by Sey, Susan
Because Audrey? She saw him for exactly what he was—a parasite living on his brother’s charity. Hating that charity, and hating himself for being too weak to reject it, but sucking it up like mother’s milk just the same. But there was no pity in Audrey’s eyes. Just contempt. And he wanted her anyway.
That plus Bel’s pity equaled Will’s very last straw.
A jagged jumble of impulses swam up his throat—run, hide, howl—but he didn’t act on any of them. No, he just let them back up into his chest then take over his head where they pounded until he thought his skull would split open and spill its poison all over the kitchen floor.
Bel gazed patiently up from her crouch at his knee. She tapped his boot with one elegant finger and dipped her chin until he was forced to meet her eyes.
Don’t push me, Bel. Have pity. For once, just give up.
“What are you seeing here, Will?”
He managed an insouciant shrug, but Jesus, it cost him. “Straight down your dress, for starters.”
“For God’s sake.” She sat back on her heels with scowl that made him wish once again that he’d seen her before James had. He nearly laughed out loud at that one. Like it would’ve mattered who saw her first. The point was that she hadn’t seen him. Nobody ever did. Not when James was in the room.
“Not that I don’t appreciate the view.”
“Nice try.” But she tugged the neckline of her dress marginally higher. “You’re not getting out of this conversation, William.”
He sighed. “I’m not?”
“No.” She folded her arms, which plumped up those pretty breasts until they all but spilled out of her corset. He willed himself to want her—want her for real—but it was no use. There was only one woman he wanted on her knees in front of him, and it wasn’t Bel. Bitterness all but closed his throat. “But before we leave the subject? You’re an ass.”
“Sweet talker.” But she was right. He was an ass, and he hated it. Hated himself. Hated what being here—in this house, in this family, in this life—was doing to him. Things were breaking inside him; he could feel them snapping and splintering every day. The bones of his soul were softening, and it was only a matter of time before the damage became permanent. If it wasn’t already.
He needed out, but there was no way his brothers would ever let him go. He knew that like he knew his own face. Not unless... He eyed the woman kneeling in front of him. Not unless he did something utterly unforgiveable. Something that would once and for all destroy the bonds of loyalty that held him so mercilessly in James’ orbit.
Some long-buried thread of gallantry reared its head inside him and insisted on fair warning.
“Go away, Bel.” Was that his voice? So rough and agonized? “Please?”
“No.” She glared at him with magnificent disdain. Lucky, lucky James. “We can’t go on like this. None of us. It’s constant damage control with you, and one of these days we’re not going to be able to fix whatever it is you broke. So you’re going to tell me what the hell is bothering you. Right now.”
Resignation flooded him along with an odd, nervy energy. So be it.
“You want to know what’s bothering me, Bel?” He grabbed the bench under his thighs with hard hands, gripped it until his fingers ached. “You. You’re what’s bothering me. You and James and your perfect, perfect love.”
Her mouth dropped open, a soft oh of shock and guilt. “Our perfect—” She swallowed, and he watched her pale throat work while color rolled up her pretty cleavage. “For God’s sake, Will, we’re not—”
“In love? Oh, spare me.” He wanted to wave that aside but didn’t know where his hand would land if he let go of the bench. “You are so.”
She blinked and came slowly to her feet. He watched as the shock cleared out of those sharp dark eyes far too soon. As that tidy brain of hers shifted into high gear and started clicking. Longing crashed over him again. He could’ve loved this woman. He should love this woman. Damn James. And damn Audrey double. “And that’s a problem for you?”
“Yeah, Bel. It’s a problem for me.”
“Why?” She frowned down at him with honest perplexity. “Why don’t you want James to be happy? Not—” She threw up a stop-sign hand. “—that I’m claiming to be his one true love and the key to all future happiness.”
His lips twisted appreciatively in spite of himself. “Understood.”
“But for argument’s sake, let’s go with it.” Her hands went to those neat hips. “Why would that be a problem for you?”
He came slowly to his feet as well, and the whiskey finally kicked in. His head swam pleasantly, and thank God for that. He doubted he could’ve done this sober.
