by Andrew Elgin
"How long did it take you to get to the previous campsite?"
Meldren thought back. "Maybe fifteen days after leaving Luck. Can't have been much more. I was moving really slowly for you to catch up. Staying in one camp long enough for the gorries to stink the place out before moving on."
"And you took how long to get to Luck in the first place?"
Meldren frowned in recollection. "Maybe five days? Maybe a little more? And then some days in Luck itself. Three, maybe?"
Javin did some brief figuring in his head. "That can't be right. That makes about twenty-five days. Call it thirty to be on the safe side. I left Luck about four days ago. Before that, I came from Sweetwater, and before that, I was ill and useless for anything for at least thirty days."
"Thirty?"
"Nearer forty, if you count the time I spent traveling to and from Sweetwater to the place we split. So how could I catch up with you if you took the same time, even counting from where we parted, to get here? It doesn't make sense. There are some days missing."
Meldren rubbed her eyes tiredly. "Don't you think that things not being explainable is actually the only thing which makes sense, in a sort of strange way?" She stopped rubbing and sat back. "You and I, we have creatures round our necks, can't understand how we got here, I can't remember what happened and you can't tell me much. Other than that, everything is normal." She let out a small sigh of exasperation. "But it still comes down to the same question. Why us? Are we just somebody for Harmony to play with? What is the point of it all?" She had a grumpy look on her face. "I'm with you. I don't like it either."
They sat in silence for a while, feeling sorry for themselves.
Meldren couldn't maintain it for long, however, and tried to change the mood. "Well, at least you have your memories back, which is a good thing. It must be a relief to know who you are at long last. Do you think it was the crack on your head which did it, or was it Della's doing?"
Javin ran through the morning again in his head. "I don't recall telling you anything about Sweetwater. How did you know?" He peered more closely at her. "Let me have a look at your eyes." Meldren made a face at him, eyes wide. "Blue. So it is still you. But I didn't tell you. I'm sure of it."
Meldren threw her hands up in a show of ignorance. "I don't know. I don't know how I know. I just know that that's what happened to you. Are you sure you didn't mention it?" Ignoring Javin's head shake, she continued, listing the points on her fingers. "You hit your head on a stool and then the floor and you were unconscious and Della helped you. You were sick and she gave you medicine and one day you just realized who you were. How could I know that to be true if you didn't tell me? And I know it's true. Know it," she emphasized by tapping her chest.
Javin had no answer to it. He felt frustrated at not understanding what had happened. "Let's agree on something together, shall we?"
Meldren cocked her head inquiringly.
"Let's agree that we are not going to get any answers to the questions we have. All we can do is compare how things are for each other and leave it at that. Not my favorite solution, but it might be the only one which has any chance of being right. What do you think?"
Meldren, clearly irked, picked at one of her fingernails as she thought about it. "It does seem that the more we ask questions, the more confusing it becomes. And we haven't got any decent answers yet, have we?" She looked up and shrugged. "So, why not? Let's just share what we know and see what happens. The thing which annoys me most is that, well...I was looking forward to us being together and, this...mess, it's got in the way. I wanted to be happy and instead I've got a headache, questions I can't answer and no idea about anything anymore. It's not fair!"
Javin made a 'me too' face. "Can't help but agree with you. I think it all comes back to what we said before. It's all about us making choices. Yes, things might still happen to us, but we can at least choose what to do in the meantime, can't we? Choose where to go, where to stay." A more serious tone entered his voice. "Like I said before, I know that I've had very few choices so far. But I'm going to change that. And, for all we know, Harmony could be playing with hundreds of other people like us, making life as difficult or strange for them as it is for us. People tell us we're special, but how do they know? For all we can tell, there might be other couples, or whole families having the same problems we are. Come to that, why not whole villages?" He frowned in thought. "That could explain what happened in Blackeye. They all died. Perhaps Harmony was trying to speak with them and killed them?" He shook his head. "That can't be right, because Banith found that metal there." He caught the question in Meldren's eye. He shaped it with his hands. "About so big. It was not from Harmony. Banith could tell that. I suppose they died because of that, of not wanting to hear Harmony any more, of taking something which was not Hers. She just did it on a whim, perhaps." He sucked in a breath at the implication of what he had just said.
