by E. L. Todd
“Hey, Sean,” Mr. Perkins said as he came into my office.
I stood up and walked around my desk until I was standing in front of him. We shook hands. “Good morning, sir,” I said. “How are you?”
“Well,” he said. “I am very well.” He put one hand in his pocket and wafted the other through the air while he spoke. He was one of those people who talked with their hands, adding emphasis to his words with the movement of his arms. “So, is tomorrow afternoon good for you?” he asked. “We can head to the club after work.”
“That sounds like a plan.” I nodded.
“Good. I look forward to it.” He smiled. “And I’m excited to see your lovely squeeze, Scarlet.”
I nodded. I knew I should be honest about her absence instead of showing up without her to the club, making some excuse like she couldn’t get off work. A part of me was worried how that might affect my image, but then I realized it was irrelevant. I assumed I was being given the Dwight account simply because I was the best financial analyst in the firm—there was no other reason. “Actually, Scarlet won’t be joining us,” I said.
Mr. Perkins raised an eyebrow. “I see,” he said. “Well, let’s arrange it for another day. Would Wednesday be preferable to her?”
I sighed. “No,” I said. “Actually, she and I just called it quits. I don’t think she will be around anymore.” I watched Mr. Perkins stare at me, clearly unsure what to say about my unexpected news.
“That is unfortunate,” he said. “I liked her very much. I suspect you won’t find a woman like that again.”
“Probably not,” I admitted.
“Well, I need to get back to work,” he said as he headed for the door.
“We can still go tomorrow, sir, if you wish,” I added. I wanted to stay in his inner circle. I didn’t understand why I couldn’t just bring someone else along. I knew Brian would force me to take him.
“I’ll take a rain check,” he said as he walked away.
“Mr. Perkins?” I asked.
“Yes,” he said as he turned around. I was waiting for him to give me the Dwight account. His attitude had been booming with excitement and energy, but now he seemed irritated with me. He waited for me to speak, but it took a while for me to conjure the words. “Is there anything else you need from me, sir?”
“No.” He closed the door behind him and walked back to this office that overlooked the city of Manhattan. I was hoping to get that office someday. It wasn’t looking good.
I returned to my desk and worked on the Price account, a task that an idiotic intern could do. I scanned through the files with such anger that I ripped one of the pages. I didn’t stop for lunch, nor did I take a break. I was furious that my advancement was being denied simply because Scarlet wasn’t around. It was bullshit.
At five, Brian knocked on my door and peeked in. “Let’s head out,” he said. He watched me shove my files into my shoulder bag and clear off my desk. I didn’t look at him as I rose from my chair and walked out the door. We took the elevator to the first floor and walked out of the building.
“What’s up your fucking twat?” Bryan asked, noticing my irritated attitude.
I ignored his vulgar comment. “I’m not getting the Dwight account.”
His eyes widened as we walked to the bar a few blocks down. “What the fuck did you do?”
“Nothing,” I said. “I didn’t do a goddamn thing.”
“Then what changed?”
I sighed. We stopped at a street light and waited for the traffic to pass by before we crossed. “I told him Scarlet couldn’t come to racquetball.”
“Why couldn’t she come?”
“We aren’t speaking to each other at the moment.”
“So does that mean she won’t be joining us?” he said with a depressed voice. “I thought she was coming.”
“No.”
“What happened?”
“I don’t want to talk about it.”
“So you guys broke up?”
“We were never together,” I snapped.
“You know what I mean.”
“We’re done,” I said.
“For good?” he asked.
“It seems that way.”
Brian didn’t say anything until we walked into the bar and took our seats. I ordered a beer on tap, wanting to keep it light. I had too much hard liquor the other night and I still felt crummy. I hadn’t been to the gym and I hadn’t made an effort to eat right. My body was clogged with poison.
“So, can I have her number?” Brian asked. “Since I won’t be seeing her anymore?”
“No,” I said as I drank my beer.