“Because, Bel.” He lifted both hands and cupped them with careful precision over the delicate balls of her bare shoulders. “You should have been mine.”
She went stiff under his hands. “I’m sorry?”
“You weren’t for James.” He smiled at her, almost gently. “You were for me.”
“What?”
“I mean, come on. You, with those eyes and that mouth and that brain of yours?” He shook his head slowly and the room did one of those fun dip-and-tilt things. “You should love me, not my idiot brother.”
And I should love you back, and leave the too-pretty, barely-legal waitresses with sin-to-the-nth-degree bodies to James. More his style.
“James is not an idiot!” Like that was the point.
“Oh, all right.” He took advantage of her outrage and eased her a little closer. “But you have to admit, he’s not what you’d call a deep thinker.”
“He can’t be.” Her alarmed eyes dropped to his mouth. “His job depends on snap decisions, and good ones. He stops to consider his options and—”
“—and there goes the goal, I get it.” He gave her a disarming smile. “I didn’t say he wasn’t a great athlete. He is, no question.” He eased her closer yet. “But he’s a rotten brother.”
“A rotten—” Genuine horror. Will’s disgust for himself grew and grew. “You selfish ass. He’s given you everything!”
“Leftovers.” He reeled her in another inch. Two. “Hand me downs.”
“Including the women, is that right?” Her eyes went hot and narrow. “Trust me when I say you are not getting a doggy bag on this one.”
“Oh, I do. I trust you completely.” He slid a hand into the silky warmth of her hair and hated himself with a depth and passion that shocked even him. “But I’ll have my taste just the same.”
And he kissed her.
CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR
Will was kissing her—kissing her!—when the kitchen door swung open.
“Bel,” James said. “I need to—”
Bel snapped out of her paralyzed shock and gave Will a solid shove. He didn’t resist, just stepped back with a smirk and a shrug. She stared at him, lungs cramped, ears ringing. She shot a numb finger at him. “You,” she said, “are going to explain that.”
She turned to James who was staring at her, his face set and grim. Her stomach floated into her throat but she shot a finger at him, too. “You. Hang around.” Her hands were shaking but her voice was a miracle of calm. Small blessings. “Your asshole brother is about to explain why the hell he decided to drink himself stupid then paw me.”
She shifted her glare back to Will and folded her arms. “Well?”
He sighed. “I love it when you fold your arms.”
“For God’s sake, Will!” Bel yanked uselessly at the neckline of her gown. “You kissed me!”
“Sure did.” Will turned to James and dropped his head in a mockery of remorse. “Just call me Judas. I’ve betrayed you, brother.”
James flicked a glance at his brother. “Yeah, I doubt that.” He turned to her. “Bel, listen. We have kind of a situation.”
“No kidding.” She stared at him. “Your brother just kissed me.”
“Yeah, I saw. Now, listen. Bel.” He took her elbow with careful fingers. “Honey. I need you for a min
ute.”
She blinked. Honey?
“So you’re okay with this?” Will’s head came up, and while the smile was just as oily and impenetrable as always, his eyes burned with a fierce desperation. Bel took an involuntary step back. “I didn’t realize you were done with her already.”
“With Bel?” James didn’t bother to look at him, but kept his eyes on Bel’s. “I’m not.”
Warmth glowed stupidly inside Bel’s chest—he’s not done with me!—and she gave a little sigh.
Then Will slid a hand into Bel’s free elbow and began to draw her into his arms. “Huh. I didn’t know that share and share alike thing applied to women you were still fucking but, hey, I’m in favor. I’ve been waiting forever for a taste of Bel’s sweet little—”
She flinched. Will used words like weapons but this was extreme even for him. James slapped a flat hand to Will’s chest.
“Jesus, Will.” James slid him an exasperated look. “You want me to punch your face in. I get it, okay? But I’m not going to do it right this minute so will you please knock it off?”
