‘Yeah, I guess…I want you to be happy. Besides, you’re better at making decisions.’
Jules frowned.
‘No, I’m not. Listen, Nick, any relationship is a partnership. Both sides have opinions and wants and dreams, and sometimes you have to make compromises for it to work. It can’t be one-sided with one person calling all the shots.’ Jules looked up at him. ‘You understand that, don’t you?’
‘Of course I do. All I meant was that I trust in your judgement.’
‘Are we talking about a movie and a takeaway or something else? Jules asked.
The conversation was starting to make Nick feel nervous. He was confused and anxious about where this was heading and he didn’t want to be made to analyse his feelings. He was too vulnerable for that. He just wanted things to go on smoothly and easily without stress or commitment. ‘Just generally. I know that you’ll make the right call because Matt always says you will.’
‘Wait—what?’ Jules sat forward; she looked hurt. ‘What on earth are you talking about?’
‘I don’t know.’ Nick began to panic. ‘Maybe we should talk about something else.’
‘No,’ Jules said in a quiet voice. ‘I think we need to address it now.’ She got up from the couch and perched on the arm of the wingback chair to face him. ‘Explain it to me.’
Nick had some difficulty meeting her eyes.
‘Matt always says that he trusts you,’ he said as he picked at a tiny hole in his jeans. ‘He said he wouldn’t be here if it weren’t for you pushing him.’
‘Ah, I see now,’ she said with a shake of her head. ‘Damn, I was hoping…’
‘What?’
‘Look, Matt’s my brother and I love him, but he’s got nothing to do with what’s going on between you and me,’ Jules said sadly as she stood up and walked over towards the window.
‘Wait, you’ve lost me?’
‘No, I don’t think I ever had you.’ She looked back over her shoulder and gave Nick a small smile. ‘I really like you, I do, but you have to realise that I can’t do what you think I can.’
‘What do you mean? I’m not expecting you to do anything.’
‘Yes you are—even if you don’t know it yet.’ Jules leaned against the wall and glanced out the window. ‘I know that you’re drawn to me and you’d like us to be more than friends.’
‘If this is about that kiss the other night…’
Jules shook her head.
‘It isn’t. The kiss was lovely.’
‘So what’s the problem?’ Nick took a couple of steps towards her. ‘We get on well, Jules, and I thought you liked me.’
She turned back and gave him another small smile.
‘I do, but I think we’re coming at this from two very different angles. I’m looking to the future. I want someone I can count on, someone that I’m desperately in love with, and someone who feels the same way about me.’ She held up her hand as he went to interrupt. ‘No, let me finish. The problem is you’re looking for something else, something that I can’t give you. No matter how much I’d like to think I could help—I can’t save you, Nick. Only you can do that.’
‘What? Where the hell did that come from?’
‘Matt always says that I saved him, but I didn’t. I was there and I supported him in every way I could, but it was Matt who chose to come back from the brink. No matter what he says, I didn’t trek after him and drag him back by the hair.’
‘What’s that got to do with us?’ Nick joined her by the window.
‘Nothing…and everything. I think at the heart of it all you’re mistaking what you feel about me. Maybe it’s lust or even something more, but you’ve heard my brother always giving me credit for pushing him in the right direction and on some level you think I can do the same for you.’
‘Jeez, Jules. That’s a bit harsh, isn’t it? You make it sound like I’m using you.’
She reached out and placed her hand over his heart.
‘I think you’re a good man and one who deserves every happiness in the world. But I don’t think you’re anywhere close to falling in love with me; you just want me to guide you back to the living. And, I’m sorry, but I need more than that.’
‘You think I want you because of what your brother said? Do you know how crazy that sounds?’
Jules dropped her hand and folded her arms.
‘All I know is that we both deserve to be happy. I need a man who loves me for me, not for who I can help him to be.’
‘Jules, I swear it’s not like that.’
