by Clare James
“Okay, then. Does that mean I can set up a double date for tomorrow?”
“What?”
“Better to bite the bullet and just do it, dude,” I tell him. “Tab and Jules are best friends and roommates. We’ll be seeing a lot more of each other. Are you ready for that?”
“Baby steps, Sutton, baby steps.”
Well, fuck me and cue the shock and awe. In my mind, I’m doing the most obnoxious victory dance. My path to Jules is finally clear.
Maybe karma isn’t such a bitch after all.
Chapter 33
Jules
“Tell me everything,” Tabby says, sitting on my bed the next morning at the crack of I don’t know what. It’s freaking early.
“Me too,” Michael joins in, sliding under the covers with me.
After Tabby finally told me the story of what happened at her school in Illinois—all the shit her boyfriend put her through, the assault, the public shunning—and how Michael defended her, I immediately became a fan. He’ll always be good shit in my book.
Michael is not the type of guy any girl would kick out of her bed—dark hair, blue eyes, and a body made for sin. But I’m tired.
“What are you two doing up at this hour?” I ask, yanking the covers away from him.
“I’m an early riser,” Michael says, yanking the covers back. “I’ve already been out for my run and had my shower. Plus, I have to get to the admin office right when they open to take care of all my paperwork.”
“Dude, if you’re going to live here, you have to know, I’m not a slumber-party type of gal.” I bury my head under the pillow. “I’m also not a morning person, so if you do this again, you best come in wearing a cup. Now both of you get out. I don’t need to get up for work for another hour.”
“Not a chance,” Michael says, pulling me up. “The highlight of conversation at the Nelson household is organic produce and catty banter about whose landscaping needs work in the neighborhood.” He shakes my shoulders. “Babe, I need this. So tell us, how long have you and Foster been doing the deed?”
I want to tell.
I do.
“Okay,” I lean in and Tabby squeals in delight. “It all started with a bath…”
~~~
Michael needs one of my e-cigs after I tell the tale of the Foster/Jules hook up. I’m serious. He smokes for about ten minutes before deciding we all need caffeine.
I get ready for work with time to spare, so I join Tab and Michael on the short walk to the coffee shop. The three of us are behaving like giddy little girls. It’s pretty awesome. I’ve missed my time with Tab. After being a loner for so many years, I never thought I’d depend on someone again, but Tab snaked her way into my heart.
We each get the largest French roast they have and Michael orders a cinnamon roll the size of my head. I swear my ass grows just by looking at the thing. We sit outside and watch the groggy people shuffle in.
Until Miss Jenna arrives, perfectly put together in her couture dress and five-hundred dollar shoes.
“Hi, girls,” she says, eyeing up Michael. “Who’s your friend?”
Tabby sighs. “This is my brother, Michael.”
Before Tab can continue with her introductions, Jenna takes over.
“Hi, Michael,” she says in almost a sweet voice. Almost a real voice. “I’m Jenna. Nice to meet you.”
“Nice to meet you too,” Michael says with a shit-eating grin on his face.
Idiot.
Tabby levels a look at him and it’s not lost on Jenna.
“Are you here for a visit?” Jenna asks.
“No, I just moved here. Starting summer classes next week.” He waves his paper schedule.
“Yay.” Jenna leans over his shoulder and comments on his courses and professors. “I should show you around campus sometime.”
“We’ve got it covered,” Tabby snaps. “And once you leave, we’ll fill him in about you too.” Tab gives her a smile and shrug.
“Don’t believe a word they say about me.” Jenna laughs. “I’m really not that bad.” Then she winks and breezes inside.
Michael’s eyes follow her.
Moron.
“Don’t even think about it,” Tabby growls.
Michael shrugs, his stupid smile plastered across his face.
“Okay, you two.” I give them both a little pinch. “I need to go out and bring home the bacon. Which one of you is my driver today?”
“I am,” Tabby says before pointing at Michael. “You be good.”
