My mummy sees how broken I am. She has watched me slowly slip away from my family, but she is trying to “give me space,” which I had pleaded for. But she never stops watching out for me. She fears that a day would come when I’d “crash.” I would call what I am experiencing more an implosion than a crash. But she is there to pick up the pieces. I’m not the only one who experiences my trauma—she experiences it, too.
Mummy and I have been on this insane journey with incredible highs and devastating lows. Once the swimming ended, we both struggle with our purpose and place. It had been “our thing” to travel together to practices and meets, but after swimming abruptly ended, I ran away from both the pool and her. We’d always been so close, but after Montreal and swimming ended I drifted away from everyone. I was trying to hide my pain and sadness from the ones I love the most.
That is NEVER good.
We eventually figure out that my seizures are a reaction to a medication that one of my doctors had prescribed in hopes of preventing a relapse. It takes some time, but after removing the medication and returning to holistic medication, I can feel myself rising back up. Slowly, I push the debris aside and try, once again, to find a new normal. It isn’t easy, but over time things begin to improve.
Just try.
Clean slate.
But what’s next?
When you don’t know where to go, there are two different paths you can take. You can sit down and feel hopeless and not even try, or you can stand up (even though you might feel wobbly) and put one foot in front of the other and trust that God will guide you.
I had run away from God after Montreal, and it wasn’t until I was at the bottom that I looked up and found Him again. Trusting, believing, and knowing that He’s got me and that He has a plan. Or as Joel Osteen says in my all-time favorite book, Break Out! (which totally changed my life), “God has already written every day of your life in His book. He knew exactly when that setback would occur, and the good news is He has already arranged a comeback.”
It’s time for my comeback.
It’s time to take back my life and change my direction.
14
DA NA, NA, NA, NA, NA, NA (ESPN)
March 2014 to December 2015
I’ve always loved challenges and new adventures—ever since I was a little girl. As a child, I was easily bored, and my friends would tease me about how quickly I’d want to move on and play another game. Moving forward has been important to me for as long as I can remember. Actually, I became addicted to moving forward and being challenged. Maybe it was drive or maybe it was crazy, but going backward became the worst thing I could imagine. It terrified me. I had to go, go, and go—always.
But now where do I go?
I thought I had my life all planned out, but my plans never looked beyond swimming professionally. So, when swimming was forcibly taken away from me, I felt lost, and I began searching and wondering what was next. I had been running (metaphorically speaking) for a while now, but I hadn’t thought through where I was running to. Or what I was running from.
Now, at nineteen, I am forced to think about where I want to go. But I truly have no idea.
Swimming on the international stage had been an eye-opening experience. It was amazing and overwhelming to be a champion, but being in that position came with a lot of responsibility. One of the biggest responsibilities was dealing with the media. After trials for the Paralympics and up until a few months after the Montreal fiasco, I was on a whirlwind media tour. For the most part, my experiences were positive, but there were a few (especially after Montreal) that were less than stellar. And it was those few not-so-good experiences that tainted my view of the media world.
Several networks approach me about becoming an “on-air personality,” like many former pro athletes. I would still be in the sports world, but instead of swimming, I would be talking about swimming among other sports. I am worn out after all that happened in Montreal, so the thought of being thrown back into the spotlight terrifies me.
The year 2014 was one of the toughest of my life—both physically and emotionally. I was struggling to stay afloat on all levels. And putting on a fake smile and fighting to maintain a persona of “perfection.” But as you know, I was far from perfect. Even during the craziness, I am searching and yearning for the next step.
Please, God.
Show me the way.
What do I do now?
For the four years I was in a vegetative state, I was sitting on the sidelines. And I never want to be on the sidelines again. So, I look to God and pray and beg for my next challenge.
Da, Na, Na, Na, Na, Na.
Even though my swimming career has ended abruptly, my speaking career has picked up. Every other week, I am flying to another place and speaking to another crowd. I put on a smile and talk about being victorious over challenges, even though I am far from overcoming anything. People tell me I inspire them, but on the inside, I am lost. I am busy, but I’m not going anywhere.
But then, everything changes once again, with a single speaking event.
One day, my agent Patrick casually asks: “Hey, Victoria, can you go to ESPN and give a few speeches and make a few media appearances?” Being in the speaking and traveling mode, I promptly reply with a yes. I have been doing so much speaking and so many media appearances that this doesn’t seem out of the ordinary. I grew up watching ESPN, but being in the funky head space I am in, even this doesn’t excite me. The only thing that stands out is that the guy I am dating at the time is “obsessed” with ESPN. So this opportunity will impress him.
“Have you ever thought of a career in broadcasting?” asks Mike Heimbach, who is the president of ESPN Global Security.
No.
I’ve been asked about this many times, and “no” is always my standard answer. But something tells me that this may be different. I sense that Mike sees something that I don’t see. He arranges a tour of ESPN to show me around.
“Welcome to SportsCenter.”
