirteen and learning to cook from her mom and Nana.
“How about you closed down Bubba’s last night and sprained your ankle dancing on the bar?”
She scowled at him.
“Or you woke up with a gorgeous guy in your bed this morning and you’re trying to remember how he got there?” Grinning, he waggled his brows.
“I know how he got there. I made the mistake of giving him a key.”
The grin widened. “Oh, so you think I’m gorgeous.”
She didn’t mind stroking his ego this morning. “Every woman in town thinks you’re gorgeous. Why are you in my bed?”
His expression turned somber, his blue eyes darkening with sympathy. “Because today is Mike’s birthday, and you’re missing him more than usual.”
Huh. More often than not, Lucy thought of Joe as an overgrown kid, with all the maturity one would expect of that, but he’d remembered Mike’s birthday. Even her besties didn’t do that. She was surprised and touched and once again close to tears. Groping blindly, she grabbed a tissue from the box on the nightstand. “How do you know that?”
“You told me.”
“When? I don’t remember doing that.”
“I’d just moved in a month or so before, and you went home to spend his birthday with your families.”
“And you just remembered it all these years?” Six years, he’d remembered. She was even more touched now.
“I’m not just a gorgeous face, you know.”
“I know,” she muttered. She punched her pillow in half, then lay on it, mimicking his position, and stared at the ceiling. “Life is so damn unfair.”
“It is,” he agreed. “You work hard, do your best, and sometimes you still lose. But it’s always been that way, and it always will, so you still work hard, you still do your best—”
“And you still lose.”
“Yeah. But sometimes you win, too. And you have the satisfaction of knowing that you didn’t give up. You always, always tried.”
She gave him a sidelong look. “You sound like some kind of damn coach.”
His only response was a faint smile.
“I’m tired of trying, Joe. I’m tired of living alone and sleeping alone and being alone and missing Mike and not knowing if it’s ever going to get better, if anything’s ever going to change. I’m a widow. My friends are all widows. I’m surrounded by broken hearts, and damn it, sometimes it’s just too much pain and sorrow and sadness and despair.” Her eyes teared up again. “I want a do-over!”
He was silent a long time. “We don’t get do-overs in real life, Luce. But we do get second chances.”
He slid his hand across the covers and clasped hers, and a tingle started in her palm and danced along her nerves into her arm. It was so unexpected that she almost jerked her hand away. She almost jumped from the bed, wrapped the sheets around her—though he’d seen her in her jammies plenty of times—and made a dash to lock herself in the bathroom until he left the room, the house, preferably the whole town.
But something stopped her. The tingle. The surprise. The warmth that traveled from him into her. And a little voice deep in her brain, saying Stay. Don’t run. This is good, Lucy, and it’s okay.
It was a voice she hadn’t heard in an eternity, a voice she would never forget. It was Mike’s voice. And so, surprised, comforted, and curious, she stayed.
Chapter 14
Avi woke with a bad case of bed head, a furry body snuggled against her, and a case of morning breath bad enough to make her wince. The morning breath wasn’t hers, she was happy to realize as Sadie yawned and sent a blast of it into her face.
Ben was rustling on the other side of the bed, smelling of shower gel and expensive cologne, pulling on clothes, and Sadie snored quietly.
“You really should shave before you go to bed, Doc,” she murmured, eyes still closed, as she stroked the dog.
“You’re not fooling me. I know you know that’s your new roommate and not me.” He leaned over to nuzzle her neck, and she bent her head to make it easier. His warm kisses made all her girl parts happy and greedy for more, but she wasn’t so lucky.
When he pulled away, she rolled onto her side to face him. He was wearing faded green scrubs, his usual uniform along with a lab coat, both in the clinic and the hospital. They were a good look on him. But wasn’t everything?
“You going to have a busy day?”
“They all are,” he replied as he laced his running shoes. They looked like a totally different creature from her runners. Of course, she actually ran in hers. “Are you working at the nursery again?”
She groaned at the thought, and only part of the groan was melodrama. She might carry a fifty-pound ruck on her back at work sometimes, but the rest of her work activity hadn’t prepared her for all the bending and lifting of building a fountain. She was still achy. “Unless I get a better offer,” she said, giving him a hopeful look.
His answering look was sympathetic. “Sorry. My only offer would be hanging out in my office so I could sneak in to see you between patients. In fact, I’ve got to get moving, or I’ll be late.”
She sat up as he circled the bed to her side and let the sheet fall away to her waist. His gaze swept over her breasts, and his expression turned rueful. “See you this evening?”
“There’s not a place you could hide where I couldn’t find you.” She wrapped her arms around his neck as he kissed her, sweet and tempting and possessive. Reluctantly, she let him go, pulled the sheet up, and settled back in bed to watch him leave.
Once the door closed behind him, she started petting Sadie again. “Well, baby girl, do you think we should head back to Tallgrass now or sleep a little more?”
The dog thumped her tail without opening her eyes and went back to snoring.
Sleep it was. Except now that she’d been kissed, Avi couldn’t fall back to sleep. Instead, she found herself staring out the window and counting: today, tomorrow, Friday. On Saturday, she was loading up Sadie in the Mustang, heading south to I-40, then turning east toward Georgia.
The mere thought made her heart hurt. How was she going to endure this?
She would endure it because she wasn’t just Army strong, she was woman strong. She was committed to doing what had to be done.
And what had to be done right now was getting up, showered, and dressed. Sadie would need a walk and food, and Avi’s stomach was starting to rumble.
She was maneuvering aroun
d Sadie to get to her feet when the opening of the front door stopped her. Grabbing a sheet in case it was one of Ben’s sisters, she leaned to see through the doorway and down the hall. “Hey,” she said with relief when he came into view. “Forget something?”
“Nope, but I’ve got a better offer for you now. I was two blocks down the street when the office manager called and said the building’s without power. Something about the main distribution line failing. PSO’s working on it, but it involves digging up part of the street, so we’re taking an unscheduled holiday.”
The prospect of spending an entire day with him unexpectedly thrilled her more than it should. She knew why: She was storing up hours of memories to sustain her when she was gone. “Oh, goody. I’ll tell Mom that she’ll have to be Dad’s helper today. But first I’ve got to get Sadie out.”
Ben looked at the dog, who hadn’t roused at his return, and his lips twitched. “Yeah, she looks like she just can’t wait another second.”
Avi shook her finger at him. “We don’t know exactly how good her house-training is, and these are your wood floors and rugs. Being a girl, I suspect she’d prefer a rug, since there’d be less splash-back.”
“Good point. Get in the shower, gorgeous. I’ll take Sadie for a walk.”
At the sound of the magic word, Sadie’s ears perked, then she stood and stretched. Hopping off the bed, she trotted down the hall and barked impatiently from the door.
“I’m being summoned,” Ben said. “Make it quick, and I’ll take you to breakfast when we get back.”
Avi was good at quick showers. By the time Ben and Sadie returned, she was dressed, her damp hair pulled back and clipped off her neck. She’d called her mom and told her she would see her the next day and set out a bowl of food on the kitchen floor next to Sadie’s water dish.
Avi watched the dog eat, inhaling the food but guarding it, her gaze constantly darting to make sure no one intended to steal it. She hadn’t been on her own long enough to have to scrounge for food. Had she come from a home with multiple pets, where mealtime was a free-for-all, or had food been scarce there? Never again, Avi vowed.
A Promise of Forever Page 24
