Songs Of Harmony

by Andrew Elgin

  He sat, unaware that he had been seated, trembling with the after-effects of the audience. He became aware of a responsibility he had had placed on him. A responsibility: a deep and abiding duty that he was eager to take up even if he could not articulate it. The awareness of it merely added another layer of wonder and gratitude and certainty.

  He was exhausted and found that the seat he was in was immensely comfortable. He managed one more look around, knowing that this would be the last time he would be here. He felt vast regret. He wanted to be able to stay close to Her, never to leave. Yet he knew he could not. It was not possible. Feeling blessed, triumphant and exhausted, he struggled to stay aware, to remain present as long as he could. But even as his desire formed, he felt a wonderful lethargy begin to wash gently through him. He fell gently asleep into the calling blackness.

  When he awoke, he opened his eyes to see the wagon's timbers overhead and was confused momentarily as to where he was. He was instantly flooded with sadness, knowing he was no longer there, near Her. For a moment, he did not move, fearful of losing the memories. He wanted to go back again!

  As he lay there, the knowledge of the meeting, of what had happened, forced sadness away, leaving him with the need to share what he had witnessed, what had happened to him. It was so vitally important, so wonderful, that he knew he had spent a whole day there. Despite waking in the same place, he knew he had been with Her for at least one day. One whole day! How else could he account for the time spent walking there and then being before Her?

  Torrint and Banith must obviously have missed him and wondered about him. He was curious as to the questions they would ask of him. The problem would be how much of it he could share. So much of it was what he felt and that was so difficult to express. She could not be described. Not by him, anyway. He was suddenly bursting with the news of his meeting with Her. The joy of that meeting, the expanse of it within him, felt as though it would erupt from him and he would only be able to smile and laugh when they questioned him. He had seen Her! He had been in Her presence! How could he not erupt with the immensity of it all?

  So, as the rising sun lit his face, he lay there for a while longer, letting the feelings course through him again. He felt amazing! He was determined not to be the one who spoke about it first. It was for them to ask. It was his role not to boast. He would show Her he was worthy of Her trust through his silence.

  The sun rose and the laughter inside abated a little, but not the sense of wonder and of grace and of joy. With great difficulty, he got up and performed his normal duties. Behind every action lay the awareness that he now had a vital role to play; something he did not fully know in his conscious mind. But, deep down, where the true mark of Her presence lay upon him, where Her sounds, Her songs, Her light, still remained, Javin knew that the knowledge was there, to be revealed to him. Hard as it was, he made every effort to act as he had been before meeting Her.

  Torrint and Banith were already both up and about as usual. Javin could simply not understand why they did not say anything? Surely they had been aware that he had been absent from them for most of the previous day? Surely they had questions? Did they not want to know about Her? He had been absent for at least a day. It was inconceivable that they remain quiet, but that is exactly what they did.

  Javin recalled that he had been angry the last time they had spoken. But he could not remember why. Perhaps they were still angry at him? He could not tell. All he knew was that he was determined to keep his secret until such time as they asked, but he could not believe they had such willpower to remain silent as they washed, ate, checked and re-arranged the stock in the wagons.

  Javin played his part as always, but with a growing sense of bewilderment. He had to concentrate on what he was doing more than usual because the experience of Her infiltrated everything, every action.

  Javin was sitting, re-living, again, the audience with Her, when Torrint finally came and sat beside him.

  "Seems to me that things have changed here." He leaned back slightly as if to view Javin from a new angle. "This morning I look ahead and I see us heading away from Sweetwater. Not what I was expecting. But then again..." He spread his hands to indicate the inevitability of what he had seen.

  Javin said nothing, waiting for the inevitable question. But it did not come. What did come was a surprise.

  Torrint looked off into the distance. "You've seen Her, haven't you? Met Harmony." A slow shake of his head. "Never happened to me. But," he turned and pointed at Javin with one long finger, "with you, it's like a big sign on you. You're different. Act different. Act happy. Somehow seem more, what's a good word for it, solid. Yes, solid. Real. She must have come to you in your dream last night.

