by JL Paul
Leaning over the sink, I stared at my bloodshot eyes in the mirror and a fresh wave of shame washed over me. What was I doing?
Chapter Eleven
“You’re lying, Bella,” Seth accused. Shrugging, I shot the four ball into the corner pocket. “And how’d you get so good at pool?”
“Lance taught me,” I said as I surveyed the table, looking for my next shot.
“Yeah well he better not be teaching you anything else,” Seth threatened, eyes growing dark. I smacked the back of his head and quickly scurried around the other side of the table, out of his reach.
“So, Jake Johnson is really coming here tomorrow? You’re not lying?” he asked, flattening the back of his hair.
I grinned, light hearted, and pulled my phone from my pocket. “Do you want to call him yourself?”
He shook his head, funny little smile on his face. He eyed the balls left on the table. “And he took you to the Fall Festival dance?”
“Yeah,” I laughed. I’d already filled him in on the entire story.
“So why don’t you date Jake instead of Lance Roberts? Lance is an idiot.”
“He is not! And Jake and I are just friends.” I missed my shot and scowled at my brother. “When are the parents going to be home?”
My parents often took every opportunity to go away together. They were still so disgustingly in love that it was almost cool.
“Tomorrow some time.”
“Well I hope they actually come back when they say they are. I’m not sure how long Jake can stay.” We hadn’t discussed many of the finer details—just agreed he’d come on Tuesday. I knew he probably wanted to spend Thanksgiving with his dad and sister.
Seth sank the eight ball with a superior smirk as his phone shrilled in his pocket. He dug it out, gave the screen a queer little smile before taking the call. He turned his back on me and spoke softly as I pulled all the balls out of the pockets and prepared to rack them again. I leaned against the wall patiently until he finally faced me.
“You’re better,” he said, pointing his stick at the table. “But you still suck.” He crammed his stick in the holder hanging on the wall. “And I can’t play anymore. I have to go.”
“Hey! Where are you going? Who was on the phone?” My heart sank. I didn’t want to sit in the house alone.
A queer smile flashed across his lips. “A friend. I’ll see you tomorrow.”
I sighed and shot the cue at the neat rack. What was I going to do now?
***
I settled in front of the television, a literal junk food buffet spread around me, when my cell phone rang. I grabbed it, not checking the number, hoping it was Jake.
“Hello!” I greeted cheerfully.
“Hey, baby,” Lance said. “Do you miss me yet?”
My heart thumped a couple times. “Sure. What are you doing?”
“Nothing,” he exhaled. “It’s so boring around here. I’m thinking of having a little get together tomorrow night. Do you want to come?”
I attempted to swallow the huge lump in my throat. I didn’t want to disappoint him but I could hardly abandon Jake. “What do your parents think of this party?”
“They’re in Mexico with Dean’s folks. They won’t even be back for Thanksgiving. So what do you think? You can stay the night so you don’t have to worry about driving home.”
I nibbled on my bottom lip. “Well, Jake is supposed to be coming to town tomorrow. I sort of need to be here.”
The line went silent and I worried I’d upset him. When he spoke, his tone was curt. “I thought I’d rate a little higher than a friend, Bella.”
“Maybe I can bring him?” I offered in a weak voice, not exactly sure Jake would want to go. He’d been fine with taking me to a dance but would he be okay with going to a party where there would no doubt be a bunch of drinking teenagers?
“Sure,” he said without much enthusiasm. “Talk to you later.”
I closed my eyes on the tears that were sure to fall. Why were boys so horribly temperamental and terribly complicated?
***
I woke up Tuesday to sun pouring into my window. It lifted my spirits and I actually whistled a Controlled Environment song as I made my way to the kitchen. Seth was slumped over the counter, shoveling cereal into his mouth, one eye on his phone.
“Why are you in such a big hurry?”
“Going with Mike and some guys to a concert in Chicago,” he said between bites. I scrunched up my nose and turned my head.
“You don’t to leave so early, do you?”
