“Look, just come out, Maribeth. Whatever it is, we'll work it out. Come on, I'll help you.” He held a hand out to her, and the gesture brought tears to her eyes, and then he walked through the water toward her, and gently lifted her up, until she stood in front of him. She let him pull her clear of the water, and she didn't resist him as tears filled her eyes, and he had no idea why she was crying. He put the towel gently around her, and then as he looked down, he saw it, it was an undeniable bulge, still small, but very firm and very round, and very obviously a baby. He still remembered how his own mother had looked when she was expecting Annie, and Maribeth was too thin for it to be anything else, and he looked back at her again in amazement.
“I didn't want you to know' she said miserably. “I didn't want to tell you.” They were standing up to their knees in the lake, and neither of them moved toward shore as they stood there. He looked as though he had been struck by lightning, and she looked as though someone had died.
“Come on,” he said quietly, pulling her closer to him and putting an arm around her shoulders, “let's go sit down.” They walked silently back to the beach and the place where they had spread out their blanket. She took off the towel and then unbuttoned her father's shirt. She had a bathing suit and shorts under it, there was no point wearing it all now. Her secret was out in the open. “How did that happen?” he said finally, trying not to stare at the very obvious bulge as she sat there, but still amazed by it, and she smiled ruefully at his question.
“The usual way, I guess, not that I know much about it.”
“You had a boyfriend? You have a boyfriend?” he corrected, as he felt his heart squeeze, but she shook her head and looked away and then back at him again.
“Neither one. I did something really stupid.” She decided to make a clean breast of it with him. She wanted no secrets from him. “I did it once. With someone I hardly knew. I wasn't even out on a date with him. He took me home from a dance where my date got drunk, and he was kind of the senior hero. I guess I was flattered he'd even talk to me, and he was a lot smoother than I bargained for. He made a big fuss over me, and took me out for a hamburger with his friends, and I thought it was great, and then he stopped somewhere to park on the way home. I didn't want to go, but I didn't want to make a big deal about it either, and he gave me a sip of gin, and then …” she looked down at her protruding belly “…you can figure out the rest. He said he didn't think I could get pregnant. He'd broken up with his girlfriend that weekend, or so he said, and on Monday he went back to her, and I had made a total fool of myself. Better than that, I'd destroyed my life for a guy I didn't even know, and who would never care about me. It took me a while to figure out what had happened, and by the time I did, he was engaged. They got married right after graduation.”
“Did you tell him?”
“Yeah, I did. He said he wanted to marry her, and she'd be really pissed if she knew … I didn't want to ruin his life … or my own. I wouldn't tell my parents who he was, because I didn't want my father forcing him to marry me. I don't want to be married to someone who doesn't love me. I'm sixteen. My life would be over. But on the other hand,” she sighed as she sat, looking despondent, “my life may be over anyway. This hasn't exactly been a brilliant move on my part.”
“What did your parents say?” He was overwhelmed by what she was telling him, the insensitivity of the guy, and her courage at not doing what she didn't want to, in the face of disaster.
“My father said I had to move out. He took me to the Sisters of Charity, and I was supposed to live with them until I had it. But I just couldn't do it. I stayed for a few weeks, and it was so depressing, I figured I'd rather starve, so I left and got on a bus, and came here. I bought a ticket to Chicago, and figured I'd try to get a job there, but we stopped here for dinner and I saw the sign in Jimmy's window. They gave me the job, and I got off the bus, and here I am.” She looked vulnerable and incredibly young, and very beautiful as he watched her, overcome with tenderness and admiration. “My dad says I can come home after Christmas, after I have the baby. I'll go back to school then,” she said weakly, trying to make it sound okay, but even to her own ears, it sounded dismal.
“What are you going to do with the baby?” he asked, still amazed at what had happened to her.
“Give it away …put it up for adoption. I want to find good people to take it. I can't take care of it. I'm sixteen. I can't take care of a baby … I have nothing to give it … I don't know what to do for it. I want to go back to school … I want to go to college … if I keep the baby, I'll be stuck forever …and more than that, I'd have nothing to give it. I want to find a family that really wants it. The nuns said they'd help me, but that was back home … I haven't done anything about it here.” She looked nervous as she talked to him about it, and he was stunned by all that she was saying.
“Are you sure you don't want to keep it?” He couldn't imagine giving a baby away. Even to him, it sounded awful.
“I don't know.” She could feel the baby moving as she said it, as though it were fighting for some small voice in the decision. “I just don't see how I could take care of it. My parents wouldn't help me. I can't make enough money to support it … it wouldn't be fair to the baby. And I don't want a baby now. Is that really awful?” Her eyes filled with tears and she looked at him in despair. It was terrible admitting she didn't want this baby, but she didn't. She didn't love Paul, and she didn't want to have a child, or be responsible for someone else's life. She could hardly manage her own, let alone someone else's. She was only sixteen.
“Wow, Maribeth. You've got your hands full.” He moved closer to her, and put an arm around her again, and pulled her close to him. “Why didn't you say anything? You could have told me.”
