by Kennedy Fox
I’m shocked. Speechless, actually. I open my mouth and close it, which causes Maize to laugh.
“All those years, he threatened every guy to stay away from you, and you never noticed he wasn’t interested in anyone else. He’s been waiting for you for years,” Maize tells me.
I adjust my ponytail. “I don’t know what to do, Maze. I have no idea. I feel completely lost even though he’s spilled his heart to me and told me how he feels. He wants us to be together forever and already talks about what our future will be. ”
She places her hand on my back. “Then what the hell are you waiting for? Sounds like everything you’ve ever wanted.”
I shrug and laugh as a tear falls down my cheek. “A sign?”
“If you’re looking for a sign, you found it. Here it is.” She places her palm over my racing heart. “You need to go for it so you don’t look back years from now and regret not being with a man who will treat you like the queen you are and worship the ground you walk on. Hell, he already does that,” Maize says matter-of-factly. “I’m actually quite jealous.” She smirks.
Before I can respond, my mother opens the door and steps outside. “Ready?”
“Yep, sure am.” I wipe my face and tuck my emotions back inside.
Maize gives me a big hug and whispers in my ear, “Follow your instincts. They’ll always lead you to where you’re supposed to go.”
I pull away from her and smile appreciatively. “I love you.”
“I am your favorite cousin for a reason, you know.” She snickers, then walks inside.
Mom and I get into the car, then she drives us home. “Apparently, Maize is making homemade blueberry pies tonight. You should ask her to make an extra one for you and bring it home for me and your dad,” Mom suggests with a wink.
“Nope. I’m not gonna make her head explode. You’ll have to ask her yourself,” I tell her as we park in the driveway. I get out and walk to my room, then send Diesel a text.
Rowan: Your kid is the cutest. He must take after his dad.
I don’t expect him to reply immediately because he’s currently being Bishop bombarded, but I know he will later. I change into something more comfortable and get ready for my shift tonight with a totally different outlook on this situation. Maybe I should’ve opened up to Maize much sooner instead of keeping it a secret. Or maybe I had to realize how much Diesel really meant to me before I could accept that we really have a future together. Either way, I’m looking forward to telling him exactly how I feel and apologizing for ever doubting him. Then again, that’s what a broken heart will do to a woman.
The next morning when I wake up, I smile at the text Diesel sent me late last night.
Diesel: I knew you thought I was cute. Just imagine what our kids will look like :)
With a smile on my face, I climb out of bed and get dressed. I know Chelsea’s leaving today because yesterday before I walked out, I overheard someone ask her when she was headed back to Phoenix.
After speaking with Maize yesterday, the conversation has been on my mind. For most of my life, one of my hobbies was ignoring Diesel and all his glory, regardless of how much he encouraged me to give him attention. I realize now what I’ve been missing. I have to give it to him for never giving up on me.
Excitement and nerves fill me as I pull my hair into a high ponytail. I need to talk to him right now and let him know how I feel. If he wants to be with me, and I want to be with him, then I don’t give two shits what anyone thinks or says about it. If Riley knows what’s good for him, he’ll keep his opinions to himself. I’m a grown ass woman who’s more than capable of choosing who I want to date, even if it is his best friend. If what Diesel says is true, then he deserves a second chance to prove he won’t break my heart.
The smile that’s planted on my face nearly hurts as I drive over to Diesel’s house. All the memories from the last time I was here begin to surface. The way he roughly said my name as he kissed me causes goose bumps to trail up my arm. Damn. How could I be so blind?
I park behind his truck and walk up the steps to his house. He’s done an amazing job with the place, and I think about all the future plans we made together. I lightly tap on the door, not wanting to disturb his guests because it’s still early in the morning. I wait, but he doesn’t answer.
My heart is like a ticking time bomb in my chest as I knock again, but still nothing. I go to the front window and peek inside and that’s when the blood rushes from my face.
