One thing I’ve learned over the years is that while I might stand out in public because of the way I look, it’s exactly the opposite in the hunting world. A lot of the guests we take duck-hunting show up clean-shaven. They look completely out of place. I mean, they almost look like freaks in the blind because everything else (and everyone else) is rough and dirty. Of course, left alone they wouldn’t shoot as many ducks as we do, because their faces look like a full moon and the sun reflects off their mugs like a tin roof. That’s the easiest way to spook ducks. By the end of the hunt, our guests are almost embarrassed about the way they look, which they should be. To me, if you shave, you’re not using the resources that God gave you as a provider. You’re just not using your head.
Now, I was a bit of a late bloomer when it came to growing a beard. Heck, I was a late bloomer when it came to growing. If you looked at pictures of me in a yearbook from elementary or middle school, you probably wouldn’t think it was me because I was so short. But then between my junior and senior years of high school, I grew from five feet tall to six one. My facial hair quickly followed.
I shaved most days before school, but I wouldn’t shave during the holidays, when it was also duck-hunting season. After I married my wife, Missy, I only kept my beard during hunting season. Hunting was kind of a crisis for her during the early days of our marriage because I was gone every day for about three months straight. So I let my beard grow throughout hunting season, and then on the last day of the season, I would shave my beard completely off. It was kind of a peace offering to Missy for enduring the previous three months.
For whatever reason, Missy is the only Robertson wife who doesn’t like beards. Willie’s wife, Korie; Jep’s wife, Jessica; and Alan’s wife, Lisa, all love my brothers’ beards, and I’m pretty sure my mom, Kay, couldn’t imagine Phil without a beard because he has worn one for so long. But Missy is consistent in her distaste for facial hair. I hoped that one day my beard would, ahem, grow on her, but it hasn’t. Missy once tried to get me to shave by threatening not to shave her legs or under her arms. It actually worked once, but the next time I decided to call her bluff and, well, she was bluffing.
My tradition of shaving on the final day of hunting season lasted until Duck Dynasty started. Now I keep the beard year-round because we’re filming episodes all the time. The last time I completely shaved my face, my daughter, Mia, was about five years old. I had to go to the barbershop to get my beard shaved off because it was so thick and long. When I walked in, the look on the barber’s face was priceless. We both knew I was fixing to get my money’s worth. When I came home, I walked in the door and Mia started crying. She even took off running! She didn’t know who I was! She wouldn’t speak to me for about a week out of fear. Finally, she realized it really was me. That was the last time my face was ever completely smooth.
Like most things in my life, there’s also a spiritual side to my beard. Look at John the Baptist, one of the most important people in the New Testament. According to Matthew 3:4, “John’s clothes were made of camel’s hair, and he had a leather belt around his waist. His food was locusts and wild honey.” He baptized Jesus, who was God in human body, despite his appearance being that of a deranged vagrant. When I try to visualize John the Baptist, I see a bearded hunter who had to have some sort of weaponry to function in the wild. I would also assume he dipped the locusts in wild honey before he ate them. Based on what I read in the Bible about John the Baptist, I actually tried to eat a locust once, but it tasted terrible, which gave me the idea that John the Baptist probably dipped them in honey first. Then again, almost everything tastes good with honey.
What I realized is that God used a bearded, animal-skin-wearing, locust-eating wild man to prepare the way for His Son’s ministry to the people of the earth. But John the Baptist didn’t look religious in any way. God told Samuel in 1 Samuel 16:7, “Man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.” It is the heart of a man that counts; the beard, in my opinion, is the exclamation point. If you believe a man’s heart is right and his spiritual qualities are good, why would you judge him based on how much he shaves his face? As it says in Matthew 7:15, “Watch out for false prophets. They come to you in sheep’s clothing, but inwardly they are ferocious wolves.” After I thought about that, I decided I would rather be a sheep in wolves’ clothing than vice versa, you know?
