by Lori Ryan
“I know what Lacey did wasn’t my fault, but that doesn’t mean I need to go out looking for it to happen again. I’m just saying, Laura isn’t what I need right now, and I’m not what she needs right now.”
Shane let it drop.
“Do you know what her brother’s name was?” he asked instead.
Cade frowned. “James. I think her maiden name was Lawless. James Lawless. Why?”
Now it was Shane’s turn to shrug. “I just thought we could see where he’s buried. She might like to visit his grave or at least send flowers or something. If she didn’t get to go to the funeral, maybe she’s never been able to say goodbye to him. It’s something we could do for her, that’s all.”
Cade threw Shane a hard look, but Shane put up his hands in defense. “Hey, I only have friendly feelings toward Laura; I swear. I’m not planning on stepping into your territory.”
Cade growled. “She’s not my territory. She’s nobody’s territory.”
“Touchy, touchy,” Shane said and headed down the stairs. Someone would have to run interference for Cade. If Mama took one look at Cade, she’d know something was up and Shane knew Cade wasn’t going to want to talk about this.
“I’ll tell Mama you’re having dinner at your place tonight so you can watch the game. She’ll buy that,” Shane said over his shoulder. Cade lived above the horse barn but he ate most of his meals up at the house with Mama. “Get yourself together by tomorrow morning, though, or you’ll have to come up with a better cover story yourself.”
Chapter Fifteen
“So, Laura,” Cade said as he packed hay into the slow feeders that leaned against one wall of the center aisle of the barn. Once filled, the feeders were hung in each stall to fend off boredom. The horses had to manipulate the feeder to work the hay out a bit at a time. “If you could grow things for a living, had start-up money and any resources you’d need, what would you grow?”
Laura didn’t answer. She kept measuring grain into buckets and focused her eyes on the scoop of grain, not on Cade.
“Come on, tell me.”
Laura stopped measuring and looked at Cade. “You really want to know?”
Laura was used to people not only assuming she wouldn’t amount to anything, but also telling her that. It occurred to her that since she’d arrived on the ranch, no one had treated her that way. Instead, May, Cade, and Shane all acted as though she could easily be a contributing member of the ranch. When she asked what she could help with, they’d taught her how to help with the horses and thanked her for pitching in.
“I wouldn’t have asked if I didn’t want to know,” Cade said.
Laura tried to sound nonchalant.
“I’d grow seeds.”
“What? I thought you grew plants from seeds not the other way around. Well, I mean, I guess everyone knows that plants produce more seeds, but why would that be the focus instead of the plants themselves?” Cade asked.
“Because there aren’t enough people breeding and growing organic seeds that are specifically bred to thrive in an organic environment. Most seeds are bred in conventional systems of gardening, and they perform best in those systems. When you take those seeds and plant them in an organic system, they don’t do as well. It’s sort of like taking a child who speaks one language and plopping her into a classroom where another language is taught. She would probably be able to do some of the things the class is doing just by following along, but she won’t thrive,” Laura said, then flushed as she realized he was watching her intently. She hadn’t intended to say that much.
“How do you know that?” Cade asked.
Laura answered with a shrug. Cade continued to work quietly, as if he didn’t care whether she answered or not.
Laura relented. “I read a lot about organic gardening. I would have loved to grow all our own vegetables, but Patrick thought that was…beneath us. He didn’t mind my little flower hobby, but he drew the line at growing food.”
“So, that’s what you’d do if you could do anything? Breed seeds?” Cade asked with a grin.
Laura’s heart shouldn’t have skipped a beat when he grinned, but it did. She turned back to the grain buckets and tried to slow her suddenly much-too-fast breathing before she answered.
“Yeah. There’s a science to it, but it’s also creative and I’d be able to work with plants. My greenhouse was the only place I could be alone, be at peace.”
“What would you need to get started?”