“Oh yeah, sure … hi, my name is Maribeth, I'm knocked up by a guy who married someone else, and my parents threw me out …how about taking me to dinner?” He laughed at what she said, and she smiled through her tears, and then suddenly she was in his arms and crying with terror and shame, and relief that she had told him. The sobs that racked her drained her of all energy, and he held her until she stopped. He felt desperately sorry for her, and the baby.
“When's it due?” he asked when she had calmed down again.
“Not till the end of December.” But that was only four months away, and they both knew it would come very quickly.
“Have you seen a doctor here?”
“I don't know anyone.” She shook her head. “I didn't want to tell the girls at the restaurant, because I was afraid Jimmy would fire me. I told them I was married to a guy who was killed in Korea, so they wouldn't be too surprised when they finally saw I was pregnant.”
“That was pretty good thinking,” he said with a look of amusement, and then he looked at her questioningly again. “Were you in love with him, Maribeth? The father, I mean.”
It meant a lot to Tommy to know if she had loved him. But he was relieved when she shook her head. “I was flattered he wanted to go out with me. That's all. I was just incredibly stupid. To tell you the truth, he's a jerk. He just wanted me to get lost and not tell Debbie. He told me I could get rid of it. I'm not even sure what they do, but I think they cut the baby out. Nobody would really tell me, and everyone says it's really dangerous and expensive.”
Tommy looked at her soberly as she explained it to him. He had heard of abortions too, but he was no clearer than she was on the exact nature of the procedure. “I'm glad you didn't do it.”
“Why?” His comment surprised her. What difference did it make to him? Things would have been so much simpler for them if she weren't pregnant.
“Because I don't think you should. Maybe this is one of those things, like Annie …maybe it happened for a reason.”
“I don't know. I've thought about it a lot. I've tried to understand why this happened. But I don't. It just seems like such rotten luck. One time. I guess that's all it takes.” He nodded tentatively. His knowledge of sex was as sketchy as hers
was, possibly more so. And unlike Maribeth, he had never done it.
He looked at her very oddly then, and she could see he was dying to ask her another question.
“What? Go on …whatever it is …ask me …” They were friends to the death now, bound in a friendship that they both knew would last forever. He was part of her secret pact. He was part of it now. And he would always be part of it from this moment.
“What was it like?” lie asked, looking red-faced and mortally embarrassed, but the question didn't horrify her. Nothing did now. He was like a brother, or a best friend, or something more than that. “Was it terrific?”
“No. Not for me. Maybe for him. But I think it could be … it was kind of exciting, and dizzy making. It makes you stop thinking of anything else, or making sense, or wanting to do the right thing. It's kind of like an express train once it gets under way, or maybe that was the gin …but I think with the right person, it might be pretty great. I don't know. I don't really want to try again. Not for a long time, and not till I find the right person. I don't want to do that again, and be really stupid.” He nodded, intrigued by what she said. It was kind of what he had expected, and he admired her resolve. But he was sorry she had had the experience, and he hadn't. “The sad thing was that it didn't mean anything, and it should. And now I have this baby, whom nobody wants, not the father, not me, no one.”
“Maybe you'll change your mind when you see it' he said thoughtfully. His heart had melted from the first moment he'd seen Annie.
“I'm not sure I will. The two girls who had babies at the convent before I left never saw their babies. The nuns just took them away when they were born, and that was it. It seems so strange to carry it with you all this time, and then give it away …but it seems just as strange to keep it. It's not like it's for one day. It's forever. Could I do that? Could I be a mother for all that time? I don't think so. And then I think that there's something wrong with me. Why don't I want this baby with me forever? And if I do when I see it, then what am I going to do? How will I support it, or keep it? Tommy, I don't know what to do….” Her eyes filled with tears again and he pulled her close to him again, and this time, without hesitating, he leaned down and kissed her. It was a kiss filled with admiration and tenderness and compassion, and all the love he had come to feel for her.
It was the kiss of a man for a woman, the first either had known in just that way, the first either had felt of that magnitude in their entire lifetime. It was a kiss that could easily lead to more, except that now, and here, neither of them would let it.
“I love you,” he whispered into her hair afterwards, wishing that it was his baby she was carrying, and not that of a boy she had never cared for. “I love you so much … I won't go away …I'll be there to help you.” They were brave promises for a sixteen-year-old boy. But in the past year he had grown into manhood.
“I love you too,” she said cautiously, wiping away her tears with his towel, and not wanting to give him all her problems.
“You've got to go to a doctor,” he said, sounding remarkably paternal.
“Why?” Sometimes she still seemed very young, in spite of what she was going through.
“You've got to make sure the baby's healthy. My mom went all the time when she was pregnant with Annie.”
“Yeah, but she was older.”
“I think you're supposed to go anyway.” And then he had a thought. “I'll get the name of my mom's doctor, and maybe we can figure out a way for him to see you.” He looked pleased with the idea, and she giggled.
“You're crazy. They'll think it's yours, and they'll tell your mom. I can't go to a doctor, Tommy.”