Being able to watch a live taping of SportsCenter was a “lightbulb” moment for me. I KNEW I wanted to be in that studio. Those four letters had a whole different meaning.
One of the programs I am scheduled to speak on while there is a radio podcast with an anchor by the name of Prim. Prim, like me, is a former elite athlete, and she, too, knows what it’s like to transition from sports to broadcasting.
Lightbulb.
The lights, the cameras, the action! All of a sudden, I want to know more. So, I start picking her brain after we record the podcast. Prim is incredibly patient with all of my questions and eagerness, and she even invites me to come back and job shadow her.
Really?
“Of course!” Prim said kindly.
Victoria, you’ve found your new goal.
Of course, achieving that goal is easier said than done. ESPN is the prize, the finish line, the gold medal for any aspiring sports broadcaster. Everyone wants a shot at ESPN. It doesn’t get much higher than being a part of that place and having that position on your résumé. Rightfully so, because the place is insane and amazing, and the energy is electric. Regardless of the odds of landing any kind of job there, I am hooked and want to learn more. I know I want to be there, and that I would do whatever it takes to get there.
A few months later, I begin job shadowing. Each time I come to campus to job shadow, Mike introduces me to various executives and producers. Every person I meet with is incredibly kind, and I make it a point to keep in touch with everyone. Over the next year, I continue to job shadow Prim and other anchors. The fire and passion that were so brutally ripped away from me in Montreal are beginning to flame. I know with every ounce of my body that this is the place I need to be. But …
“You’re too young.”
“You have zero experience.”
“We hire people with twenty years of experience, not people who just turned twenty.”
“It is unheard of for someone with little to no experience to lan
d an on-air job at ESPN.”
The typical path to broadcasting is filled with lots of experience at smaller stations and networks. ESPN is the job at the end of a long, arduous broadcasting journey. You earn your spot through experience. I know all of this, but I also know that when I am pulled so strongly by a specific goal, nothing slows me down.
It is very similar to my experience with swimming. I knew that, because of my lack of experience, the odds of making the US team were slim. And the odds of medaling were even slimmer. But my entire journey has been filled with many “miracles” and “unheard of” instances of success. Perhaps it was, as Joel Osteen taught me, “God paying me back double for the trouble.” I believe that overcoming extraordinary odds leads to an extraordinary life. And with great pain comes great gain.
Your time is coming.
I’m not aiming for a job with a fancy title; I just need to be at ESPN. I am willing to get coffee or clean bathrooms just to be there. I even try to convince an executive that I could strap a wagon to my wheelchair and deliver coffees. This might sound crazy, but sometimes pursuing passions makes people a little crazy. But I know that this is where I am meant to be. I just don’t know how I would get my foot/chair in the door.
• • •
I have just celebrated the nine-year anniversary of my journey (from April 2006 to April 2015) and my mom says, “Victoria, something amazing is about to happen.”
It is April 30, 2015, and my mummy’s words echo in my head. I’m not really sure what my mom means, and I certainly don’t expect that my life and my path will change that very day. I had met with several executives and producers and individuals who are in big positions at ESPN. But I never go into any of my meetings expecting a job. I simply want advice, and I continue to move forward and learn.
But on April 30, a meeting with Bill Bonnell and Kate Jackson changes everything.
“We want to give you a shot.”
“Are you serious? Is this legit?”
Bewildered, excited, and shocked, I sit across from Bill and his producing partner, Kate (both brilliant humans), unsure what to make of what they just said.
“Kate and I would love to have you as part of our broadcasting team for the Special Olympics World Games in LA this summer.”
I can’t even begin to describe how I feel.
This is my shot.
My next adventure.
Two people who barely know me actually believe in my dream and are willing to take a chance on me. They don’t know if I will be good or bad, yet they want to give me a shot. This is the first time in a long time that I’ve met with someone who believes in me. I don’t think Bill and Kate realize the significance of that moment for me. I leave the meeting forever changed. I will never forget that moment, and I am eternally grateful for it.
This is your time, Victoria.
The Special Olympics approach quickly. I have spent numerous hours training and working with various coaches to learn how to be an “on-air personality/reporter.” This reporting job in Los Angeles will ultimately be my “audition” for ESPN—showing whether or not I have what it takes to make it.
No pressure …
Well, actually a lot of pressure.
But …
I thrive on pressure.
Sometimes all it takes is one person to believe in you. One cheerleader can be louder than a million naysayers. While in Los Angeles, I have a whole team of cheerleaders. The entire broadcasting team embraces me with open arms. With all their kindness and faith in me, I can’t help but thrive and strive to make them proud. They believe in me, so I have to believe in me, too.
Television is daunting, but since I was little, I’ve loved the camera. As a professional athlete, I never minded on-camera interviews, which many athletes dread. But I hadn’t appreciated the position of the interviewer until I was the one with the microphone. It’s one thing to be asked the questions, but it’s a whole other ball game to be the one asking. I had no idea that so much goes into an interview. And now I am learning not only how to be a reporter but how to be a reporter for ESPN.
