But when they were head to head, whether they were messing around fighting in the basement or playing one-on-one basketball, they could go at each other like enemies. Really, at times like that, from the outside a person wouldn’t guess they were friends.
Erin figured that was normal best-friend stuff for guys, and a little voice inside told her that she shouldn’t be going tonight, that this should be their thing and she didn’t have a part of it.
But the plan was made. Everyone would probably think she was being petulant if she begged off. And anyway, she was bored, she didn’t want to hang around this stupid house a minute longer than she had to.
She went downstairs and put on a down jacket to fight the cold, then opened the front door and waited for the swing of Nate’s headlights at the end of the road. By now she knew the sound of his engine and was usually out the door before he had the chance to be gentlemanly and get out of the car to go to the door for her. Of course, it had been a while since he’d done that anyway.
Tonight was no exception. “’Bye!” she called to whatever parent might be listening, and closed the heavy door behind her. She ran through the cold, damp grass of the front yard to his car.
When she opened the passenger door, the dome lights came on and she saw David Rutley in the passenger seat.
Ugh. Not again. She frowned.
David understood. He knew he drove her crazy. “You can sit next to me.” He gave the bench seat next to him an obnoxious tap. Did he seriously think she was just going to climb on in and sit on his hand while he slobbered filthy things in her ear with Nate sitting next to them?
Somehow, Nate never seemed to notice how David did this kind of weird stuff. Once he’d slapped her butt, another time he’d spent about half an hour saying how he’d like to trade places with Nate when she was leaning against him on a sofa at a party, but Nate didn’t appear to take this as an affront at all. It was like he didn’t even hear it, but he had to have. He just didn’t care. Didn’t take it seriously.
Well, she didn’t like it. So, David sitting in her seat, telling her she could sit next to him and be groped all night?
No way.
“Get in the back,” she said. Okay, technically it wasn’t her car, but she had come to think of that as her seat.
“No.”
She looked to Nate for help, but he just shook his head in a way she knew meant, Deal with it yourself.
“David, seriously,” she insisted. “Move.”
“Forget it, Erin. I don’t want to look like I’m being chauffeured—”
“David, get in back,” Nate said quietly.
Then, as if touched with a cattle prod, David scrambled over the seat, muttering something like, “Fine. Whatever.”
Erin got in the car and sat next to Nate. Something was wrong. She didn’t understand why he let David spar with her.
“What’s with you?” she asked.
“Nothing.”
She sighed and looked out the window as they drove. He was like this lately—distant, preoccupied.
Maybe the weather was getting to him too.
By the time they got to the theater, the air was thick with a slow drizzle of cold rain. Todd was there with his brother and two other guys he went to school with.
Suddenly Erin felt ill at ease.
She was tired of guys, tired of always being the only girl in the group, tired of the whole damn group always being there. It seemed like she and Nate never went anywhere without David these days. That wasn’t what dating at this age was supposed to be! She was too young just to be taken for granted this way.
What happened to the whole idea of the boy asking the girl out on a date, picking her up, maybe with flowers, and taking her to dinner and a movie alone? Okay, maybe the flowers would be a bit much, but she wouldn’t mind the occasional romantic date.
They’d rarely had that. When they’d first started dating, he didn’t have a car. By the time he’d gotten a car, they’d been dating long enough that he no longer had to impress her. And she loved him deeply, she really did—she was going to be with him for the rest of her life, she knew it—but she wanted to have memories of dating like a teenager, not hanging out with a bunch of guys while the rest of her friends had actual dates.
“Hey,” Todd said, looking her up and down appreciatively when she approached. “Looking good, Erin.” His breath smelled faintly of alcohol.
She flushed. She couldn’t help it. It was flattering when a guy that good-looking complimented her. “Shut up.”
“I’m serious.” He looked at her with those amber eyes. His best feature. Along with that mouth. “If I had a girl like you here, I wouldn’t be leaving.”
She smiled. “That would be a pretty stupid reason to stay and not get a good job, don’t you think?”
“I dunno. Could be worth it to stick around for a pretty face.”
She hoped Nate was hearing this. It would be nice for him to get the idea that other guys might find her desirable, since he didn’t seem to think about it anymore. “Well, you’ve got a pretty face, Todd,” she said coyly. Of course, he knew that.
“Not as pretty as yours.”
She gave a light laugh, again hoping it might raise at least a tiny bit of jealousy—or at least notice—in Nate. “You’re ridiculous.”
Maybe it did. Nate joined them and Todd knocked him in the arm. “Thanks for coming, man.”
Nate’s gaze shifted from Todd to Erin and back. “No problem. Won’t be the same without you around here.” The words were nice, but his voice was a monotone.
God, he couldn’t even liven up for his friends! What was his deal? If she kissed Todd square on the lips, Nate would probably just yawn.
They bought their tickets and went in. Unsurprisingly, the theater was practically empty—there were not a lot of Bruce Lee fans in the area, and even fewer who were willing to brave the gross weather—so they didn’t have any problem finding seats together.
