by Rachel Coker
“Okay, I’ll go fire up Old Clunker,” Dad said, grabbing the keys from the kitchen table. He winked and disappeared out the side door.
I glanced back at Mama. She was staring at the tree with haunted eyes. Her arms were wrapped around her chest. Her eyes flickered toward me. “I’m okay,” she said, reading the worry on my face. She let out a deep breath. “I’ll be in the truck. You go get Grandpop Barley.”
I trudged up the steps, taking two at a time. Grandpop Barley’s door was closed. When I pushed it open I found him sitting on the edge of the bed in his best Sunday jacket. My eyebrows flew up. “Grandpop Barley! You … you look very nice. All ready for church and the trip to get Cliff.”
He stared at me blankly, his eyes empty of emotion. I watched him for a moment, waiting. Well, what did you expect? Him to answer back? I rolled my eyes. “Okay, come on. We need to get to the truck. Mama and Dad are waiting, and you know that look Mama gets when we head into the sanctuary after the bell tolls.” I looped my arm through his and led him out the door.
I heard a car coming down the driveway. I paused in the doorway, frowning. Who would be coming here on Christmas Eve?
I rushed Grandpop Barley down the stairs and out the door. My mouth dropped open at the sight in front of me.
Stepping out of her beat-up car, Juli stared at us from behind shaggy bangs. She slammed the door and yawned. “Wow, I’m really beat.” Then she passed out in a dead faint in the driveway.
Few things in my life have felt stranger than standing in my doorway that afternoon and watching my sister sleeping in my bedroom. Beams of light from the hallway behind me cast shadows on her pale face.
“Who is going to go get Cliff if Juli’s here?” Mama whispered. “We shouldn’t leave her alone.”
Amen to that. Judging by the way Juli looked, I doubted she could be left alone for five minutes, much less several hours. Awake or not.
“She needs her sleep,” Dad said firmly, shutting the door to my room. We stood in the hallway with our hands in our coat pockets. “Scarlett, do you mind staying here to make sure she is okay until we get back? If she wakes up, make sure she eats something.” His voice grew rough. “She doesn’t look like she’s eaten a thing since she left.”
I pressed my lips together and nodded. Babysitting Juli. Sounds like fun. My face flushed, even though I was sure no one had heard me think that. My sister just came back from months away in who knows where, and she was safe and sleeping and warm. I really had no cause to be bitter or cynical.
Mama put her coat back on and glanced at the door again. “Are you sure we should both go? What if she wants us?”
Dad sighed. “She needs to sleep. She’ll be fine for a couple hours, and Scarlett’s a good caretaker.” He rested an arm around Mama’s shoulder, pressing his lips to her temple. “Come on. We’re already going to be late to church.”
They each gave me a quick hug before disappearing with Grandpop Barley. I could hear Old Clunker rev up and drive away, lost in a cloud of dust.
I trudged downstairs to the kitchen and made myself a bologna sandwich. Settling on the sofa, I flipped through old cookbooks in the vain hope of finding something exciting and unsentimental to cook for Christmas supper. We didn’t need a warm, mushy family meal to remind us of how everything was more bland and awkward this year. We needed spicy tacos or fried fish. Something that could become our new Christmas meal.
Every now and then, my eyes flickered to the ceiling, and I imagined Juli curled up under my sheets. Her face had seemed so thin and gaunt, her skin pale to the point of being translucent. I shivered. What horrible things had she been doing?
I squeezed my eyes shut. God, I don’t know what’s wrong with Juli, but please fix her inside. Sew up all those fraying threads and gaping holes and make her whole again.
When she’s ready, I’m going to talk to her about the same things Mrs. Greene told me. Just that thought made me feel ten times better. Maybe she’d be able to experience the same peace that I did.
The sound of tires on the gravel startled me to attention. My skin bristled. It’s too early for them to be home. A shiver ran down my spine. With Juli upstairs and the rest of the family on their way to get Cliff, who else would be coming here?
Heavy footsteps pounded on the front steps. A loud knock followed on the door.
I walked toward the front door, unlatched the lock, and swung it open. Frank.