Diesel’s sitting at a barstool in the kitchen, and Chelsea is between his legs, nearly ready to climb on his lap. He’s saying something to her with his hands firmly wrapped around her waist. I nearly choke on my thoughts, on my words, and feel like the biggest idiot in the entire world for believing that nothing was between them. Not able to keep watching, I turn and rush to my car, then back out of the driveway. I know I can’t go home like this. Tears stream like a river down my face, and I’m so damn mad at myself for believing him.
I drive around for twenty minutes in an effort to calm down, needing to push the thoughts of him and her together out of my head. Their faces were inches apart, and Chelsea was leaning forward as if they were going to kiss. Maybe they already have? Maybe the two of them just had a morning quickie as their kid slept in the next room. The thoughts gut me and cut me straight to the bone.
I pull over at one of the lookouts and stare at the rolling hills until my vision blurs. Sucking in a deep breath, I wipe the tears away and text Maize.
Rowan: I was wrong about everything. Seeing Chelsea all over Diesel was the biggest sign of all.
Text bubbles immediately pop up, but I set my phone down and decide to finally go home. Thankfully, I’ll have the house to myself because right now, I need to be alone.
Chapter Seventeen
DIESEL
Having my son on the ranch with me has been everything I’ve ever dreamed of. Chelsea has been kind enough to let me have some time with him while she supervised from a distance. I showed him the big John Deere tractor, which he got a complete kick out of because it looked just like his favorite toy. I sat him on the seat, and he screamed with excitement. I made sure to snap a picture with plans to frame it. When I looked over my shoulder at Chelsea, she was smiling wide.
Even if he’s a little shy, he has the same little quirks I did when I was a kid, but I think over time, he’ll get to know me better and will open up more. Maybe even call me dad one day. So far, he hasn’t, but that’s okay. I’m sure he’s just as confused as to what’s going on as I am. Everyone knows where he came from, and that’s enough right now.
I’m stuck between a rock and a hard place because I want to be involved in his life as much as I can, but Phoenix is too far to drive every weekend. Chelsea agreed to FaceTime me after work throughout the week so Dawson and I can talk regularly. I’ve also decided to try to visit him at least once a month if I can get off one weekend a month for the twelve-hour drive.
The second night Chelsea was here, I finally got her to open up about what she needed so I can help support Dawson. I’ll do whatever she needs to make sure Dawson doesn’t go without.
My parents were over the moon excited about having a grandkid, and I saw the instant love in my mother’s eyes. She called me later that day with all sorts of stories about how I acted when I was Dawson’s age.
Chelsea and I have found common ground and get along quite well, so I’m hopeful it’ll be easy to work together. I’ve gotten to know her a little better and found out she works as a teller at a bank and hopes to one day become a loan officer. Most of the time, she’s living paycheck to paycheck but has somehow made it work. I guaranteed her she’d no longer have to worry about buying whatever he needs.
The next morning, I wake up and go to the kitchen to make coffee. I have the day off and want to spend as much time with Dawson as possible before I have to take them to the airport this afternoon. As the maker stops dripping, Chelsea comes into the kitchen and pours herself a mug an
d leans against the counter.
“Mornin’. You sleep okay?” I ask.
She nods, then saunters closer.
She parts my legs and stands between them, leaning forward with lust in her eyes. There’s nowhere for me to go, so instead, I firmly place my hands on her hips to stop this from going anywhere.
“Chelsea…” I quietly say, not wanting to disturb Dawson sleeping.
She gives me a side grin and bats her long lashes at me. “What?” she purrs. “We’re both single.”
“No.” I shake my head. “I’m dating someone, and even if I weren’t, I don’t think it’d be a good idea. The last thing I want to do is confuse our son while trying to build a solid relationship with him. It’s important to me. Plus, you and I hardly know each other and look at what happened the last time we jumped into bed together.”
Defeat washes over her face. “Ouch. That hurts.”
“I’m sorry,” I tell her, hoping she understands. “I think you’re nice and very pretty, but even if I were available, I wouldn’t want to cross that line.”