I think the fact my brothers and I look so different from everyone else has helped us learn to accept others for who they are. Phil and Kay have always believed that judging a person by his or her outward appearance is ridiculous. In other words, they taught my brothers and me that you shouldn’t judge a book by its cover. We were taught that, regardless of a person’s skin color, clothes, or facial hair, God made every one of us from the same stuff. Acts 17:26–27 says: “From one man he made every nation of men, that they should inhabit the whole earth; and he determined the times set for them and the exact places where they should live. God did this so that men would . . . find him.” If God made the first man from dust and the first woman from a rib, it’s not hard for me to believe He could individually knit us together in our mother’s womb. We are made on purpose, for a purpose, and that makes each individual a masterpiece created by an almighty God.
Everyone is made in the image of God, which means that we are not junk, mistakes, or accidents. This also causes us to realize that life is a gift. We did not choose our existence, and there is no one on earth who is exactly like any one of us. Therefore, I won’t judge another person by his or her external appearance. Over the years, I’ve learned that there is a lot more to having a meaningful life than outward appearance, how much money you have, or whether you’re famous or not. I’m not into those materialistic things. It’s nice having the blessings of a successful business and popular TV show, but that’s never been our motivation in doing what we’ve done. In my opinion, fame is not about being recognized; it’s about recognizing that the God who made you makes us all famous.
Here’s the last thing you need to know about my beard: if my life ever gets too chaotic from the popularity of Duck Dynasty, my beard will be the first thing to go. In the back of my mind, I have comfort knowing that if I ever become too recognizable, I only have to shave my beard to become anonymous. Not many people outside of West Monroe, Louisiana, would know me without a beard. I think there are a few photos of me without a beard floating around the Internet, but I’m confident I’d be largely unrecognizable with a smooth face. It might sound kind of ironic, because a lot of people grow a beard or wear a fake one for a disguise, but I’m the exact opposite. Shaving is my exit strategy, and it might end up being what ultimately keeps me sane.
With or without a beard, I know I’ll be the same guy. I learned a long time ago that it’s what’s in my heart that matters most.
12
CAMOUFLAGE
BECOMING ONE WITH THE HABITAT
They exchanged the truth of God for a lie, and worshiped and served created things rather than the Creator—who is forever praised. Amen.
—ROMANS 1:25
John 3:16 is the most quoted and recognized passage of scripture from the Bible in the world, and rightfully so. That was the first verse I was able to quote from memory, and it is a great summary of the whole Bible. The Robertson family became enamored with another passage of scripture in the Bible, and it is found in Genesis 9:2–3. As hunters who live off the land, my family and I have not only repeatedly discussed these words from God but we also cherish the verses to this day.
Basically, God declared to Noah and his family that there would be five food groups on earth—everything that walks, flies, crawls, swims, or grows. Up until the time of the great flood, people ate only things that grew from the ground. But after the flood, God said, “The fear and dread of you will fall upon all the beasts of the earth, and all the birds of the air, upon every creature that moves along the ground, and upon all the fish of the sea; they are given into your hands. Everything that lives and moves wil
l be food for you. Just as I gave you the green plants, I now give you everything.” This scripture is the birthplace of hunting, and it forever changed the menu of mankind for the better.
In Genesis 9:2–3, God sanctioned the pursuit of animals for food, and those verses are a centerpiece of many of the speeches I have given over the years. Before God spoke to Noah, animals were evidently not considered wild and existed in total harmony with humans. He put fear and dread into animals toward humans, and the chase began. If God hadn’t permitted us to pursue animals, humans would have been left to eat broccoli, celery, and the dreaded “mallow dogs”—a row of marshmallows in a hot dog bun, which makes a poor substitute for the real thing—instead of enjoying gumbo and shish kebabs. A by-product of the new regimen was the need for camouflage.