“Well, if you aren’t tapping her, then why shouldn’t I?” he asked. “I wonder what the rest of her body looks like.”
The anger exploded through me at his words. The idea of him being with Scarlet, talking about her in such a disrespectful way, enraged me. I only wanted her to be with someone that treated her right, not someone who discussed the curves of her body like she was a prostitute. Now I felt like an ass for suggesting to Scarlet that she date him. The idea was unthinkable. “Shut the fuck up,” I snapped. “I’ll fucking deck you if you speak about her like that again.”
Brian held his hands up in surrender. “Okay,” he said. “I get it.”
I watched the television in the corner and said nothing more.
He played with the rim of his glass for a moment before he turned to me. “So…can I have her number?”
I sighed, bottling my anger. “She isn’t interested in you.”
“You asked her?” Brian asked.
“Yes.”
“What did she say?”
“That you are a douche,” I said bluntly.
Brian stared at me. “No, she didn’t. She likes me.”
“Yes,” I said. “She does, but she also thinks you’re a douche.” I took a drink of my beer and didn’t look at him.
“Well, maybe if I asked her out, she might change her mind. I can be a good boyfriend.”
I gripped my glass tightly, almost shattering the cup under the force. My voice came out as a deadly whisper. “Ask me again and I’ll shove your face into the counter.”
Brian sighed. “What the fuck is your problem?” he yelled. “I know you lost the Dwight account, but it wasn’t official anyway. Don’t take your shit out on me. Stop being a fucking dick.”
I drank my beer and didn’t say anything for a moment. I ordered another one. “You’re right, Brian,” I said. “I am a fucking dick.” The comment made me think about Scarlet. I hated the way I treated her. I missed her. I could admit it.
“Is that an apology?” Brian asked.
“That’s as close as you are going to get.”
Brian shook his head and drank his beer. We watched the game on the screen and started talking about a call the ref made. It was easier just to talk about sports instead of personal bullshit. Maybe that’s why guys always get along so well. Most of the time, our conversations had no personal content at all.
I threw some cash on the counter and left the bar, saying a quick goodbye to Brian I yelled down a cab and gave the driver Scarlet’s address without even thinking about it. I wanted to talk to her and clear everything up. Scarlet was an amazing woman. I don’t know why I didn’t notice it before. Talking to Bryan made me realize I was being an idiot. I couldn’t stand the idea of her sleeping with him. I didn’t want her to sleep with anyone but me. I had to get her back, make things right. Even though I was still heartbroken over Penelope, I could give Scarlet a relationship if that’s what she wanted. I wanted to be with her. I didn’t want to lose her. I may not have been the best boyfriend at that moment, and I certainly thought about Penelope often, but we could work through that together.
When I got to the door, I knocked loudly but there was no answer. I assumed Scarlet was just ignoring me, so I banged on the door again. There was still no response.
“Nobody lives there,” a woman said, walking down the h
all while holding a grocery bag. She balanced the bag on her knee and tried to unlock the door across the hall from Scarlet’s apartment. I walked over and grabbed the bag from her, helping her get her door open.
“What do you mean?” I asked.
“The woman who lived there moved out. The superintendent already has the apartment up for rent. Three people have come by to look at it today. You know how hard it is to get an apartment in the city.” She walked through the door and closed it behind her.
I felt my heart pound in my chest as I processed her words. She couldn’t be right. She was mistaken. I ran down the stairs and back to the superintendent’s office. “Did Scarlet Reese move out?” I asked.
The superintendent was watching the television in his office. “Is that 13B?” he asked.
“Yes.”
“Then, yes,” he said. “She left yesterday.”
I heard my voice turn frantic. “Did she say where she was going?”
“No.”
I walked out of the office and headed back to my apartment. Scarlet meant what she said. She wanted nothing to do with me. She even moved to another apartment just to get away from me, knowing that I would never find her. The betrayal stung and made me angry. She actually moved to avoid me. She really didn’t want me anymore.