‘I’m the first woman you’ve taken out in years. You need to take things slow and work out what’s going on up here.’ She tapped her temple. ‘I’m not saying this to hurt you. I’ll be here, as your friend, but that’s all it can be until you’ve worked this out.’
Nick took a step back.
‘I understand.’
‘I hope so, I really do.’
***
Nick couldn’t settle. He had tried to sleep, but all he did was lie there and stare at the ceiling. Throwing back the covers he got out of bed and reached for his jeans. Might as well get up and do something.
He kept playing out the whole scene with Jules in his mind. Did she have a point? Was he gravitating to her because she was fun and vivacious, or because somewhere deep inside he had a screwy thought that she could help him?
Maybe a few minutes outside might clear his head. He shoved his feet into his boots and threw on the nearest shirt, and headed out the door. The night was warm and there was enough breeze to send the handful of dark clouds scudding overhead. The moon was almost full and it was light enough for a midnight ramble.
Nick started walking without a particular route in his head. He figured he’d just keep going until he got sleepy again. He walked downhill towards the bottom paddock. Not far off a possum sounded its guttural call, and as Nick past the dam he could hear a chorus of frogs in the reeds by the water’s edge. Other than that, all Nick could make out was the sound of his boots metering out a beat as he headed down the track. He hadn’t been paying that much attention to his surroundings until a flash of light made him stop and scan the paddock below. He wandered over to one of the gumtrees dotted along the fence line and, leaning against the solid trunk, he waited to see if the flash of light would return.
Nick didn’t have to wait long. This time there were two lights coming from behind the old hayshed. A smile tugged at his mouth; finally he’d caught the shits who kept spraying graffiti all over the place. Silently, Nick crossed the paddock towards the shed. As he neared he could hear the murmur of conversation.
‘We shouldn’t be doing this.’
‘We’ve got to so stop whinging. It’s a tradition—just be quiet and keep painting.’
‘I still don’t think…’
‘Listen, if we don’t, Stevo and his lot are never going to leave us alone. Now shut up before they hear.’
‘But…’
‘Darren, they’ve made our lives hell most of the year. If we do this then maybe it’ll stop. Don’t screw it up.’
Nick grew still. Maybe there was more to this than he first thought. Until now his tormenters had been faceless hooligans whose bloody heads he wanted to knock together if he ever got his hands on them. But now he realised this story was more complicated than a couple of cans of spray-paint and some ugly words.
‘Get on with it, you pussies, or you know what will happen.’
‘Not so loud—someone will hear.’
‘Nah, there’s no one except the freak that lives here. What’s he going to do?’
Nick noted the voices came from past the shed and beyond the fence. He walked on, using the shed and its shadow to mask his approach until he was at the wall. Nick waited a moment, listening to the sound of the spraycans as they painted over the old wooden boards.
‘Apparently, he killed his wife.’
‘No way…Andy, is that true?’
‘Yeah, it’s what Ben Watson said. He’
s the one that came up with this a couple of years ago.’
Nick frowned. He knew Ben. Up until now he thought he was a good kid with a passion for football. His parents owned the servo up on the main road and Ben had always seemed friendly and polite. But the little shit was behind the whole thing from the start.
‘Well, I heard he’s a monster. That he’s all burnt and can barely walk.’
Nick strolled around the corner of the shed and walked towards the fence.
‘Well, I reckon you heard wrong.’
There was silence for a moment before a flurry of movement. Several kids ran to grab their nearby bikes, and Nick jumped over the fence and nabbed one by the shirt collar. He turned to the startled boys with spraycans still in their hands.
‘Don’t even think about running, you two.’ He dug his phone out. ‘Hi, this is Nick Langtree up at Winters Hill. Could you please send a car up? It appears I’ve caught my vandals. Thanks.’
Three other boys managed to grab their bikes and ride off.
‘Felix…Felix!’ The boy yelled out as he tried to scramble free of Nick’s grip.
‘Whoa there, steady down,’ Nick said as he stared down at him. ‘Bloody hell, how old are you—twelve?’
