by Aspen Grey
His voice behind me.
I froze in my tracks. Without looking, I could feel him moving up behind me. It wasn’t even the fact that I could hear his steps – it was more than that. His scent grew stronger and there was just a…feeling coming over me as he approached.
Sheer panic set in when he was a few steps away, and I spun around to face him.
“What the fuck!?” I roared. I didn’t care who heard or who looked out their windows. They could kiss my fucking ass. “What the Hell are you doing!?”
Kitchi’s face was unreadable. It was like he was shocked, hurt and amused at the same time.
“I went to get us breakfast,” he said simply. He was holding a small box from a local deli that also served egg sandwiches, and there was a bottle of orange juice under his arm.
I couldn’t control the cry-laugh that forced its way out of my lips. Nodding, I looked at him as tears welled up in my eyes.
“You went to get breakfast,” I said with a sigh.
“I wanted to surprise you,” he said. “I thought it would be nice.”
This just wasn’t fair. I’d never been so jerked around in my life. Had I just been stupid? Or was this just more bullshit? But if he was bullshitting me, what could be want? Just to get laid again? It seemed like a lot of effort to put into getting laid again when I probably would have just fucked him again this morning when we woke up – well, when I definitely would have fucked him again this morning when we woke up.
“I thought…” I blubbered, wiping my eyes. “I thought you bailed on me.”
Kitchi stepped up to me and took my hand, but I pulled out of his grasp and backed off. He’d given me an explanation, and it made sense, but I just wasn’t able to fully accept it yet. My defense mechanisms were on high alert, and it didn’t matter what he said – I needed time.
“Just – one second,” I told him, taking a step back. It didn’t help that his scent was so damn sweet. I was being pulled in a hundred different directions at once.
“Come back to the motel with me,” he told me, taking another step forward. Maybe I was being crazy, but he didn’t look like he was bullshitting me. I looked at him, letting him see my vulnerability. “Come on. Get your clothes. I bought breakfast.”
He smiled and took my hand. And this time, I let him.
Kitchi
I bit into my egg and cheese sandwich, but I wasn’t really concerned with it right now. The only thing on my mind was Toby and how I’d hurt him.
Maybe I’d underestimated Toby’s vulnerability – his wounds. I thought it would be nice to surprise him with breakfast when he woke up, and had taken my time getting out of bed so as to not disturb him. But obviously it had been the wrong move.
He’d eaten half his sandwich and set it down on the small table where we were sitting. At night, the motel hadn’t been so obviously cheap and disgusting, but now, in the daylight, the place disgusted me.
I could only imagine how many other “couples” had been here, seeking out love instead of lust, using the place for a few hours of privacy, or a night of debauchery, and then leaving in the morning to go about their lives.
All I wanted to do was be back at the lodge with him. I was living with a pack that was mostly wolves, run by Tate, the alpha pack leader. I’d come down here to get away from them all for a while so I could nurse my wounds, but having spent a night here, I had a newfound appreciation for the comfort I’d left behind.
There was something going on with Toby that I couldn’t put my finger on. We’d been inseparable last night, like we were one person. But now, it felt like there was a chasm between us. A divide. Like we’d gone from being strangers, to mates, then back to strangers again. And it was killing me.
“Toby,” I finally said. “What is it?”
He didn’t look up – not right away. He just kept staring down at the half of his egg sandwich. I wanted to speak, but I knew it would be wrong. I had to give him time. Time to respond. Time to find the words.
“I – I think I’m going to go back to Thatcher’s,” he finally said. His words were like a sledgehammer to my heart.
“What!?” I gasped. He still wasn’t looking at me. I felt myself starting to sweat, even though I felt suddenly cold. “What are you talking about!?”
“It just…it seems like the right thing to do,” he said, his voice so soft I could barely make it out.
“In what world would that be the best thing to do?” I asked, unable to hide the shock in my voice. “Toby…”
“This is all just happening so fast,” Toby replied. “I know you think you love me, but you don’t know anything about me. You don’t know about the kind of life I’ve lived.”
