“Whatever is running through that beautiful mind is way off base, I’m sure. Lexie, I wasn’t complaining.” He put a hand beneath her chin, but she pulled away. “Hey! Come up here and talk to me.”
She shook her head. Would she ever be able to face him again? Maybe she should go.
Suddenly, his big hands slipped under her armpits and she was hauled up his body until she lay on top of him, nose-to-nose and eye-to-eye.
His usually relaxed face was serious. “That wasn’t an insult, Lex. I like your passion. What is this all about?”
“I don’t . . . That is, it’s been a while since—” She stammered and hawed, sounding like a complete ass. Dammit Lexie, snap out of it!
“Talk to me, baby. You can tell me anything.”
“Well, the last time I was, um—with someone—was while I was married.”
“When was that?”
“Six years ago.”
“Six years? No wonder you were so excited. I’d have been foaming at the mouth and humping the furniture after six months. I admire your restraint.”
Her lips twitched at his teasing response. He was good at bringing her out of a sulk. He lifted his head and gave her a quick kiss on the lips. His hands swept down to cup her bottom firmly.
“I really do love your passion and will be very upset if that changes. Are we clear?”
“Very clear.” This time, she managed a little grin.
“Good, now tell me about the long dry spell. Was the divorce that rough?”
“It was pretty ugly. Afterward, I didn’t want to date anyone and just threw myself into my studies. Nurse practitioner school is grueling; classes and the practicum are like having two full-time jobs. If you have to hold down a real job on top of that to pay for it all, well… let’s just say I lacked the energy or interest to do anything except sleep in my down time.”
“I can understand that, but you graduated a few years ago. What’s the problem now?”
“Gun shy, I guess.”
“That’s not gonna cut it, Lexie. Why don’t you tell me about your marriage? Why did it end?”
“I’d rather not talk about it, Jonas.”
“We’re together now babe, that means full disclosure.”
“But—”
“Obviously it was a tough time since you’re dodging the retelling so adamantly.”
“I got married for all the wrong reasons, and it just didn’t work out.”
“Lexie…”
Damn, he was stubborn. She realized she had to give him something. Maybe he’d be satisfied with a glossed over version, but she highly doubted it. “You know about my childhood. For most of my life, or at least my formative years, I didn’t have anyone and was kind of a loner. Then, when Aunt Jo and Uncle Pete took me in, all of a sudden I had a family.”
“I’m happy that you had them, baby, but that doesn’t answer my question about the ex-husband.”
“You’re awfully persistent, dulcedo.”
“And you’re stalling. I find it’s better to rip a Band-Aid right off. Don’t you agree, Nurse Berry?”
“Actually, no, if you rip it off, sometimes you break the wound open and it starts to bleed again.”
“If this is such a sensitive subject, it’s all the more reason that I need to know. If it’s holding you back, or if you have past trauma, I might stumble upon a trigger. As your Dom, I need to know. No matter what this is about, baby, I’m here for you—always. Understand?”
Nodding, she knew he was right. They were intimate now, and headed down an exciting but potentially scary path with the BDSM stuff, and she needed to tell him what Derek had done to her.
“Nursing school was no picnic. It was difficult and very stressful. Add to that being away from home, well…loneliness reared its ugly head again. I met my ex at a party. Derek was a bit older, a fifth-year senior. I was a sophomore. He was nice, very funny, and we became friends long before we became lovers.” As the painful memories resurfaced, she looked at him, brows gathered into a frown. “This is ancient history. Do I really have to tell you all this?”
“Yes.”
His succinct answer allowed for no wiggle room.
Frowning at him, she complained, “It was not a good time, you know.”
“I know that Lex, and I’m sorry. Sometimes it’s best just to rip off the Band-Aid. Tell me.”
She blew out her breath with a huff. “It should have never happened. I thought I could substitute friendship and companionship for love, and was I ever wrong. I learned that the hard way. Derek was a good friend and I should have left it that way. I was lonely and looking for someone to fill a void. We divorced a year later.”
