“He’s my contact, Kat. Did you think you were going to go to Miami and take credit for an account I was working on?” she says with both palms placed flatly on the desk, her body leaning toward me. “Bet you also didn’t realize he is Gabriel’s big client.”
Gabriel’s client? I would know that, wouldn’t I?
Malory lets out a wicked laugh. “Keep your friends close and your enemies closer.”
My feet are on the concrete pavement of New York in less than five minutes, and the dark skies are peaceful compared to the world I just left behind. I open my iPhone and close the digital recorder app. I send the file to Asher and hope he’ll see Malory for what she’s worth. And if he doesn’t, then it looks like I lost another friend.
Seems like I’m losing a lot these days.
The last five days have been quiet torture. I can’t call Gabriel. I know he’ll just hang up. I can’t email. I know he’ll delete it.
Gwen has been on the phone with Gabriel many times over the last few days. I know this because she scurries into the other room, whispering into the receiver. It doesn’t surprise me. Gabriel needs to know how Jackson is doing. It’s probably killing him to have gone days without seeing the baby. That’s why I suggested Gabriel come to the house after work while I make myself scarce. It’s the least I can do.
I’ve spent my time holed up in the house, feeling sorry for myself. Gwen gives me my space while I process everything that happened. On Monday night, she watched Jackson while I cried myself to sleep. Tuesday, she kept a safe distance while I camped out in the living room with Jackson and watched him build blocks up high and we knocked them straight down. On Wednesday night, she made us two cups of coffee and listened while I told her the story from the very beginning. The last two days, she’s offered me time to reflect.
Today, I have to get out. I started the day with a brisk walk. Jackson and I both enjoyed the fresh air as I whipped out the baby jogger. Then we took a walk to the grocery store in town and started to get a routine back in our lives. It was reminiscent to our lives mere months ago. It seems like an eternity has passed.
As the clock struck closer to Gabriel’s arrival time, I borrowed Gwen’s car and started west. I didn’t know exactly where I planned to go, and traffic was moving so I just kept with the flow. I stop the car in a deserted parking lot overlooking the Long Island Sound.
To my left is the marina. Everything from grand sixty-foot yachts to motorboats and small fishing vessels line the docks. I love looking at the boats, especially the ones drifting in the harbor, waiting to be taken to some exotic destination.
Sailboats.
“Where are we going?” I asked with blindfolded eyes.
Gabe was in the driver’s seat of his Mustang. It was old and made a lot of noise, such a boy car.
“I’m taking you somewhere very important to me. Someplace I want to share with you.” His warm hand grabbed mine and raised it to his lips before falling onto his lap.
In the six months we’d known each other, we’d become inseparable. He waited for me after each class and carried my books everywhere we went. Most of his classes were early in the morning, so he was done before I even began. He even resorted to sitting with me during lunch, twirling my hair in his hands as I told him stories about my childhood and growing up with my dad in the Majors. He was a big Marlins fan and went to quite a few games with his dad.
I felt the car slow down. Gabe let go of my hand as he used two hands to pull into a spot. I heard him get out and close the door behind him. Shortly, my door opened and Gabe’s hand was in mine again, escorting me out of the car.
“Now will you tell me where we are?” I begged. The air was finally warm after months of the autumn chill and winter winds.
“If there is one thing you must know about me, it’s that I love surprises. Consider this the first of many.”
“So that’s a no?” I teased.
“Patience, baby. We’re almost there.” He gently guided me along the walkway. I didn’t know where I was, but I could smell the saltwater and hear seagulls. We were by the water, but where?
We walked a few more feet and stopped. Gabe braced me with both arms. I thought he was going to take the blindfold off. Instead, I felt warm, wet lips on mine. Lips I’d become very familiar with.
When he pulled away, he also took the blindfold off. First, my eyes fixed on his beautiful navy blues. But then they drifted to a different sea of blue. We were at Baltimore’s Inner Harbor.