“None of that matters to me!” I roared. The volume of my voice shocked him, made him jump. I slid my chair closer and spoke quietly. “Toby, none of that matters. You’re my fated mate. I know that! Do you know what that means?”’
Finally, Toby shook his head and looked up at me.
“It means we are meant to be together. It means I would go through Hell for you.”
“It’s just a fairytale,” he said, shaking his head. “None of that shit’s for real.”
“It is for real!” I told him, taking his hands in mine. “I’ve seen it! The wolves I live with – there are fated mates among them! Their love is just beautiful! You and I can have that!”
I was pleading with him, something I wasn’t used to. Something I never thought I would ever do. But I’d do anything for Toby. There was no question in my mind, and seeing him tortured by doubt was more than I could take.
“I’m taking you with me,” I told him, getting to my feet. He hesitated, but I lifted him to his feet. I wasn’t about to give him a second to think about it. “We’re getting out of this shitty town for good.”
“Kitchi, wait!” he protested, but his heart wasn’t into it.
“Come on,” I told him, yanking the door open, leaving the unfinished breakfast on the table. “My ride’s over at the Steel Mill.”
Toby opened his mouth to speak, but we were already outside and heading through the parking lot. Some dickhead was leaning against the hood of an old sports car, smoking a cigarette and gave us the eye as we passed.
“Found yourself a man, aye, sweet cheeks?” he called at Toby as he puffed smoke through his lips. Under different circumstances, I would have broken the guy’s face. He wasn’t even a shifter, and had no idea who he was talking to. But right then, the only important thing was getting Toby out of here. So instead of driving my fist into his jaw, I gave him a look that let him know he should shut the fuck up.
And he did.
“Charmer,” I muttered as we headed for the tracks.
“He was harassing me earlier,” Toby replied as we went on.
“Not a surprise,” I grumbled. “Place isn’t well-known for its gentlemen.”
We reached the Steel Mill parking lot, which was basically empty except for the truck I’d borrowed from the pack. Bar parking lots always seemed strange during the day. At night they were bustling, filled with sounds and smells, but during the day it was like a zombie apocalypse. Frankly, I was glad I hadn’t gotten towed.
“Allow me,” I said with a corny grin as I pulled the door open for Toby. He smiled and hopped in. I closed the door behind him, went around the other side of the truck and got in. “It’s a bit of a drive from here.”
“That’s okay,” he said, taking my hand in his. “More time I get to spend with you.”
I smiled, twisted the key, and the engine coughed and sputtered before roaring to life. “Now who’s the charmer?”
Toby
It was a long ride, but I didn’t care. It had been a long time since I’d left Thatcher’s place, especially for any long period of time, and it was nice to just sit there and look out the window at the scenery passing by. So much of my time had been spent in the brothel that I’d almost forgotten what nature was.
The outskirts of Courtland were ugly, f
illed with strip malls, truck stops, gas stations and motels, but once we started to leave the town behind, we were flanked on both sides by open farmland, each field separated by a row of trees.
We passed a large red barn that was getting a fresh coat of paint, and I smiled at the horses grazing lazily in the pastures.
“Do you ride?” I asked Kitchi.
“Never have,” he replied.
“I always wanted to,” I told him, watching as two of the horses played together.
“You can ride me,” Kitchi chuckled, poking me in the ribs.
“Hey!” I squirmed, giving him a slap on the thigh. “Don’t do that. I’m so ticklish!”
“Are you?” he chuckled. “I’ll have to remember that for the next time you get out of line.”
All I could do was smile. It felt so strange, but so amazing at the same time, to have someone beside me who actually cared about me. There was still that little piece inside me though, telling me not to trust him, telling me that this would all end in misery. But I was doing my best not to listen.
Eventually, it started to get hilly as we headed up into the mountains. It felt like the frontier or something up here. I had grown up in trailer parks, which were usually on the outskirts of towns and were “rural” as far as most people were concerned. But at the same time, I never really spent much time outdoors doing outdoors things.