Audrey burst through the swinging door, Drew on her heels. “What the hell is going on in here?” Her wide violet eyes were very close to panicked. “The dessert buffet is laid and the auction is rolling but we still have to—” She stopped short. Drew barreled into her back.
“Geez, Audrey.” He grabbed the girl’s shoulders and kept her on her feet. “Give a guy some warning before you—”
She jammed an elbow into his stomach and he gave an affronted woof. She took in the scene before her more slowly, paying attention this time. “Oh crap. What’s the matter?”
Drew gave her reproachful eyes. “Well, you put your elbow right in my bread basket for starters.”
“Not you.” Audrey jerked her chin toward the breakfast nook. “Them.” Suspicion replaced the panic in her eyes. “Bel? What’s going on?”
“I—” Bel closed her mouth. Shook her head. “I’m honestly not sure.”
“James?”
“Unclear. All I saw was Will kissing Bel.” Audrey’s eyes went to slits and James held out placating hands. “Trying to, anyway, and not very hard from what I could see. She was fixing to slap his face when I walked in. Didn’t get to it, though, and now he’s angling for a good punching from me.” He shrugged. “Normally I’d be happy to oblige but right now—”
Drew brightened. “You want me to take care of it?”
“No. No punching.” James sighed. “Right now all I really want is a quick chat with Bel.” He gave her a significant look. “It’s important.”
Drew raised his hand like a kid in class. “Okay, but just to clarify: We’re allowed to kiss Bel now? All of us?” Drew sent her a warm, slow smile and she thought Like this guy needs leftovers. “Because if that’s the case—”
James actually bared his teeth. “It’s not.”
Drew tipped his head doubtfully. “But we’re not punching Will.”
“Not at this time, no.” James sent Will a grim look. “Rain check.”
“Oh. Well, that’s different.” Drew turned his reproach on Will. “What were you thinking, Will? Kissing James’ girl. Geez.”
“I’m not James’ girl.” Bel felt honor-bound to point it out.
Drew scratched his head. “Are you sure?”
Bel didn’t know how to answer that one.
Audrey snorted. “Well, she’s not his girl.” She jerked her chin toward Will. “I have too much respect for her taste to believe that.”
“Thank you,” Bel murmured while Will suppressed a flinch.
“Just quit making trouble, Will. Okay?” James took Bel’s elbow again. “We actually have kind of enough.”
“Besides this?” she asked, the first trickle of alarm surfacing. Had he been this grim before he’d witnessed Will’s unauthorized kissing?
“Besides this.” He gave her arm a bracing squeeze. “But I think it would be best to talk about it—”
Will said, “No.”
James frowned. “What?”
“I said no.” Will gave a jerky shrug. “You told me to stop making trouble and I’m saying no.”
James opened his mouth then closed it. “Why?”
“Because I’m a shitty brother.”
“True enough. And I’ve penciled your punching into my calendar, okay? Now shut up for two minutes so I can—”
“No,” Will said again, and his voice was terrible. So hollow and grave. Goosebumps raced up Bel’s arms into her hair, and she took James’ hand without thinking. “For Christ’s sake, James, I moved on Bel. I know how you feel about her and I moved on her anyway.”
Bel suppressed a snort. Like Will knew how James felt about her. He thought she and James were enjoying a perfect, perfect love, if memory served.
“Yeah,” James said darkly. “I got that.”
“So, what, you’re going to stand there like nothing happened?” He huffed out a noise that was more snarl than laugh. “For Christ’s sake, James, do you love her or don’t you?”
James’ fingers curled around hers but he kept his eyes on his brother. “I love her.”
Bel’s heart hammered painfully in her chest. Well. That was unexpected. He loved her? Since when? Will gave Bel a wan smile over James’ shoulder that said Told you so.
Drew muttered, “Foul. I called dibs weeks ago.”
Audrey cocked a brow. “You called dibs on a person?”
“Sure.” He gave her that knock-out smile of his. “But it’s okay. Nobody ever pays attention to me. I saw you first, too. But try telling that to Will.”
Color leapt into Audrey’s cheeks and she rolled her eyes.
