It took a few seconds to find them; my perception was off in my excitement. I was still processing it all.
I wanted to stick around to hear if there was a gunshot, to confirm the right decision was made, but I also didn’t want to stick around to experience failure.
“Did it work?” Randy asked.
“I don’t know.” I reached out to the bar. “I can only hope.”
Randy pressed the button.
23. MERA
Unlike the cerebral trip I took with Alex, this one was physical. I went from comfortable to hot and humid and bright to being cold and dark. All after going through some pressurized light and falling.
I couldn’t control the physical ramifications, and I raced to a garbage pail and vomited.
I heard Sonny ask, “Are you …”
I held up my hand to keep him away. I was sick, like I had ridden a roller coaster, and in my mind I could hear Alex say, ‘There she blows’, one of his frequent sarcastic comments when I couldn’t keep my stomach in control.
After throwing up, I tried to stand and I couldn’t. I started to sob. Uncontrollably. I saw him. I got a glimpse of him running and heard his voice. All of which took such an emotional toll on me. I didn’t just see him; I relived the pain of losing him.
“Mera,” Randy said gently and took my arm. “Come on.”
“I saw him,” I sobbed. “I saw Alex.”
“Do you need a drink?” He handed me a bottle of water.
“Thank you.” I took it and sipped, wiping my mouth and then my eyes.
“What now?” Sonny asked.
“Well, we can’t go looking for him to see if it worked,” Randy said. “We have to act normal and wait and see. And no matter what you do, no matter how hard you want to treat him like he returned from a long voyage… don’t.”
“How do we do that?” Sonny asked.
“It will be hard, I know. I’ve been there. Of course, we only went back four hours. But the shock was the same. See him, breathe, step back, then try to be normal.”
“There’s no need,” I said sadly. “It didn’t work.”
Sonny gasped loudly. “How do you know? How can you say that?”
“I feel it. And… would we be here?”
“Yes,” Randy said. “Because we went back to stop the baby incident. We still time traveled with that as our purpose.”
“I don’t know,” I said. “When I did the cerebral trip, suddenly I was flooded with memories of Beck not dying as well as him dying.”
“That’s where you’re mistaken,” Randy explained. “In a cerebral trip you don’t physically go. You only mentally visit your past being for that moment. This time, you actually went. You physically went. There will be no memories or knowledge of what transpired this past week.”
“So we have to wait to see if he shows up for breakfast?” Sonny asked.
“Sorry to say, yes. No odd behavior.” Randy looked at me. “Mera, no odd behavior.”
I held up my hand. “I promise.”
I wished and I hoped that it had worked. I even began praying, but a part of me knew it had failed. I felt it. Surely, if Alex had lived I would know.
Even though Sonny offered to walk me back, I stuck around while Randy and Sonny closed down and then I started feeling tired.
We closed down shop and all three of us headed to the housing building across the dark and damp grassy yard.
It was pushing five in the morning.
As we walked, a spotlight flashed on us from the tower giving us a guiding light to the building.
Immediately my heart raced. The tower. The night guard. Alex always took the night watch.
“Sonny,” I whispered. “Is that him?”
I felt Sonny squeeze my shoulder. “I don’t know.”
All three of us looked to the tower; it wasn’t that high, and the shadowy figure waved.
Sonny lifted his hand and returned the wave.
Was it? Was it Alex?
Then the male figure was lit by the moon.
It wasn’t Alex, it was Miles.
My head dropped.
“We don’t know yet, Mera, we don’t.” Sonny said. “Don’t give up.”
“We tried, that’s all I can hold on to.” I too waved to Miles and headed into our building. I suppose he thought we were thanking him for the light, surely it wouldn’t cross his mind that we thought he was a ghost.
Randy was quiet when he left us, stating that he wasn’t convinced either way, and Sonny and I remained silent until we parted in our living section.
“Thank you for this.” I hugged him.
“I’m sorry you feel hurt.”
“Don’t be. Either way, it really was a gift.” I kissed him on the cheek and walked into our dorm.
Sonny’s footsteps carried to me as he walked up the metal steps, as well as the sound of his cell closing.
The dorm room was barely lit with the nightlights and the kids were all asleep. I paused by each bed, checked the covers and kissed each child. I knew it was the bewitching hour. One disturbing sound or move and they’d be up early.
Beck was sound asleep when I got to our bed. I kicked off my shoes and dropped my pants. I was trying to be quiet. Slowly, without alerting him, I slipped into bed and lay on my side.
But it was Beck. He seemed to always be ready for anything or any noise.
The moment my head hit the pillow, I not only felt exhausted, I felt horribly beaten. Physically and emotionally beaten.
“Long night...” Beck whispered in my ear and pulled the blankets to my shoulders.
“Yeah, I’m beat.”
“I bet.” He draped his arm over me. “How was your game?”
My eyes closed tightly at that question and I snuggled further into his hold. “I lost.”
24. SONNY
Hating to use the word ‘saunter’, I will. I sauntered to my cell. No wait. It wasn’t a cell anymore; I wasn’t a prisoner or detainee in this place. My home was a tiny room with built in sink and commode that really, I only would use if I couldn’t hold it.