He dumped the remainder of his cereal in the sink. “We’re going to hang out downtown for a bit. I’ll be back tomorrow.” He ruffled my hair and started out of the room.
“What about Jake?” I shouted. He didn’t answer so I stood at the foot of the stairs and waited for him to come back down. He did, after about ten minutes, bag slung over his shoulder.
“Jake?” I asked, one brow raised.
“I’ll meet him next time,” he said. “Sorry. Oh, and Dad called. They won’t be home until tomorrow night.” He flashed a quick smile, mussed my hair again and darted out the door.
Wonderful.
I ran upstairs to retrieve my cell phone so I could break the news to Jake. Falling on my back on the rumpled bed, I turned on the phone. A sigh breezed through my lips when my phone informed me that I’d missed a couple calls. I dialed my voice mail only to hear Jake’s disappointed voice.
What was it Murphy said?
Iz, I wish you’d turn on your phone! I need to talk to you. Something came up and I have to leave town. I won’t be back until Wednesday night or Thursday morning. I’m really sorry. I’ll call you when I can.
“This can’t be happening,” I mumbled, rubbing my forehead to fend off the developing headache. Sitting up, I surveyed my bedroom, not really seeing the rock posters on the walls or the pictures shoved into the framed mirror of my dresser. Nibbling my lip, I considered my next move. Nothing was going to plan,
I heaved an extra-large sigh and called Lance.
***
Lance’s house was huge – simple as that. A two-story Victorian, complete with browning ivy creeping up the side, it towered over the other houses on the street. I knew his parents were well off but I didn’t know they lived in a mansion. I rang the bell and he answered immediately, pulling me into a tight hug.
“Glad you could make it, baby,” he said. He pressed his lips to mine and I was totally unprepared. I gasped for air and grasped his shirt, making him smirk, confident in his kissing abilities. Taking my hand, he dragged me through the living room and kitchen to the basement rec room, allowing me a mere glimpse of the antique furniture or the elegant gourmet kitchen.
The rec room was vast—like the rest of the house—and decorated in true man style: Heavy furniture, pool table and tons of sports memorabilia. Quite a few people were already congregating around the polished bar and some of them were already inebriated.
Lance offered me a beer, and I took it. I was determined to have a good time. He pushed me on a bar stool, pecked me on the lips and said he’d be right back. I swiveled the stool to face the bar, admiring the beer signs and sports posters Lance’s father had tacked to the walls as I sipped at the foamy liquid in my cup.
I’d tried to call Jake on my way to Lance’s house. I had wanted to leave a message and tell him it was okay but someone else had answered. A female someone. A female someone with a French accent. It didn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out who that was. When I’d asked for Jake, she demanded to know who was calling. I never answered. I had just ended the call and tossed the phone on the passenger seat, wiping the tears from my eyes. How pathetic.
My eyes stung again as I thought of Jake. He didn’t owe me any explanations whatsoever. Of course I was disappointed that he wouldn’t be spending time with me but I didn’t own him. He could date Monique if he wanted. I was dating Lance, after all.
He’d tried to call twice on the drive
over but I ignored it. I hadn’t a clue what to say.
I finished off my beer and some guy I’d never met refilled my cup without waiting for me to ask. I thanked him when he slid it in front of me. Sniffing, I sucked back my tears before I tipped the cup to my lips.
“Come mingle, Bella,” Lance urged. He smiled at my near empty glass and encouraged me to finish it. I did, and he tossed it to the bartender to fill again. My head was already fogging up, but I wasn’t concerned about it—Lance would look out for me.
Lance introduced me to everyone proudly, dropping sweet kisses on my head every so often, and I melted into his side. I’d had way too much to drink again, but I wasn’t worried. Annie and Cammy weren’t around to judge, and Jake was too busy with Monique to chastise me.
As the party died down and people began to drift either to the bedrooms or their vehicles, Lance fetched my overnight bag and showed me to a guest room. He shut the door and pulled me into his arms.
“You can stay in my room with me if you’d like.”
