“Yeah?”
“I’m proud of you.”
“I can’t believe you’re wearing that,” Jason said in disgust. “We are at a Rangers game.”
“But Josh is on the Jackets,” Michaela said defiantly. “Plus, I like the team they have.”
“Traitor.”
“You promised you’d never call me that.” She shoved him in the side.
“That was before I had to go to a game with you in that rag.” He lifted the arm of her jersey and then let it drop as if it burnt his fingers.
The day after Josh was drafted by Columbus, Michaela had gone on-line and ordered a custom Blue Jackets jersey with the name Walker on the back. It felt strange walking into an arena she’d known so well, wearing an enemy jersey. She was taking this thing the distance and had become a full-fledged Jackets fan.
The eyes of diehard Rangers fans followed her as she walked along the lower concourse.
“Go Jackets!” someone yelled.
Michaela looked around and finally found a small knot of Jackets’ jerseys trying to get her attention. She smiled and waved at them. Solidarity in enemy territory.
“Ugh...” Jason grumbled.
“I need a beer,” Chris said suddenly. Of course he does, Michaela thought. She didn’t say it though. Lately “I need a beer” seemed to be his mantra. When he wasn’t working, he was drinking.
“Meet us at our seats,” Michaela said, leading Jason away.
Their seats were in the corner in the Jackets attack twice zone, about halfway up the lower bowl.
“These are perfect,” Michaela squealed. “You can see all the way down the ice.” They’d be able to see every play from there.
Michaela’s eyes scanned the arena, and she instantly felt at home. It had been too long since she’d been there. They were early, just as Michaela liked it. There was something about a mostly empty hockey arena. It was quiet and peaceful. The excitement was allowed to build on itself slowly as people trickled in. The noise level would increase as more jerseys appeared and there’d be a thrill in the air. Finally, once the teams took the ice for their pregame skates, the buzz would be unmistakable. They were all there to witness something incredible.
Michaela leaned back and enjoyed the first stages, the quiet. She had so many memories that were associated with the chill of the arena and the sound of skates on ice. That was the only place her father ever acted as more than just an authority figure. It was theirs.
Chris joined them, a beer in each hand. He’d barely finished one when an usher came to get them.
“I am to escort you downstairs,” he said. They followed him through the growing crowds, towards the elevators, and down a level. Michaela’s fandom had her excited to be down there and heading towards the locker rooms. Jason was practically buzzing beside her.
Their footsteps echoed across the concrete floors as they walked.
“Wait here,” the usher told them before disappearing back the way they’d come. A minute later, Josh appeared in his pads.
He hugged Michaela as best he could and shook hands with Chris and Jason.
“I’m so glad you’re here,” he said. “I wanted to see you before the game.” He ran his hands through his hair nervously and sighed.
“Don’t be nervous,” Michaela said. “You’re going to be amazing.”
“I just hope I don’t fall on my face.” He laughed. Noticing her jersey, he turned her around and a smile spread across his face.
“You won’t,” Michaela said, her back still to him.
“I guess with you wearing that, I can’t be horrible.” He spun her back to face him. “It still hasn’t totally sunk in. But you’re wearing my jersey.”
“I am.” She grinned. Josh exhaled slowly.
“Okay,” he said. “You go back to your seats. I’ve got a hockey game to play - in the National Hockey League.”
Jason couldn’t take his eyes off Michaela. Ever since he found out she liked hockey, he’d wondered what kind of hockey fan she was. He always thought you could tell a lot about a person by how they acted at a hockey game. Would she sit and quietly take everything in, never getting overly excited? Would she be on her phone? Would she be that obnoxious person who yells instructions to the players as if a fan knew how to play the game better than a professional? Those were the worst. There’d always be what he called a “shoot the puck” person.
Michaela didn’t do any of that. She was obnoxious, sure, to the Rangers fans. He realized that included himself, but he found that he loved the way she yelled and screamed whenever the Jackets scored - and they did that a lot. At one point, a man behind them started to yell at her, and she gave it right back. That girl was very different from the one he’d met last month. She was changing right before his eyes, and he couldn’t tear them away. It’s called healing, he thought.