Laura busied herself with measuring grain. She didn’t want to dream and fantasize about what couldn’t be. She’d accepted a long time ago that there wasn’t room for dreams in her life. She would soon have a baby to take care of. She needed a steady job, not a fantasy. And, she sure as heck didn’t need to be dealing with the other feelings Cade’s attention was raising.
“Laura, come on, humor me. It’s fun to just dream sometimes,” Cade insisted.
No, it’s not. Dreaming leads to hope and hope lets you down every time. In the end, hope hurts like hell.
“Okay. A commercial-sized greenhouse. Just one at first, but eventually you’d need a lot more than one. And space for those greenhouses,” Laura said.
“Texas has a lot of space. What else?” Cade asked. He crossed to the tack room and reached into the bin where he kept his bags of mints. He was back out in a second with carrots Laura had replaced the mints with in his hand.
“What’s this, Laura?” he asked, eyes soft.
Laura smiled back at him sheepishly. He laughed and she stomped her foot at him. “Don’t laugh. All those mints are bound to be bad for their teeth. I thought we could do carrots for a change.”
Her heart raced as she waited for his reaction.
Cade snorted and shoved the fistful of carrots in his back pocket, leaving the green tops hanging out. “All right, but if we end up with a stampede on our hands tonight, or if all the horses rebel and refuse to come in for dinner, I’ll know who to blame.”
Laura couldn’t tell if he was joking or not. “Will they really stampede?” she asked, her brow furrowed as she tried to read his face. Part of her was just relieved he hadn’t yelled at her for hiding his mints. Another part of her was proud for having taken the initiative, for taking a risk.
Cade laughed some more and shook his head. “Don’t worry. The worst they’ll do is pout. But don’t expect me to cover for you. I’m putting this change square on your shoulders when the horses ask where the mints are. I’ll point the finger straight at you, Laura. Now, really, what else would you need to breed seeds?” Cade asked, bringing the conversation back around to her future plans before she could even take a minute to enjoy the satisfaction of voicing an opinion and making a change based on it.
Laura sighed and played along. “Pots and starter plants—organic starter plants or heirloom seeds—and soil and a few tools. Not much. A way to keep records of your crosses and backcrosses.”
“A laptop.” Cade nodded as though he were making a list in his head.
“It’s just a dream, Cade. I’m not actually going to do it. I need to find a real job, a job that can keep clothes on my baby and food in our stomachs. A steady job with a reliable paycheck.”
Cade just smiled at her as he began hoisting the feeders up onto the hooks in each of the stalls. “Never hurts to have a dream, Laura,” he said.
But Laura knew better than that. It could hurt like hell if you weren’t careful.
Chapter Sixteen
Laura was feeling settled on the ranch and actually wondered if she had overreacted. Maybe Patrick’s family wasn’t coming after her at all. She was still a little too frightened to get a job, and go through things like filling out tax forms, since that would identify her to anyone who might have the tools to seek her out that way. She was contributing to the ranch by helping Cade with the animals and helping May with meals and cleaning as much as she could.
Each day, Laura thought, just one more day. I’ll stay one more day. But days turned into weeks
, and she began to feel she could really stay. She could make this her home. Her child’s home.
Laura loved the mouthwatering meals May was teaching her to make. She’d eaten in some of the finest restaurants in New York, Paris, Rome, and any number of other places she and Patrick had traveled to with his family or when they traveled with his business associates. She’d also cooked all her life for her father and brother, and later for Patrick.
Despite all that, never had she had such satisfying meals as those she cooked with May. They weren’t necessarily gourmet. There just seemed to be something about them that made her feel at home. Maybe this was what people meant when they said something was “comfort food.” Everything May served seemed to fit that description.
Putting her fork down on an empty plate, Laura enjoyed the last bite of her second helping of pot roast. It was so tender, knives hadn’t been needed for anything more than to slather butter on thick slices of honey-wheat bread.