Once we’re out of range, Tabby stops me. “How long before Jenna gets her claws into him?” she asks.
I shake the Eight Ball in my brain…not long now.
Chapter 34
Foster
“Is your friend better?” Charlie asks me about Jules the moment I walk into the Center. I stopped in last week to tell him I wouldn’t be around much because I had to take care of my friend. The look in his eyes about broke my heart.
Little Charlie is seven years old and he’s been coming to the Center as long as I’ve been here. I’d be lying if I didn’t say he was my favorite. He lost his mom and sister in a drunk-driving accident. His dad is still in rough shape, but he never misses a meeting. If he didn’t have to get better for Charlie’s sake, I don’t think he’d be here at all. He’s doing it all for that little guy.
“She is doing better,” I tell Charlie. “I missed hanging out with you guys, though.”
“I missed beating your butt at checkers,” he snickers.
Charlie reminds me of Tristan when he was little—short dark hair, huge brown eyes, and flashing dimples. I don’t see much of my brother these days—he’s busy being a high school senior—so Charlie fills the little bro void.
The kids here do more than that, of course. They’ve saved me so many times. I can only hope I’ve helped a few of them.
“Did you bring treats, Foster?” Lilly asks.
“I did,” I tell her before all the little wolves descend.
“What is it?” Josie tugs on my shirt.
“You guys know the drill,” I tell them, just as I do every time I’m here. “We play games and then we have the treats. Surprise treats. Stop messing with the system.”
Cue the moans and groans.
Charlie pulls out the board and motions for me to join him at the table.
“I’ll be back,” I tell the others.
I work my way through hugs and fist bumps before preparing for my weekly checkers beating.
Pushing the red discs in my direction, Charlie sets up his side of the board. He’s always black.
“Prepare for domination,” he says when we begin.
Domination is exactly what it is. He wins three games to my two.
The afternoon progresses and I take my beating like a man, join the rest of the kids in a cookie decorating contest, and then we all plan a little party for a very special guest.
It’s time to let Jules in. But first I need to see how we do in the outside world, so I send Noah a quick text.
~~~
“I can’t believe you set this up,” Jules says to me while we wait in line to get movie tickets.
“Why?” I ask. “I’d say it’s about time for our coming out party, wouldn’t you?”
“Sure.” Jules looks a little nervous. “But what about you and Noah? Are you two going to behave? You guys have a lot of baggage.”
“Water under the bridge, babe. Don’t worry, we can handle a few double dates for our girlfriends.” I smile when I say the last word. Damn, I’m that guy now—completely and utterly whipped.
“Taking one for the team,” Jules says, wrapping her arms around my waist. “That’s why I love you.”
She looks up at me, beaming. All I can think about is all the ways I want her. I’m an idiot for taking her out, when I could have her at the apartment all to myself. This limited access shit sucks.
I pay for the tickets, drag her into a dark corner, and let my hands roam.
This girl
is going to kill me.
Chapter 35
Jules
It’s one of those summer nights that you know you’ll remember forever. Tabby and I are wearing our cutest sundresses, the drinks are flowing, and our men will be joining the fun any minute.
It’s perfection.
Tabby and I sit in the courtyard at Paul’s Bistro, drinking mojitos and waiting for Foster to finish work. Noah’s meeting us, too, for another double date.
Tabby planned this one: drinks at the bistro, the block party and concert downtown, and a late breakfast at the Uptown Diner. I couldn’t have done better myself. Imagine Dragons, The Avett Brothers, and the Lumineers are all playing tonight. Plus, a bunch of our favorite local indie bands. I feel like a kid on Christmas Eve.
The best part is that we were actually becoming a four-some. Things are starting to feel like old times, but better. This time around we have Tab instead of Jenna.
Jared walks into the courtyard and gives me a long slow whistle, and I can’t help but blush. I hope to have the same effect on Foster.
“Looking good, girl,” Jared says.
“Not so bad yourself.” I wink. “How’s the finger?”