  "People don't change the way you've changed since last night. Not without something to change them. All anger and blame one minute, all gentleness and 'life's wonderful' the next." He gazed off into the distance again and a certain wistfulness entered his voice. "Don't need a talent to see this. We both saw it straight away, Banith and me. Just need to look at you." His voice sank lower. There was a yearning in it. "I wish I could feel what you feel. I can see it in you, but..." He fell silent.

  All Javin could think of at first was that Torrint had to be wrong about the time. It had surely been a day at least. It made no sense, but Torrint was sure. It would become clear later on. Then he suddenly felt sorry for the tall man sitting beside him. "I didn't know what it was. Was it really Harmony? Is that how She is? She was... magnificent!" His eyes filled with tears of sheer joy. "There are no words, Torrint. She is the most incredible, the most wonderful... I don't think there are the right words, ever. I did not ever think I could ever feel anything like this." He touched Torrint lightly on the arm as a sort of apology. "I did not ask for this, Torrint. She simply called me, took me. I am sorry."

  Torrint, still looking into the distance, nodded his appreciation, but Javin could see that he also had tears in his eyes, tears of sadness. The two of them sat together silently.

  Finally, it was Torrint who coughed and cleared his throat, rubbing roughly at his face, still not able to look at Javin. "We need to take you to where you can be with Her. That will be my service to Her. That's why we are not going to Sweetwater." He pushed himself up, paying close attention to a blemish on his leggings. "We will take you to be with Her, to know Her reasons." And he stalked off, leaving Javin still wondering, still amazed at it all.

  By the time they moved off, Torrint was more or less his old self again. More or less.

  Now that both the traders knew, Javin felt a sense of relief, but also, somewhere, an emptiness. He realized that beyond sharing the knowledge of the audience, he had no clear conception of what to do next. As if sensing that in him, Torrint pointed ahead.

  "That line of hills? That's the beginnings of High Stones. In there's a place for you. Don't know how, just know that's the way to go. Do you feel it? Like being pulled there? All I know is that when something like this happens, Harmony's calling to you. And you have to go to Her, to where She wants you to go. And if you don't, it will end badly, if the tales are true." He flashed a full, warm smile at Javin. "And I get to tell the next tale! Being this close, that's worth everything." He turned his attention back to the hills. He was unusually talkative, giving information without being asked. "Be two days maybe. Maybe less. Nothing's going to be for certain now. Not now we're listening to Her needs, now that She's spoken to you. The land we're heading for rises and splits up and canyons are all over. It's a strange place. But no good for trading. No people and nothing there people need."

  "But why am I going there? What for?"

  "Maybe to find out what you're doing here," Torrint suggested. "You can't be as close as you need to be with anyone else around. It has to be you and Her. Alone. And don't ask me how I know that. I just do. Everything we do and touch and breathe is Harmony. That anger you had with Her last night?" He shook his head. "Means nothing to Her. But you do. You mean something, apparently. Liv
ing with just Her to listen to? That's important. That's why you have to be alone." He saw the look on Javin's face. "And don't worry! We'll leave you enough food. Banith'll make sure you're going to be safe." He paused and smiled again, this time to himself. "And so will Harmony. Do you really think that She is going to let you die? After calling you?" He chuckled. Then he became suddenly serious. "And I have been called as well, to be part of it. Banith and me. We are also called by Her." He touched his fingers to his forehead, then towards Javin. "Thank you. Thank you for this."

  Javin bobbed his head, embarrassed, unable to think of a reply.

  Chapter Fourteen

  It took two whole days.

  The wagons had followed the barely visible track into a land where gullies became canyons and rocks pushed higher and became cliffs. The going slowed as the way became narrower, and the track became more uneven, with the occasional larger stone or boulder needing to be moved aside.