Shane and Cade were still packing away their third portions—extremely large portions, at that—but Laura really couldn’t blame them. The meal really was incredible.
When Shane put his fork and knife down, he cleared his throat and glanced a little uneasily at Cade then at her, making Laura immediately tense. She had a feeling she wasn’t going to like what was about to come out of Shane’s mouth, and she could see May was getting ready to jump in and defend her if she needed it.
“Um, Laura, I uh…I’ve started researching what we’ll need to do if the Kensingtons do find you. I figure you’ll need to see a doctor sooner rather than later for the baby. Any doctor’s visit should be confidential, but you just never know. They may have someone who can hack into records and track you.” Shane glanced at Cade and then cut his gaze to May before hurrying on. “I think we need a plan in case they come after you…. Legally, I mean. They may try to sue for custody, Laura.”
“Shane—” May began but Laura cut her off.
“No, he’s right, May. Shane’s right,” she said as she placed her hand over May’s. “I can’t hide out forever. Someday, I’ll have to face them, and if they do try for custody, I’m going to need all the help I can get. Honestly, Shane, I’m touched you’ve started looking into this for me. I can’t pay you right now, but I will. I’ll pay you back on a monthly plan if I need to.”
Shane shook his head. “You don’t need to do that, Laura, but I will need some information from you.” He looked over at his mother again, before meeting Laura’s gaze. “And I need to ask you some questions that may be a little tough for you to answer.”
Laura sat up straighter and raised her chin. She had wondered if Shane knew about the abuse. Cade seemed to have picked up on it, so she figured if Shane hadn’t figured it out himself, Cade might have told him.
As she let the idea of all of them knowing sink in, she forced herself to accept it. She needed to get this out there if she was going to get past it. The story needed to be told to diffuse the power it held over her. “Ask away. What do you need?” She’d be damned if she would shrink away from what had to be done to keep her baby.
“Maybe we should go in the other room and talk?” Shane suggested, but she shook her head.
“You can ask me anything. I don’t mind May and Cade hearing,” Laura said. She’d already told May a lot of what her marriage had been like. In fact, she wasn’t quite sure how May had gotten the stories to come out, but once they had, Laura felt like some kind of veil of shame, a veil of secrecy, had been lifted. It was okay to tell people what Patrick had done because it wasn’t her fault. She hadn’t been the one to do wrong. He had. The only thing she could fault herself with was staying and she was changing that now. She’d had a plan to run. When push came to shove, she’d been ready to protect her baby and she would hold her head high if for no other reason than that.
“It will help your case immensely if we can prove the abuse, but also if we can prove that the rest of Patrick’s family was aware of the abuse and didn’t stop it or report it. Was the abuse ever documented or did you report it to anyone?” Shane asked.
Laura took a deep breath. She’d been ready for this day. She swallowed the last bit of panic at what she needed to do.
“Do you have a computer?” she asked.
Shane stood and crossed to the front door, picking up the bag that sat by his shoes. He withdrew a laptop and returned to the table, turning it on before placing it in front of Laura.
“About a year ago, even before I got pregnant, I knew I needed to leave him someday. I didn’t know how I would do it, but it was clear I needed to or he’d eventually kill me. I wanted leverage if I ever left. He’d come after me. He wouldn’t just let me walk away. But, I thought if I had proof of the abuse, I could get his mother to control him. She’d seen the bruises, but never helped. Never stepped in.”
Laura took a deep breath and steadied herself. “I knew Martha’s involvement would change if I had evidence I could take to the media. Reputation is everything to the Kensingtons. Keeping up appearances is more important than her son’s pride. With embarrassing proof, his mother would have kept him from coming after me.”
Laura paused for a minute and prepared herself for what she was about to do. She opened an Internet window and typed in an address. It felt eerie to do it. She’d actually never checked the email account since she opened it. She had set it up only to receive emails she sent to it. She hadn’t given the address to anyone since the day she’d used a computer at the local library to create the account a year ago.
