Choices

by Michelle MacQueen

  After a few miles, her legs started to burn, but she pushed on, relishing the pain. When it came to running, Michaela was hardcore. She wouldn’t stop until she absolutely had to. Her surroundings faded into the background, and she could pretend she was anywhere but there.

  Leaving the park behind after a while, Michaela ran the last short distance back to the apartment. Sticky with sweat, she felt better than she had in weeks. She took a long drink from her water bottle as she opened the door.

  “Michaela,” a familiar voice said.

  Her water bottle fell to the floor with a crash and she stepped back.

  “What are you doing here?” she stammered.

  “Your parents told me to come. I needed to talk to you.” Ethan’s stepped towards her.

  Michaela looked away. Her parents? “I think you said everything you needed to say at that party.”

  “How could I with that bartender plastered to your face?”

  “Bar owner.” Why did she feel the need to defend Jason?

  “Whatever.” He sighed. “I miss you, Michaela.”

  “What about Meghan?”

  “I’m done with her. For good. I want you back.”

  Not trusting her next words, Michaela picked up her fallen water bottle and walked to the kitchen to put it in the sink. She gripped the edges of the counter and stood with her head bowed, breathing deeply. Wasn’t that what she wanted to hear? Almost every day since they broke up, Michaela had hoped he’d just call her. Now he’d actually come to the city. What did she want?

  “Michaela, say something,” Ethan ordered.

  “I don’t know what to say.”

  “Are you in love with the bartender?” Was that anger in his voice? He was the one who dumped her.

  “What?” she scoffed. “No.” She finally looked up at him and that was her mistake. She’d always been unable to resist those eyes. They were an emerald green and beautiful, but that wasn’t what got her. Ethan’s eyes were his only feature that ever softened his hard resolve. When she looked into them, she believed he actually did care, at least a little bit.

  “Good,” he said. “Then will you give me, give us, another chance?”

  “I don’t know.”

  “What don’t you know?” He threw up his arms.

  “The past few months, I’ve been living my life in a constant state of missing you, Ethan. And I’m not so sure you’ve done the same.”

  “Dammit! I already told you I missed you!”

  “Don’t yell at me. I was just telling you how I felt.”

  “Michaela.” Ethan got control of himself, putting his hands on her shoulders. She didn’t push him away as he looked straight into her eyes. “Do you still love me?”

  Ethan’s question was met by an awkward silence. He took his hands from her and stepped back, stunned. Michaela stared at him for another long moment and then realized the answer was simple. She’d loved Ethan for seven years. That doesn’t disappear in a few short months. Of course she loved him. Was it enough? That she didn’t know. But, she figured she owed it to both of them to find out.

  Slowly, Michaela nodded her head and Ethan grinned. He took her face in his hands and kissed her roughly. She didn’t melt into him like she had with Jason. The difference was that Michaela knew exactly who Ethan was. Could she say the same about Jason?

  “Go shower,” Ethan said when he broke the kiss. “I don’t like it when you’re sweaty. Then we’ll go to lunch.”

  “Sis, I need to talk to you.” Chris stepped into Michaela’s room and shut the door behind him.

  “Can we do this later?” she asked. “I’m going to lunch with Ethan.”

  “That’s why he’s here?”

  “We’re getting back together.” She leaned closer to the mirror to finish her makeup.

  “Seriously? After everything, you’re just going to forgive him?”

  “Chris, you have no room to talk about ‘things people have done’. This is the first time I’ve seen you sober outside of work for weeks. Don’t pretend you’re here for me.” She gave him a look she was hoping would make him leave, but he stood his ground.

  “That’s what I wanted to talk to you about. Jason said some things to me last night that really made me think.”

  “I don’t want to hear what Jason has to say. Ethan is waiting.”

  “Fine, if you won’t listen to me, at least let me ask you this. Are you going to tell Jason about Ethan?”

  “Of course,” she answered him. “It’s not like he’ll care.”

