by Liz Schulte
“I’m so sorry.” He came toward me, but I held up my hand.
“It’s not enough. You didn’t just hurt my feelings or ego. You crushed me. I thought we were going to be together forever. I thought you were the one—the only one I would ever love.”
“We can still have that. I can make it up to you. I’ll spend the rest of my life trying to.”
“Don’t you see? You’re doing it again. You’re making assumptions about what I think and feel. You’re setting yourself up to fail and to blame it on me. Stop trying to prove you’re things you aren’t. Just be you. I don’t want you to ‘make it up’ to me for the rest of our lives. I want us to be what I thought we were. Friends, lovers, partners …But apparently I was the only one who thought that.”
Briggs stepped back and slumped down into the chair. He looked up at me. “I did consider you to be those things. I just—I wanted to be someone you could admire. I wanted to feel worthy of your love. Don’t you understand that?”
“Not really. You make me sound like a monster. Am I really so hard to please?”
“No. Maybe. I don’t know. I’ve spent so long trying to be what I thought you wanted that I don’t know what you really want.”
I settled back on the couch. It might not be entirely his fault. I thought Briggs was perfect before all of this. The things he thought I wanted couldn’t have been too far from the mark. He managed to be everything I wanted until he snapped. I couldn’t say if I liked the real Briggs or not. Apparently we’d never met. I pressed my palms against my temples, shaking my head, trying to understand where we went so wrong. “Briggs,” I said, and my voice broke with emotion. “Did I ever know you?”
He looked at me with the same dumbstruck expression that had to be on my face too and didn’t answer immediately. Then his eyes locked on mine. “Would you like to?”
His question was the last straw. Suddenly tears were flowing, my nose was running, and my throat was burning from trying to hold it all back. He wrapped his arms around me and pulled me against his chest. He stroked my hair in the same manner that had comforted me for so many years. As I calmed, his mouth found mine and his lips were still home. Jack’s kisses were good, wonderful in fact, but Briggs was familiar. He was where I learned to accept and be myself. And I was where he learned to be somebody else. I pulled back from him. “I can’t.”
He sat back. “It’s really over?”
I shook my head. “That’s not what I meant. I just meant I can’t kiss you right now. It’s too confusing. I’d like to know the real you, but I can’t come back with you. My life is here now. I’m building a relationship with my brother and my aunt needs me. I’m going to see if I can salvage whatever’s left of me and my family.” I bit my lip. “And there’s Jack …”
“Would you mind if I stayed in town, too?”
“Do you want to stay, or are you doing it because you think that’s what I want?”
He sighed. “I want to be here because this is where you are. I don’t know if I want to be here for the rest of my life, but I can figure that out later.”
“So long as you figure it out, and you’re honest about it.”
“I swear.” I nodded, and Briggs smiled and took my hand. “A new start for both of us.”
I took a deep breath, considering my options. “I’m seeing Jack. Does that bother you?”
“Of course it does. Would it bother you if I were seeing another girl?”
“Yes.”
He nodded and grimaced. “Keep seeing him though. If I can’t win you back with a little competition, then maybe it wasn’t meant to be.”
I withdrew my hand from his and leaned back against the couch. “Are you going to keep living with my parents?” I made a face.
Briggs laughed. “God no. They follow me around, asking questions about you and my family. And I think your brother hates me.”
“Yeah, maybe—but you totally deserve it.” I giggled just a little. Briggs nodded. “Can I stay here tonight? On the couch, of course, since we haven’t even been on our first date.”
“Yes, and you can take the dogs out for their bedtime walk.”
It was so easy having him around. We were so used to each other’s habits that we almost had an unspoken language. It was like a dance I had always known. Briggs didn’t try to take advantage of the situation at all either. He only gave me a small peck on the cheek when we said good night.
As I fell asleep, a dog on either side of me, I wondered what on earth I was going to say to Jack.
Chapter 16
My conversation with Jack came earlier than expected. He dropped by before work, bringing coffee with him. Briggs was out walking the dogs, but I knew he’d be home soon. The couch had a crumpled cover and pillow on it. I wasn’t going to be able to hide anything.
“We need to talk,” I told him, ushering him inside.
“Sure, shoot,” he said, brushing his lips against mine.
“Two things. First, I spoke with Briggs last night—”
Jack went stiff, taking a step back. “I thought you were spending time with your brother.”
“I did. Blair and I spent the day together and had dinner, but Briggs stopped by late, wanting to talk.”
Jack’s eyes fluttered to the couch, and his eyebrows shot up.
I nodded.
“What are you trying to say, Ryan?” His voiced changed. It was deeper, slightly withdrawn. He was about two clicks away from drawing the completely wrong conclusion.
“We had a good conversation. It cleared up some stuff for me, for both of us.” I didn’t really know how to say the next part, so I decided blunt as possible was best. “He wants a second chance.”
Jack pushed up his glasses. “And you told him it’s too late?”
“It’s not that easy. I owe it to him—” Jack started to object, but I waved him off. “I told him I was seeing you too, and that I don’t intend to stop, but Briggs was my first love. I can’t not give him another chance.”