Erin sat with Nate on one side and Todd on the other.
Throughout the movie, Todd made asides that only she could hear, and each time she laughed she glanced over at Nate’s stony profile. He didn’t even appear to notice. It was like he’d lost all interest in her; she might as well be a piece of old furniture.
It only served to accentuate how amusing and easygoing Todd was. Not that she wanted to trade Nate in; she couldn’t see being without him. She just wanted him to be a little more fun, like he used to be. How could it be that his best friend in the world was so relaxed and easy and he was so stony and cold?
When the movie finally ended, and after they’d waited a few minutes to see if there was going to be a surprise double feature, they got up to leave. When Nate stepped away for a moment, Todd whispered to Erin, “What’s your number?”
She was flattered. It had been a long time since she’d felt flattered by a guy. “Ask Nate,” she said flippantly.
Todd groaned. “Give me a break. I just want to talk. Write your number down. It’s harmless.”
She looked him in the eye, then, with a small smile, reached into her purse and dug out a receipt from earlier. On the back of it, she wrote her number, adding for emergency use only, and handed it over to him.
He pocketed it subtly, not looking first.
“Let’s go,” Nate said, appearing out of nowhere.
“Where?” she asked. Now that she was out, she wanted to have fun. Pizza, maybe. Someplace with pool tables.
“Home.”
“Are you serious?”
He shrugged and looked her in the eye. “Yeah.”
“Let’s go to Georgetown!” David suggested.
Still looking at Erin, Nate said, “I’m tired.”
“Fine,” she said crisply. She couldn’t believe what a jerk he was being. How little fun he was these days. “Then drop me off first.”
“David’s is on the way.”
“I don’t care.” This was becoming a standoff. “I want to go home.” If sh
e had to stay with this ice sculpture of Nate and that dimwit David one second longer than necessary, she’d scream.
“I’m going with Todd,” David said, joining the others as they retreated. “Don’t worry about me.”
As frigid as it was outside, the atmosphere inside the car was even colder. Nate didn’t say a word on the drive, and even though he was only a couple of feet away it felt like there was a huge chasm between them.
Erin pushed a tape into the tape deck and sang loudly along, not looking at Nate the entire time. It was hard to focus on the moving wet landscape outside for the entire twenty-minute drive, but she did it.
When he pulled up outside her house he turned off the tape.
Finally she looked at him. “What is going on with you?”
There was a long hesitation before he said, “I’ve just got some things on my mind.”
“So you admit you’re acting like an asshole?”
“I’m tired.”
“Since when can you not talk to me? You know ‘I’m tired’ isn’t the true answer.”
“It’s my answer.”
She wanted to shake him. “Don’t do this, Nate.”
He looked straight ahead, didn’t even glance at her. “I’m not doing anything.”
“You’re going to push me away until we can’t get back,” she threatened. Her heart was pounding. “Is that what you want? Do you want to break up?”
A muscle ticked in his jaw, but he didn’t answer.
She waited for a moment, something plummeting in her chest with every moment that he didn’t say anything. Was this really it? Was it really going to end this way?
Was he really going to let it?
It sure looked that way.
“Fine!” she yelled, suddenly irrationally angry. “Have it your way.” She pushed the passenger door open, stepped into a freezing puddle, then slammed the door behind her. She huffed up to the house without even bothering to look back.
And he apparently didn’t even bother to wait and make sure she got in all right, because she heard him peel out and drive away.
* * *
Two hours later, her phone rang. Her heart leapt, hoping it was Nate. Maybe he’d thought about how cold he’d been with her, maybe he was going to apologize, maybe he was going to come over in the middle of the night to reassure her that he loved her, the way she’d done for him that one time. Her anger had already melted, leaving a little pool of fear and heartache behind, but if this was him, and if they could just make it past this one hurdle, she was sure they would never fight again.
But it wasn’t Nate.
It was Todd. He was drunk.
Erin’s disappointment was enormous.
“Are you alone?” he asked.
He couldn’t charm her now. “I told you not to call unless it was an emergency.”
“’Sun emergency.” His words were mushing together ever so slightly. “I might not get another chance.”
She gave a dry laugh. “You don’t have a chance now.”
“Are you alone?” he asked again.
“Yes.” She sighed. She was totally alone. Utterly, completely alone. “Why?”
“I’m coming over.”
She looked at the clock. “It’s after one in the morning!”
“So what? Are you going to deny a guy one little request before he goes off and leaves home?”
She laughed. “You’re hardly going to a war zone.”
“I’m on my way,” he said.
“No,” she protested feebly. “Don’t come.” But she was awake now, and angsty, and he had already hung up anyway.
There was nothing she could do to stop him now, so she got up and put on makeup again so she’d at least look good rejecting him. Twenty minutes later she was downstairs when there was a faint knock at the door. She hurried over and opened it as quietly as she could.
Todd was standing under the front porch light, smiling stupidly. No one else was around.
“Did you drive yourself here?” she asked incredulously.
He held up the keys. “Yup.”
