by JL Paul
I sighed helplessly as affection surged inside me. I hugged them both.
“Thank you. It’s beautiful.” I released them and plopped back to the bed. “But I just don’t know if I want to go.”
“Bella,” Annie said, sitting next to me. “You can’t mope for Jake all the time. He doesn’t want that. He wants you to enjoy your last year of school.”
“That’s kind of hard to do without him,” I mumbled as pain pierced my soul.
“You can try,” Cammy pleaded. “We want you with us. Go for a little while and if it gets to be too much, we’ll leave and go get junk food.”
I barked a laugh and smiled. “Okay, fine. I’ll go for an hour.”
Annie squeezed my shoulder as Cammy jumped up and down clapping.
“Try it on,” Annie urged. I did and spent the rest of the afternoon listening to their excited prom plans. As much as I tried, my heart just wasn’t in it. It was a thousand miles away, begging Jake to come back.
***
I met with the Education Organization on campus a few times to tighten up plans as May drew closer and closer to an end. The concert was scheduled for the last Saturday in May. Finals started the Monday after and concluded Thursday. Prom was Friday night and Graduation Sunday.
I threw everything I had into planning and studying. The ticket auction was a success and we’d managed to raise quite a bit of money for our charity. Controlled Environment had signed a waiver saying all profits were to go to Education Organization. Except for printing costs and a few refreshments purchased for the reception following the concert, every cent would go toward the new Education Center.
All my hard work kept my heartbreak over Jake out of my head during the day. It was at night that it reared its ugly head and kept sleep from coming easily. I’d taken to keeping a pillow over my head at night to stifle my sobs as not to bother Annie. I didn’t want her losing sleep over me.
I remembered every touch, every kiss and it wreaked havoc on my already shattered heart. I longed to see him again. I wanted to throw myself at his feet and beg him to heal my pain. I hadn’t talked to him since my phone call about the ticket auction the first week of May.
And it hurt.
When the Friday night before the concert rolled around, I was totally on edge. I’d spent every day that week either going over the slightest detail or studying for my finals. Cammy and Annie voiced concerns over my hectic schedule—they worried I’d burn out but I assured them I was fine. I didn’t explain that if I slowed down even slightly, the pain would take control, and I’d lose it.
Annie, Cammy and I hung out in the auditorium Friday night. Controlled Environment’s sound guys faxed over a list of things they needed for the show. I checked with the tech guys from Drama Club who usually ran the sound board, and they helped me go over everything. Cammy and Annie confirmed that the lighting was fine, the curtains were clean and free from rips and tears, and the stage was clear of debris.
After the tech guys left, Cammy, Annie and I sat on the stage, swinging our legs over the side. I was mentally and physically spent and I prayed I’d be able to sleep that night.
“Can you believe we only have one week of high school left?” Cammy asked.
“I can’t believe how fast this year went,” Annie concurred.
“Me either,” I mumbled, thinking how Jake had been with me every step of the way. I chuckled, garnering curious looks from my friends. “I remember how determined I was at the start of school that this would be a memorable year for me. If only I’d known then…”
Annie rested her head on my left shoulder.
“You wouldn’t change a thing.” I snorted.
“Okay,” she giggled, “maybe one or two things.”
“Well I definitely learned a lot this year,” I mused. “Most of it from Jake.”
I choked a little on his name, hoping they hadn’t noticed.
“You miss him, huh?” Cammy asked as she rested her head on my right shoulder.
I remembered how he had called me the first time while I was at the Welcome Back bonfire. I remember running to him when things got to be too much and how he came to school to defend my honor. I imagined his playful smile that made his eyes crinkle and the soft touch of his lips. I tried to block out the look on his face when he told me we needed a break – the pain in his eyes and in his voice. I hoped he wasn’t hurting as bad as I was. I hoped he was happy.
“Yeah. It’s like there’s a big, empty space inside me and no matter how busy I stay or what I do, I can’t fill it.” I swallowed the massive lump in my throat. “I do miss him.”