My stomach gave a nervous lurch as I shook my head. Chuckling, he placed a gentle kiss on my lips. I leaned into him, winding my arms around his neck. He pressed closer as his kisses turned urgent and backed me up until I fell on the bed, him on top of me. He continued to kiss me, his breath hot and his hands busy, trying to find the hem of my shirt. Panic seized my heart, and I struggled beneath him.
“Lance,” I gasped when my mouth finally broke free. “Stop.”
“Bella,” he groaned. “Don’t be so scared. I love you.”
My eyes grew as my heart stopped. He took my silence as permission and began to kiss my face and my neck softly. I shuddered but I wasn’t sure if it was in pleasure or fear. His hands moved slowly under my shirt. Before I knew what was happening, he had it over my head and tossed it to the floor. His hands were everywhere, then, as well as his mouth. I didn’t know what to do. The alcohol made me clumsy and my reflexes slow.
When he reached for the snap on my jeans, I jumped. My clouded mind screamed at me to stop him. I finally thawed enough to bat his hand away and scoot out from under him.
“I’m not ready for this, Lance,” I said, terrified he’d either force me or laugh in my face. I crossed my arms over my chest in an attempt to hide my bra. I longed for my big brother to stand behind me, threatening Lance to leave his little sister alone.
But Lance did neither. He flopped to his back, breath ragged. “Fine, Bella. It’s fine.”
My trembling lips warned me that the waterworks were open. I hoped I’d be able to hold back the tears until he left.
“Sorry,” I mumbled.
He rolled to his side and ran his knuckle lightly over my cheek. “Don’t worry about it. Maybe next time.” I forced a smile as he pulled me closer. “I’m a little drunk, anyway. Let’s just grab some sleep.”
Nodding, I closed my eyes, squeezing them tightly to keep the tears at bay. It didn’t take long for his snores to echo in the room but it took a lot longer for sleep to find me.
***
As soon as the sun made its presence known I untangled my body from Lance’s and scurried out of the room, my bag in hand, until I found a bathroom. I turned on the shower, the water scorching, and stood under the spray. The tears came, in huge bursts, and I stood in the shower until they stopped.
What an idiot.
What if I hadn’t been able to stop him last night? What then? I needed to heed Annie’s advice and lay off the alcohol. She was right. It just wasn’t me.
When I finally stepped out of the shower and dressed, I wanted to leave before Lance or any of the others woke. I longed to climb in my bed and curl into a tight ball until my parents came home. I wouldn’t tell them, of course. They were very cool parents and I was lucky to have them, but I really doubted if they’d approve of my recent behavior.
I exited the bathroom and ran smack dab into Lance.
“Where’s the fire, baby?” he asked, pulling me to his chest.
“I need to get home. My parents will be back soon.” The lie slipped out easier than I thought.
He stepped back and looked into my eyes. “I hope this isn’t about last night. I promise you, I’d never make you do anything you didn’t want to do. I was a little drunk and I got carried away. Don’t be mad.”
Relief flooded my heart. I smiled and kissed him lightly on the lips. “It’s okay, really. But I do need to get home. I didn’t tell my parents where I’d be.”
He cupped my cheek, placing tender kisses near my mouth. “Sure you can’t stay for breakfast at least?”
For a second, I nearly gave in – just for a second. But I desperately wanted to get home and mull over my feelings. “I’m sure. Thanks, though.”
He picked up the bag I’d dropped at his feet and walked me to the front door. He kissed me again. “Call me when you get home.”
***
The remainder of my Thanksgiving break passed quietly. I had a nice dinner with my parents, Seth and my grandfather. We caught up and my dad quizzed me relentlessly about Lance. He must have forgotten about Jake because he made no mention of him whatsoever. But I thought of him. Often.
Lance called me every day and ended each conversation with ‘I love you.’ I said the same to him, but I wasn’t exactly sure I meant it. My feelings for him soured a little bit after the party, and the little incident in the guest bedroom hovered constantly over our heads. Neither of us spoke of it but it couldn’t stay tucked away forever. I figured we could sort it all out when we went back to school.