I have always had a passion for the outdoors and especially things that fly. Part of being successful in life is figuring out what you’re good at. My hunting and fishing abilities are God-given talents, and I view them as a blessing. My choice of livelihood was not an accident. The love I have for making duck calls and hunting has never been about making money and is certainly not an act for television. They’re my passion and they give me great joy. I don’t consider myself an expert by any means, but I have always felt more comfortable in the woods than any other place on the planet.
Over the years, I’ve figured out that two of the biggest mistakes duck hunters make are choosing a poor position for their duck blinds and not properly camouflaging themselves from the ducks. It seems like every duck season, I’ll get at least one call at Duck Commander from a hunter somewhere in the world. The guy usually tells me, “Hey, I love your duck calls. They grab the ducks’ attention like nothing else, but they will not finish in my decoys. For some reason, the ducks always land two hundred yards from my blind. Do I need another type of duck call?”
“Hey, save your money,” I tell him. “You need to move your duck blind two hundred yards to the other side of the lake! It’s not about the duck call. You’re in the wrong spot, buddy.”
My boss and brother, Willie, is not fond of my advice because it doesn’t promote the sale of duck calls. I remember being reprimanded by him at a trade show about another response I gave to a potential customer. The guy asked me what the difference was between a forty-dollar duck call and one that cost one hundred and forty. My response was, “About a hundred dollars.” Obviously, Willie didn’t like my answer, even if I was only trying to be honest.
Look, duck calls are very important in duck hunting. There’s a reason Duck Commander sells tens of thousands of them every year. If you don’t blow on a duck call, the ducks tend to shy away from decoys because it’s not natural for live ducks to sit in silence. We work really hard to ensure that every one of our duck calls sounds exactly like an actual duck. However, scouting the best spot and being camouflaged are way more important to being a successful duck hunter. Uncle Si is one of the few people I know who believes there is a magic sound that hypnotizes, mesmerizes, and paralyzes a duck—no matter where you are or how exposed you are. He believes you can control a duck’s mind with the right sound. But what Uncle Si doesn’t understand is that every day is different in the duck blind, depending on the weather, food source, and migration pattern. In the grand scheme of duck hunting, there are a lot of things that are more important than duck calls. People think duck calls have way too much power. (Now Willie is really going to be angry with me!)
I don’t have any duck calls that I view as special or my favorites, because one of the keys to being a successful hunter is being able to try new approaches when your original plan is not working. The most vital aspect of duck calling is matching the type of call to the species you’re calling. Most people use mallard hen calls for all species of ducks, which is not very smart. Of course, if you match the right call with the right species, you also have to match the decoys to the sounds you’re making to have maximum success. I’ll spend all summer building various duck calls and then as soon as the season opens, I’ll break open a couple of packages and put new calls on my lanyard. I pick the duck calls that match the species that I have seen in our area. I feel like if I’m not building duck calls that I would use, then why am I building them?
What I’ve learned after nearly four decades in the woods and swamps is that if you don’t camouflage your face, body, and gun, you’re never going to get ducks in close to you. Wild animals are going to fly away or take off running as soon as they see you. I guess God wasn’t kidding way back there in Genesis! The more you’re around ducks and study their movements and sounds, the more you understand their behavior. After a while, you begin to act and sound like the ducks, and then they’ll fly right to you. If you sound like them and move like them, you won’t stand out like a human. Hey, it’s one of the reasons we don’t shower very much during hunting season. If you smell like Irish Spring soap and Suave shampoo, your scent is going to stick out like a skunk in the woods. But if you smell and look like the swamp and woods, the animals won’t view you as a threat even if they see you.
I have been asked a lot of crazy questions about ducks through the years. Here are a few of them:
1. Does a mallard hen’s quack echo? No! In spite of assertions that the apparent lack of echo from a mallard hen is an auditory illusion, I contend that God created the mallard sound so that it doesn’t echo—all this for the long-term protection against predators, and maybe to make scientists scratch their heads. I actually invented a call named “Brown Sugar” that doesn’t echo. Scientific evidence has proved that some ducks’ quacks do indeed echo, but not the mallard hen’s.