  “Michaela, I’m worried about you. I think Ethan’s dangerous.”

  “If you’re implying that he’d hurt me, Chris, you’re wrong. I know Ethan has a temper, but I also know he loves me. He’d never lay a hand on me.”

  When he couldn’t think of a response to that, Michaela pushed by him and he followed her out the door.

  “Chris,” Ethan said. “Good to see you.”

  “I’m off to Jason’s.” Chris barely glanced Ethan’s way. “To watch the game.” Oh crap, in all the shock of Ethan being there, Michaela had completely forgotten there was a game that afternoon. The Rangers were in Columbus. and last week she’d promised to watch it with Jason and Chris. That wasn’t going to happen.

  “Can we go somewhere that’s playing the game?” she asked Ethan as they walked down the street.

  “What game?”

  “The hockey game.”

  “No. I don’t see why you’re so obsessed with the sport.”

  “The Rangers are playing Josh today.”

  “And?”

  “Don’t you want to watch him play?” She raised an eyebrow.

  “I’ve seen him play plenty of hockey. Why do I need to watch more?”

  Seeing that he was immovable, Michaela shut up. Without realizing it, she’d sunk right back in to the dynamics of their relationship. Ethan made the decisions, most of which were only about himself, and she went along with them. She could feel herself shrinking back into his shadow and had to snap out of it.

  “I want to watch the game,” she said suddenly. “So we’re going to.”

  Ethan looked at her like she’d just sprouted a second head, and he didn’t answer her for a long moment.

  “Whatever,” he finally said.

  “I just want to wring Walker’s neck.” Chris twisted his hands in his lap.

  “Walker as in the hockey player on TV right now?” Maggie asked.

  “His brother,” Jason growled. “It’s Michaela’s ex.”

  “Not ex anymore.” Chris shook his head as Maggie offered him a beer and then met Jason’s alarmed eyes.

  “What are you talking about?” Jason demanded.

  “They got back together this morning,” Chris explained.

  Jason tried to cover up the emotions that he was sure were evident on his face. First there was shock. Never in a million years did he see Michaela forgiving that douche bag. Then there was anger. Was she really that weak? Next he had regret. He never told Michaela how he felt. He’d waited too long. He’d rejected her and then didn’t talk to her for a week. There was confusion tinged with pain. He was almost positive she felt something for him. Was he wrong? Why did she choose Ethan? Was it his money and sophistication? He was ashamed as soon as he thought that. Of course he knew Michaela wasn’t like that. All of these feelings swirled in his head, suffocating him.

  “I need air.” Jason shot to his feet. He ran out the door before anyone could stop him. What he really needed was to be alone. If he was honest with himself, what he wanted was to see Michaela. He wanted to hear it from her lips. But she was out with Ethan, and he’d lost his chance.

  He unlocked the front door to Jason’s and slid into the empty bar. His steps echoed through the silence as he hurried to the bar. He pulled a bottle of Jameson off the shelf and poured himself a glass. Jason never drank in his own bar, and he never drank liquor. But there was no one there to see him, and he needed something strong.

 
Jason drained the glass and then slammed it down on the bar harder than he’d intended. It shattered, and a large shard dug into his hand.

  “Shit,” he growled in pain as he groped behind the bar for a towel. He pulled the glass free in one motion and wrapped his bloody hand.

  “You know,” Maggie’s voice came from near the door, “you’re supposed to drink the whiskey, not fight it.”

  “Ha ha,” he said sarcastically. Maggie hurried towards the opposite wall and disappeared into the office, returning with the first-aid kit.

  “Come here,” she ordered. “I’ve known you your whole life, Jason. And I’ve never known you to be angry.” He winced as she cleaned his cut in the sink.

  “Yeah, well-”

  “I know,” she stopped him. “This is about Michaela.” She dried his hand and put cream on the cut before wrapping a bandage around it.

  “I just can’t believe she took him back.” Jason’s shoulders sagged. “God! Look at me. That girl has taken my man card and left me pining like some girl.”