“Goal!” Michaela jumped out of her seat and started dancing around.
“Sit down!” It was the same angry Rangers fan as before.
“Aww, man, don’t be such a sore loser,” Michaela said. “It’s not my fault the Rangers s - u - c - k this year.”
The man threw his popcorn and Michaela ducked. It hit the glass and went spilling everywhere.
“What a waste.” Michaela shrugged and sat back down.
“Do you have a death wish or something?” Jason asked.
Michaela didn’t say anything as she started to laugh. She couldn’t stop until she was panting for breath and slapping her knee. “Sorry.” She breathed deeply, trying not to laugh again. “I get a little out of my mind at hockey games.”
“I see that.” Jason’s smirk was enough to set her off laughing again.
Chris sat down on the other side of Jason with a new beer in hand.
“Think you should slow down, man?” Jason asked.
“No.”
“Yes!” Michaela jumped out of her seat, screaming as the Jackets scored again. They were killing the Rangers 5-2 in the third period. She felt the daggers everyone around her were staring but she was heartened that she could hear a Blue Jackets chant in another part of the arena.
Cheering for the away team proved to be a much different thing than cheering for the home team. There were no goal horns or full arena chants. Michaela found herself wanting to go to Columbus to cheer for Josh. She figured it’d be more fun to be in an arena full of like-minded fans. She heard they had a cannon they shoot off after every goal, and she definitely wanted to see that.
“Come on, Walker,” Michaela yelled as he picked the puck off the boards and took it past center ice. He’d had a pretty good game, and Michaela felt a thrill every time he touched the puck. He deked around a defenseman using a move she’d seen him do a million times in juniors. She was surprised to see it work on the big ice.
Josh took it to the corner behind the goal and fed a perfect pass through the legs of a defender. It ended up on the tape of the centerman, who lifted it over the goalie’s blocker and into the corner of the net. The puck hit the bar with a ping that could be heard in the stands, serving as a final mark on the night. Michaela jumped out of her seat again, yelling Josh’s name.
Rangers fans had begun trickling out long before the horn sounded, signaling the end of the game.
“What a game,” Michaela said.
“If you’re a Jackets fan.” Jason sounded depressed.
“Josh was great.” She directed that to Chris who hadn’t said much all evening.
“Yeah,” he responded. Michaela knew the glazed over look in his eyes all too well. He’d been drinking a lot ever since her dad’s visit.
“Come on, Chris.” She nudged him. “Josh is family. Show some excitement.”
“I’m going home,” he responded. “You guys go to the party.” Michaela almost went after him when he left to catch a cab, but Jason held her back.
“Let him work through this,” he said.
“Fine.” She sighed. “The party is uptown. We need a cab.” Josh’s team wasn�
�t flying out until the next morning, and he’d invited them to a party at his buddy’s place. He had two days off before his next game, so he was able to celebrate his first.
The party was going strong when they arrived, but Josh wouldn’t be there for a while. They headed straight for the bar. Michaela couldn’t stop thinking about her brother, and it had put her in a bad mood. She needed a drink.
“Whoa, slow down there.” Jason said as Michaela chugged half her beer. She barely tasted it as the smooth liquid slid down her throat. She longed for the warm feeling she’d have after a few more beers and didn’t want to wait. She raised the bottle to her lips again but Jason took it from her. She glared at him.
“Give it back,” she growled.
“Something is bothering you.” He narrowed his eyes but held her gaze.
“It’s nothing.” In truth, it wasn’t only Chris that was bothering her. She kept glancing at the door, expecting a familiar face to walk through any minute. There was no way Ethan wasn’t at that game to see his brother, which meant he was probably coming to the party. She didn’t know how she felt about seeing him. It had been months since his proposal and their subsequent breakup, but she’d loved him for so long and that’s not something that just disappears.