The boy bristled.
‘Fifteen.’
‘Old enough to have some sense.’ Nick looked over to the other two boys. The little one with the red hair looked as if he was about to burst into tears. ‘What about you?’
‘I’m thirteen and Sean’s going to be thirteen next week.’
‘Oh, for goodness sake drop the bloody cans and get over here.’
The boys did as they were told and walked towards Nick.
‘What on earth were you playing at? Why would you do such a pointless thing as scrawl over the shed?’
Silence. The two boys splattered with spray paint looked down at the ground and shrugged, while the boy Nick had by the back of the shirt turned his head away in defiance.
‘So does anyone want to tell me their names? Other than Sean and the fleeing Felix, I don’t know you two.’
The question hung in the air too long.
‘Okay, I guess we’ll all just stand here and wait for the cops to arrive.’ Nick sighed. ‘I still don’t get why you did it.’
The redheaded boy glanced up at him.
‘To prove that we weren’t scared,’ he mumbled.
Nick shook his head.
‘And how does spraying graffiti on a shed do that?’
The boy shrugged and looked back down at his shoes.
‘Are we in a lot of trouble?’
‘Define “a lot”.’
It was another ten minutes or so before Nick saw the headlights of the police car come into view.
Senior Sergeant Jake Wilkins got out of the car and gave Nick a nod.
‘So what have we got here?’
‘I reckon it’s about a couple of cans of paint, property damage and a bit of trespassing.’
Nick looked over at the redhead and his mate. Their eyes were wide; they look terrified.
Jake opened the car door.
‘Get in, boys, and I’ll take you home. We’ll have to tell your parents and get to the bottom of this.’
The boys filed into the back seat and Jake shut the door. He turned around and said to Nick in a quiet tone, ‘Do you want to press charges?’
‘Nah, they’re just kids. I just wanted to scare the living daylights out of them so they wouldn’t do it again.’ Nick took a step forward and dropped his voice. ‘I can’t be sure, but I think there’s bullying going on. I overheard the two graffiti artists saying how neither of them wanted to do it. It may turn out that spraying my shed is some sort of initiation. Apparently it was started by Ben Watson a couple of years ago.’
Jake nodded.
‘I’ll look into it.’
‘And there were another three kids, but I couldn’t catch them. They hightailed it out of here on their bikes.’
‘I figured something was up. As I drove, I passed some kids pedalling like the devil was after them.’
Nick grinned.
‘Nah, it was just me.’
Chapter 15
Three days later, Nick grinned to himself as he drove down to the bottom paddock and glanced over at the small gathering around his shed. After his little vandals were read the riot act and had been made suitably contrite, it was decided in lieu of any charges they’d repaint the shed and clean it out. Nick was kind of pleased with himself for coming up with the punishment because nothing makes you feel like you’re suffering than having to work on a Saturday. What made it even sweeter was there was a good chance that it might take a chunk of their Sunday as well.
Just to add salt to the wound, Nick pulled over and got out of the car. He headed over to the shed and was faced with a couple of on-edge parents and some sullen teenagers.
‘Morning all,’ he called. ‘How’s it going?’
There were a few mumbles from the boys, but a small, nervous-looking woman walked over to him and held out her hand.
‘Hello, I’m Diane Reed, mother of that delinquent over there.’
Nick shook her hand and smiled.
‘Good to meet you. I’m Nick.’
‘I just wanted to say that I’m so sorry for Sean’s actions. I thought we’d brought him up better than that.’
‘Not to worry, we all run off the rails every now and again. Maybe this will be enough to set him back on the right track?’
‘You’re very understanding.’
He shrugged. He had been a kid once himself—and no angel. Nick understood the effect of peer pressure, and could understand the adventure and drama that would lead the kids to take these actions. Hell, if he’d been told that there was a murderer living near him when he was that age, he probably would have done the same thing.
‘They’re just kids and no real damage was done.’