“Are we going fishing?” I frowned at the idea. I wasn’t much of a sit still, be quiet, and wait for a fish to come type of girl.
“No, we’re going sailing!” His Robert Redford grin turned into a glorious smile. This was definitely something he enjoyed.
“Sailing?” I was impressed.
“It’s my first love.” Gabe pulled my hand and walked me over to, what I later learned, was a 1983 Catalina 25 Swing Keel. Gabe had sailing paraphernalia around his apartment. He mentioned he loved to sail, but this was taking it to a whole new level.
“I had to mow a lot of lawns to afford her.” He stepped onboard and held out a hand for me to join. “I just repainted the hull and the wood has been redone.” His eyes were reflected in the sapphire sail. He was beaming with pride.
“She’s beautiful. What’s her name?” I took a seat on the white leather cushion.
“Breaking Wind.” He cringed a little at the name. “She came with the name, and it’s bad luck to rename a boat.”
I laughed for a solid five minutes. He joined in after about two.
Gabe produced a white plastic bag I hadn’t noticed before. He must have carried it from the car. There was a brown bag inside, a yellow smiley face on the outside. Gabe noticed me eyeing up the bag and explained, “Chinese. You do like Chinese, don’t you?”
Chinese takeout on a sailboat didn’t sound right, but I nodded anyway. “And what would happen if I told you I didn’t like Chinese?”
“Then I’d say I just found your one flaw.”
I laughed and sat back watching him as the wind blew through his hair. His white windbreaker danced in the breeze as we left the dock and started toward the open water.
“So tell me, Gabriel Monroe. Why does a boy from sunny Florida who loves to sail want to go to New York and become a lawyer?”
Gabe’s eyebrows caved in as he took a moment to think about his answer. “I guess because I want more out of life than my parents were able to give me. They struggled, a lot. I don’t want that for my future family.”
Family. You never heard a guy talk about family. It was usually taboo.
“Why New York?”
“I got into NYU Law. Figured I go there for a few years and then head back home.” He turned his gaze from the ocean and back to me. “But I met this great girl from there so, if all goes well, I might stick around.”
I loved that he was already thinking of a future with me. I crawled over to him and took a seat beside him. Gabe’s arm swung around my back and he pulled me in.
“I’d like that.” I kissed him on the neck. “I’d like that a lot.”
“Okay, twenty questions. Me first. Favorite food?” he asked with his fingers twirling in my hair.
“Pizza. My turn. Favorite candy?”
“You.” He smiled and placed a tender kiss on my lips. “And Skittles. Favorite movie?”
“Field of Dreams.” It was my dad’s favorite.
“Me too! That and Braveheart. It’s a guy thing.”
It was his turn to ask a question again. “Worst trait?”
I had to think on that for a second. “Being complacent. When I get mad, I do this weird breathing thing. It works, but sometimes I worry I let things that bother me roll off my shoulders too easily. I wish I were more headstrong. Like you.”
Gabe laughed and shook his head. “That’s not your tell.”
I sat back and squinted my eyes at him. “What do you mean?”
“I can always tell when
you’re angry or embarrassed or confused or, better yet, turned on…”
I hit his side. “Okay, I get it. I have a tell. What is it?”
Gabe raised a hand and messaged my earlobe. “Your ears turn red. It’s the cutest thing I’ve ever seen. Your ears turn various shades from this adorable pink to neon red. They give away every emotion you have.”
“What color are they now?”
“Pink. But I bet you I can make them turn red.” His Robert Redford grin crept across his face.
“You’re gonna try and get me mad?”
“I hope not.”
“Well, then, go ahead.”
Gabe brushed a piece of hair behind my ear and slowly stroked it with his thumb. His eyes looked straight into my soul.
“I love you. From the second I saw you on the steps, I knew you were my forever.”
His words were like poetry in my ears. The beautiful blue-eyed boy with dark wavy hair loved me.
“Your ears are very red, Kat.” Gabe’s eyes searched mine for a response. His brows furrowed and he took a cautious stance, waiting for a reaction.