Chapter Twenty-Seven
“I will smack you if you don’t stop pacing and sit down somewhere,” Annie threatened. I wasn’t in the least bit afraid of her. Not today.
“I can’t help it,” I growled. “Everything Controlled Environment needs for a concert is here. Oh, wait, except for the actual band members! And I have to meet the people from the Educational Organization in an hour and a half. Plus, I have to shower.”
I paused to take a breath. “And where is Jake?”
Cammy materialized in our doorway. “He’s in the auditorium wondering where you are.”
Startled, I frowned. “Why didn’t you tell me?”
“I just did,” she defended.
I tightened my pony tail and blew a stray strand of hair out of my face. “I know. Sorry. I…uh…need to run over there and make sure the sound crew has everything.”
“But I just got back from doing that,” Cammy protested. “You told me to do that earlier.”
“Right, right,” I mumbled, biting my lip. “Well, I need to make sure the little fridge in the dressing room is stocked. You know how Ronnie gets when he’s hungry.”
“You asked me to do that this morning, Bella,” Annie said with a smirk. She winked at Cammy and placed a hand on my shoulder. “Why don’t you just run down there and check in with the guys? Make sure they have everything they need before you jump in the shower and meet the reps from the Education Center.”
“Yeah,” I said absently. “Good idea. I’ll just go do that.”
I ran all the way to the auditorium and stopped in front of a huge security guard manning the door. “Hi…I’m um… Isabella Ames. I’m supposed to…”
“Hey, Iz!” Matt yelled as he engulfed me in a bear hug. “We were wondering where you were. Come on.”
The massive guard moved aside as Matt took my hand and led me down one of the aisles toward the stage. The other guys were on the stage putting Nick’s drum kit together. I was a little surprised as I knew they had a crew that usually did that sort of thing for them.
My heartbeat tripled when I spotted Jake’s bandana-clad head leaning over a cymbal while Nick tightened it.
“Look what I found,” Matt yelled. All heads on stage jerked up but my eyes were only on Jake. His face lit up with his crinkly eyed smile as he handed the cymbal to Nick and jumped off the stage.
“Iz,” he breathed as he pulled me into a bone-crushing embrace. “I missed you.”
“I missed you, too,” I mumbled, inhaling his very essence.
He pushed me away and studied me closely. “You look great. Is everything going okay?”
“Sure,” I said, wide smile on my face. “The madhouse died down and I’ve just been studying and getting ready for this thing.”
“Are you ready for your finals?” Nick asked as he finished adjusting his cymbals with Ronnie’s help.
“Yes. About as ready as I’ll ever be,” I shrugged. I couldn’t keep my eyes off Jake nor could he keep his eyes off me. “So, we stocked the fridge full of food for you guys. Sorry, no alcoholic beverages.”
“We brought our own,” Ronnie quipped. My jaw fell and he bent over in laughter. “I’m kidding!”
“Come here, Iz,” Nick ordered, offering me a hand. I took it and he yanked me on the stage. He nodded at a sound guy and turned a brilliant smile on me as he pointed at a microphone stand. “Yo
u’re on.”
My brows dipped as I stared at him. “Umm…huh?”
He laughed. “So much for you going on the road with us I guess.”
Understanding washed over me as I smiled and stepped up to the microphone. “Check. Check. Check.”
Nick laughed and tossed his arm around my shoulders. “If you flunk your finals, you definitely have a bright future as a roadie.”
My phone rang before I could respond.
“Yes, Annie?” I mumbled.
“Bella, you need to get back here and get ready,” she ordered. “And there’s a bunch of reporters by the gates. Don’t forget the press conference.”
“Damn,” I cursed causing the guys to gawk at me. “Okay, I’ll be there in a second. I forgot I was supposed to meet with Dean Fletcher before the press conference. I’m going to have to make a statement probably. I doubt they’ll be satisfied with just the Education Organization’s statement.”
“Well, rehearse what you’re going to say on the way back.”
I hung up and looked at Jake. “I have to run but I’ll be back before the show starts.”