Chelsea backs away, creating the much-needed space between us. “Who is she? Why isn’t she around then?” I try to keep my voice calm as I explain. “It’s a new relationship, and we’re keeping it under wraps at the moment. We haven’t told anyone yet.”
She rolls her eyes. “You don’t have to lie.”
“I’m not lying, but it doesn’t matter anyway. I’ve grown up, Chelsea. I don’t sleep with women just to do it. There has to be some sort of spark there. Any man would be lucky to have you, but it can’t be me because I don’t have feelings for you that way. I’m madly in love with someone else.”
She releases a long, deep breath. “I can respect that, Diesel. Most guys would just use me. Sorry. I must look so desperate. I just thought things were going well, and there was a connection between us, but I shouldn’t have assumed.”
“There was a connection three years ago, and we made a beautiful kid, but being friends and raising our son is all that can be between us now.”
She walks to the fridge, grabs some milk, and pours it into her coffee. “Do you have sugar?”
I know she’s trying to change the subject, so I give her the escape. The last thing I wanted to do was embarrass her, but I can’t cross that line, not when Rowan means so much to me. What I said to Chelsea is true—I’m in love with another woman. I’ll be damned if I let my dick fuck that up any more than it already has.
Chelsea excuses herself and takes a shower. Once she’s out and dressed, she brings Dawson into the living room. I make him scrambled eggs and add some fruit to his plate. Chelsea puts milk in a small cup, and he sits at the table in a booster chair like a big boy. He’s talkative this morning, which I find adorable.
After he’s done and Chelsea has changed his clothes, I ask if I can take him to the horse barn, just me and him.
She looks at me as if she’s contemplating it but is still hesitant.
“Pretty please?” I beg with a grin. “I swear on my life that I won’t let anything happen to him. It’s safe as can be, and we’re not going too far. Just to the horse barn at the B&B, right up the road.”
She forces a smile and nods. “Okay, but only for a couple of hours. He’ll need a nap before we travel. Otherwise, he’ll be cranky on the flight, and I don’t want anyone throwing me dirty looks.”
I can’t stop grinning. “Yes, of course. Thank you!”
Chelsea gives me a list of things to do. “Make sure he’s buckled in the car seat really well. Don’t let him out of your sight because he will take off running. If he—”
“Hey,” I say, calmly. “He’s gonna be fine. I won’t let him run wild. I promise. Trust me, okay?”
“I have issues with trust. I’m sorry,” she admits, and I feel for her in the same way that I feel for Rowan.
“I understand, completely.”
She picks up Dawson and explains to him what’s happening, and for the first time, he reaches for me. I hold him into my arms, and we go outside. Chelsea decides to help me buckle him in and continues with instructions. I squeeze her shoulder and grin. “He’s in great hands.”
“Not the first time I’ve heard that from you.” She laughs, our eyes meet, and then she takes a step back, allowing me to shut the door.
I climb inside the truck and wave bye before backing out of the driveway. During the ten-minute drive to the B&B, I chat with Dawson about ranch life. I tell him about the horses and then find myself talking about Rowan. He listens carefully, though I know he has no idea what I’m saying, but that’s okay. One day, he will.
I park in front of the B&B, and I take him straight to the barn where the lessons for the guests are held. There are several horses saddled, which means Colton, one of the instructors, probably has some scheduled for the ten o’clock hour.
Carefully, I set Dawson on one of the ponies and support him so he won’t fall. These horses are for beginners, so they’re very gentle. He giggles and keeps leaning forward to pet the horse. It’s the cutest thing ever. This is a part of his heritage, and I’m determined for him to know that. It hurts my heart that he won’t get to grow up on the ranch, something I always wished I had. Seems he might get the city life too, unless I can somehow convince Chelsea to give Texas a chance, but as of now, she’s not on board. I’ll have to do what I can with what she’s willing to give.