“They’re also very hot,” I replied.
“What does that mean?”
“It means I love you too.” And I told him so, over and over again, in the confines of a small bed in the galley below.
Sailing in that little boat became a part of our romance. Gabriel even brought it to New York when he started law school. We took a few trips with it on the Long Island Sound, but as his career blossomed, Breaking Wind got neglected. He sold the boat shortly after we were married, and he hasn’t been sailing since.
God, I wish my dad were still alive. I wish I could talk to him just this once and ask him for advice. I want to know if he was as good a man as I thought he was. I want to know if he would have forgiven Gwen for her indiscretions. I want to know how I can right my wrongs.
The problem is I didn’t just wrong Gabriel. I hurt Asher. He trusted me to be his confidant while I held back from him. I let him bare his soul, yet I only gave him a facade of myself. I never let him into my world.
Unfortunately, I let other people into my world. I let Malory in, and look what she did. I don’t know what to do next, but I can’t stand still. I hate running but, for some reason, I feel compelled to move. My feet lift off the ground and I run the perimeter of the harbor until my heels hurt more than my heart, and I head home.
Gabriel’s car is gone when I return. I’m half relieved and half disappointed. I open the door to Gwen holding her finger over her mouth.
“Gabriel put Jackson to sleep before he left.” She places the baby monitor on the counter. I look at the black-and-white screen to see Jackson sleeping with his butt in the air. It’s the sweetest little position.
“Did you tell him he took his first steps?” Gabriel is probably devastated he missed it.
“I did, but I didn’t embellish. Jackson put on a little show for him. He took a few more steps with Gabriel than he has with us. I think he was holding out for his dad.” Gwen stalls for a second to make sure her words don’t hurt me too much.
“He is a daddy’s boy; that’s for sure. I hope he stays that way.” My words assure her. I walk to the fridge and sigh as I open the door.
“Tired, honey?” Gwen asks, still standing by the counter.
“No.” I scan the refrigerator. It’s freshly stocked, yet there’s nothing I want. “The opposite actually. I feel restless. I don’t know what to do with myself.”
Gwen walks beside me and closes the refrigerator door. “Why don’t you go to the batting cage? Take a few swings,” she suggests. “It will help get a little aggression out.”
She’s right. I felt good after my run, but I still have more energy in me to burn. I kiss Gwen on the cheek and head to the batting cage.
Imagine my shock to see I’m not the only one who had that idea.
I haven’t seen him look this free in a long time. Black T-shirt, jeans, and an old pair of Jordans. He looks a lot like this guy I once kissed at McCloon’s.
Crack!
I assume he’s picturing that to be my head. I walk toward the fence and stop just behind him. I’m safer behind the fence for more reasons than one.
His back is to me as he keeps his stance for the next ball to be launched. “I take it Gwen had the same great idea for more than one of us,” he says, bracing for his next swing.
Crack!
Oh, Gwen. My mother the meddler. She still hasn’t lost her touch. Gabriel must have seen me pull up.
“I suppose so. I’ll go. You were here first.” I try to appease him when I’m really longing for him to turn around. Please look at me.
Crack!
“No, stay. I’m almost done here,” he says, taking one last swing of the bat. He steps out of the box and removes the helmet. He replaces it with a baseball hat. I haven’t seen him wear one in so long. I smile at the memory. “What are you laughing about?”
Shit. I only make things worse. “I’m not laughing. I’m just remembering.” I look up into his navy blues. The fence between us does nothing to still my nerves. I just want to touch him.
His eyebrows rise, tempting me to share my thought.
“I was remembering our first date.” I have to speak quick or else he’ll walk away. “You brought me to a batting cage just like this one. You were terrible.” Crap. Maybe I shouldn’t have said that.
Gabriel pulls his hat lower over his face, but I can see his lips curl up on the ends.
“You’re right. I was trying to impress you. I didn’t know any other way.” He shakes his head. “Lots of good that did.” He bends down to collect his bag and opens the gate to the batting cage and heads to his car. “It’s all yours.”