"I mean, we all of us think that Harmony is looking after us. But what if we're wrong? What if She's actually just using us for Her amusement in some way. Showing me what's going on and locking you away from it. How do I know that what I was shown was even the truth? I don't think we should trust Her or rely on Her. I think that it's more important that we choose to live our lives as we want. On our own terms, as far as possible. And if Harmony wants to push Her nose into our lives, well, there's not a great deal we can do to stop Her. But, in the meantime, why not live as we want to?"
Meldren had been watching him carefully, judging his words by the colors around him. When he had finished and was looking expectantly at her, she nodded once to show she believed him. "Why not? The question then is, what do we do now?"
"Ah! That's easy!" Javin smiled. "First, we eat. I'm starving!"
"I'll see what we've got." She turned back to the wagon and shivered. "Didn't realize I was chilly until I moved. Where's my other shawl?"
Javin found his satchel and delved into it to help with the food. He found that there was a lot more left than he recalled and it was all fresh looking. It was another strangeness to add to the list. All he could do was be grateful. Meldren's eyes widened as he offered her the food, but she refrained from asking questions, seemingly having the same thoughts about it all as Javin. They ate their meal quickly.
"What do we do now?" Meldren repeated her question, voicing what they had both been thinking. "I mean, it's all very well saying that we should live as we want, but the thing is, now I'm being asked to do just that, it's not as easy as I thought it would be. I've gone where I wanted to, done what I wanted, but I did it without much thought. Is that what you're saying? That we have to plan it all out now? And what about the gorries, which, I might remind you, could all be dead for all I know about it. The gorries and Skort and Fallack and Sarlin and the wagon... What happens to them? Where do they fit in? What about us?"
Javin wiped his mouth clean and stood up. "First, let's go find the gorries and make sure they are all alive. Then we can think about what to do. What do you say?" He held out his hand to help Meldren to her feet. He peered at the sky. "I don't like the look of those clouds. Let me grab my spare tunic and then we'll get going."
The first thing they did was to check on Sarlin. He rumbled at them as they felt his legs for tender spots. Javin noticed that his coat was thick and only a few strands of it came loose as he ran his hand over him. He recalled Torrint telling him that it was a sure sign of the end of summer.
Once they had satisfied themselves that the mandria was healthy, they set off to check the gorries. It did not take very long to find the herd, mainly because the two dogs led them there directly, walking ahead and turning to check they were being followed. The gorries were spread out over a wide area. Some were paddling in the edges of the river while others were scattered amongst the shrubs; sleeping or feeding. Gorries being gorries, it took a while to muster them into one place. Meldren took a head count and nodded in satisfaction.
"They're all here."
"Somehow, I
'm not surprised," Javin replied with a wry smile. "In fact, I think it's going to be hard to make me, us, feel surprised about anything anymore. All the gorries are here, we've got plenty of food, we're together again and life is wonderful. Except that we have no idea what's happening to us or what's going to happen. Which means," he said putting his arm around Meldren, "that it's time to think about our future."
She leaned into him. "I agree. And the reason I'm snuggling is because you are nice and warm."
"And...?"
"And it's chilly."
"And...?"
She pulled back just far enough to look up at him, an innocent expression on her face. "And if you have to be told everything, then obviously you have no imagination. I think there should be some mystery in our relationship, don't you?" She graciously allowed him to kiss her on the forehead before resuming her snuggling.
"Oh, there is plenty of mystery right now."
On the slow return to the campsite, they talked over the idea of choosing what to do next.