Jake grabbed my waist and helped me off the stage. He held my hand as he walked me to the door.
“Iz, one of us can give them a statement if you want.” His eyes gleamed as he pointed at the large guard standing at the door. “We can have Frankie do it.”
I smiled and squeezed his hand. “Thanks, but I can handle it. I’ll see you in a bit.”
***
After a quick shower, I allowed Cammy and Annie to have their way with me. What can I say...I’m easy. And I wanted to look my best. So I let them dress me in a flowing white skirt and a bright yellow blouse. They left my hair down but pulled it off my face. They attacked the ends with a curling iron and soft curls fell over my shoulders. I wore the bracelet Jake had given me for my birthday along with the necklace and matching earrings he’d given me for Christmas. I took a deep breath and hurried off to Dean Fletcher’s office.
The three Education Organization reps were there and we went over the itinerary for the evening. Once that was settled, we walked to the gates where our Drama Club techs had set up a temporary podium. Dean Fletcher approached it first and gave a brief statement, outlining the concert and its purpose. He stepped away and smiled at me. My nervous legs didn’t fail me as I carefully took my place behind the microphone. I clutched the podium with tight hands and took a deep breath.
“I’m Isabella Ames, a senior here at Meridian Valley Academy, and I thank you all for coming. As Dean Fletcher explained, Controlled Environment graciously offered to play tonight and have agreed that all proceeds go to the Education Organization to support its efforts in establishing a new Education Center that will provide preschool and kindergarten as well as tutoring and educational counseling.
“All proceeds from tonight’s show will be disclosed at the Education Organization’s discretion. Thank you.”
I stepped back to Dean Fletcher’s side, ready to return to the grounds when the questions started.
“When did Controlled Environment agree to do this show?”
“Does this mean you’ve reconciled with Jake Johnson?”
“Is it true you intend to move in with him after graduation?”
Dean Fletcher returned to the podium, his stern face flushed with anger. “Miss Ames will not answer questions at this time.”
Turning to me, he offered me his arm. He escorted me and the reps to the Arts building.
“Excellent job, Miss Ames,” he said before releasing my arm. “Would you like to show our guests to the auditorium before the show?”
I directed them to the little room off the lobby where we’d set up for the reception following the show. I explained to them the band would meet them there later. I then took them to their seats, which were front row balcony—my idea, of course. I winced as I remembered sitting in seats similar to this the first time I’d laid eyes on Jake in person. I checked my emotions, needing to keep them under control, and excused myself to see to any last minute preparations.
Annie and Cammy were waiting for me in the lobby along with volunteers from the Drama Club who were acting as ticket collectors and ushers. They assured me everything was ready and the doors would open soon.
“Since you have this under control, I’m going backstage to find out how long until they’re ready to go on stage.”
I made my way backstage and knocked on the dressing room door.
“Iz,” Nick smiled as he opened the door. “You look nice.”
“Thanks,” I blushed as I stepped inside. I felt Jake’s eyes burning me and my heart raced. I met his gaze and heat swept through my body. “Um…how long do you think until you’re ready?”
“’Bout forty-five minutes,” Ronnie answered, chewing a huge hunk of turkey sandwich. “Hungry?”
As if I could eat. Not even the greasiest cheeseburger would calm my nerves. I shook my head and shifted nervously from foot to foot. Jake took pity on me and pulled me to his lap.
“Have a seat, Iz,” he said as he locked his arms around my waist. Fire burned my face as his lips brushed my ear. “You look beautiful. Everything’s fine. Relax.”
I shuddered as his breath caressed my skin. I felt his smile against my neck and wanted to turn in his lap and press my lips to his. But I couldn’t. I didn’t know what all this affection meant. Did he want me back? Or was he being friendly? Trying to keep me from having a nervous breakdown? If the last option was true then it wasn’t working at all. As a matter of fact, my stomach was jittering more than coffee beans in a grinder.
“I’m ready to go now,” Nick declared, drumming his sticks on the back of a chair.