He was dressed in a button-down shirt and necktie, his hair slicked back like Sunday mornings when we were kids. Only a few stray hairs had escaped and flopped on his forehead, like he’d been in a rush to get here.
My mouth seemed caught between a smile and a frown. I shook my head. “What are you doing here?”
He shrugged. “I was a little worried when you didn’t show up for the Christmas Eve service. I thought we had the whole thing figured out. You know, with the unveiling of the rocket and everything? And then when your parents came in late without you …” He took a deep breath and puffed it out. “I knew I couldn’t bolt across the church and ask where you were, so I snuck out the back instead.”
“Oh.” My mouth felt dry. “Well, you didn’t have to panic on my account.”
He blinked. “I just … I wanted to make sure you were okay.”
His words sunk into my head slowly. He just wanted to check on me. That look on his face—those stray hairs falling on his forehead—that was all because he was worried about me.
He didn’t know about Juli being back, though. How much faster would he have ran if he’d known she was sleeping upstairs?
I forced a smile. “I’m fine.” Say it. Just say it. “Juli’s home.” The words felt like ice on my tongue.
Frank’s eyes widened. “Really?” He glanced over my shoulder and into the house. “Wow. I mean, that’s unexpected.”
“I know.” I searched his face, every crease and crinkle of it. Searching for signs that he’d missed her. That he was desperate to see her again.
Instead, he looked back at me with a small smile. “Is she asleep? Could you be excused for a few minutes?”
This time, I was the one blinking like a deer caught in the headlights. “I’d have to go check on her. I don’t want to leave her alone.”
He nodded, and I ran upstairs and pushed open the bedroom door. Juli was lying in bed with her eyes open, staring at the ceiling. “Oh, hey,” she said when she saw me.
I swallowed hard. “Hi. I was just … I wanted to make sure you’re okay and I …”
“Whose car is that?”
So she knew someone was here. Well, no use prolonging the inevitable. “Frank’s.”
“Did he come to see you?”
“Yeah.” I think so. “But I’m just going to send him home. I don’t want to leave you here and—”
“Scarlett.” Juli’s voice was soft, and she smiled slightly. “I just came home. I’m not going to leave again just yet, okay? I’ll still be here when you get back.”
I paused. “Are you sure?”
“Positive.”
I trusted her. For the first time in who knows how many months, I trusted Juli’s words. “Okay. I’ll be back soon.” I shut the door and ran back downstairs.
Frank was still standing in the hallway, hands in his pockets. “So can you come?”
“I guess. Let me grab my coat.”
I picked at the hem of my itchy velvet dress as I followed Frank outside. The winter air was cold and dry, and dark clouds covered the moon. “I think it’s supposed to snow,” Frank said, motioning to the sky. “In Georgia. It’s a record or something.”
“Huh.” I was only half listening, concentrating on wrapping my arms around myself to keep warm.
We walked down the driveway until the house was only barely visible. I reminded Frank that I should stay close for Juli’s sake.
He nodded. “I’m glad she came home. She’s better off here.”
I managed an uh-hmm. It hurt to talk about Juli with him. Each
word was a painful reminder of what I would never have with Frank. Not that I cared. Because I don’t care about Frank in that way anymore. Right?
I glanced at him sideways. “If I were you, I wouldn’t come on to Juli too strongly at first. Give her time to recover. And then try to win her over slowly. Make her laugh.” I puffed out my cheeks. “And be good to her.”
Frank stopped in his tracks, pivoting on his heels until he stood a few inches away from me. He raised a brow. “Am I to understand that you want me to woo Juli?”
I felt pinned under his gaze. I was sure my cheeks were turning red. “Um, I thought you wanted to.”
Shaking his head slowly, Frank took another step toward me. “I … I am such a complete and utter fool. Stupid. Idiotic. Thickheaded. Pea-brained.” His voice heated with anger.
My lip quivered. I started to open my mouth, but he held up a hand to stop me.