***
Nick had made a point of not going near Jules’s cottage, or over to Bluestone Ridge. He thought it was the best thing to do: he didn’t want Jules to feel uncomfortable. But when there was a firm knock on the door that afternoon, Nick was happily surprised to see Matt standing on the step, holding a couple of shopping bags and an esky.
‘Beware of Greeks bearing gifts,’ he said with a smile.
Nick stepped aside to give him space to get into the caravan.
‘I reckon I’ll take my chances.’
‘Okay then, but don’t say I didn’t warn you. How have you been?’
‘I’m alright…I’m sorry I didn’t ring. I guess I didn’t know how you would feel about Jules and me. I mean, her being your sister and all.’
‘Listen, it’s fine. I’m sorry that it didn’t work out.’
‘Me too. Although I can’t blame Jules, I think she might have had a valid point. I didn’t want to believe it at first, but maybe she was right.’
Matt dumped the bags on the table and sat down.
‘What do you mean?’
‘She said that I was with her for the wrong reasons.’
‘Really?’
‘Yeah. The thing is, I’d heard you say more than once that if it hadn’t been for Jules you would never have got through losing your fiancée in that car accident.’
‘It’s true. Jules stood by me even when I was trying to push everyone away. She wouldn’t let me because she’s that damn stubborn. If it wasn’t for her I would never have moved to White Gum Creek.’
‘I guess I filed that away,’ Nick said. ‘I didn’t consciously do it, but I suppose I was expecting Jules to save me as well. I didn’t mean to put that sort of pressure on her, but maybe I did.’
‘Sure. But when I said she saved me, I meant she was there for me. The initial idea to try to begin living again has to come from in here,’ Matt said, and tapped his hand over his heart. ‘Jules supported me as I tried to find my path back to the living. But when it all came down to it, I had to find my own way.’
Nick no
dded.
‘I get it. I just got a bit carried away.’
‘I know,’ Matt said with a smile. ‘But you’ve done the same thing. Before you even met Jules, you had made the decision to move on with your life, even if you weren’t conscious of it. Remember after our first meeting here? You took the initiative to seek me out. You had already decided that life was worth living and you were going to have a second crack at it.’
‘I suppose I did. But I still feel bad that I wasn’t what Jules needed. She’s brilliant and deserves someone who recognises that, sweeps her off her feet and falls desperately in love with her.’
‘Well, man, we all need that.’ Matt opened up the esky. ‘Right! Beer, cider or lemon mineral water? I didn’t know what you’d prefer so I figured I’d bring everything.’
‘I can see that.’ Nick gave Matt a nod as he sat down. ‘Did you bring the entire delicatessen or just half of it?’
‘Smart-arse.’ Matt chuckled as he held up a couple of Blu-rays. ‘What I brought, my friend, is food, beverages and mindless violence. See, everything we need for a lazy Saturday afternoon.’
‘Well, in that case—chuck us a beer will you?’
***
Tash had been thinking about Nick ever since she heard that he had parted ways with Jules. She tried to get the details, but the only info Bec gave her was that Jules had called it off because…well, she hadn’t been told why. Natural curiosity had made her wonder what had happened, but what worried her was how Nick was coping with it. She hoped that Nick wouldn’t be shattered. The last thing she wanted was for him to retreat to Winters Hill—and into himself.
Tash wanted to go up to Nick’s place. But she didn’t because if she did she might have to explain how she knew about the breakup. Or, more to the point, she might have to face up to being scared. Scared of what Nick might think or say, or that he might tell her once and for all that he didn’t want anything to do with her. If they never had that conversation then on some level she was still able to pretend to herself that one day he’d actually see her standing in front of him.
She chided herself for being pathetic. But she really started to worry when Nick stopped dropping by the bakery. It’d been a good three weeks since she’d seen him and, according to Bec via Matt, he’d been lying low. Bec had said he was okay, but how could that be if he’d started cutting himself off again?
White Gum Creek Page 15