Silence filled the room as they both waited. She hoped he’d let it go, but he was determined to get her to open up. Jonas sighed and set her aside. Rolling out of bed, he walked across the room to his dresser and rummaged through a drawer. Having found what he was looking for, he returned to the bed, a small wooden paddle in his hand.
Lexie gasped. “What’s that for?”
“To paddle your stubborn ass if you don’t start being open and honest with me.” He signaled with his hand for her to move over and after arranging the pillows to his liking, sat with his back against the headboard, his long legs stretched out in front of him.
“This is how this is going to go down. No more procrastinating. You are going to be in my lap while you finish your story. If I suspect there are any fibs, omissions or stall tactics employed, you’ll receive five swats. We’ll start with my hand and progress to the paddle, if needed.”
Lexie stared at him, open-mouthed.
“The only answer I require is ‘yes, Jonas.’”
“But—”
“Wrong answer. I guess you’re ready for that spanking now.”
“No!”
“Then when I ask you to do something, your response is what?”
“Yes, Jonas.”
“Good, now come over here and get comfortable while you finish your story.”
She crawled on her knees to him and started to sit on his lap, but he stopped her.
“I think face down and in ready position will keep you focused.”
“You can’t be serious.”
“Perfectly serious. You’ll find that I don’t joke about punishment.”
He guided her stiff body closer until her belly rested on his thighs and her bare bottom was raised in the perfect position for his right hand to administer any needed motivation. Lexie was tense at first, but he slid one of the pillows under her head and started stroking her soothingly, one hand gliding slowly over her back while the other caressed her bottom and thighs.
“Comfortable?”
“Yes, Sir.” Her voice was husky with arousal. His warm hands were both relaxing and stimulating at the same time. The proof was in the moisture that was quickly gathering between her thighs. Although she dreaded that wicked-looking paddle, the thought of his hand smacking her bare bottom while she lay draped across his lap—naked and submissive—made her ache. Just like in her fantasies.
“Start talking. I want to know why a beautiful, incredibly sensual woman would go six years without sex. Since that is around the time of your divorce, I’m guessing this all stems from your ex-husband. Was he a lousy lover? Did he blame you for it? Was he abusive?”
Her ability to speak suddenly left her. Was that just a lucky guess? Before she knew it, Jonas’ hand connected with her bottom in several quick, sharp smacks—two to her right cheek, two to her left, and one low near her thighs. His hand was so big that he covered most of both cheeks with the last blow.
“That was five for stalling, Lexie. Start talking.” He didn’t sound angry, just firm and unrelenting.
“He was abusive.”
Jonas tensed beneath her; the hand that was rubbing the sting from her bottom paused. Bravely, Lexie continued.
“It started out good. He was the same funny, outgoing Derek. After a few months, though, that began to change.
I don’t know why, but all of a sudden, everything seemed to irritate him. He’d fuss about our ‘crappy apartment,’ his nowhere job, how I was always studying or at the library, the losers he worked with, and his ‘son of a bitch’ boss. He started drinking. When that didn’t change anything, he turned his anger on me. Soon I couldn’t do anything right. Everything that went wrong or that pissed him off was my fault. Toward the end, when he was drinking a lot, he’d have trouble getting hard enough to have sex, so he blamed that on me, too. He said I was too fat and ugly to arouse him and accused me of being frigid.”
“That’s why you are hypercritical of yourself, Lex.”
“Yeah, I guess when you hear the criticism long enough, you start to believe it. In the end, all he did was go to work and drink. He went out a time or two with old friends from school, which only made it worse. The night I left, he could barely stand up. That didn’t stop him from hitting me though.”
Lexie stopped. Jonas was quiet and his hands had stopped their wonderful caresses. Turning her head, she looked over her shoulder at him. His face was set in a rigid mask, eyes closed, jaw tightly clenched, and his hands, which had stroked her so gently, rested in tight fists against her back and bottom.