“Dude, let everyone get to their seats,” Matt laughed. He shoved the last huge bite of sandwich in his mouth and chewed. He washed it down with soda and smiled. “Thanks for the food, Iz.”
“You’re welcome, but I didn’t make it.”
Jake snorted. “We know that. I’ve already informed them of your cooking skills. Or lack of, in this case.”
I laughed, releasing much tension. The bantering with Jake was comfortable.
About a half hour later, Cammy knocked on the door and peeked her head inside, waving at the band. “We’re ready whenever you guys are.”
I reluctantly peeled my body away from Jake. “Okay. I’ll go announce you. You’re ready?”
Jake hugged me again. “Yep. Go ahead, angel.”
I joined Cammy in the hall where Annie and Zack were waiting. I positioned them on the side of the stage where we’d watch the show together. Taking a steadying breath, I accepted a mic from a sound guy and walked on stage, spotlight guiding my way.
“Thank you, everyone, for coming tonight and supporting this great cause. Thanks to the Drama Club, Dean Fletcher, and everyone who helped organize this and a special thanks to Jake, Nick, Ronnie and Matt for agreeing to play. So, I’ll shut up and let Controlled Environment do their thing.”
I walked off stage as the curtain rose with a roar of applause. Controlled Environment jumped in with their most vulgar song. I laughed as I joined my friends.
The others got a big kick out of being so close to the band and I had a hard time controlling my emotions. Standing there, watching them play, forced many memories to gush to the forefront of my mind.
The band was having fun, too. Nick spun his sticks, tossed them in the air and caught them, throwing me a wink. Ronnie and Matt pelted me with guitar picks instead of each other. But when Jake sang the song he wrote about the night we first met, I leaned against Cammy as tears sprinkled my cheeks.
I wanted him back. Badly. There was no doubt whatsoever in my mind.
***
After the show, the guys asked to use the showers in the dressing rooms before meeting with the reps. I left Zach and Annie to wait for the band in the dressing room and hurried off with Cammy to escort the reps to the reception. They exclaimed over and over how much they enjoyed the show, and they
really seemed sincere. Most people would peg them too old for Controlled Environment’s type of music but not me—I mean, look at my parents for example.
Speaking of parents, I excused myself to go find mine and invite them to the reception. I found them, thanks to Seth’s great height, and took them to the reception area. About thirty minutes later, Annie and Zach arrived with the band. I led the reps over to meet them and let them express their gratitude. My parents ambled over and Jake introduced his band mates to them. My mother fussed over Jake, and I stood off to the side allowed them all to mingle.
The reception began to wind down and the reps thanked me for the hundredth time that night. They finally declared that they needed to get going and Dean Fletcher offered to escort them out. Seth, his date Amy, and my parents bid me a goodnight as they all had a long drive home. My dad hugged me extra hard and I didn’t want to let him go—I wanted to draw as much strength from him that I could but eventually, I had to let him loose. He kissed my cheek and whispered good luck wishes in my ear. I swallowed a lump as he took my mother’s hand and led her away.
“Are you okay, angel?” Jake asked, approaching me from behind. I turned and smiled. “We need to go pack up our stuff.”
“Don’t you have a crew?” I asked.
“Just a few people. We asked for volunteers because we didn’t want to have to pay anyone from ticket sales.”
“I’ll help you if I can,” I offered, wanting to squeeze every second with him that I could. “I just need to clean up this mess.”
“We got it, Bella,” Cammy said, already clearing tables while Annie wiped them down. “You’ve done so much as it is.”
“Go,” Annie ordered as she pushed me at Jake.
He caught me and reached for my hand. I followed him out of the little room and to the stage. The guys with him were already tearing down the drum set. Jake eased me into a cushioned chair and gave me a wink.
“You rest for a few minutes. It won’t take long,” he promised.
Exhaustion from many stressful days and sleepless nights crept up my body and reached my eyes, tugging on my eyelids until they fell. The next thing I knew, Jake was gently shaking me awake. “Huh?”