“Brilliant.” She opened the door. “Come in. Want some coffee?” She didn’t know how to make coffee, much less do it silently in the kitchen so it didn’t wake up her parents, but she’d give it a try.
“No way, it might kill my buzz.”
“That’s the idea.”
“I’m kidding.” He leaned on her. “I’m not that buzzed. I was sober enough to call your number, wasn’t I?”
“That’s true.” This didn’t feel right. Without Nate here she felt a little bit out of her element.
But her element had grown pretty tiresome lately.
“Come up,” she said, going to the stairs. “But be quiet.” She led him to her room, flipped on the light, and sat down on the bed. “So what do you want?”
“What’s going on with you and Nate?”
Did he know something she didn’t? “Nothing. Why?”
He shrugged. “I don’t know why he doesn’t treat you better.”
It was a classic woo-the-girl line, and they both knew it. She rolled her eyes. “You don’t know how he treats me.”
Todd sat down on the bed next to her and leaned his head against the wall. “I know he doesn’t treat you like he wants to keep you.”
She felt embarrassed. Was that everyone’s perception? That she was some dumb girl in a relationship that was abusive on some level? “I don’t want to talk about that,” she said, hoping to sound breezy and unconcerned. But she doubted she was fooling him.
“He’s kind of cold.”
Exactly. Exactly her thoughts. But the bad thing was that he’d known Nate way longer than she had. In many ways, he knew him better. Maybe he knew, with certainty, things she could only fear.
“He’s not, though,” she said. Not usually.
He turned to her and touched her face. “You’re really pretty, you know that?”
Heat rose in her cheeks. “Give me a break.”
“I mean it.” He touched her hair. “Really, really pretty.”
She wished Nate could hear him. Maybe then he’d appreciate her a little more. Except that, of course, she didn’t wish Nate could hear him since this looked bad, her sitting on her bed in her room with a friend of his at one thirty in the morning.
A friend who was suddenly kissing her.
Everything about it felt wrong. Foreign. He wasn’t Nate. And she liked kissing Nate. This was just … weird.
She pushed him away. “Don’t.”
Her heart suddenly felt broken. She couldn’t undo this. It had happened, even for a few confused seconds, and now she felt like she’d stepped off a cliff and was sinking through the air. She knew exactly how much it would hurt to hit bottom, but she couldn’t stop it.
“Come on. No one will ever know.” He leaned in to her again.
She pushed back again, harder. “There’s nothing to know. There will never be anything to know. I don’t want to do this.”
“It’s not like you’re married or something.”
“I don’t want to be with you,” she said, and she meant it completely. “So leave me alone.”
This was insane! This was really stupid. But on the other hand, she couldn’t put him in his car and have him drive away in this condition. Last year their friend Hank had been killed on his way home from having a few drinks when he hit a tree. There was no way Erin was taking a chance on being responsible for something like that. And there was no one she could call to pick him up.
So she was stuck with him, at least for a little while, until he sobered up some.
But now it felt tainted. It felt wrong. He was practically a stranger, the only thing that made him anything closer than that was the fact that he was Nate’s friend, so he had no business being here with Nate’s girlfriend.
And she had no business being here with Nate’s friend, especially now that he was all over her.
It wasn’t like Nate’s friends hadn’t been
over before when he wasn’t. It wasn’t even like they hadn’t sat on the bed with her and talked. It wasn’t even as if they’d never made passes at her, but something about tonight felt like it had crossed a line.
She wanted him to leave, but she didn’t want to be responsible for an accident, so she let him stay a while, just to talk. To sober up. Of course, Todd kept leaning toward her, heaving hot, alcohol-laden breath in her face and trying to kiss her again.
Repeatedly she pushed him away, but she couldn’t bring herself to make him leave because he hadn’t sobered up enough.
Finally, she picked up a baseball bat that she had leaning against the wall next to the bed—a silly precaution she’d taken when she got nervous in the house alone a few nights ago—and laid it between them as a boundary.
“Don’t cross this,” she said, completely straight-faced. “That’s the rule.”
He put his hands up in surrender. “Okay, I get it.”
“I mean it.”
“Yes, ma’am.”
“I’m not afraid to hit you in the balls with it.”
He must have seen then that she meant it. Once he stopped making passes, they actually had a pretty good talk. He confided that he was nervous about leaving everything he ever knew and acknowledged that Erin wasn’t available but that he wanted a girlfriend to write to. Someone to make him feel like he had a purpose other than working. Then he said again, with sincerity, that he thought Nate was a fool for not treasuring her more.
But the thing was, even though Nate wasn’t being what you’d call warm and fuzzy these days, she was really pretty sure he did treasure her. Maybe it wasn’t fair to expect him to shoulder all the weight of romancing her at this point—maybe she just needed to accept that their relationship was already two years old and just wasn’t going to have that new car smell anymore. But what did she really want? The excitement of a new relationship, or to be the lucky one who found her soul mate at fifteen and got to spend her whole, long life with him?
Always Something There to Remind Me Page 15
