Tracey sat in her car in the school parking lot, and stared off into the distance. What she had done that morning had been the hardest thing that she had ever had to do. She could hardly believe that she had forced the only man that she had ever really loved out of her house. That she had pushed away the father of her two beautiful children. That she had created a monstrous void between her and her best friend. She knew that she could never love another man the way that she loved Jack, but she just hoped that he would be able to finally understand the pain that she felt.
She wasn’t exactly sure what she would tell the kids about their Dad. Bella was as smart as a whip, and would see right through any type of stall. Dad couldn’t be on vacation, or just gone for a few weeks, because she would immediately recognize that many of his things were gone. Brandon would be devastated that he was gone at all. Whether this was temporary or permanent would make no difference. In the distance, she heard the school bell ring. She quickly checked her makeup in the rearview mirror. She didn’t want the kids to see that she had been crying almost constantly since Jack had left. The kids dashed across the parking lot to Tracey’s car, opened the doors to the backseat, and jumped in.
“Hey guys. How was school?” Tracey asked.
“I had a good day.” Bella exclaimed. “We were out on the playground, and Mrs. Stevens said that we didn’t have to run the race if we didn’t want to, so me and Paul played on the monkey bars.” She said as she held up her hands and showed her reddened palms to her mother.
“Let me see!” Brandon said, as he tried to peek around her hand.
“What about you, Brandon? How was your day?” Tracey asked.
“It was okay.” He said, clearly distracted by the palms of his sister’s hands.
“Did you turn in your homework from last night?” Tracey asked him.
“Yeah.” He answered, as he shut his door.
“Excuse me, sir?”
“I mean, Yes, mam.” He said carefully.
“Do you have any homework tonight, Bella?”
“No, mam.”
“Do you have any homework, Brandon?”
“No, mam.”
“Good, how would you guys feel about going out for pizza?”
“Pizza? All right!” Brandon yelled as Bella chimed in. They buckled their seatbelts as Tracey started the car. Maybe they would understand, she thought. She knew that if she bribed them with pizza it wasn’t going to hurt anything. It might just make it easier for them to deal with the news that she had to share. She knew how much they loved their father, and already they missed him because he spent so much time with his job. She took a deep breath and fought back the tears that wanted to come.
When they reached the restaurant, Tracey requested a booth near the rear. She did her best to smile and make light hearted chit chat with Bella and Brandon while they waited for the pizza. She couldn’t help but be relieved when the waitress brought out the steaming pizza. She blinked back tears as they shoveled the pizza into their mouths. She nibbled on her slice.“What’s wrong, Mommy.” Bella asked, as she chomped into her last piece of pizza.
“Finish your pizza sweety, and I’ll tell you and Brandon at the same time.”
“Is Daddy okay?” Brandon asked, his eyes suddenly lit up with concern.
“Yes, your Daddy is fine. But he and I have a few problems that we need to work out.” She began, and realized that now was as good a time as any. “Your Daddy needs some time to work out his love for us. It’s not that he doesn’t love us, guys, it’s just that with his work and all, it’s real hard for him to show it. He and I discussed it, and we decided that he needed to take a little vacation for a while.” She had promised herself that she wouldn’t tell them that he was on a vacation, but now it was too late. It had seemed to be the softest way to put it, and it came out of her mouth so easily.
“Why couldn’t we go?” Brandon asked almost immediately.
“It’s kind of like a vacation, but not really. He has some things that he has to work out, and he needs to be alone to do that, sweety.”
“You threw him out, didn’t you Mom.” Bella shot at her.
“No honey. Not really.”
“Mom! You threw Dad out?” Brandon’s eyes swelled in fear.
“Calm down, Brandon. It’s not like you guys aren’t going to see him. Once a week, when he’s not to busy, he’ll come over for dinner, or take you guys to the movies or something.”
“But Mom, you threw Daddy out? How could you do that? What’s wrong with Daddy? He doesn’t beat you like that guy did on COPS the other night. Has he got a girlfriend?” Brandon asked, clearly puzzled as to why his Daddy had to go.
“No, no, sweety, it’s nothing like that. Your Daddy had some problems related to when he was still in the Army, and he just needs a little time to straighten things out, that’s all.” Tracey tried to comfort him, but the pain in his eyes was evident. Though in her own eyes, it had seemed like Jack never had time for their son, but in Brandon’s eyes, Jack was always there. There enough for Brandon to know that his father loved him with all his heart, and now she had gone and thrown him out of the house. This conversation was not going at all like she had planned.
“Will you ever let him come home, Mommy?” Bella asked her softly, almost afraid that the answer would be no.
“Yes, dear. I hope he comes home soon. But he’s got to work these things out, and he’s got to do this on his own. We all love your Daddy, honey. But for the time being we’re just going to have to do without him.” She said as she saw that her words had begun to comfort them a little.
“It’s not fair, Mom.” Brandon said.
“I know sweety, but it will be all right.”
“But I want to live with Daddy. It’s just not fair. I didn’t ever do anything to make him mad, why can’t I go with him?” Tracey began to fight the sudden wave of tears that hit her. She had been afraid that they would take this personally.
“No baby. This has nothing to do with you or your sister. This is just between your Daddy and me. It’s nothing that either of you have done, so don’t you dare feel that way.”
“But Mommy, if Daddy still loves us, then why isn’t he here? Why isn’t he telling us about all this instead of just you?” Bella asked. She was always sharp and to the point, but Tracey hadn’t really thought that either of them would see it this way. She wanted to tell them herself, alone, because she thought it would be easier on them, and on Jack. But suddenly she found that she was second guessing herself.
“I felt that it would be best for all of us, sweety.” She said as finally the tears began to flood out of her. Shocked by the sudden onslaught of tears, Bella looked from her mother to Brandon. She leapt from her chair and went to comfort her mother. Seconds passed as Brandon sat quietly, and then decided to join his sister. He knew that she was usually right, and he too comforted his mother. Tracey hugged them both as hard as she could, and knew that somehow, someday, everything would be all right. It just had to.
Chapter 7
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