“Aw, man. He told you about that?”
I laugh. “Tell him we’re here when you get a chance.”
“Oh, he knows.” Jared smirks. “That boy is so into you. He can feel it when you enter his space. He told me to tell you he’ll be out soon. And he likes the dress.”
How Foster can get me all hot and dreamy with someone else’s words is beyond me. But he just did. Quickly, images of Foster taking off this dress play behind my eyelids.
“Oh my God, Jules.” Tabby slaps a hand over her mouth. “Are you actually blushing?” She peers in closer. “You are. I have never seen you like this. Toast, lady. You are so done.”
My bliss doesn’t last. Once Jenna walks in, it’s like a bucket of water is splashed over me, extinguishing my flaming hot thoughts of Foster.
Jenna strides over to us and Tabby and I both flinch. She stops at our table and smiles.
“What?” Tabby hisses.
“Well, aren’t you rude, Tabitha Kelly,” she says with one of her lackeys in tow. “I just stopped by to say hello. Noah asked me to be polite, but I see the rules don’t apply to you.”
“Hello, Jenna,” I chime in, hoping it will make her leave faster.
“See, if we can teach Jules manners, surely there’s hope for you, Tabby.”
I slam my drink.
“So whatcha doing, waiting on your men?” Jenna asks.
“We are, but what about you? Are you waiting on a drink or another fake friend?” Tabby asks just as sweetly. “My brother isn’t here, so you can stop the act.”
“That’s too bad, but speaking of men,” Jenna sings, looking at me now, “I want to congratulate you for snagging one of your own. You and Foster. Back together after all this time.”
Before I can answer, Tabby jumps in. “Jenna, please just leave us alone. We’re having a nice night, can’t you just let us be happy?”
“No.” She shakes her head. “I mean, happy is good, but I can’t stand to see people living a lie.”
“Okay, I’ll bite,” I say. “Who is living a lie?”
“I think you should tell her,” Lisa the lackey says, tipping her head toward me.
And that’s when Tabby’s face goes white. Almost in a state of panic, she says, “Get out of here, Jenna, or I swear to God.”
It’s strange. The entire exchange.
“Ah, I see,” Jenna says with a nod. “You know, don’t you, Tab?”
“Know what?” I ask. “What’s going on?”
“Let’s just go,” Tabby says. “Foster can catch up to us.”
“Stop, Tabby,” I tell her. “We’re not letting her chase us off.”
“You could ask Foster, too,” Jenna says.
“Obviously you have something to tell me, Jenna.” I say, even though I know it’s not going to be good. It’s like driving by a bad car accident—one where you can’t help but look. “Out with it already.”
“Jules, I just don’t want to see you get hurt,” Jenna says. “Foster cheated on you once before and I don’t want to see it happen again.”
My stomach turns. I know I should turn away now and run. I know it, but I don’t. I stay to hear it.
Huge mistake.
“What are you talking about?” I ask.
“Me and Foster. Well, me and Foster circa 2009.”
“You and Foster what?” I ask, my brain swimming in a sea of confusion.
“We were together, Jules. When the two of you were dating.”
That little…
“I don’t believe one word of your lies, Jenna,” I say, feeling everyone’s eyes on me. I fight off the embarrassment with anger. “Try again,” I spit.
“Didn’t you ever wonder why Noah kicked him out?”
“A lot happened that year,” I say, not caring about the bite in my words.
Her face grows even colder. “Yes, it did. Apparently a lot you don’t know about. But you know, this kind of news comes best from a friend and it looks like Tabby already knows. So I’ll let her fill you in. Have fun with your little party of four.”
I want to bury my head in denial, but my stomach is sinking. I’m terrified it’s the truth. I look to Tab for confirmation. “Tabby?” I ask, praying this is all a mistake.
Tabby is still white, eyes watering. She bites her lip and gets ready to confirm the news. News that’s going to shatter my heart into a million pieces.