I went through all the motions of getting ready to sleep, even though I’d catch only a couple of hours. I undressed, changed my tee shirt, took a long burning drink, and plopped on my squeaky bunk.
A few seconds later, I grabbed the bottle again. That triple shot wasn’t enough. After another huge drink, it was better. Not all the way, but better.
I was a man with a lot on my mind.
On my back, I lay on the cot, tossing my red stress ball to the ceiling and catching it.
Thump.
Thump.
Thump.
Then I remembered how late, or rather how early it was. I didn’t need Beck yelling at me again like I was one of the kids.
So I did what I was supposed to do with that stress ball, I squeezed it. Each pulsing grip of that ball struck a memory chord in my mind.
Alex.
I saw him and heard him. Why did my heart break? Was it the moment of seeing my lost friend whom I loved so very much again, or the fear of failing to bring him back? The entire moment of it all was over in a flash. It went by so fast, I couldn’t comprehend what was happening.
Funny, I had time traveled but only had so much time to complete my mission. It whizzed by before I could register if I had done things correctly. I was nervous and I hoped my past self saw my seriousness. Like a great dream, I didn’t want it to end. Not seeing my dopey self, but seeing Alex.
That split second, the sound of his voice, sent me into an emotional tizzy. I tried to hide my feelings, show the tough guy exterior. But I wasn’t a tough guy. I was far from it.
I was consumed with agitation over the unknown.
We didn’t know if it worked or not.
I suppose we could have gone and checked, but I think all of us were afraid to face the fact that perhaps it hadn’t.
Was Mera right?
I could only imagine what Mera was experiencing. She looked like s
he lost him all over again and in her condition, it probably was multiplied.
Man… her condition.
Mera was pregnant and into her second trimester. I know Mera, and know that she was dedicated beyond belief to Beck. Of course, I wasn’t privileged to know the Mera in the timeframe where Beck was dead.
Who was the father who wouldn’t even remember the conception?
That was the question. Mera didn’t spend time with any other men except three. Me, Michael, and Alex. It had to be one of us.
I knew who it was.
Seeing how Michael took that vow of celibacy so as to never spread the Sleeper virus he carried, he was out. Mera fought constantly with Alex, I doubted it was him.
That left me.
And the way she responded when I asked, saying, Oh you would ask that, wouldn’t you?, all but confirmed to me I was the baby’s natural father.
Had Beck figured it out? I certainly didn’t want to be the recipient of the big man’s anger. If he hadn’t, surely he’d know when the child was born with blonde hair and blue eyes.
Mera would never tell me. But the village raises the child, so I wouldn’t be out of the child’s life. Hell, I was a part of the life of every child we had here.
So was Alex.
That was the one thing that made me feel as if we failed. My sauntering wasn’t unintentional; it was so I could slip by each cell and peek.
I didn’t see him.
Surely, if he were alive he would have been in our section. Then again, I didn’t check the lower level.
After a few more squeezes of the ball, I closed my eyes and tried to sleep. Any inkling of passing out was stirred by the vision of Alex.
I’d open my eyes and try again.
My watch indicated it had only been a half hour since I lay down. Not much time or effort, really.
But I couldn’t take it any longer. I didn’t want to wait for breakfast to rejoice in success or sulk in failure. I had to know.
I grabbed my clothes and boots, got dressed, and ventured out for my answer.
25. MERA
The sound of silence brought me out of my deep slumber. Typically, I was good at blocking out screaming and arguing kids, the shaking me to get up, but silence was like a blaring alarm clock. It wasn’t natural. Not in the morning.
I woke from a hard, dreamless sleep and thought for sure it was afternoon.
I glanced at the alarm clock and it wasn’t even ten. There was a note there from Beck in his neat, square, perfect printing:
You needed rest. Kids are fed and at school. Babies are with Lenore.
Beck
When I sat up I saw the empty beds were made. For certain, Beck ran the morning. I always just made the beds myself.
I was sad I missed the first day of school for the kids, but glad I got a few hours’ sleep.
My stomach growled and knotted; I needed food. I wondered if Bonnie or Patty had any food left. I couldn’t wait until we started cooking our own meals. I was glad it was easier to communicate now, though. I picked up the phone that was in the main section of our division.
Nothing.
I chalked it up to our phone not working and decided to go about my day. Of course, I had no idea what I’d do. Maybe I would take lunch duty. So after dressing and getting cleaned up, I ventured to the main building and to the cafeteria.
Patty was cleaning the kitchen when I walked in the back door. I guess with nothing to do yet at the Javier room of health, she took on cooking. Patty was one of the original residents of Grace. She lived there when it was a religious organization. She was very humble and modest, always wearing a long dress.
“Good morning, Mera,” she greeted me. “You look rested. Are you feeling better?”
“Yeah, just hungry. Any leftovers?”
“Some granola in the big bowl. I made it fresh this morning.”
“Thank you so much.” I walked to where she pointed, grabbed a smaller bowl and helped myself then walked to the main dining area. I hated those little round seats; they spun when I sat down and made me nauseous.