“We'll figure something out,” he tried to reassure her. “And maybe my mom's doctor could help you find someone to adopt it. I think they do that too. They must know people who want babies and can't have them. I think my mom and dad thought about adopting for a while, before they had Annie, and then they didn't have to. I'll get his name, and we can make an appointment.” He had stepped right into it, and shouldered the burden with her, unlike anyone else in her life. He kissed her again long and hard, and then ever so gently, he put a hand on the baby. It was moving a lot then, and she asked him if he could feel it. He concentrated for a little while, and then with a grin, he nodded. It was just the tiniest of flutterings, as if her belly had a life of its own, which it did at the moment.
They went swimming again late that afternoon, and this time she swam to the raft with him, and she was tired when she got back. They lay on their blanket then for a long time, and talked quietly about her future. It seemed a little less ominous now, with Tommy to share it, although the enormity of it still scared her. If she kept it, she would have the child for the rest of her life. If not, she might always regret it. It was hard to know which was the right thing to do, except that she kept feeling that it would be a greater gift to the child, and even herself, to let it go to other parents. There would be other children one day, and she would always regret this one, but it was the wrong time and the wrong place, and circumstances she just couldn't manage.
He held her in his arms, and they kissed and snuggled but it went no further. They were both strangely peaceful when they went back to her room so she could change her clothes, to go out for dinner and a movie. Things had changed between them that afternoon. It was as though they belonged to each other now. She had shared her secret with him, and he had been there for her. She knew he wouldn't let her down. They needed each other, and she needed him especially. It was as though a silent bond had formed between them, a bond that would never be severed.
“See you tomorrow,” he said when he dropped her off at her place at eleven o'clock. He knew he couldn't stay away from her now. He needed to know that she was all right. He was going to drive her home from work the next day, although he had promised his mother he'd be home for dinner. “Take care of yourself, Maribeth,” he smiled, and she smiled back at him with a wave, as she closed the door softly behind her. And as she got into bed, she thought about how lucky she had been to ever meet him. He was the kind of friend she had never had, the brother Ryan had never been, the lover Paul never could have been. For the moment, he was everything. And that night, once again, she dreamt of Annie.
Chapter Six
For the next week, Tommy came by the restaurant every afternoon. He drove her home at night, and on Sunday night, he took her out to dinner and a movie. But on her next day off, he refused to take her to the lake again. Instead, he had a plan for something a great deal more important. He had stealthily borrowed his mothers address and telephone book, and carefully written down the name and address of her doctor. After old Dr. Thompson had died, Avery MacLean had been Liz's obstetrician for years, and had delivered both her children. He was a white-haired gentleman of distinguished years, but his ideas and techniques were considerably more modern than his manners. He was courtly, and formal in some ways, but he was extremely up to date in all the modern practices, and Tommy knew how much his mother liked him. And he also knew that Maribeth had to see a doctor.
He had made the appointment in the name of Mrs. Robertson, and tried his best to sound like his father on the phone, deepening his voice and trying to sound confident, despite trembling fingers. He had claimed to be Mr. Robertson when they'd asked, and said that they had just moved to Grinnell, after getting married, and his wife needed a checkup. And the nurse sounded as though she believed him.
“But what'll I say to him?” Maribeth looked at him in panic when he told her.
“Won't he know just by examining you? Do you have to tell him?” Tommy tried to sound more confident then he felt, and more knowledgeable than he was. He was still pretty sketchy on most of the fine points of her problem. All he knew of pregnancy was what he had seen of his mother in voluminous clothes, six years before, and could still remember, and what he'd seen of I love Lucy on TV the year before, when she announced that she was expecting.
“I mean …what'll I tell him about …
about the baby's father …” She looked deeply worried, but she knew too that he was right. There was so much about her condition that she didn't know, and she needed to talk to a doctor.
“Just tell him what you told them at the restaurant, that he was killed in Korea.” They didn't know about the baby yet, but she had laid the groundwork with her story about being a widow.
And then she looked up at him with eyes full of tears, and stunned him with her next question. “Will you come with me?”
“Me? I …what …what if they recognize me?” He was blushing to the roots of his hair at the mere thought of it. What if they examined her in front of him, what if they expected him to know something he didn't? He had no idea what mysteries transpired in the offices of women's doctors. Worse yet, what if they told his parents? “I can't, Maribeth … I just couldn't …”
She nodded, without saying a word, as one lone tear rolled slowly down her cheek, and he felt his heart rip right out of his body. “Okay …okay …don't cry …I'll think of something …maybe I could just say you're my cousin …but then he'd be sure to tell my mom … I don't know, Maribeth, maybe we can just say we're friends, and I knew your husband, and I just drove you over.”
“Do you think he'll suspect anything? That I'm not married, I mean?” They were like two kids trying to figure out how to get themselves out of a mess they had unwittingly created. But it was a very big mess, and there was no getting out of this one.
“He won't know if you don't tell him anything,” Tommy said firmly, trying to show a calm he didn't feel. He was terrified of going to the doctor with her. But he didn't want to let her down, and once he had told her he would, he knew he had to.
They were both nervous wrecks on their way to the appointment that afternoon. They barely spoke, and he felt so sorry for her, he tried to reassure her as he helped her out of the truck, and followed her into the doctor's office, praying that he wasn't blushing.
The Gift Page 11