  Maggie gave him a withering look. “Speaking as one of those girls you just insulted, caring doesn’t make you any less of a man. Women don’t own the book on heartbreak. Most girls would love to have a man that cares like you do for Michaela.”

  “Well, I need to stop caring. She’s made her choice, and now I have to live with it.”

  “Did you ever give her another option?” When he didn’t answer, she continued. “I didn’t think so. Women aren’t mind-readers.”

  “It’s over, Mags. I’ve always known she was still in love with him.”

  “Oh, Cousin, just because things look set now, doesn’t mean it’s the end of the story.” She patted his arm and left him to his empty bar.

  Chapter Ten

  It didn’t take much for Michaela to forgive Chris for the previous weeks. After her dad left, she’d felt abandoned by her whole family. The one person she thought would always be there was wallowing in his own self-pity. Until Jason had told him, he didn’t even know that Michaela had cut off all communication with her father - for him.

  They were both busy and hadn’t seen each other for a few days. Michaela missed him. She got home from Legal Services late one night to find him waiting for her. As soon as she was in the door, he enveloped her in a hug. After a second of surprise, Michaela wrapped her arms around him and squeezed. They needed no explanations or spoken apologies. Chris was telling her that he was there for her and that was all she needed.

  She needed someone in her corner. Ethan was trying to demand that she go see him for the weekend, but she wasn’t sure she was ready for that. Katie seemed to be everywhere. At work. At Legal Services. She didn’t ask her about what happened with Jason because it had been pretty obvious. The way she disappeared into Mr. Bryan’s office at lunch told Michaela that Katie’s feelings for Jason were purely physical.

  Jason reappeared in Michaela’s life, but only for brief snippets. He kept saying he needed to talk with her, but she hadn’t had time to deal with him. If she was being honest with herself, it was her own feelings that had to be dealt with. She couldn’t see Jason without craving his touch. But, at the same time, she couldn’t see him without mourning what they’d lost. Things had been so easy between them. She didn’t realize it until he was gone, but Jason had become her best friend. She missed their hockey banter. She missed the way he would look up at her and break into a broad grin. There was nothing hard about Jason. He was sweet. After everything that had happened with Ethan, being around someone like him was exactly what she needed. But now she’d let herself be drawn back into Ethan’s world.

  Michaela didn’t know why she went back. The past months in New York had made her independent and strong. So why did all of that disappear when Ethan walked through the door? Did she really love him enough to give him that power?

  Michaela’s phone rang, and she muted the hockey game she was watching and walked into her room where she’d left the phone charging.

  “Great,” she said to herself when her mom’s number popped up on the screen. Her mom had called more than a few times in the past couple days. Sighing, Michaela swiped her thumb across the screen and brought the phone to her ear.

  “Hi, Mom.”

  “Michaela, it’s about time you answered this phone. Honestly, what have you been doing that has kept you from talking to your mother?”

  “I’ve been busy.” Michaela didn’t elaborate because she knew her mom wouldn’t care what had actually kept her busy. She didn’t want to hear about a job that she considered below the Matthews’ name or volunteer work with, gasp, the poor.

  “I hope it’s Ethan that has been taking up your time.”

  Michaela almost laughed at that. Almost. Her mom wouldn’t quit until her and Ethan were happily, or even unhappily, married. “Some of it,” she admitted.

  “Oh, right, he’s probably busy at school.”

  “Yeah.” Michaela was actually glad that Ethan went to school far enough away that he couldn’t get to the city whenever he wanted. The downside was that he expected her to go home to see him when he was there.

  “Well, dear, is your brother home?”

  “So, he’s still my brother then? You haven’t cast him out of the family?” Michaela grit her teeth when she heard her mom sigh loudly.

  “Oh, don’t be so dramatic, Michaela. It’s very unbecoming.”

  “Me?” Michaela laughed harshly. “I’m the one who’s dramatic?”