“Gabe, wait.” I charge after him.
Gabriel turns around. “What do you want, Kat? Haven’t you done enough?” His face is hard and cold, not the sweet Gabriel I know.
“I’m sorry. I am so sorry for everything,” I plead. “I let other people and other voices get in my head. I know now there was nothing going on between you and Becca. I was so terribly wrong.”
His fist is clenched around his bag. The other points in my face. His body is radiating with tension. “You threw away ten years of happiness, five years of marriage!”
“I know. I’m sorry.” What’s the use? It’s over. I might as well just bare it all. “I felt so lost for a while. You were off every day, working this fancy job, and lately, you’ve been staying later and later.”
“You think I like my job? I do it for you and Jack.” He throws his arms up in the air. “I hate my fucking job! I hate every client, every deposition, every amendment and appeal. I hate it all.” His eyes are on fire. “But I do it for you. I do it to give you the life you deserve.” He spits on the ground. “Or at least the life I thought you deserved.”
“I don’t want this life, Gabe! I never asked for it.” How dare he blame me? “I hate it out here. I don’t fit in. This isn’t us. It never was.” I don’t even remember how we made our way out here. That’s when we lost each other. “If you’re not happy, Gabe, quit. I’d rather have a husband who’s happy and home than a miserable one.”
He balks at my response. “Because I’m miserable? Is that why you went to bed with the first man who gave you the time of day?”
“How dare you?” Now it was my turn to be angry. “At least he wanted to touch me. At least he wasn’t too tired to return my advances.” My words were like a slap to his face.
“You are a whore. It is all sex with you.”
“You know that’s a lie. Take it back!”
He doesn’t say a word.
Taking a deep breath, I hug my denim jacket to me and walk toward Gabriel’s car. I lean my head against the door and concede. “You’re right. You’re right,” I repeat.
His body stills. I think I see his shoulders relax a bit. We stand in silence. I want to say something, but I’m afraid if I breathe too loudly, he’ll move. After an ete
rnity, he finally speaks.
“How’s this for a cherry on top? Oswald Thompson is blackmailing me. Can you believe it? That fucking criminal is blackmailing me?” Gabriel hisses through his teeth, shaking his bead in disbelief. “I’ve been trying to get out of the case, but he said if I do, he’ll release those photos to the media.”
I turn into Gabriel, exasperated by what he’s telling me. “You don’t owe me anything.”
“I know I don’t.” His words are calm, yet they hit me like a slap in the face. “I owe it to Jack to not have his mother smeared across the tabloids.”
I close my eyes and breathe in deeply. I have made a mess of everything, yet Gabriel is still trying to protect our family. How could I have doubted him? It’s no surprise Malory is obsessed with him. He had to have known.
“Why didn’t you tell me about Malory?”
His mouth nearly drops at the mention of her name. “What did she tell you?”
“Basically that she’s in love with you and she fucked with my entire life to get her hands on you.” I can’t believe I was so blind.
“Kat, listen, there is something I have to tell you about that.” He places his hands on his head and squeezes his cap a little. “Damn, I was hoping I’d never have to tell you. I guess it doesn’t matter now.”
My interest is piqued. “What doesn’t matter?”
“I dated her when I first moved to the city.”
I blink back at his words. My Gabriel dated Malory? We were together when he moved to the city. He sees my concerned look and continues.
“You were still in school then, and I was young and dumb… One night at a bar, I was missing you so badly, and there she was. I was so stupid.”
My mouth goes dry. Despite what I have done, it hurts to think he betrayed me at a time when we were still drunk in-love. “How stupid were you?”
Gabriel is quick to answer; his hand rests on my arms in reassurance. “Nothing happened. It was just dinner. I broke it off after a few dates. She started harassing me after that. Always making comments and telling me she was available if you and I ever broke up. And for some reason I can’t figure out, you started working with her. What are the odds?” He takes a breath, relieved to be unloading this information.
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