  As the walls grew higher around them and the plants became smaller and spikier, Javin felt less and less comfortable with the idea of being left here, no matter how often Torrint told him that they would leave him food, make sure he would be safe and that Harmony Herself would look after him.

  Taking his seat again after he and Banith had levered another large rock to the side, Javin asked Torrint, "Are you even sure you and Banith will be able to get out of here? There's no way you can turn round and go back."

  Torrint thumped his chest with a fist. "I feel it here. I feel it as if I am being pulled. And, if Banith and me, the both of us, are part of this, then She will take care of us." He grinned. Javin doubted Torrint had ever been this happy for this long.

  "And that's what this is all about, isn't it? You trusting this planet? Trusting Her? That she won't let you down? But she has let people down. She killed them in Blackeye."

  "That is not the same. And you. You've met Her. You know. Yes, the trust is everything. But so is listening to Her. Hearing Her. This is not the same as Blackeye, Javin. Listen to what's inside you and you know that's true."

  Creaking and rolling, the wagon turned a final bend. There, ahead of them, the track opened up into a wide bowl of rock. The cliffs, streaked with red and grey and yellow, their tops glowing in the late day's sun, seemed less imposing. Some few huge boulders were scattered and a small stream, issuing from one of the walls, curled around them before disappearing again further down the canyon. To Javin's mind, there was a sense of peace, of stillness, here which he had not been fully aware of since the dream.

  Torrint hauled them to a stop and, standing on the narrow footrest, looked around, smiling hugely.

  He jumped down and, turning to Javin, thumped his chest again. "Don't tell me you don't feel it. This is the place. This is where you get to know Her. You know this is the place!"

  Banith had already left his wagon and was crouching by the stream, sipping from his cupped hands. "This water is very good. Very good indeed." He took a handful of earth and closed his eyes and turned in a slow circle, arms outstretched. Opening his eyes, he dropped the earth and looked at Torrint. "I can sense no danger in the past here. No hunting kills."

  "So where does he live?" Torrint was as excited and animated as Javin had ever seen him. Both he and Banith were inspecting the ground, looking up at the walls, scrambling over rocks.

  Javin, still seated on the wagon, looked on, but all he could feel was loneliness and uncertainty. Since that night, the euphoria had lessened. The experience had become a dream, and dreams were normal. A part of him wanted only to reclaim that night's feeling and share it with the two traders. Another part of him knew Torrint was right about everything but didn't want to agree, didn't want them to leave.

  And if Torrint was right, then what would that mean? Would he get his memories back? Would he even want them back? There were so many questions. How would he live? What would he do here? What would he do afterward? Having that dream was one thing; and it had been a wonderful, powerful dream. But living here, because of that dream? That made no sense. But, then again, very little of anything had made sense since he had arrived.

  Once again, he felt trapped by circumstance, left with no choice because he did not know enough to choose. It was unfair, just as his arrival had been unfair, as wiping his memories was unfair. He bowed his head, closed his eyes and hugged himself in consolation. And as he did so, he felt a warmth on him, spreading through his body, filling him with a sense of peace.

  Opening his eyes, he saw that he was in the light of the setting sun as it slipped briefly between the walls, the rays reaching down along the canyon, falling on him as he sat on the wagon. Bathed in the unexpected warmth, he found a reserve of strength inside that allowed him to accept that, unfair or not, he would finally be in charge of his life, at least for a while. And that was something worth having.

  "I think I've found the place," Banith called. He was standing on a ledge about twice Torrint's height above the floor of the canyon. Behind him was a large hole into which he vanished. A moment later he reappeared, beaming happily. "This is definitely the place. Come and see!" He beckoned at Javin, but Torrint was not going to miss out, and he was scrambling up before Javin left his seat.