“Here’s us,” Kitchi said as he pulled the truck onto a dirt driveway leading up a steep slope.
“Pretty remote,” I said nervously as we came up over the hill.
“That’s the idea,” Kitchi replied. “Away from the humans. We can be ourselves up here.”
The ground leveled out and Kitchi brought the truck to a stop in front of an enormous lodge. It was obviously an older house that had been fixed up. Some of the woodworking was new, including an addition that had added an entire new wing to the compound.
“Wow,” I said. “Looks…friendly.”
“Friendly?” Kitchi smiled. “It is. It’s home.”
He opened the door and moved to step outside, but I grabbed his hand and stopped him. He turned back to me. “What is it?”
“Kitchi,” I said, feeling embarrassed. “I’m nervous.”
“Nervous?” he asked, looking confused at me. “Nervous about what?”
What was I nervous about? It was weird, because I hadn’t felt nervous about anything in a long time. My life had become so routine that I was used to everything. It was routine.
Maybe that was it – I’d broken my routine and left everything I knew behind.
Shit, I thought. I didn’t even bring any clothes…
The front door to the lodge opened and someone stepped outside on to the porch. He was tall – a wolf alpha, wearing a grubby white Henley t-shirt. He saw Kitchi and grinned, and that’s when I realized why I was feeling what I was feeling.
“Meeting everyone,” I told him, looking down at the seat.
“You’re nervous about meeting everyone?” Kitchi asked. I nodded.
“What are they going to think about me?” I asked. “Are you…are you going to tell them where you met me? And how?”
Kitchi put his hand on my thigh and squeezed. “I’ll tell them whatever you want me to. But I can say this, they’re all great people. They’ve gone through a lot. We’re the most functional dysfunctional group in the world.”
I gave him a smile that was meant to convince him that I wasn’t completely shitting myself at the prospect of meeting his entire pack, but he saw right through it.
“Okay, tell you what,” Kitchi said warmly. “The foxes have a cabin out back. Why don’t I take you there? You can meet Red and Osana and we’ll leave the rest of the group for another time? Does that work?”
I felt like a total wuss, but I nodded, knowing it was for the best. The last thing I wanted was to be trotted out in front of who knew how many wolves so I could be showed off as “the new guy.” I’m sure none of them had backgrounds like mine, no matter what Kitchi told me to make me feel more comfortable.
“Stay here, I’ll be back in two seconds,” he told me. I let go of his hand and he got out of the truck and walked up the steps to greet the wolf alpha on the porch.
What are you saying? I thought nervously, chewing at my fingernails. I was practically squirming in my seat as the two spoke. I’m sure he was only gone for thirty seconds, but it felt like thirty hours to me. He pulled open the door, slid back into the truck and turned on the engine.
“Who’s that?” I asked quickly. “What were you guys saying?”
“That’s Tate,” Kitchi said calmly, wheeling the truck around the back of the house past a large barn. “He’s the leader of this place. Great guy.”
“He’s okay with me staying here?”
“Of course he is,” Kitchi replied. “I’m sort of like his second in command – one of them. We’ve been through a lot together.”
I was still nervous as all Hell as Kitchi parked the truck around the back side of the house. A small cabin peeked out of the trees at the edge of the back yard.
“That’s it,” Kitchi grinned. “Come on. Let’s get comfortable.”
Toby
“Kitchi!” A woman’s voice called out as I stepped in the door, holding onto Kitchi’s hand like a damn toddler.
“Where ever have you been?” A woman appeared, with the wildest mane of red hair I’d ever seen in my life. She was a fox too, and carried with her a scent of lemon mint and ginger. “Oh, we have a visitor!”
“Osana, this is Toby. Toby, this is Osana,” Kitchi said, introducing me. Osana shot a quick glance at Kitchi, raising one eyebrow.