Michaela didn’t know if she missed Ethan, or just what they had together. He was family.
“I don’t believe you,” Jason whispered, leaning in close.
“Jason...” Her hand shook as she ran it through her long locks. Ethan had always loved her hair. He used to pull it when they... Snap out of it, she told herself.
“If you won’t tell me what’s wrong, then I’ll just have to make you forget all about it.” Jason grabbed her hand. “Dance with me.” Michaela didn’t get the chance to protest as Jason pulled her to him and started moving. She tried to put her arms around his neck but he stopped her, taking both hands in his and pushing her out before pulling her back to him. He released one of her hands and spun her around. When she was in his arms again, she threw her head back and laughed.
“There’s that beautiful smile.” Jason grinned. He spun her again, and she forgot about Chris and Ethan as she laughed and talked with Jason.
“You’re a good friend, Jason.” Something flashed on his face at her words, but she thought she must have been imagining things, because the sweet, fun Jason was back in an instant. Had that been pain she saw?
Being in Jason’s arms felt good. She felt protected and cared for. Ethan had always made her feel like she was living on the edge. One wrong step, one wrong word, and she’d fall off the cliff - or Ethan would push her off. She’d always been second-guessing herself. She never thought she was good enough or pretty enough for him. So why was it so damn hard to forget about him? She could be happy with someone like Jason.
Ethan. There he was. Jason spun Michaela towards the door just as he walked through it. And he wasn’t alone. Meghan Henley stood beside him with a smug look on her face. She saw Michaela and took Ethan’s hand in her own. He pulled it free immediately, but the message was clear. He’s mine now.
“I need some air.” Michaela pushed herself away from Jason and was out the door before he could stop her. She felt like her throat was being squeezed and every breath was coming out a mangled cry. Outside, she sat on the curb and put her head in her hands.
“Mic,” Jason said softly behind her. He crouched down. “What just happened in there?”
“It was Ethan.” She wiped the back of her hand across her eyes. “My ex.” Another look like the one she’d seen earlier flashed across his face only to be replaced by one of worry.
“I thought you were getting over him,” he said softly.
“I was ...” she replied. “I am. It’s just ... that was seven years of my life, Jason. I try to forget about him. I do ... but I can’t. He knew I’d be here, and he still brought Meghan.”
“Who’s Meghan?”
“A girl from home.” Michaela stomped her foot angrily. How dare he bring her?
“Hey guys!” Josh called, stepping out of the cab that had stopped in front of them. He’d showered and wore his post-game suit.
“Hi, Josh.” Michaela wiped her face of any traces of tears. She didn’t want to do anything to ruin Josh’s big night. He’d already noticed her tears, though.
“Oh.” He grimaced. “My brother is here.”
“Yeah, he’s in the house.” She tried to even her voice.
“Did he do anything to you?” Josh asked, concerned.
“Would he?” Jason asked suddenly.
Josh sighed and nodded slowly. “Ethan is an ass.”
“No,” Michaela stated. “I haven’t even talked to him. This is me being stupid.”
“It isn’t stupid.” Josh reached down to pull her up. “Come on. Let’s go in together.” She nodded and looped her arm through his. Jason followed behind them as they entered the house. A few of the people started cheering when they saw Josh. Others rushed forward to shake his hand or give him a pat on the back.
“Want another drink?” Jason asked.
“Yes please,” Michaela answered, and he hurried off.
“You need to do this,” Josh said, and it was only then that Michaela realized where he was steering her.
Ethan stood against the back wall, arm draped lazily over Meghan’s shoulders, and a smirk planted firmly on his lips. His eyes raked over her as they got closer and she felt her skin growing hot. Josh clapped his brother on the back, but Michaela didn’t look away from his eyes. She felt like she was in a trance. Why did the boy have such power over her? It was a question she asked herself continually.
“Josh,” Ethan said. “Good to see you.” He didn’t mention the game. There were no congratulations, but Michaela knew that Josh didn’t expect anything like that from his brother. He didn’t like to see other people succeed. And just like that, Michaela was reminded of a million other little things like that that had always bothered her about Ethan.