  A few moments later, all three were standing on the ledge admiring the view. Banith waved them inside, eager to share his discovery. "See? This has a nice bend to it. Stops the wind but allows some light." He scurried ahead. "And it gets bigger. You can easily stand up and stretch. Well, you can almost, Torrint. And a raised area for sleeping." He pointed as he spoke. "A place for a fire, because there's a crack which will take the smoke out. It's perfect."

  Torrint made appreciative noises. "It could have almost been made for you, Javin." He frowned. "Maybe it was."

  Banith shrugged happily. "Let's get you moved in, Javin." He headed off to the wagons.

  "Well? What do you think? Can you live here?" Torrint asked.

  "Do you think it was made for me?"

  "I think it's possible. I believe if Harmony wants things to happen, She can make them happen. Maybe She made this years ago and only allowed us to find it. Or maybe She made it just now. Or, it's just a natural thing and we were lucky to find it." Torrint looked over at Javin. "But it doesn't really matter what I think or believe. This is yours if you want it. Do you?"

  Javin looked around the cave, running his hands over the walls, trying to imagine himself alone here. "I think I do. I just don't know what's going to happen. That scares me a little."

  "What I'd do? I'd find out what I can do. Try anything and everything." Torrint cast a sly glance at Javin. "You don't admit to a talent, so why not see what talent or talents you might have?" He brushed some dust from his sleeve. "It's you and Her here. But mainly it's you. I have no idea what will happen, or even what could happen. My sight gives me nothing. But my mind says that you have to learn something about yourself. Beyond that...?" He shrugged. "Now let's help Banith, shall we?"

  But Javin did not move. "How long do I stay? And where do I go after? Torrint? What am I really doing here?"

  Torrint turned back and sat cross-legged on the floor, gesturing for Javin to do the same. The trader waited for him to settle. "You're looking for answers and there aren't any which make sense." He waved his hand at the cave. "This? It might have only been here since just before we stopped the wagons. It might have been here since Harmony was born. As for how long you stay, there is no answer. You will leave when it is right. And you will know when that is. And where you go, you will know at the time. And what you will do here is whatever you will do." He saw the look on Javin's face and stopped. "Yes, I can see that's not very helpful, so let me try to put it another way then.

  "I did not have the dream, did not meet Her. Yet both Banith and I have felt the same urge to come here. It was not just trusting, it was being led. For all I know, the mandria felt the same as well. You, on the other hand, have had no opportunity or reason to trust Her fully, only the dream. And yet, you must trust. Because I
know, I know, that She will not speak with you and then leave you to die." He held out his cupped hands to Javin, his voice becoming more earnest. "You are held by Her, protected by Her. You are special to Her for reasons I do not know and cannot guess. This is where She wants you to be, so this is the place where She will take care of you. You can believe that or not, but I feel it is the truth. Whether you feel it or not, whether you want it or not, you are blessed by Her. Above all, Javin, you are safe. Know that, if nothing else."

  Javin tried to accept and understand what Torrint had said. He rubbed his fingertips along the rough floor, and, nodding, took a deep breath. "I will try to believe that, Torrint. Truly, I will. It's just such a big step."

  Torrint smiled and nodded. "Yes, it is! This is your first home on Harmony." He stood up. "So let us make it ready to live in, yes?"

  Chapter Fifteen

  As Javin was contemplating his immediate future, Lisick was pulling at her shawl against the stiff breeze as she walked, trying to clear her mind. The roof of The Hall was still visible behind her. She hadn't had any clear destination in mind when she had set out, but now she realized where she was headed. Ahead were The Caverns, where the original settlers, so many, many years before, had stored so much. Most of what was in there was a mystery now. A lot of it appeared broken or decayed. Crates of some once-shiny material were in tumbled heaps. Some had lost their tops and spilled their contents. Others were intact. It mattered little, because what was revealed was generally unintelligible, unfathomable or just strange. Objects with no discernible use now remained as witnesses to the passage of time and changing knowledge of the people who lived here. Any useable metal they might have had had long been stripped and re-used.