I avoided Jake’s calls. I listened to his messages but I was too mortified to call him back. I was almost certain he’d hear the guilt in my voice and demand to know what had happened. He’d be so ashamed of me he probably wouldn’t want to speak to me again. And I couldn’t blame him. If I’d had so much as one more drink that night, I didn’t think I would have been able to stop Lance. I probably wouldn’t have wanted to, either. That’s the thought that had me tossing and turning each night.
I returned to school early Saturday evening. While unpacking, I listened to Jake’s CD over and over, sometimes succumbing to tears. I closed my eyes at the raw emotion in Jake’s voice, picturing him on the stage. Those images would disappear only to be replaced by ones of him on the hood of Seth’s car, arm around me, pointing out constellations. I missed that night terribly. I missed the closeness we’d had even after only a few hours together.
Dropping my unpacked bag, my eyes drifted to my cell phone on the desk. So what if he was seeing Monique again - I wanted him to be happy. He deserved it. I had to get over my jealousy - after all, I did have a boyfriend.
I bit the bullet and called his cell.
“It’s about time you returned my calls,” he teased. I smiled, heart hammering.
“Sorry, Jake. How are you? Is everything okay?” I gushed. I realized I hadn’t even called him to see what had come up to keep him from visiting. What if he was sick? Or his father? How selfish I’d acted.
“Everything is okay now, don’t worry.”
“So no one is sick? Everyone is okay?” I asked, anxious for his reassurance.
He chuckled and it tickled my ear. “Yeah. Monique got herself in a little trouble and she called me. I had to help her out of a jam. It’s not the first time.”
“Oh,” I muttered. A knife jammed into my heart, and I frowned. I knew he was with her so it shouldn’t have come as a surprise. “Is she okay now?”
“Yep.” His laughed softly. “Don’t tell me you’re jealous.”
“No,” I denied too quickly.
“Um hm,” he said. “What about Mr. Wonderful, huh?”
“Jake, I’m not jealous, okay? If you like her and she likes you and she treats you good, then I’m glad,” I managed to choke out. “I just want you to be happy.”
“I know you do, Iz,” he said quietly. “So tell me what you’ve been doing?”
My heart crumbled at his lack of denial. Did that mean he was seeing her a
gain? “Um, I’ve just been a little busy. You know.”
“Sure,” he said with a sharp inhale. I hoped he wasn’t smoking again. That was a terribly nasty habit. “Sorry I couldn’t make it to your place. I hope your parents weren’t upset.”
“They weren’t even home,” I muttered. “It’s okay. Maybe Christmas, huh?”
“Definitely,” he laughed. “So what did you do?”
“Hung out with Lance. He had a party at his house - nothing too exciting.” I waited for his response. The silence was definitely deafening. And awkward. That was strange. Jake and I always had tons of things to talk about. What I really wanted was to spill everything but I couldn’t stand to hear the disappointment in his voice. I couldn’t lose him.
“Lance again, huh. Is he treating you okay?”
I flinched at the flashback from the guest room. “Of course. He’s not as bad as you think.”
“What are you holding back, angel?” he asked. I couldn’t ignore the desperation in his voice, and it tore at my already fragile heart. He was giving me a chance. He was pleading for the opportunity to talk to me. But I couldn’t do it.
“Nothing,” I said a little too firmly. “Everything really is fine. Really.”
Silence. I unconsciously shook my leg, waiting for him to say something – anything. But he didn’t. He just took deep breath after deep breath.
“Well, I guess I should go. I have some reading to catch up on.”
“You’re changing, Iz,” he said, surprising me. My breath hitched. “I wish you wouldn’t. If you decide you want to tell me what’s going on, give me a call.”
He hung up.
I listened to the dial tone for a few seconds before carefully dropping my phone to the bed. In a fit of desperation, I turned on the CD again. I stumbled to the bathroom and stared at my face, searching for the changes Jake mentioned. Other than the dark circles under my eyes, everything else looked the same.
Stupid girl, a little voice in my head yelled. Do you actually think you can see those changes?