“Jonas?”
His eyes popped open and when he looked at her, she could see he was livid. Eyes that were usually a brilliant sapphire blue now snapped with an anger so fierce that the pupils had dilated, giving them a dark, murky appearance—almost black. It was scary and at that moment, Lexie was relieved that his anger was directed at someone else because her sweet, charming, good-natured Jonas looked absolutely terrifying when he was pissed off.
“Where did the bastard hit you?”
“Does it matter?”
“Yes.”
“In the face.”
“Open hand or closed fist?”
“Jones, it really doesn’t matter now. It’s over.”
“Answer the question, Lexie.” While his voice was still low and quiet, it was all steel. For some reason he needed to know this, so she gave it to him.
“He backhanded me and busted my lip. It really hurt.” She paused, waiting. He didn’t say anything but she felt his hands flex, fisting against her skin.
“Jonas—”
“Give me a second, baby.” She watched him close his eyes and breathe, the same way he had shown her in class. Lexie realized he was trying to maintain his control, so she watched and waited patiently. A few minutes later, his hands had relaxed enough to resume their motion over her back and bottom. “I’m in control now, Lex. Finish the story. What else did the bastard do to you?”
“You’re not going to do anything irrational are you, Jonas? It was a long time ago.”
His hands continued their slow caresses, soothing and easing her anxiety. Rubbing her tender bottom, he let his hand meander lower, to the top of her thighs. “Are you stalling again, baby?” His question was accompanied by a light pinch to one reddened cheek.
“No, but you didn’t answer my question. Are you going to go bat-shit crazy and go after Derek?”
“I promise not to go bat-shit crazy, Lexie.” His fingers dipped between her thighs as he spoke. She knew what he’d find. Despite the awful memory she was retelling, his hands on her, whether in a sensual massage or the spanking, aroused her.
She squirmed, lost in sensation. “Mm… I can’t think when you do that, dulcedo.”
“Just focus and finish, because we’re not going anywhere until you do.”
“Fine,” she grumbled, her voice revealing her frustration. “I’ll tell the rest if you promise not to go after him.”
The sound of skin slapping skin echoed through the room as he spanked her four more times in rapid succession. Lexie couldn’t believe her audacity with her ass bare and his hand in such close proximity. Not to mention he had a truly evil paddle ready and waiting to make an appearance if necessary. She was either incredibly brave or beyond foolish.
“You don’t seem to understand, baby. This is not a democracy. Nor is it ‘Let’s Make a Deal’ where you can bargain your way around my commands. I am your Dom and I gave you an order.” He didn’t raise his voice, just maintained a calm, even tone. He gave her two more attention-getters before giving her a choice. “Now then… You can continue to be difficult and earn your first real paddling. Or, you can do as you were told and finish the story. I’m warning you, little subbie, my patience is wearing thin so I’ll have your answer now.”
“Alright, Jonas, but you aren’t going to like it.”
“I didn’t imagine I would. Spill.”
Inhaling deeply to settle herself, she laid it all out for him. “It all spiraled out of control with Derek a few weeks before our first anniversary. I was late getting home from a study group. Derek of course was drunk; in fact, he smelled like a brewery, and it was barely seven o’clock. He started in on me as soon as I walked through the door, calling me names and demanding dinner.”
Tears burned her eyes, and she averted her face so Jonas wouldn’t see. She was ashamed. She’d taken Derek’s abuse too long. She should have stood up for herself early on or left him when it got bad… and it got really bad. Lexie could almost hear Derek’s embittered voice calling her names, even after all these years—fat ass, bubble butt, wide load. He not only insulted her appearance, but her intelligence, too. His cruel words hurt.
“Lex.” Her name was a harsh, deep exhalation as Jonas’ brushed his lips against her temple. His strong arms flexed around her, and she felt safe. She drew strength from him, enough to continue.