After we’ve been outside for an hour, I notice Dawson is sweating, so I bring him inside the B&B to cool off. I place him in one of the high chairs, grab some water, and then snag one of Maize’s incredible chocolate chip cookies. I hold the cup for him so he can drink, then he gobbles the cookie with a smile on his face.
Feeling parched as well, I pour some water for myself but don’t take my eyes off Dawson. An older lady chats with him, and he brags about the pony he rode, pointing outside. My heart’s overflowing, that is, until someone smacks me in the back of her head with their hand. When I turn and see Maize, she gives me a scowl.
“What the fuck is wrong with you?” she whisper-hisses, trying not to draw attention to herself.
“What?” I lift my ball cap and rub over the spot she smacked. “Why’d you hit me?”
“You’re an idiot, Diesel,” she says between gritted teeth.
“What else is new?” I ask with a shrug, but I have no idea what she’s referring to this time. Then again, it’s not uncommon for her to call me names.
“Rowan told me everything. Everything. And then you went and messed things up. She told me what she saw this morning.” She cocks her hip, placing her hands on them.
I search her face, confused. Rowan told her about us? “What are you talkin’ about? Saw what?”
“Rowan went to your house this morning to talk to you. You didn’t answer the door so she looked through the window and saw Chelsea wrapped up in your arms.” Maize shakes her head, grimacing. “I was rooting for you, too.” She sarcastically laughs. “Riley’s gonna lose his shit. I ought to kick your ass myself for leading her on.”
My eyes go wide, and I start to panic at what Rowan must’ve seen before I pushed Chelsea away. “It wasn’t like that. I swear.”
“And to think Rowan wanted to come clean to everyone about your relationship, too. But you fucked it up,” Maize grits. “You ruined everything.”
“Come clean about what relationship?” Riley asks from behind, and I close my eyes, wishing this wasn’t happening right now. I turn around and see him and John staring like they’re ready to murder me.
“Please let me explain…” I hold up my hands, hoping he’ll take mercy on me since I’m here with my son and there are guests around.
Riley’s tight jaw and daggers tell me he doesn’t give any fucks about that. “I warned you, Diesel.” He fists his hands in my shirt and pushes me against the wall. Maize squeals, telling Riley to take it outside, but he’s too pissed to listen. “I warned you to stay the fuck away from my sister. And now I’m gonna punch your pretty f
ace in for hurting her. I knew you’d do this. You just couldn’t stay away, could you? Just wouldn’t feel content until you hurt my sister, the way I always knew you would.” Before I can get a word in, Riley rears back and punches me in the face. I try to block it, but he’s too fast. If it were any other person in the world, I would’ve laid them out flat, but I don’t fight him back. I can’t.
“Hey!” I hear a woman’s voice shout.
“Mama,” Dawson says, holding his arms out. She takes him from the high chair and kisses his cheek.
“What’s going on here?” Chelsea asks, walking toward the group of us, and Riley retreats, putting space between us.
“What are you doin’ here?” I ask, holding a hand to my face. I’m gonna have a black eye now. “And how did you get here?” I’m actually shocked to see her. I hope she didn’t walk because that’s miles down a dirt road, and it’s hot outside.
“I might be from the city, but I know how to drive a four-wheeler, Diesel.” She laughs. “Truthfully, I got nervous. This is new territory for me, and I just wanted to check on Dawson for my own sanity.”
She notices my face fall, but I don’t blame her. This is new territory for us all.
“It’s nothing against you. He’s around strangers and an unknown environment, and I started to worry. I just needed to see him and make sure he was safe.”
I nod. “I understand, it’s okay. He was having a good time. He saw the horses, and then we stopped in here for a snack and water.”
Dawson begins to tell her about the pony. “Hold on, baby, one second.”
Chelsea looks at all of us.
Maize is annoyed and crosses her arms over her chest. “Glad your girlfriend could show up and save your ass.”
Riley is ready to beat me to a pulp, and John is overly annoyed because we caused a scene…again.
I look at Chelsea. “Rowan saw us together this morning.”
