by Sarah Bates
She opened her mouth, but whatever it was she was about to say, it didn’t come, as she noticed he’d just looked over her shoulder into the truck. At me.
“Coco?” he said, his eyes widening in surprise as he stared at me. It was an old family nickname – so I’d been told, though my dad hated it and refused to let anyone call me that when he was around. It had been earned because when we were three, my cousin Katerina hadn’t been able to say my name right, when we’d been here for that long ago, and forgotten, visit. “Is that really you, baby girl?”
I cleared my throat and tried to make myself smile. “Hi, Uncle Jimmy.”
He shook his head in wonder, and maybe lament, if I read the look in his blue eyes correctly. Then he was pulling away from my mom and coming around the Volvo again.
Resigned, I finally unbuckled my seatbelt, even as he opened my door. I barely shifted in my seat before he simply scooped me right out of it, giving me the same hug he’d given my mom, though the circles he turned us in were slower, more somber.
“Oh, baby girl, it’s been too long. Way too long,” he crooned, still holding me close, his face pressed into my long, golden hair.
“Jimmy,” I heard my mom say.
“Give me a minute,” he said to her.
As he held me, I could feel a kind of pressure begin to build in my chest, even as I relaxed against him, and finally I wrapped my arms around him in a more genuine hug.
Here, I thought, was comfort, even as the warm scent of his spicy cologne triggered some familiar sensation inside me. Not exactly a memory, but a feeling, peaceful and content. A sense of safety.
“I missed you, baby girl,” he said against my ear.
I tightened my hold on him and squeezed my eyes shut tighter. “I missed you, too,” I told him, and knew that even though up until now I hadn’t realized it, I spoke the truth.
“James Griffin, are you going to horde that girl all to yourself, or are you going to share her?” someone called out.
I recognized the sound of my grandpa’s voice, and felt as well as heard my uncle’s chuckle as he finally loosened his hold on me and set me on my feet. Then he turned to face Grandpa, and I saw that he was standing by the courtyard gate with my mom tucked against his side. “Well, you’ve got that one, so yeah, I was considering keeping this one,” he replied in an easy, teasing tone.
Grandpa snorted out a laugh and shook his head as he stepped forward toward us. “Well, tough. I’m telling you to share. Since I’m an old man, and your father, you have to listen.”
“Old man my ass. You just ran a 5k two weeks ago, and beat your grandson to the finish line,” Uncle Jim said, but he stepped back so my grandpa could hug me as well.
“To Zachary’s utter shame,” Grandpa added, winking at me as he let me go. He looked me over, then shook his head. “How has my little Coco gotten so grown up?” he asked. “It hasn’t been that long since the last time we saw each other, has it?”
“Two years,” I said, shifting my feet. It felt strange to be the focus of both their attention.
“Two years?” he asked, surprised.
I nodded. “Well, two and a half, last Christmas,” I replied. He and his wife, Lucy, had come to Minnesota for the holidays a couple of years ago, but it had been a short visit. I had never known why it had been cut short, but strongly suspected that it was because my dad wasn’t fond of having houseguests, and had never been particularly fond of my mom’s family to boot.
“Right, well.” He shifted and cleared his throat. “I suppose that does make it a while. Well,” he said again, “you’re here now, and that’s what matters.”
“Exactly,” someone called out, and I glanced over just in time to see my uncle’s wife, Nora, step out of the courtyard. “Hey, you.” She hugged my mom first, giving her a tight squeeze and rubbing her back, then she pulled back and gave me a quick hug as well. “It’s so good to have you here.” She pressed a kiss to my cheek and smiled. “Now, we’ve got a whole house full of people waiting to see you.”
“Oh, ah,”
“Come, come.” She took my hand, then my mom’s, and started to lead us through the gate. “Everyone has been so eager to see you again. I know we’re a lot to take all at once,” she added to me, “but it’s better to do it like you would a band-aide, and rip it off quickly, all at once. Dive in feet first. Don’t worry, we don’t bite,” she added, and then suddenly my mom and I were both propelled into the house, where we were in fact greeted by a large crowd of people, all at once.