  “Your father regrets the things he said, so we all just need to move on.”

  “If he regrets them, he needs to tell that to Chris.”

  “Christopher is a big boy,” her mom responded. “He’ll get over it.”

  “I don’t think you understand, Mom. Dad needs to reconcile this.”

  “We’ll discuss it more on Saturday afternoon.”

  Michaela rubbed her forehead, not liking where this was going. “Saturday?” she asked.

  “Yes, I’ll be in the city and want to do a late lunch with you and your brother.”

  “Fine, Mom.”

  They made the arrangements and when Michaela finally got off the phone, all she could think was how relieved she was to have an excuse to give Ethan for not going to Connecticut for the weekend.

  Another Friday night sped by. The bar was crowded, and Jason was busy. He liked nights like that because he didn’t have time to think about anything else. At least, most Fridays he didn’t. Tonight was different. Jason fumbled through his work, unable to keep his mind on any one task. It had been a rough week. He was still doing his best to stay away from Michaela, but that didn’t mean he hadn’t thought about her constantly. And now it was worse than before. Now he could picture the way she looked, laying on her bed, waiting for him. The way she looked when he touched her. The way she looked when he pulled away.

  It shouldn’t have been a surprise to Jason that Michaela would run right back into the arms of Ethan. The same ex Jason had known she wasn’t over. He let himself fall in love with a girl who couldn’t possibly fall in love with him - at least not yet. It was his own fault. But, he would’ve sworn she felt something for him. It was in the way she reacted to his touch, his kiss. Like she wanted to give him everything but somehow couldn’t.

  “Hey,” Katie shouted from the far end of the bar. Jason walked over to her but couldn’t find it in him to smile. “Who pissed in your cereal this morning?”

  “What can I get you?” Jason asked, ignoring her question.

  “A shot of tequila and one for yourself. You look like you could use it.” Ignoring his own rules, Jason shrugged and pulled a bottle off the shelf. He poured two shots and downed his before Katie could even say cheers. “Guess I was right,” she said. “You need another.”

  This time, Jason clinked his shot glass with Katie’s and they drank together. Before pouring a third, he pulled out limes and salt. If he was going to do this, he’d do it right.

  After the fifth shot, Katie pulle
d him out onto the dance floor. In the back of his mind, he knew he should have stayed behind the bar but, dammit, he owned the place, so he could do whatever the hell he wanted.

  Katie pressed into him and began to move. She smirked up at him as his body reacted to her. It was like the tequila had freed him from over-thinking, and he could no longer control his hands as they glided up and down her sides before finally resting on her ass. He held her tightly as she ground into him. It was the first time all week that his mind had been clear.

  Katie latched her arms around Jason’s neck and looked up at him with a tiny smile. She kept dancing as she stretched up and fit her mouth to his. He kissed her back firmly. There were no fireworks or hints of something more. This kiss was one of primal instinct. In that moment, Jason didn’t care anymore about his stupid dating rules or his romantic ideas. He’d never been with a woman for purely physical reasons, but he felt like that might be what he needed.

  Jason broke away from Katie’s kiss and nuzzled her neck. “Want to go to my apartment?” he whispered, biting her earlobe. She nodded and slipped her arm around his waist.

  “Let’s go.” Jason turned to lead Katie towards the door, and his eyes met Michaela’s. She sat with Chris, Maggie, and Elijah at a table off to the side of the dance floor, watching the entire exchange between him and Katie. She looked at him one last time before jumping from her seat. Chris tried to stop her, but she bolted from the bar.

  Jason dropped his arm from Katie as Chris fixed him with a knowing glare.

  “What’s her problem?” Katie asked, her mouth still swollen from their public make-out session.

  “I have to go.” Jason left her behind and didn’t look back as he weaved in and out of people on his way to the door. The cool night air hit him as he stepped outside. It was late so the street was mostly deserted, with the exception of yellow cabs flying by. The sidewalks, though, were alive with people moving between the bars in the area.