“Damn it, Ryan.”
“I’m sorry.” Jack looked so furious, I was confused. “I just, well…I need to be sure.”
He closed his eyes and inhaled deeply. “Things were going so well. I was thinking we could go out of town for a weekend together, have a romantic getaway. Move our relationship further.”
“I told you I needed to take this slow.”
He shook his head but didn’t say anything.
“Now, of course, whether we keep seeing each other is ultimately up to you. I wanted to put all the cards on the table.”
“You want to date us both?” He shook his head again. “How is that fair to either of us? I’m too old for this, Ryan. I like you. I just want to be with you. I don’t want to date a girl who’s dating someone else.”
I felt bad for him, but if he made me choose right away, I couldn’t be sure I’d choose him. Briggs was so much of my life that I couldn’t just walk away. “Do you think this is fair to me? Do you think I wanted for Briggs and me to fall apart over a simple misunderstanding? Do you think I wanted to find out you lied to me?”
Jack tilted his head, and I could practically see the wheels turning behind his eyes. “What did I lie about?”
“Have you lied so much you don’t know?”
“No. I’m just baffled.”
“I spoke to the nurse last night.”
Jack drew in his breath and nodded slowly. “I didn’t want to worry you. You’ve been so preoccupied with the ghost stuff that I didn’t want to feed into that. What she said wasn’t possible. I have to run tests and verify some details, and I didn’t want to upset you until I knew.”
“That’s unacceptable, Jack. What else have you lied about to not worry me?”
“Nothing.”
“You have no idea how much I want to believe that.”
“That’s not fair.”
“But it’s how I feel. I can’t be in a relationship with you if I can’t trust you, and we were getting pretty dam
n close when you lied right to my face. How do I know you aren’t lying about everything? The way I see it, I’m dealing out second chances right now. It’s up to you if you take it.”
Jack frowned and paced a little, looking back at me occasionally like he’d like to argue but kept thinking better of it. Finally he shrugged. “Fine. But you have to go on real dates with me.”
“Fine.”
“And no more slow.”
I shook my head. “I can’t promise that.”
“No more telling me to go slow then. What happens, happens.”
“Fine.”
He gave me a lopsided grin. “What are you doing tonight?”
“I’m working on the apartment.”
“Tomorrow?”
“Dinner with Briggs.”
Jack frowned. “Saturday?”
“So far, I’m free.”
“Can I have the whole day?”
“I have things I need to do.”
“Late afternoon, plus dinner then.”
“Sounds good.”
Briggs walked in then, a smile freezing on his face as he struggled to be gracious. Sid and Nancy gave Jack a couple warning barks to let him know they had an eye on him.
“Good to see you again, Jack.” Briggs held out his hand after quieting the dogs.
“Can’t say I feel the same,” Jack said, but he did shake Briggs’s hand. “But if it’s what Ryan wants …” He let his voice trail off.
Briggs raised an eyebrow and they gave each other commiserating looks before turning to me.
“Well, this is awkward,” I said. “It was nice seeing both of you, but I think it’s time for everyone to leave—and just so we’re all clear, tonight is completely mine. No calling, no dinners, no coming over for late night talks, nothing.” I pushed the guys toward the door, and when I’d shut it behind them, I leaned against it for just a moment. What on earth was I going to do with the two of them?
I shook my head and finished getting dressed. I decided to some time with Sid and Nancy, hoping to miss Jack’s rounds with Bee and feeling okay about that because I knew Blair would be there. The dogs and I hit the dog park. It wasn’t crowded, but they had a good time romping and playing with each other.
After about fifteen minutes, my cell phone rang. I dug it out of my purse and answered just before the voice mail picked up. “‘lo?”
“I think you should come here.” Blair’s voice sounded strange on the other end.
“Why? What’s happening? Is Bee okay?”
“Um, I’m not sure. Physically she’s okay, but she’s really upset about something. She keeps saying ‘She jumped out the window, she jumped out the window.’ I asked her who, and she just looked at me like she’d never seen me before and asked, ‘Where’s Ryan?’ in a voice that wasn’t hers.”
“Have you looked at her feet?”
“What?”
“Humor me.”
“Okay,” he grumbled, and I heard a door open and movement. “Hi, Bee. I have Ryan on the phone. She’s on her way. She just wants me to look at your feet.” Bee was mumbling in the background, but I couldn’t understand what she was saying. Blair’s voice covered hers completely when he asked, “What am I supposed to be looking for?”
“Never mind, they’re obviously fine. I’ll drop off the dogs and be right there.”
Before Blair could reply, I heard what sounded like a scuffle. There was a grunting noise. Then Blair shouted, “Hey,” though he sounded far away. The phone got staticky, and suddenly a voice I didn’t recognize filled my ear. “Don’t come here, or you’ll die too. You’ll die, you’ll die, you’ll die, you’ll die— She jumped off the building, she—”
The phone went dead. I whistled for the dogs and they bounded back to me.
“Come on. In the car,” I told them and dialed Blair back with shaky fingers, but my call went right to voice mail. I took the dogs home and found a note pinned to my door. Just what I needed. I didn’t even bother to look at it. I shoved it into my purse and drove to the hospital in record time.