“You’re here!” I heard several people say at the same time. Then suddenly I was scooped up in another feet-off-the-ground hug by my oldest cousin, Scott, who then passed me – passed me, feet still not on the floor – to his brother, Katerina’s twin, Jamie. He hugged me fiercely as well, but it was nothing compared to Katerina’s hug. I thought for a moment while she was squeezing me so enthusiastically that maybe she was, in fact, trying to suffocate me. Then she pulled back and I gasped, sucking in air greedily. Behind her, Jamie grinned and shook his head.
“I’m so glad you’re here!” she said, smiling brightly, all but vibrating with her excitement. “We’ve already got everything all set up; you’re going to stay in my room with me – I can’t wait! It’s going to be like having a sister! I’ve always wanted a sister,”
“Gee, thanks,” her younger brother, Zach, muttered sarcastically at the same time someone else said, “What are Maddie and I? Chopped liver?”
Katerina, or Kat, as I knew she preferred, from her social media profiles, rolled her big, pretty blue eyes. “Of course not,” she said as she shifted to face our cousin, Margo. “I’m just saying that it’ll be nice to finally have some more estrogen around here to help combat all the testosterone.” She smiled sweetly as she said this and whacked – hard – at Jamie when he poked her in the side.
He grunted on the impact, and they swatted at each other a couple more times. “Bet you’re glad you came,” he added, teasingly of course, winking at me much in the same way our grandpa had.
“Of course, she is,” Margo told him, and she rolled her big, pretty blue eyes at him. “Boys. I mean, really, who would choose half a year of cold and snow when you can have paradise all year?” She shook her head, the look on her face suggesting it was a ridiculous thing to question.
Who chose snow over paradise?
The answer to that was simple. Me.
Before I could stop myself, I even said so. “Me.”
“What?” she asked, looking confused. Beside her, both Kat and Jamie grimaced.
I swallowed to clear my throat as that pressure began to build again, this time stronger than before. “Me. I…I like…snow,” I told her, my breath hitching as I felt my eyes begin to sting with wetness.
Margo’s eyes widened, Kat sighed, and Jamie muttered an oath under his breath all at the very same moment the flood gates finally broke open, and I burst into tears.
And not the quiet, gentle weeping kind my mom had cried, either, but the full-blast, whole body rocking, red, ugly-faced sobbing kind.
I don’t know where they came from and had absolutely no control over them. The sheer mortification of losing it so suddenly in front of my family, who I hardly knew, only made them that much worse. I was crying so hard, in fact, that I couldn’t even see anything, my vision was so blurred by my tears, and I could hardly breathe despite the fact I kept sucking in huge, gasping breaths.
I heard startled gasps all around me, and voices talking all at once, but couldn’t make out what any of them were saying.
All I knew was that one moment I was standing there, sobbing like a lunatic, the next I was off my feet, and someone was carrying me away. I don’t know who it was – my grandfather, one of my two uncles, Scott or Jamie, or even Zach. Whoever it was, I simply curled into them and continued to sob.
I cried for so long, curled against my rescuer that I wondered if I would ever be able to stop again. Eventually, though, the tears finally subsid
ed, and after a long time of staring listlessly at a wall, I realized I was in what appeared to be the den, as it was a homey, comfortable room off the kitchen. And I wasn’t alone with my rescuer. As I began to become aware of my surroundings again, I discovered it had, in fact, been Scott who had scooped me up, and I was curled up on his lap on the couch.
And surrounding us were the rest of my cousins. Kat, Margo, and her younger sister, Maddie, sat on the other end of the large L-shaped couch, while Jamie and Zach had both taken up places on the floor, not far from Scott’s feet.
None of them spoke, but every one of them had the same unhappy look on their face, each lost in their own thoughts.
Mortified over my outburst, I shifted, thinking it might be better if I got up and left.