I lay in bed and thought about everything. I was already angry at Scarlet for everything she had done, and now I was even more furious with her, but at the same time, I was hurt. I was still in love with Penelope and I needed Scarlet to help me through it. Scarlet numbed my pain in every way. With her, there was no pain at all.
Penelope’s ring was sitting on the nightstand next to my bed, still in its box ready to be given to her. She hadn’t spoken to me in a week, and it was becoming clear that she never would. It was obvious. I should have just taken the ring back after she dumped me. I quickly fell asleep but was awoken by the sound of Penelope’s voice, which was just a figment of my imagination. Frustrated, I got up and grabbed a bottle of scotch from my cupboard and crushed a vicodin pill, sprinkling it in the liquid. I set my alarm then passed out, sleeping unperturbed for hours.
The next morning, I felt a migraine behind my eyes, but I woke up anyway and got ready for work. I went by Scarlet’s office and waited for her to walk into the building, but she never did. I walked inside the lobby and took the elevator to her floor. When I was inside, I looked for Scarlet, but saw Janice instead.
“Where’s Scarlet?” I asked without preamble.
“I don’t know,” she said. “I haven’t seen her.”
I saw Janice’s eyes widen and her body tense as she looked past me. A man wearing a collared shirt and thick glasses approached me. I could tell just by looking at him that I didn’t like him. “Can I help you with something?” he asked.
“I am looking for my friend, Scarlet.”
The man nodded. “Let’s discuss this in my office.” He walked down the hallway toward the other side of the room. I looked behind me and saw Janice stare at him with a look of fear. When we were in the man’s office, he motioned for me to sit in the seat across from his desk.
“My name is Carl and I am the chief copy editor here—I’m Scarlet’s boss. Scarlet didn’t show up to work the other day,” he said. “I just assumed that she quit.”
“Did you call her?” I asked.
“Yes,” he said with a smile. “But there was no response. It’s obvious that she is no longer interested in the company.”
I stared at him and felt my skin prickle. There was something about the man that I immediately disliked, but I couldn’t put my finger on it. Janice was clearly frightened of him and I was sure she had a reason why. I stared at his thick fingers and noticed the absence of a wedding ring even though he was older. There were no pictures of friends or family on his desk.
He continued on. “Scarlet wasn’t a team player anyway, so this is probably for the best.”
“A team player?” I asked incredulously. Was he kidding me? “She edited an entire manuscript overnight and it wasn’t even her genre. It sounds like she’s a good worker to me.” I knew I shouldn’t have snapped, but I couldn’t control it. That guy was giving me the creeps.
He folded his hands on the desk. “Well, she had other issues in the workplace.”
I highly doubted that. Scarlet was practically a workaholic. She never stopped until a project was not only finished—but perfect. I would bet my entire savings that she was the best worker in the building. “When was the last time you saw her?” I asked.
Carl rubbed his thumbs together as he thought for a moment. “Sunday night,” he said. “I came in to grab something and she was at her desk, trying to fix the mistakes from a manuscript that she hadn’t edited correctly. She was more trouble than she was worth.” Carl smiled at me. I wanted to punch him in the face. I didn’t even know the guy and I already hated him.
Suddenly, I felt every vein in my neck snap as I processed his words. Something had happened to Scarlet when she was there on Sunday night. I heard her yelling over her voice mail and now it was all clear. I understood why she ran away. It wasn’t just from me. I rose slowly from my seat. Carl watched me for a moment then stood up behind his desk and came around the corner. He smiled at me again. The idiot was too stupid to read the ferocity on my face. The idea of that disgusting, middle-age man threatening Scarlet or touching her made me shake. I felt my mind snap.
“YOU MOTHER FUCKER!” I screamed as I hit him. I punched him in both eyes then the side of the skull. The man tried to push me off, but he was too weak and confused, and my weight surpassed his even though he was larger. The muscles of my body outweighed his folds of fat. “I’LL FUCKING KILL YOU!”