“I’m glad you came, bro,” Josh said. It was one of the reasons Josh fit in so well with Michaela and Chris. Like them, he’d always be searching for validation in a family that would never give it.
“I was in the city.” Ethan shrugged.
“Josh was incredible tonight,” Michaela finally found her voice. “I was so proud of him.” Josh smiled at her despite the look of disgust on Ethan’s face.
Ethan glared at her as his hand inched lower on Meghan’s back until he was holding her waist.
“Josh!” The call came from the other side of the room and Michaela was left with Ethan and Meghan.
“So,” Meghan began, “I heard you deferred law school to become a secretary.”
“Yeah,” Michaela growled. “And what have you been doing? Going to charity events and drinking tea?”
“Oh no. I haven’t had much time for that. I’ve been spending most of my time visiting Ethan at Harvard.”
Michaela felt the air rush out of her as if Meghan had just kicked her. She looked around for an escape and found Jason near the bar, two beers in hand. She knew instantly that he’d been watching her, not wanting to interrupt. Her eyes met his and pleaded with him for help. Meghan was still babbling in the background, but Michaela tuned her out. Jason put the drinks on a nearby table and marched her way swiftly, purposefully. Something in his look kept her body still, waiting.
Jason didn’t say anything as he slid his arms around Michaela’s back and pulled her to him. Her surprised yelp was muffled as his mouth came down on hers. She pressed herself closer and gave him the lead. He deepened the kiss as he parted her lips with his tongue. At that point, Michaela’s body was working separately from her brain. She kept telling herself to pull away, but her body only wanted more. Jason hooked his fingers into the belt loops of her jeans to hold her in place, and his thumbs grazed the skin just above them.
Michaela felt like she’d been kissing him for hours when he finally pulled away. She was left breathless and found herself missing
his touch as soon as it was gone. She glanced over Jason’s shoulder at Ethan, who gave her an angry look before walking away.
“He’s gone,” Jason whispered, his breath warm on her face.
“I know.” She backed away, confused. Jason had only kissed her to get at Ethan, but she knew there was something more to it than that. Her body had reacted to him in a way that it had never reacted to Ethan. She suddenly felt guilty for hurting Ethan like that, but then angry he’d made her feel guilty. She knew it was irrational. What was happening to her?
“I need another drink,” she said.
By the time Jason managed to get Michaela’s door unlocked, it was early morning. He steadied her as he led her to her room. The apartment was a wreck, and Jason assumed Chris had had about as much to drink as the two of them.
“Jason,” Michaela said. “I want to dance some more.”
“Another night.” It had felt so right to have her in his arms earlier. One moment she’d been pressed against him, making it hard for him to think, and the next, she’d been laughing as he spun her. Then that asshat had walked in, and the change in her was immediate. Jason hated the look in Michaela’s eyes when she watched Ethan. It was almost as if she needed him to approve of her. She needed his validation.
Horse shit. Michaela was perfect. He didn’t understand the power that guy had over her. He sapped every ounce of confidence from her bones. After that night, Jason was sure Michaela didn’t love him. She may not know it yet, but he did, and that was enough for him. They just had a history. Seven years. Jason could imagine how seven years with a guy like that could ruin every bit of self-esteem she had.
Jason sat next to Michaela on her bed and looked at her. Only hours ago, he’d kissed those lips. The memory of how they looked in the aftermath, red and swollen, made him lean in, wanting more.
Before he even realized what was happening, Michaela was kissing him. He kissed her back, savoring her taste, but then his head won out and he pulled back and held her at arm’s length.
“Jason,” she gasped. “Please.” The desperation in her voice, mixed with the haze the alcohol had created was enough. He kissed her roughly, and she pulled him down on top of her. He held her head in place as his tongue danced with hers. Michaela slid her hands up underneath Jason’s shirt, and her touch sent shivers through him. She pushed his shirt up and he broke away just long enough to pull it over his head.
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