Scott tightened his hold on me and eased me back against his chest for another moment.
Catching our movement, the others all looked at me.
Feeling ashamed and humiliated, I sat up and pushed some hair from my face. “I’m,” my voice caught, and I had to clear my throat. It felt a little raw after sobbing that way. “I’m sorry,” I finally managed. “I didn’t mean,”
“Sorry?” Jamie asked before I could finish. He shook his head when I looked at him. “Coco, you don’t have anything to be sorry for.”
“I didn’t mean for that…for that to happen,” I said, pulling the rest of the way off Scott’s lap to sit beside him on the couch. “I just, I guess that it’s been building for a while, and,”
“After everything you and your mom have been through lately, was totally warranted,” Scott said, rubbing my back, the same way he had as I’d blubbered all over him. “You just caught us all by surprise, is all.”
“Me, too.” I sniffled, but I had cried every tear I’d had in me, and now felt empty, and stuffy headed. “Sorry I blubbered all over you,” I added, grimacing when I saw his wet shoulder.
Jeez, I really had turned on the waterworks.
“Oh, don’t be. He’s used to it,” Margo said, and she gave me a cheerful sort of smile, the kind you know is forced. “Trust me, it’s not the first time he’s been blubbered on. We’ve been taking turns for years,” she gestured between herself, Kat, and Maddie. “You’re just making up for lost time.” Her smile faltered, and she cleared her throat. “Coco, I…I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to upset you.”
“I know. It wasn’t you,” I told her. “Like I said, it’s been building for a while.”
“Well, it’s good you finally got it out, then,” Maddie said, speaking up for the first time since I’d arrived. “Better out than in, you know.”
“Yeah.” I nodded, then took a deep breath and let it out. “I don’t suppose there’s a, ah, powder room, where I can freshen up?” I asked.
“Of course.” Kat stood and held her hand out to me. “I’ll show you.”
“Thanks.” I stood and let her take my hand, but I paused in the doorway when I realized something, and I looked over my shoulder at all of them.
They had all come into the room, had all taken up a place around me, like a protective circle. All without question, silently giving me their support, even though, really, we hardly knew each other. Take away the occasional exchanges on social media, and we were virtually strangers, who just so happened to share some common DNA.
At least, that was how my dad would have seen it, and would be why he would scoff or question the sincerity of their actions.
But that was him.
For myself, I saw it for what it was: family taking care of family.
Knowing that they loved me that much, despite, again, the fact we hardly knew each other, caused another kind of pressure to start to build in my chest. But this pressure hurt in a different kind of way, not because it was painful, but because it was overwhelming, in a good sort of way.
“Coco?” Kat asked, giving my hand a gentle squeeze.
I shifted and cleared my throat. “I love you all,” I said when they each looked at me. Then, as they all blinked in surprise, I turned, before I could start crying again, and let Kat lead me toward the bathroom.
Two
After taking a few minutes to freshen up, Kat led me out into the backyard, where everyone else had gathered. Everyone was talking all at the same time; three, possibly four conversations going on at once. While they did, my Aunt Nora and my grandpa’s wife, Lucy, set two long folding banquet tables – set up lengthwise, so that they made one long table for all of us to sit at – while my Aunt Connie set up a smaller table with a selection of drinks, and my two uncles manned the two charcoal grills. My mom and grandpa were off in the far corner of the yard, talking, while Margo, Maddie, and now Kat, too, brought out giant bowls of different kinds of salads, and put them on the table.
I didn’t know where Scott, Jamie, and Zach had gone off to, but found after asking Lucy when she passed by me on her way into the kitchen, that they’d been tasked with unloading mine and my mom’s things from the Volvo.
It was all so strange to see, and more, to be suddenly dropped down into the center of it all.
Was that what families were really like?