“So nice to meet you, dear!” Osana said warmly. I almost jumped when she threw her arms around me and pulled me in for a hug. There was something so motherly about her that even though I was completely uncomfortable at the entire situation, I didn’t mind.
“Nice to m—meet you,” I stammered. My throat was dry, like I’d just done a shot of sand. “Sorry, do you, um….”
“Have something to drink?” Osana said, filling in the blanks. “Oh, do we ever. Come on in, dear. Tell me what you’d like.”
Without hesitation, Osana wrapped her arm around my shoulders and pulled me away from Kitchi, down a tight hall and into a small kitchen.
“I’m a bit of a tea fanatic,” she chuckled, opening one of those old school refrigerators that looks like it came out of a 1950s television show. “I love brewing tea, but no one could drink them fast enough, so I started icing them! We have regular green tea, lemon mint tea, ginger orange, peppermint, peach mango black tea…”
“Whatever you like,” I told her. If this all wasn’t overwhelming enough, now I had every tea on Earth to choose from?
“Well, I like them all, but if I had to pick…” she contemplated. “I’d go with the lemon mint. It sounds like an odd combination, but it’s absolutely delicious. Has a nice kick to it!”
“That sounds nice,” I replied as she reached into the fridge and pulled out a thick glass bottle. She pulled a mug from the cabinets and quickly poured me a glass. She handed it to me, and I gulped it down quickly.
“Whoa!” I coughed as the flavors hit me. “That’s strong!”
I felt my sinuses open up and the rest of my head felt like I had mint vapor coming out of it. The lemon was tart and sour, with a hint of sweetness after, but it was still enough to make my lips pucker.
“I probably should have told you to sip it first,” Osana giggled.
“Is Red here?” Kitchi asked from the door.
“He’s in his room. Do you want me to get him?”
“That’s okay,” Kitchi replied. “Toby and I are going to get situated first.”
“You’ll be joining us for dinner, I hope?” Osana asked. “Up at the lodge?”
I felt a nervous pang in my chest and glanced up at Kitchi. “I think we’re going to eat together tonight,” he told her. “Baby steps.”
“Okay,” she s
aid, sounding like she understood. “I’ll have Kyle make a small portion for you guys and I’ll leave it in the kitchen.”
“Thank you, Osana,” Kitchi said, taking my hand and leading me back into the living room and down a hall toward the bedrooms. I was more than relieved when I saw his room was at the end of the hallway, and when he shut the door behind us, I felt myself starting to relax.
“Hanging in there?” Kitchi asked as I slumped down onto the bed. It was firm underneath, but covered with a thick, soft comforter that curled around me like a warm embrace.
“It’s – a lot,” I admitted, doing my best to keep my anxiety at bay. I started to realize just how much of an effect living on my own for so long had had on me. Honestly, I was angry at myself for not being able to accept the fact that there were people around me that seemed to actually care about me.
These were probably nice people. Kitchi trusted them. But to me, they were just people who would end up betraying me. And I hated myself for thinking that. I gripped the sheet tightly and clenched my teeth.
“What’s wrong?” I heard Kitchi ask. He could see something was upsetting me, and that just upset me more.
“Nothing!” I snapped. It felt like a giant hand was pressing down on my chest and I leapt to my feet, sucking air, trying to catch my breath. The room felt suddenly small, like the walls were closing in on me. I felt trapped.
“Toby,” Kitchi said softly.
“Can you just stop, Kitchi?” I replied. “I just – I just need a minute!”
I was pacing the room like a crazy person.
Because that’s what I am…I thought, hating myself for being so ridiculous, and hating Kitchi even more for being able to see right through me.
The bathroom door was halfway open. I shouldered it the rest of the way and stepped inside, slamming it behind me. Bracing myself on the sink, I stared at myself in the mirror.
You look like shit, I thought with a grimace. You don’t belong here!
These were all nice people here. They were nothing like me. What was I anyway? Just an omega nobody had ever wanted, who’d spent my adult life giving myself away for money. It was despicable. Disgusting.