I placed my bowl on the table, then noticed the cafeteria phone. I wanted to call Beck, since I could. So I lifted the phone.
Nothing.
“What are you doing?” Bonnie asked with upbeat curiosity.
She startled me and I jumped. I hung up the phone. “Calling Beck.”
“You have to wait until after the meeting,” Bonnie said. “Then Sonny will work on them. Although I don’t look forward to all the ringing phones.”
“I thought he did that yesterday.”
“Nope. It was Sunday.”
“Beck’s in his office in that meeting, though, right?”
She shook her head. “Too big, they’re right down in the library. Did you want to go?”
“Who me? No. I’ll pass.”
Bonnie headed in the direction of the kitchen.
Okay, I thought, the meeting location, I get. Somehow, someway, what we did changed the fact that Sonny didn’t program the phones. It was odd.
“Bonnie?” I called before she walked into the kitchen. “Am I… am I pregnant?”
“Not that I know of.” She laughed and walked away.
“I’m not pregnant,” I whispered, shook my head, and turned to the table.
I heard Bonnie’s voice call out to someone. As I sat down, I looked up to see Randy walk in with a bowl. He sat down across from me.
“My rear end is much too big for these little round seats.”
“I hate them.” I said. “How’s your head?”
He chuckled. “Fine. But apparently, I have to come up with a new story.”
“Yeah, how about that. No phones. Good thing Sonny wrote down all the extensions. Now I’m curious what else changed.” I picked at my granola. “I’m not pregnant, you know. Not anymore. I never was, I guess. Can’t figure that one out. Maybe… maybe the baby made me not get pregnant.”
“Mera,” Randy said in a low voice, “you were already well pregnant at that point in time, you just didn’t know.”
“Maybe the shock of the Sleeper baby caused a miscarriage.”
“Mera, I highly doubt you aren’t pregnant. Why would you say that?”
“Because Bonnie said I wasn’t.”
“Did she know?” Randy asked.
I blinked. “I don’t know. I figured she did the way news travels around our community.”
“I think you’re still pregnant. I just don’t look forward to doing the phones again.”
“Why did that happen?” I asked.
“I haven’t put two and two together. We have to be cautious showing what we know or don’t.”
“I didn’t think that much would be different.” I took another bite and noticed Randy staring at me. “What?”
“You don’t know.”
“Know what?”
The corner of his mouth lifted as he leaned into the table. “It worked. Alex is alive.”
I immediately choked. The piece of granola wasn’t completely lodged, but enough for me to cough and cough until it ejected from my throat.
“Are you alright?”
I jumped up. “It worked?”
“Yes, but—”
“Is he in the library at the meeting?”
“I don’t know, but Mera—”
I was already to the door.
“Mera!” Randy called. “Don’t act rashly.”
“I’ll be good, no one will even suspect a thing, I promise,” I said excitedly as I ran from the cafeteria down the long hall. My heart raced, no, that was an understatement. It beat so fast I swore I would have a heart attack.
I ran at top speed to the library. I knew where that was now. I had spent the entire evening there. I guess I could have been better, following Randy’s advice from the night before— Stop, breathe, think— but I didn’t. I burst through those metal double doors, bringing complete silence to the room.
Everybody turned and looked at me.
<
br /> Beck was standing. “Mera? What’s wrong?”
“Um …” Act inconspicuous. “Nothing… um …” My eyes shifted about the room. “I ... was …forgot …” Where was he? Where? The room was jam packed with people, surely I would see him. Slowly I started walking through the room.
Beck called my name again, only this time with question. “Mera?”
“Huh?”
“Are you looking for something?”
“Yes.” Left to right I looked. Up and down. Maybe he was hiding. But why would he hide? “I lost my earring last night.”
“Earring? When do you wear earrings?”
“Last night, first time, I lost it.” I kept looking around. Maybe he was there and he looked different. No, that was ridiculous.
“You wore earrings for the first time and you lost them?”
“Yeah, how about that? No wonder I don’t wear them.” I heard the snickers of the people in the room. “Okay, I’m lying.”
“I figured that, Mera. You don’t need to make an excuse to be part of the meeting. Have a seat.”
“Whew, you figured me out.” And immediately I thought that was good idea. Alex was either in the meeting or would show up. What better place to be?
“Boo.”
The sudden sound from behind me startled me beyond belief, like being in one of those haunted houses. Now combine that with the fact that I recognized the voice, and my whole body reacted, arms flailing, and I screamed. I mean, it was a gut wrenching, loud, long, ‘just got scared out of my wits’ scream that nearly made me pee my pants. Legs weak, I spun.
Alex.
He grinned. That same shitty grin he always produced. “Did I scare ya?”
I couldn’t move. I was frozen in some sort of state. I swear I wasn’t breathing. I couldn’t.
I just stood there and the laughter got fuzzy.
“Damn it, Alex, now she’s fading,” Beck said as if from a distance. “She’s gonna drop. Catch her before she hits the floor again.”
Everything went black, and I passed out.
So much for being inconspicuous.
26. SONNY
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