It made me a little sad to realize that I didn’t know the answer. Back home in Minnesota, when we met my dad’s parents for dinner, it had always been at a formal restaurant, our gathering kept to a two-hour time limit, in which I was pretty well ignored while my dad and grandfather discussed the law, and my mom and grandmother quietly discussed proper things, like garden clubs or book clubs, after which we went our separate ways again.
I didn’t have much time to dwell on it, though, because by then the guys had all lumbered out back as well, apparently finished with their chore, and had been joined by another guy – I’d guess he was at least a couple years older than Scott – who was casually dressed in cargo shorts and a vintage Metallica t-shirt, and a much younger boy in athletic shorts and a superhero t-shirt. Both had short, messy black hair, a stark contrast to the sea of blondes that made up most of my family. I didn’t have long to wonder who they might be, as, as soon as I had opened my mouth to ask Maddie, who had just passed by me with a giant bowl of potato salad, Scott had hooked an arm around the other guy and pressed a smacking kiss to his lips. A moment later he’d introduced him to my mom and me as his boyfriend, Derek Butler. The little boy was Derek’s youngest brother, Duke.
And then it was time for dinner.
Dinner at home had always been a rather reserved event. We ate in the dining room, always, and the servings were always dished out by my mom. My dad was always served first, then me, then my mom, and no one could eat until everyone had the meal in front of them and was properly seated. The conversation topics centered around my dad’s day, and while my mom was able to comment, I had always been expected to be quiet. If I’d had a rough day, my complaints were to be given to my mom before my dad got home from work.
Of course, thinking of this routine now seemed to make it harsh when faced with sitting at an overcrowded table with multiple conversations going on at once, and people simply helping themselves to whatever they wanted. But I’d never thought of it that way before. It was simply what I’d been used to.
Occasionally, I’d find my mom watching me with a look of concern, and I did my best to make myself smile, and then would go back to trying to follow what was being said around me.
To my surprise, no one mentioned my breakdown from earlier. Not even once. It was as though it had never happened, and though I still felt seriously awkward that it had happened, I was grateful for this simple act of kindness.
After we’d finished eating, I helped clear the table and clean the kitchen, and then was dragged off to Kat’s room, where she, Margo, and Maddie bombarded me with all the local gossip, and the ins and outs of the school, where I’d be starting at the beginning of the week, and told me all about the things that were available for entertainment on the island.
I’d been promised a proper tour the following day, so I could have at least some ideas of what to expect
around town when I started school. Maddie told me later that that had been Margo’s subtle way of saying she wanted to spend the day shopping. I was also warned that this was a common occurrence with her sister.
As I wasn’t a huge fan of shopping, I considered myself suitably forewarned.
At one point Jamie and Zach joined us, and we ended up playing a round of Monopoly. Somewhere around eleven that night Scott and Derek came in to say goodbye, as they were heading home, and when I tried to apologize again, Scott told me not to worry about it, and then kissed my cheek before he left.
I wasn’t entirely sure when I had fallen asleep, but when I woke up the next morning the sun was shining warmly through the windows.
Yawning, I stretched, then groaned as some of my muscles protested, and I pushed myself up into a sitting position.
I was on the floor still, though a pillow had been tucked under my head – my pillow; I knew because of the snowflake pattern of the case on it – and my matching throw blanket had been draped over me.
I frowned and looked tiredly around and found Kat’s bed occupied by her and Margo – they’d been the first to bail on the game – while on the floor, Maddie, Jamie, and Zach were all sprawled out around me. The game board, still set up, was just within reach.
For a long moment I simply sat where I was and watched them all, and felt that pressure again. Contemplating the sensation, I quietly got up, grimacing over my stiff muscles, and carefully made my way to the door, stepping over Jamie, who was snoring away, sprawled out spread eagle on his back.
After making a quick stop at the bathroom – ignoring the mirror, already knowing I had to look terrible – I followed the scent of coffee to the kitchen.
Uncle Jim sat at the table, alone, a plate of leftovers for his breakfast in front of him, reading the morning paper while he sipped his coffee. He was in his uniform, and his face was cleanly shaven.