2. How many feathers does a typical adult mallard have? Around ten thousand. They make comfy pillows.
3. Do ducks cross-breed with other species of ducks? Yes, although it’s rare. If they cross-breed, their offspring are dubbed “mule ducks,” and they cannot reproduce. I have personally shot a mule duck that was a cross between a pintail and a mallard. I have seen many other combinations. Another interesting and noble fact about ducks is that they’re monogamous during breeding season!
4. Can ducks smell humans? In my opinion, yes!
Most of my conclusions are based on my own experiences in the duck blind. We took a hunting trip in West Texas, and the first morning we had ducks pouring into our duck hole. We had ducks come into our decoys and just sit there while we tried to get bigger bunches to join them. During the hunt, we noted that not a single duck got up from the water until we started shooting at them. When we went back the next day, the exact opposite happened. The ducks wouldn’t sit in the decoys but a few seconds before they got up without incident and flew away. After a lengthy discussion, we deduced the only change from the previous day was the direction the wind was blowing. The day the ducks sat in our decoys, the wind was blowing in our face from where the ducks were sitting. The second day, the wind was at our backs blowing right toward the ducks. We concluded that the ducks sensed our presence because of our odor.
I’ve become so adept at concealing myself in the woods that my buddies dubbed me the “Stilker” several years ago. The term was meant to be a combination of “stalker” and “slipper” in the wild. I’ve learned to adapt to being in the wild and bring back a lot of game by simply “stilking” through the woods. I can walk within a few feet of deer and turkeys because I don’t stand out like a human in the woods. Animals are curious, especially if they don’t know what you are. When I go slipping through the woods, I notice more animals when I look for things that are out of place, instead of the animals themselves.
One day Mike Williams and I were in the woods cutting firewood, and I saw what I believed was a squirrel’s ear protruding above some limbs in the fork of a tree. Mike thought I was mistaken, and we began to argue about it. As most redneck arguments go, it resulted in a friendly wager. I grabbed my gun out of the truck and shot through the branch where I thought the rest of the squirrel was sitting. The branch I shot through fell to the ground, and Mike immedia
tely demanded payment and began cackling and ridiculing me. A few seconds later, we heard more limbs breaking and the dead squirrel crashed to the ground.
Camouflaging yourself is probably the most important part of duck hunting. Sometimes, we’re so concealed that we’re in danger! Several years ago, during the season split in Louisiana, we went duck-hunting on the Platte River in Nebraska. We were there for three days and shot a few mallards each day. The scenic beauty of the place made up for the small quantity of ducks we shot. Like a lot of other road trips, we went up and down the river, looking for signs of ducks. Once we found a spot, we moved in before daylight, built a temporary blind, and put out our decoy spread. Then we positioned our cameramen to best capture the action and concealed them as much as possible. On the last day of our trip, we set up on a high bluff on the river, which made it feel like we were hunting out of a blind in a twenty-foot-tall tree. We shot a few ducks early in the morning, but then the action really slowed down. We were blowing our duck calls every few minutes, but we were pretty quiet as we waited for the midmorning mallards to make their move.
Suddenly, I caught a glimpse of something moving behind me. When I turned, I saw two coyotes standing in an ambush position. They were watching my brother Jep, who was working as our cameraman and was positioned to the right of us. The coyotes saw Jep moving, but because he was so camouflaged, they apparently didn’t realize he was a human. Our guide in Nebraska had warned us that he’d seen several coyotes jump from the top of the bluffs to the ducks below for a quick meal. The landowner was having a lot of problems with the coyotes, which were suspected of killing some of his farm animals. He even feared a few of them might have rabies. Evidently, the coyotes heard us blowing our duck calls and believed we were actual ducks. Now they were ready for their next meal. We had accidentally called in two predators using our duck calls and in essence became the hunted instead of the hunters!
Good Call: Reflections on Faith, Family, and Fowl Page 15