"It's easier for me," said Javin, holding hands with Meldren. "After all, I have no home here, no birthplace, nothing to keep me in one place." He waggled a remonstrative finger at Meldren's pretend shocked expression. "You know exactly what I mean. But it is easier for me. You are the one with possessions, things, plans." He looked at her. "Do you want to keep doing what you have always done? I can share it with you. We can go where you always go. I don't mind. It will all be new to me. If we're thinking about living our lives, then it's only fair that you should have the biggest say in that because you have the most to consider."
They walked on in silence for a few more slow paces.
"You don't have to decide now," he added.
Meldren studied the ground, thinking. "It seems to me that, since meeting you, my life has not been the same." She smiled at him and held her thumb and finger of her free hand close together. "That's about how much I feel is left of how I used to be, how I used to think and live. And now? Now everything is possible. And 'everything' is a big word. It's too big. If I have everything to choose from, I can't choose anything. But, if I can choose only from some things, that is easier. So, if it's all the same to you, I'd like to choose being with you. The rest of it, I don't know about." She leaned into him. "But I'll choose you and whatever comes with that choice." She gave a little jump and a gasp, her hand going to her throat and the creature there. "Oh! It sort of pulsed when I said that," and she made a grasping movement to illustrate.
"Ow! Mine did, too! But not painful. Just a sort of throbbing." He regarded Meldren at arms length, peering at the creature around her neck. "And, no, I have no idea what that meant. Another strangeness."
"Well, I'm going to think it was agreeing with me, that it was happy for us."
Javin smiled back. "Sounds good to me. And I like the choice you made. Thank you." He kissed her. "It fits very neatly with the choice I wanted to make as well."
She dimpled at him. "We're geniuses, then. But it still doesn't help us much. What, exactly, are we going to do?"
Up ahead, the campsite was visible. "Can we let the dogs look after the gorries now?" Javin asked. "I have some ideas about our future, but I'd like to sit and maybe get a fire going and get a bit warmer. Sound good?"
The fire would not catch. The wood was damp and there was none dry after the earlier rain. Meldren was philosophical. "It happens sometimes. I should have kept the kindling in the wagon."
"Hardly your fault, was it? I mean, if anyone's to blame, then it should be Harmony. She was the one who should have taken care of it." Javin stopped suddenly as a thought struck him. He pointed at Meldren. "If you are not to blame and Harmony is, and I was shown that everything that happens is nothing more than a song, then..." He tailed off as he thought more about what he was about to say.
"You can't just stop there," Meldren urged.
"Give me a minute. I need to listen. I need to see if I can hear it."
"Hear what?" Meldren asked impatiently.
"Everything." His gesture prevented her from asking more questions. He shut his eyes, took a deep breath and slowed his breathing, a look of concentration on his face. At one point, he bent his head to one side, as if hearing something beyond Meldren's capabilities, a frown followed by a nod. Then, with his eyes still closed, he sat up straight and stroked the creature around his neck before beginning to make a small, crooning noise, punctuated by an odd low whistling sound, all the while keeping an unheard beat with the nodding of his head. The creature around his neck also bobbed to an unheard beat. After a few moments, ending with a nasal sort of humming, he opened his eyes and looked at Meldren, who had been fascinated and confused in equal portions. At one point, she had reached up to her neck in surprise as her creature's head also bobbed to and fro to the unheard music.
"That should do it," he said.
"I hate to ask this," she said, "but do what exactly? What did you just do? It's like nothing I've ever heard before, although I have to admit that it sounded vaguely like something I've heard, if that makes any sense."
"Try the fire again. The wood should catch now."
Shaking her head at this new strangeness, Meldren rearranged the wood. As she touched it, her eyebrows shot up. "It's dry! I can feel it is really dry!" She looked from the wood to Javin. "Are you saying that you did that? With those strange sounds?"
"I think so. At least, I tried to. That's what I meant earlier. Everything is a song. It really is. A song. I thought that if Harmony had been in my head, showed me what She did, the songs of everything, then I had a chance of hearing it for myself. And if I could do that, then I could, maybe, sing a song myself. Just a small one. A tiny one about dry wood."