The man screamed again as I beat him as hard as I could. He tried to crawl away but I stepped on his hand, breaking his fingers. “YOU FUCK WITH SCARLET THEN YOU FUCK WITH ME!” I jumped on him again and continued to pound him senseless. Every bash of his head ignited more rage within me. The idea of something happening to my girl was the worst thing imaginable. I couldn’t stand the thought of her being in pain. I punched him even harder, screaming while I broke his nose. I felt the women of the office staring at me and I knew I was being watched. I saw no cameras inside the office, so I didn’t think I was on tape, but it was time to get out of there before security arrived. I turned around, sprinting down the hallway. I took the stairs two at a time until I blended in with the crowd on the street. Blood dripped from my hands onto my suit. I knew the fucker was unconscious by the time I ran for it. I hoped he would die.
17
Scarlet
I didn’t want to move the next morning. I had no reason to wake up and no purpose to fulfill. Lying on my bed for the rest of my life sounded like a good plan, so I decided to stick with it. I rolled over on my side and kept my eyes closed, trying to fall back asleep, but it was useless. All I thought about was Sean and what transpired between us. Then, I thought about Janice and Carl, and then it just went back to Sean. It was a vicious cycle of painful memories.
Sean hadn’t called me, but Janice did. There were a few voice mails on my phone that I hadn’t listened to. I assumed they were all from her. I tightened the sheet around my shoulders and lay there like a corpse, suffering alone with my thoughts. Hours went by, and I didn’t even know what time it was. There was no clock in my room, but I didn’t care. It didn’t matter what time it was anyway.
Ryan knocked on my door. “Are you coming out sometime today?” he asked.
I remained silent, acting like I was asleep.
“I know you’re awake, Scarlet,” he said. “Let me in.”
I sighed. “The door is open.”
Ryan came into the room. My back was to him, but I didn’t turn over. I felt the bed shift as he sat down next to me. “Let’s have some breakfast.”
“I’m not hungry,” I said.
Ryan grabbed my leg and shook it. “Then let’s go out and see the city.”
“I’ve already seen it. I use
d to live here, remember?”
Ryan laughed. “Then we can rediscover it together.”
I moaned, not having anything coherent to say.
“Are you staying here permanently?” he asked.
“In this bed or in this city?” I asked.
“I think they are mutually exclusive.” He laughed.
“I’m never going back to New York.”
Ryan moved closer to me. “Please get up, Scarlet. This isn’t like you.”
“I know,” I whispered. I felt the tears fall from my eyes and I tried to hide them with the blanket. I had the uncontrollable need to sniff, but then he would know I was crying.
“Scarlet.” He sighed.
I started sobbing and I couldn’t stop. Ryan lay next to me. He didn’t touch me, but I could feel the warmth of his body heat radiate around me. I kept my back to him, not wanting him to see me cry, even though he had seen me sob dozens of times. He placed his hand on my back and rubbed me gently. “It’s okay,” he said. “I’m here.”
I tried to quiet my sobs, but it just hurt my diaphragm. “I know.”
“Tell me what you are feeling.”
“It doesn’t matter.”
“It does to me,” he said.
“Why should you care, Ryan?” I snapped. “I haven’t made an effort to talk to you for a year, and then I just show up on your doorstep and you act like everything is fine.”
Ryan sighed. “I’ll admit that I’ve been hurt, but my personal pain is irrelevant right now, Scar. You are all that matters. My sister is in pain and needs me. I will always put aside everything for you. I know you would do the same for me.”
My brother was the greatest person I knew. He was always selfless and pardoned everyone’s wrongs because he didn’t have the ability to stay mad. He cared about me more than he cared about himself. Knowing that he loved me more than anything, made me cry harder. “I love you,” I whispered.
“I love you too, Scar,” he said.
I wiped my tears with my wrist. Ryan left my side and returned with a few tissues. I wiped my face then held the soiled paper in my hand. “I just don’t know what to do. The only man that I’ve ever loved doesn’t love me in return, so I ran away from him. My boss assaulted me, and instead of fighting, I just fled.”