When I got there, squad cars with lights flashing and sirens blaring surrounded the north end of the old section of the complex. The side Bee was on. I ran into the hospital before the police, who seemed to have just gotten there too, could close off the entrance. I pushed the elevator button several times, but the damn thing was moving so slow I couldn’t stand the wait. I headed for the stairs, running up them as fast as I could. Barreling through the door on the tenth floor, I didn’t even care if I ran into someone. Everything was eerily quiet on the floor. I didn’t see any of the normal bustling of morning doctors and nurses. I charged into Bee’s room.
Bee was lying on the bed, breathing normally—peacefully even—and Blair, Jack, and about four nurses stood at the window, staring out. “What’s happening?” I asked, trying to catch my breath.
Blair and Jack turned, and Blair came over and threw his arms around me, trembling. “It’s been a horrible morning,” he said, squeezing me until I couldn’t breathe. “Where were you?”
I pushed him away gently. “What happened? Who was that on the phone?”
Jack cleared his throat and looked from us to the door then back to Bee in a clear indication he didn’t want us to talk in front of her. I led Blair to the waiting room, and we sat in the hard chairs. Blair cleared his throat, his eyes rimmed in red. “I checked her feet like you told me to, and I was about to say goodbye when she came out of nowhere. Bee hit the phone out of my hand and grabbed it before I could get it back. Then she hissed something into the phone and threw it against the wall.” He produced the pieces of his broken phone. “About this time, the racket had gotten the nurses’ attention. They came in with Jack and were trying to sedate her when she started laughing hysterically. Then she went completely limp.” Blair’s hands shook as he tried to clasp them together.
“I thought she died. Jack and the nurses looked startled. Jack even took her pulse. But she was sleeping, just sleeping after all of that. That was when all the commotion started. Codes were coming over the intercom and everyone went to the window. Someone jumped, just like she said, Ryan. Someone jumped.”
I hugged Blair. “I’m sorry I wasn’t here. I should’ve warned you. She was a little strange yesterday morning too. Jack said it’s the cirrhosis.”
“This wasn’t just a little strange.”
“I know. If it was like yesterday, she’ll be fine this afternoon and won’t remember anything. I know it’s hard, but today will get better.” I patted his leg. “I’m going to go back and talk to Jack. You want to come?”
“I need just a minute.”
I nodded to Aiden as I walked out, and he gave me a slight acknowledgement. The crowd had dispersed from Bee’s room, but Jack was still next to her bed. “What happened?” I asked him. “Is she okay?”
“She seems fine. I just don’t understand these bouts.” His eyebrows knit together. “They’re …bizarre even considering her condition.”
“And the woman?”
Jack shook his head.
I took Bee’s hand and squeezed. Her eyes fluttered open. “Ryan, dear, when did you get here?”
“Just now. How are you feeling?”
“Tired.”
“We’re going to run a few tests today, Bee. Are you up for that?”
She nodded.
“Okay, I’ll schedule them. You rest.”
We watched Jack walk out and Bee smiled at me. “Things are going well with Dr. Sadler?”
“Well,” I said, making a face, “it’s complicated. Briggs is sort of back in the picture.”
Bee raised her eyebrows, but before she could say anything, Blair’s voice came from behind me. “What was that?”
I shook my head.
“‘Cause I know my sister didn’t just say the man who broke her heart and treated her like shit is back in the picture. I noticed he didn’t come home last night. Where did Briggs stay, Ryan?”
I frowned. “Not tha
t it’s any of your business, Blair, but he stayed at my place—on the couch. He was tired of being at Mom and Dad’s, not that I blame him. We talked a lot of stuff out and—”
“And what?”
“And now I just don’t know.
“What about Jack?”
Bee shushed Blair. “Leave her alone. Ryan has to make up her own mind about where her heart is. She’s loved Briggs for a long time.”
“Exactly.”
Blair shook his head. “I’m still going to kick his ass.”
“Fine, but after that, please talk to him. Get to know him a little. I’d like your honest opinion.”
Blair nodded. “Fine, but I’m not going to like him. I can already tell.”
“He’s not going to take me away, Blair. I’ll still be here when you come home for summer vacation.”
“You better be,” he said and walked to the window again.
“What’s out there?” Bee asked.
“Nothing,” I said too quickly, and she gave me a strange look.
Blair turned. “Just checking on my car in the parking lot.”
Bee held out her hand to him. “You look tired. You should go home. Ryan and I are fine here.”
Blair’s eyes shifted toward the door, but to his credit he shook his head. “No. After we had so much fun yesterday, do you think I’d miss out on today?”
She laughed and held each of our hands. “I’m so lucky to have both of you.”
We worked on crossword puzzles until Bee dozed off. Blair went to the cafeteria to get a drink, and I wandered to the waiting room to talk to Aiden. He was reading the newspaper, but I had no doubt he knew every movement that went on in the hallway.
“Someone else died this morning, and I got another note,” I said as I sat down.
He folded his paper with precision. “Not a box?”