“For fuck’s sake, James!” Will snapped. “If you love her, then act like it!”
“How?” James asked.
“Swing at me!” Will thrust forward his chin. “Throw me out! Fire me! Something! Anything! But, Jesus, don’t forgive me!”
“Amen,” Audrey muttered.
“I might could toss you out,” James said slowly. “If I thought you meant it.”
Bel frowned. “Meant what?”
“The move,” Drew hissed. “The kiss.” He had pulled up a stool and was watching the byplay with avid enjoyment. Audrey stood frozen beside him, her eyes fixed on Will, disgust written plainly on her exquisite face. “Shhh, now. This is getting good.”
James went on. “And maybe I don’t have your great big brain, Will, but it doesn’t take a super genius to see that you don’t want Bel any more than Audrey does. Not really.” He cut a look at Audrey. “You don’t want Bel, do you?”
She shook her head.
“There, see?” James gave him a lopsided smile and Will closed his eyes as if in pain. “Now I don’t pretend to understand why you decided to move on Bel when you don’t want her. But you’re my brother and she’s my—” He paused and Bel’s heart hammered in her chest. What? She was his what? “—well, she’s just mine. And I’ll be damned if I let you make her our Yoko Ono. I don’t know why you’re trying to make me choose between you but I’m not going to do it.”
Bel gaped at James, her fingers and toes tingling like she was considering passing out. She might do just that, actually. She was his? He loved her? Had he really said all that? Like it was nothing new? A forgone conclusion?
A brilliant joy gushed up inside her, mixed with a blinding panic and a healthy helping of dismay. What the hell did it mean, James’ version of love? What was she supposed to do with it? She didn’t believe in love. Didn’t—no matter what her stupid heart might say—even want it.
“So you’re not going anywhere,” James said to Will. “You’re staying right here and we’re working this out. Just like always.”
“For pity’s sake.” Will dropped his head and pinched the bridge of his nose. “Just...let me go, James. Please.”
“No.” James dug a hand into his pocket. He pulled out the jeweler’s box Bel had given him earlier that night and shoved it at Will. “Here. Open it.
”
“No.” Will shook his head and backed up. “And stop giving me shit.”
“It’s not from me.” James cracked the box and put it into Will’s hand. “It’s from Bel. Now tell me what that is.”
Will lowered his eyes reluctantly to the cufflinks in the box. “It’s the Blake family crest,” he said slowly. “And...is that Gaelic?”
“Yep. It says family first,” James told him. “She had them made special for us. There’s a set for you, one for me and one for Drew.” Will stared at the box in his hand, stricken, and Bel realized suddenly how much he looked like James. They were such different people; the more she knew them, the less she saw the resemblance. But there it was—the same fair hair, the same broad shoulders, the same long legs. The same extraordinary air of fluid competence, though James’ stemmed from his lean-muscled grace while Will’s depended on his nimble mind.
“God,” Will said finally, his voice strangled. He lifted his hands and let them flop back to his sides like helpless birds. James took him by the shoulders and kissed both of his cheeks, first one, then the other.
It should have looked weird, Bel thought. Men kissing men in the kitchen? Not something you see every day. But it didn’t. It felt...biblical. Like Will really was Judas but James was reversing the traditional symbol, forgiving with a kiss rather than betraying.
“You’re my brother,” James said simply. “I want you to be happy. Whatever’s making you so angry, so poisonous? We’ll find it and we’ll fix it. And the rest of it can go to hell because I’m not letting you go. Not now, not ever.” He smiled that sunshiny smile of his. “But I’m still punching you later. Nobody kisses my girl for free.”
And with that, Bel stopped resisting. Stopped fighting. This aching desire, this dangerous yearning? It was love—no use denying it—and she finally, finally let herself fall.
Because for the first time, she understood James. Or maybe she didn’t understand him completely, but at least now she believed him. She trusted him.
This was a man who said what he believed, then lived it. Because lots of people said family was the most important thing in their lives. Lots of people talked about love like it was some precious miracle. But she’d never—not once—seen anybody actually live the words out. Not like James just had.