I was an Olympics junkie growing up. I idolized the athletes and wanted to be like them one day. But I never imagined that I could be one of them until I actually won the gold in 2012. It has been three years since then, and my love for the Games and the athletes has never wavered. The first Olympics that I remember truly impacting me was the 2004 Summer Games in Athens, Greece. Michael Phelps crushed it, and I knew after watching him that I wanted to win gold. Michael Phelps and Jenny Thompson were the swimmers I looked up to. I had gotten the chance to meet and get to know Jenny at an Olympic sponsorship event (first time I was ever starstruck), but I had never met Michael. That is, until my first day on the job at ESPN.
“Victoria, your first official interviewee is going to be Michael Phelps.”
Wh—, Wh—, What?!
Just when I think I am already on cloud nine after being handed the ESPN microphone, I am now on an even higher cloud. Cloud nine has turned into cloud nine million.
Michael is my first official interviewee on my first official day at ESPN. It is a features shoot, focusing on the Olympics, Paralympics, and Special Olympics. I am the Paralympian moderator, there is a Special Olympics athlete who represents the Special Olympics, and Michael represents the Olympics. To say I am nervous is an understatement. Michael is by far the greatest Olympian of all time, and I am interviewing him. Me, Victoria Arlen, who as a little girl wanted to be a gold medalist “just like Michael Phelps.” And not only am I a gold medalist, but today I have the chance to interview the one who inspired me to become that.
“You’re doing great, just be yourself and you’ll be just fine.”
The first shoot is private and free from the crowds, but at the second shoot, we are surrounded by cameras and crowds, all wanting a piece of Michael. As kids, we always look up to certain people, but there is nothing more wonderful than the person you look up to being exactly who you thought they were, or in this case even better. Michael’s kindness, patience, and friendliness show me that he is truly spectacular, and I am forever grateful.
Another notable person on my first day at work is Robin Roberts. For years throughout my vegetative state, I would watch her on Good Morning America. Robin was a source of inspiration to me and a familiar start to each morning, when I did not know what the day would entail. My first official debut on ESPN is during the Special Olympics World Games opening ceremonies. Robin arrives on the set early to help with hosting duties. I am a tad starstruck, given that just a few years back, I watched her every morning from my hospital bed. She smiles warmly and introduces herself, then she sits down in front of me. I have prerecorded an intro, and when it airs during the live broadcast, Robin looks back at me and gives me the two-thumbs-up. This is a moment I will definitely never forget.
The rest of the Special Olympics World Games are filled with incredible feats by some of the strongest and most inspirational athletes in the world. I have always been a huge supporter of the Special Olympics movement, and I coached Special Olympians throughout high school. But to see the Games firsthand and to be on the sidelines getting to know the athletes is beyond anything I could imagine.
Life-changing is an understatement.
There is power in sharing someone else’s story.
I had never truly known or understood the impact and power of a story until I was the one telling them. Sure, I’ve spent the last few years sharing my story, but my own story hadn’t really impacted me. I was always impacting others and “inspiring” everyone else, yet I was never inspired myself.
This is the first time that I am the one holding the microphone and helping someone else share their story. For a few days, I can put my struggles aside and focus on something else. And after such a turbulent past year, it is refreshing to do so. Here in Los Angeles, I am inspired daily by the athletes’ stories. I’ll never forget what my dear friend and Special Olympics superstar and ESPN commentator Du
stin Plunkett says to me: “If you take the time to speak with the athletes, I can promise you that you will be forever changed and inspired.” Dustin is 100 percent right.
That trip is what starts my career at ESPN, but it also reignites a fire inside of me—a fire that for the last year has been all but extinguished. I once again find purpose and inspiration and empowerment.
Forever changed.
After I come home from LA, I am most definitely changed. And now I am back at an ESPN meeting with various executives to discuss how I did in LA and whether or not I have “what it takes” to work there. I still have so much to learn, but I can’t think of a better place to learn than the place that ignited the spark for broadcasting.
Do I have what it takes?
Will I get a contract?
Whenever I am passionate about something, I always experience an internal battle of doubt. Especially when my goal is extraordinary and not the normal/easy path. I am often my own loudest naysayer, and my own internal battles can trip me up more than anything else.
But how do I shut off that doubt?
I haven’t found a “magic” button that instantly shuts off my doubt, but I have found that if I maintain a habit of believing in myself, over time that viewpoint becomes second nature. If this journey has taught me anything, it’s that when I doubt, I am usually on the verge of something amazing. But I have to have faith in God and faith in myself deep, deep down.
Faith and fear do not mix well, and so I’m learning to turn up my faith channel and turn down my fear channel. It’s kind of like the way I feel about scary movies versus feel-good movies. Scary movies leave me tense, anxious, and wondering if the monster is going to be under my bed or in my closet at night. (Not a big scary-movie fan.) But feel-good movies leave me feeling inspired and empowered and ready to take on the world.
Locked In: The Will to Survive and the Resolve to Live Page 13