The fire caught quickly as he was speaking, and Meldren had to hurry to pile more wood on before the first was consumed. "I might need to make that a bit less dry, next time," Javin said, warming his hands, making an 'I haven't a clue' face.
Neither knew what to say. Both sat in silence, puzzling over the fact that wood, which had been too damp to catch, was now bone-dry and blazing merrily in front of them despite the fact that it had been in the open all the time.
"How much stranger can things get, Javin? Singing wood dry. Now that's new. I was watching your colors and they were blazing and then they went very strange. Sort of spikey. Instead of some colors being stronger and showing up brighter, they all seemed to stand out from you. Much further away than usual. I mean, way out." She opened her arms as wide as possible. "And they were like beams of light shooting out. I have no idea what that was all about." She gave a sigh. "But, then, I have no idea what the whole day has been about either."
"All I know is that I tried to listen to what I needed to hear. I thought, if everything is a song, then there are songs going on all around us all the time. Around us and in us. So, if I could hear that, the song about wood, then I supposed that I could at least try to sing something like it. But it was very much trial and error."
Meldren pointed at the fire. "If that was trial and error, I'd hate to see you when you get it right!" She gave a small breathy laugh. "Is this how we're going to live? Singing fires when we need them? I assume you can sing food so we won't starve? Is that it? Is that our lives from now on? Singing whatever we want. Well, you singing whatever we want."
"I don't see why you can't do it as well. After all, Harmony has been in you, too. She's been part of you in an entirely different way. So why couldn't you sing things as well? Perhaps we'll try it later on." Javin looked over the flames at Meldren. "But what you said is true enough. What are we going to do with our lives?" He gestured at the fire. "Before this happened, I was going to share some ideas I had." Meldren motioned him to go on.
"I was thinking that, if we can go anywhere, and you and I want to be together, which we do," he added with a bright smile, "then would you feel really bad about leaving your gorries behind?"
She shook her head. "Of course not. As long as they were with people who would look af
ter them."
"Of course. Of course. But what about Sarlin or Skort and Fallack? How would you feel about leaving them behind as well? We have absolutely no idea how all this is affecting them. And we also have no idea what else will happen." He waited anxiously.
Meldren was slower this time. "They've been with me for so long. They're like my family." She was still, her eyes half-closed, thinking. "Sarlin, he's less of an issue. After all, he's happiest when grazing. But the dogs? Not so easy. They protect me, look out for me. I've had them since they were puppies." She looked at Javin. "I don't know. Not for sure."
"That's fair. You are right. They deserve to be looked after well." A pause. "But, I was thinking..."
"You've started, so you might as well get to the end."
"We don't know what's going to happen, but whatever it is, it seems like we have no control over when it happens. Harmony arrives and...things happen. Today, for instance, the gorries were all over the place. Sarlin was lucky in that he was hobbled but still able to fend for himself. And the dogs? We don't know what happened to them. Yes, they're big and can probably look after themselves. But this last time with Harmony was bad. Painful. Scary, in a way. What if, when Harmony comes the next time, we scare the dogs and they attack us?" He saw Meldren's reaction. "I know. I know. They have always looked after you. And they seem to be fine with me. But, the point is, when Harmony is... doing whatever it is She does to us, then we aren't ourselves anymore. And who knows how long it will be before we are awake and capable of looking after them the next time it happens?" He put a hand out to her, trying to reassure her. "I'm not saying that they are unreliable or that they could attack us or have problems when we were incapable of doing anything for them. But, what I am saying is that we don't know. The next time could be worse for us. And that might mean it's worse for them. They are not mine. I haven't raised them from pups. Your relationship with them is entirely different. I appreciate that. And, maybe, sometime in the future, we could come back for them, be with them again. I just don't know. I'm just trying to think of all the possibilities. I was going to suggest that we leave all the animals with people in Arlen. But, since the fire here, I've had another thought." He took a deep breath, picking his words carefully. "And the thought was, if I can dry wood with a song, would it be possible to, for example, perhaps sing a song for the dogs so that they won't miss you and you won't miss them?"