What a fool I was to start believing in the future again.
Chapter 36
Foster
I approach Jules from behind and instantly go hard at the sight of her in that dress. Until I see Tabby in tears—and then panic in her eyes when she spots me. Jules follows Tab’s expression and she spins around to me without a moment’s notice.
Or a freaking warning bell.
Her face is crimson, her eyes glazed over, her mouth tight.
“You mother fucker,” she screams.
Tabby frantically shakes her head.
What the fuck is going on?
“Not here, Jules,” Tabby says.
That doesn’t stop her. She charges at me and flings her drink in my face. It takes me several moments before I understand what’s going on.
The girl just threw a drink in my face. This can’t be good.
Jules is ready to throw something else. I can see it in her eyes, so I gently take her by the elbow and lead her away from all the people.
“Calm down, baby,” I say in my most soothing tone, quite a feat considering my insides are in knots. “Whatever it is, I’ll take care of it.”
I look to Tabby for help and she mouths, “Jenna.”
Panic runs through my veins and I turn cold. I’ve thought about this situation so many times. How I would tell her, how would I explain? Now, in this moment, I’ve got nada.
“Jules, let’s go to my place,” I say as she shakes herself out of my grasp. “Let’s go somewhere quiet to talk.”
“Why?” Her voice is icy and removed.
I’ve already lost her.
“So you can lie to me again?” she asks. “Continue with this charade—your little detour for the summer?”
“Don’t say that. You know that’s not true. You know it.”
“I don’t know anything…except that you’re a liar and cheat.”
“I’m not.” I reach for her again, but she recoils. “I’m not anymore.”
“And you’re nothing to me anymore,” she hisses and walks away.
Tabby tries to follow her, but she turns and says something that stops Tabby in her footsteps.
Then she’s gone.
~~~
The next week passes in a blur. I’m mentally, emotionally asleep as I go through my days. Still, I get through it. That’s the thing—your heart can be bleeding on the inside and nobody knows. You’re just e
xpected to get on with it—even though it burns like a son of a bitch.
It’s my fault. I blew it.
I actually blew it a long time ago—and I’m not sure how much more guilt and pain I can take on. I’ve already suffered and made myself pay in so many ways. I can’t take it back, I can’t undo it. I can’t erase how selfish and messed up I was back then. I can’t go back and shoot a shot of self-confidence into my bloodstream.
Once again, Noah was right. I should’ve told her. Should’ve started off with a clean slate. She still probably wouldn’t have agreed to dated me, still I think she would have remained my friend. At least then I’d have some part of her.
Ash has been by to see me about ten times after hearing what happened. She wants to nurse me back to health—I’ve said no.
The bar—and the booze—has been calling my name each night after work—I’ve said no.
What I said to Jules was true. That’s not me anymore. I am better and no matter what happens, I will survive.
But to know it’ll be without Jules makes me numb. I want to find a way to survive with her. I think I just may have one more shot.
~~~
“Uncle, Russ,” I make the call I never thought I’d make. “It’s Foster.”
“Nephew,” he answers. “How are you? How’s school?”
I fill him in and we make small talk. He tells me all about the comings and goings on the reservation, and I tell him about the restaurant. Over the last year, I’ve been trying to reconnect with my old life—with my heritage. It’s been good. I’ve made a few visits and few phone calls and I’ve brought Tristan with me.
But no matter how many times Uncle Russ asked, I’ve never agreed to take my 18 money. As a member of my father’s tribe, I’m entitled to money from the profits of the casino built on tribal land. Each member gets a lump sum at eighteen and then small per capita payments after that.
Dad burned through his money pretty fast. The per capitas left were not enough to live on and he was always chasing after the same quick cash. It never came. I think he was just trying to get by, knowing my 18 money wasn’t far off and he’d have another well to draw from. He never made it that far and once I turned eighteen, I couldn’t cash in. It was blood money in my mind, so Uncle Russ kept it in the trust for me.