“Final exams were the following week, and I was carrying fifteen credits. It was rough. Derek didn’t care, his only concern was a growling belly and an empty beer can. We argued. It got ugly. So I went to the bedroom to shower and crawl into bed—big mistake. I should have just fixed him something to eat, instead…” Her voice faded out as the horrific scene replayed vividly in her mind, as if it were yesterday. “He followed me.”
“Baby… ”
She heard the anguish in his voice, but suddenly, she wanted to get it out. Like a poison, she wanted to purge it from her system.
“It was awful. I had stripped down to my bra and panties when the door suddenly burst inward and Derek stalked in. I’d never seen him so enraged. He came right up to me and grabbed me by the throat. He yelled at me in an awful voice. I’ll never forget his words: ‘Listen, bitch. I don’t get a lot out of this marriage. You’re a lousy cook and an even lousier lay. If that’s all I got, you are not going to deny me. So right now, you have two choices, you can start cooking or we start fucking. What’s it going to be?’”
She paused for a moment, fighting back tears.
“I was stunned by the threats. Derek had never been physical before, so I hoped he was bluffing. I struggled to get free and scratched him—that’s when he started hitting me. I pleaded with him to stop, but he was mad drunk and started ripping off my clothes. He backhanded me across the cheek when I resisted, which sent me reeling, and I fell backwards onto the bed. That’s when he tied me up with my bra straps and tried to rape me.”
Inhaling deeply, she swallowed painfully, her throat dry and raspy. “By this time I was screaming, hoping one of the neighbors would call for help. I guess I was making too much noise for his liking because he used my torn panties as a gag.”
“Lexie, my God…” His voice broke with emotion as he pulled her closer.
“I was still making enough noise to raise the dead, so he grabbed one of the pillows and muffled my screams. I struggled and kicked when I felt him climb on top of me and pull my legs apart. He couldn’t hold the pillow and open his fly at the same time, thank God, so he loosened his grip on the pillow. I gasped for breath and screamed bloody murder. That’s when the police arrived.”
Her voice trailed off, a shudder racking her body as she relived the painful memories.
She was vaguely aware of Jonas’ thumb brushing the tears from her cheeks. It wasn’t until she look
ed up into his eyes, now hard as blue steel, that she realized Jonas had gathered her close sometime during the telling and now held her cradled in his arms.
“Tell me you nailed the motherfucker’s balls to the wall, Lex.”
“I pressed charges, yes.”
“How much time did he get?” His voice was low and chilling.
“Jonas—”
He continued as if she hadn’t spoken. “Where is he now? Please tell me he’s serving 10-15 for sexual assault and attempted rape.”
She didn’t say anything, afraid he’d fly off the handle if he knew.
“They prosecuted him, yeah?”
“He agreed to a plea deal.”
“What?”
“Does it matter?”
“Hell yes, it matters.”
“Please just let it go.”
“Lexie, it’s public record. I can look it up, which will take time, or you can tell now.”
“Fine. He pled guilty and served a year for felony assault.”
“A year? You are shitting me.” His near legendary self-control slipped a little. “That in itself is a crime. And without a sex crime conviction, he doesn’t have to register.”
“I know it seems like he got off lightly—” She choked on her tears as her voice broke. Taking a deep breath, she continued. “My attorney said this was the only way to avoid an ugly trial. I didn’t want to go through all that—I just couldn’t.”
“Baby, I’m so sorry. Come here.” Rolling her over, he scooped her against her chest, his lips against her hair as he whispered, “I wish I could have been there to protect you. I would have kicked his ass.”
“Uncle Pete took care of that somehow. Derek hobbled into the courtroom on crutches.” His expression didn’t change by hearing that. “Jonas, I don’t like that look in your eye. You promised you wouldn’t go after him.”
“No, Lex. I promised I wouldn’t do anything crazy.”
Unbind My Heart (Club Decadence) Page 14