He pushed a hand through his hair, messing up whatever the hair gel was supposed to keep neat. There were no stray pieces anymore because it was pretty much all falling on his forehead and over his ears. “It’s always been me and you, Scarlett,” he whispered, his eyes intense in the shaded moonlight. He reached up and touched my cheek. “I was so stupid not to see it before. Not to see that you are everything I …” He trailed off, turning red. He dropped his hand and stuck it in his pocket. “Drat,” he muttered. Avoiding my eyes, he sighed and stared at the ground. “I’m really bad at making speeches. It’s not going to sound like it should.”
I sucked in air but felt no oxygen. Suddenly, the cold night felt burning hot. My heart felt caught in between soaring and falling. Waiting for a single word from Frank to tell me which direction to go.
He glanced up. “Okay, let me try again.” A smile pulled at his mouth as he grabbed my hand. This time, he looked right at me, unashamed. “Scarlett, I like you. I like you more than cats, more than dogs, more than peach pie and bicycles.” He laughed. “I like you more than any other person in Georgia. I think I love you.”
My throat caught, resulting in an unattractive strangled sound. I winced and held back a grimace. Great. I’ve waited months for this guy to really like me, and now I’m going to scare him away with my repressed gagging.
Frank just chuckled. “I love how offbeat and thoughtful you are. How you make me see things I’ve never seen before and care about things I didn’t even know about. I loved watching you with Cliff and the way you care about him even though others don’t understand him. The way you radiate light even on a cloudy day.” His finger reached up and looped around a strand of my hair, pulling it gently. “I love every freckle on your nose and the sky in your eyes and the way your hair goes in every direction.” He paused. “I think your hair is really pretty, by the way, even though I know you hate it.”
I was vaguely conscious of the fact that I was rocking back and forth on my toes. My insides were singing, bubbling with joy and laughter.
“Scarlett, I …” Frank’s voice grew serious, as his face softened. “You just turned seventeen. I’m only eighteen. But I …” He cleared his throat. “I’m too young to be married. I still have three more years of college and then I have to find a job, but after that …”
I bit my lip as he trailed off into silence, staring at me. The quiet burned at me. I ached to know. “After that what?” I finally asked.
His hands dropped from my hair and grabbed mine, lacing our fingers together. “I want you to wait for me,” he whispered. “And then I want to be with my best friend forever. I’ll build us a house. We’ll have a green roof and lots of windows and the largest kitchen in Georgia.”
I rolled my eyes. “If your house-building skills are anything like your rocket ones, then you’re going to need my help.” Which was a total lie. Because Frank was probably the best carpenter I’d ever laid eyes on. But I wanted to think that he’d want my help some day. That he’d need me by his side.
Frank jabbed at me with his elbow. “Hey, I’m pretty good with tools!”
I snorted, causing him to jab me more. “Stop it.” I wiggled away, turning my back to him. Something wet dropped on my nose. My eyes widened. “It’s snowing!”
Sure enough, fluffy white snowflakes fell from the sky, enveloping us in a frosty wonderland. They reflected off the porch lights as they swirled around in the air. I closed my eyes and spun around, my arms outstretched. I couldn’t remember the last time I saw snow in Georgia, or the last time I saw snow anywhere.
“Scarlett.” Frank’s voice dropped, causing me to stop and slowly turn back around.
He watched me with the most contented smile. Like he wasn’t looking for Juli or some sophisticated woman or beauty queen, but he was happy just to see me. Scarlett.
“What do you say?” he whispered.
A light layer of snow clung to my hair, wetting my cheeks. I stepped closer until our foreheads nearly touched. “I love you,” I whispered. “And I’d wait forever for you.”
He smiled, which made me smile, and we stood there like two grinning fools until headlights shone in front of us, and my parents were home. They piled out of the car and seemed surprised to see Frank, but no one asked any questions. Instead, they took care to lead Cliff into the house, and then headed upstairs to make sure Juli was okay.
Once everyone was in the house, I fixed bologna sandwiches and served them while we waited for my parents to come down so we could go see the finished rocket. Cliff sat at the counter next to his nurse and ate his sandwich quietly, glancing at me and Frank but not saying anything. He looked around the house as if everything was new, taking in the sight of the Christmas tree and the dining room table and the big window in the kitchen.