As she talked, Laura selected the tab at the top of the screen to organize the emails by sender, then scrolled through the junk mail to the section of emails she’d sent herself.
“I started saving little bits of money here and there. I’d wash and starch all of Patrick’s shirts in the basement when he was at work. I put them on hangers I’d saved from the dry cleaners and put them with his suits when I brought them home. I could save twelve dollars a week that way. I clipped coupons and bought small things he wouldn’t notice using our debit card, then returned them for cash.”
Laura kept her eyes on the computer screen. She might be about to bare her soul to these people, but looking them in the eye was a bit more than she was ready for as she talked about the humiliation of saving a dollar here and there for her escape.
“I started an email account and took pictures on my phone, then deleted them as soon as I’d sent them to the account. By the time I found out I was pregnant, I had only saved three hundred dollars but I’d collected several months’ worth of pictures. With the baby, I didn’t have a choice. There wasn’t any more time. I knew I had to leave right away. A week before Patrick died, I sold all of the jewelry in our safety deposit box and bought a new identity. I planned to leave when he was on a business trip. This email account was my safety net if he tracked me down.”
Laura turned the computer toward Shane and stood up. The room was silent as she turned and walked out the back door. She couldn’t watch. She knew what they’d see, but she didn’t know what they’d think when they saw the pictures.
Would they wonder how she could have been such a fool to have trusted this man? Or that she was weak for not leaving right away? For staying for three years? Or pitiful because she hadn’t stood up for herself?
Cade wasn’t sure he was ready to see what Laura had just shared with them, but he almost laughed when he saw the email address she’d set up. Proofhesabastard@yahoo.com.
Shane clicked on the first email, and any laughter dried up in Cade’s throat. Shane clicked through email after email, picture after picture of black and purple bruises. The lawyer in Shane was meticulous. He carefully saved each photo in a file as he went, documenting the date and taking a screen shot of the email, as well.
Bruises littered every part of Laura’s body. The imprint of hands clear as day on her skin where her husband had pinned her down, choked her. The evidence of punches hard enough to blacken large swatches of her tiny body. Bla
ck eyes and a split lip. A burn from…what? The hot pan she’d told May about? Something large enough to blister off a six or eight-inch area of skin on her back.
Cade felt sick. No one uttered a sound as he stood and followed Laura out the back door. She sat on the log bench he had carved out of a fallen tree for May. The bench set in a patch of wildflowers that grew ten yards from the back door; his mother’s version of a flower garden. Cade made sure she could hear him coming up behind her, but she didn’t move. Just stared out at the field of bluebonnets and yellow and pink Texas paintbrush in front of her.
Cade sat next to Laura and threaded his fingers through hers. Her hand was so tiny in his. The thought of her so small and defenseless and all alone facing that monster she’d married tore at his heart like nothing ever had. He’d seen Patrick Kensington on television—everyone had. He wasn’t the largest man in the world, but he dwarfed Laura.
How had he ever thought she was weak? That she might be like Lacey? Laura was without a doubt the bravest woman he’d ever met. Her strength humbled him. She was as far from Lacey as any woman could ever be.
“I’m so proud of you, Laura,” Cade said. He shook his head, unable to speak past the thickening in his throat for a few moments.
“If he had caught you collecting that evidence—God, Laura—I can’t even imagine what he would have done to you. You were so brave to get yourself away from there.”
Laura huffed out a sarcastic laugh. “But I didn’t. Not really. I sometimes wonder if I would have had the guts to leave if he hadn’t died. You know, it’s horrible to say, but when the police were standing on my doorstep telling me Patrick had died…” Laura swiped at tears on her face. “I just felt relieved. All I could think was that I’d finally be free. My baby would be safe. I shouldn’t have felt that when I heard that my baby would grow up without a father, but I did. I couldn’t—I can’t—feel anything more than relief that he’s dead, and I hate that. I’m ashamed of it.”