Frank looked at me and sighed, and I could tell from the look in his eyes that he was just as sad as I was. But we managed to smile and tried to say a few things to Cliff, even if he wasn’t talking back.
“I never told you how much I like your kitchen,” Frank said, licking a drop of mustard off his finger. He looked around. “It defines you. As an excellent cook, I mean.”
“Thanks.” My legs dangled off the edge of the barstool. “I pretty much get to keep it in whatever order I want since I’m the only one who cooks in it anyway.” I drummed my fingers on the countertop. “I run a pretty tight ship, though.”
Frank nodded and finished his sandwich. He brushed the crumbs off his dress pants and placed his plate in the sink just as my parents walked in.
“Okay,” Dad said, pulling on his coat. “Juli is awake and has promised to stay here tonight. She seems okay, although she’s as hungry as two teenage boys. And then some.” He shook his head. “Okay, Cliff, are you ready to go for another ride in the truck?”
Mama opened the screen door for us and ushered us outside and into Old Clunker. Since there wasn’t enough room for us all inside, Frank and I climbed into the bed of the truck. Snow danced around in the headlights as we rolled down the dirt road toward Frank’s farm.
“What if he doesn’t respond? What if he gets angry and throws a fit? What if—?”
In the darkness, I felt Frank’s hand slip into my own, his fingers laced tightly through mine.
“It’s going to be okay. No matter what, it’ll be okay.”
“Thanks,” I whispered, giving his palm a tight squeeze.
No lights were on at Frank’s house. His parents must have already tucked in for the night, unconcerned about their son’s sudden disappearance at the Christmas Eve service.
Frank led us to the backyard and pulled a flashlight out of his pocket. The beam of light fell on a large heap covered by a white sheet. “There it is,” he said, motioning for me to pass ahead of him. “Scarlett, would you like to do the honors?”
I nodded and moved toward the rocket. My heart was beating wildly. Cliff stood by my parents, shivering in his lightweight jacket. He stared at the covered rocket curiously, all the while gripping his nurse’s hand. Every now and then, he’d mutter something under his breath or twitch.
; It’s now or never.
Swiftly, I reached out and pulled off the sheet. It fluttered in the wind, caught for a brief moment in the wild dance of the snowflakes, before settling on the already frosty ground.
In the moonlight, the rocket almost shined a translucent green. Frank waved the flashlight over the words To Jupiter and the window, where we had carefully painted in all of our faces dressed in astronaut garb. A drawing of Cliff waved from the commander’s seat with a cheeky smile.
I spun around and looked at Cliff. He stared at it blankly, his eyes not blinking. Then he turned and tugged on his nurse’s arm, muttering something in gibberish.
Mama gave us a small smile and nodded. “It’s very nice, Scarlett.”
“Well done,” Dad said. He rubbed the toe of his boot on the ground. “Well done.”
My throat burned. That’s it? That’s all they have to say?
The nurse cleared her throat and took a step forward. “Cliff says that he’s cold and wants to go back. I think he’s had enough.” She frowned apologetically before taking him by the arm and walking him back toward the truck.
Mama pressed her lips together then glanced at Dad. “Come on, let’s go back to the truck. I want to get my boy back home and in his own bed.”
He nodded and rested his arm around her shoulder, leading her back to Old Clunker.
I watched them go and blinked back tears. Cliff’s shoulders gently swayed as he walked away, one foot in front of the other. That wasn’t my Cliff. My Cliff would have shouted for joy in Spanish at the sight of his completed rocket. He would have been grabbing my hand, not this strange nurse’s. This was his dream, and he was just walking away.
“He didn’t get it,” I whispered. “I don’t understand. Why didn’t he get it?”
Frank reached out and cupped my elbow in his hand, drawing me toward him. “He doesn’t remember the Cliff that we do,” he whispered into my hair. “He may be the same person, but he doesn’t remember those dreams. You saw him. You know Cliff, Scarlett. And you know that behind that battered brain, deep back there, this …” He motioned toward the rocket. “This is exactly what he would have wanted.”
