Still, even if Tobias is not my knight in shining armor, he’s one hell of a distraction from reality. My reality sucks. I don’t like the thought of going home to update my resume and start the endless task of submissions. Would it be all that bad to delay reality for just a little while? Tobias has gone through all this trouble — and he’s kind of in the same boat as I am.
Not that he doesn’t have a job to go home to, just the opposite. He has a job to go back to — one which takes him half a world away — and this is his little slice away from reality as well. Maybe we can both escape together.
I leave the conversation with Jenna to a later time and excuse myself from our little table-for-three in order to hit the shower. Tobias and Jenna are engrossed in making a bear out of leftover pancakes and sausage links.
The kid looks happy. The kid is also ten years old and no longer a small child who needs to be sheltered from her pseudo-mother’s reality. Not that Jenna has been all that sheltered. I had made it a point from early on for her to know our financial situation. She’s going to have to know how to deal with limited resources soon enough.
I tried to make sure that the junction of my paycheck and her gymnastics hasn’t been a source of stress for her, but at the same time, she has been aware the entire time that taking these classes are linked to money and my job. I wonder now if that was the correct choice. Maybe it’s better for her to be oblivious so she doesn’t feel guilty. If she didn’t know how much her gymnastics cost, she may not be able to draw a correlation between us cutting back in other areas while she continues to practice and go to tournaments.
Damn it all. A hot shower would be fantastic right now. Maybe it would wash away the colossal failure I am at parenting. Mom and Dad have always loved Jenna, but they were never the most attentive of grandparents, and they left me to do the lion share of raising my niece even when I was still in high school.
I round the corner of Tobias’s master tent to a separate entrance of the bathing tent. I take the two steps up to the deck it sits on. Thoughts of my lost young adulthood seeps away as I take in the sight. Beyond the flap of the Safari tent is a luxury bathroom straight out of a penthouse. Everything is simple and chrome, but it’s beautiful and wide open. There is a sink complete with vanity and a toilet behind a curtain — and then there’s a shower and a full-on Jacuzzi tub. How on earth did he get all this back here?
I go to the shower and turn it on, and immediately I hear the water trickling into a basin underneath the decking after it hits the wood floor. I can only imagine how much this setup has cost. I test the water — expecting cold – and get a rather nice lukewarm, instead. My spirits already lifting, I peel my shirt over my head and begin to work my pants down my hips.
“Mind if I join you?”
Tobias’s voice startles me at first, but then I turn. His shirt is already off as well, and he tosses it to the wood floor. Memories of last night come flooding back — of that chest hard with muscle pressing against my soft breasts. I know I should be self-conscious. I know I should tell him how we should talk before we proceed. But Tobias continues his slow stroll toward me, and I have absolutely no willpower left to deny him. I want him.
He doesn’t need me to answer him. Tobias knows what I want. His hands close over mine at the waistband of my sweats, steadying me. He pulls me against his chest, our skin making contact and sending fire up my spine. His lips, oh so slowly against mine, and we both take part in the acceptance of a kiss long desired. He breathes in as he captures my mouth and sends me tumbling down a pit of longing.
Tobias pulls at my waistband, bringing me up against his body where I can feel his manhood already growing. He deepens the kiss, taking me in and sliding his hands up my bare back. He skips my bra strap and digs his hands into my hair, pressing me the more firmly against his body.
My hands transfer from my own waistband to his, my fingers grazing up the musculature of his six pack and over the firm rounds of his chest. Tobias’s hands travel back down my sides, his calluses rough against my smooth skin. He begins to move down my body, his lips traveling to my jawline and then down my neck. He lowers further, and as he reaches my collarbone, my body begins to move with him.
Tobias takes my sweat pants with him as he lowers himself, his mouth cresting my breasts before he moves down the center line of my abdomen. By the time he reaches my navel, he is on his knees, and he has worked the waistband of my sweats down until they are barely covering my pussy lips.
To my own astonishment, I don’t pull away. There is a swelling between my legs, and I know that Tobias will satisfy it. Far from withdrawing from the situation, I rock my hips ever so slightly — a hint of the rhythm I wish to establish. Tobias kisses down the span between my belly button and the sensitive hollow of my hip. He pushes my pants down to my thighs, and the air hits my wetness.
Tobias lowers my sweats to my ankles, and I hang onto his shoulders as I step out of them. He changes direction from the hollow of my hip over to my center, groaning as he goes. He breathes in deeply — and then he licks. I have never had a man down there, and the intimate touch has me on edge. My head tips back, and I close my eyes. He settles his mouth against my clitoris and sucks. Electricity shoots up my spine and into my nerves. I gasp and dig my fingers into his muscular shoulders.
His palms now caressing my ass, Tobias holds onto me — and holds my pussy to his mouth — as he sends his tongue between my folds. My knees tremble and threatened to give, my bare toes curling.
Tobias lifts my left leg over his shoulder so I am half straddling him and looks up at me. “Put your weight on me, baby, I can take it. I want you to enjoy yourself. Let yourself go.”
I lean on him, the back of my thigh over his shoulder and my sex against his lips. His strong arms hold me up and press me to him. With firm strokes, Tobias enters my pussy with his tongue and breaks to suck at my clitoris. I cry out as he flicks beneath my clit and accesses that button of nerves — driving me wild. I take in deep breaths and lean my weight into him. True to his word, Tobias takes my weight and holds me up as an orgasm threatens.
I can’t keep from moving my hips as his tongue goads me to come. I let go, my body turning to mush as I release. I breathe out heavily as my pleasure comes to a climax, and I hear Tobias groan as I flex. He licks me once, twice, three times, before he rises. Tobias kisses me once again, and I can taste myself on his tongue — something I have never experienced — but it sure as hell turns me on even more.
This time, it’s me who pushes at his waistband. I have to pull the elastic out in order to make it over the huge erection tenting the fabric. I begin to fall to my knees in order to take him into my mouth, but Tobias holds me up. With one quick snap of his fingers, my bra hits the deck, and my nipples press against his naked skin. He steps out of his sweats as he backs me into the shower’s stream. The water is the perfect temperature, and it has me melting against him once again as Tobias claims my mouth in a passionate kiss.
I reach between us and take his cock in hand, stroking up and down in the small space between our bodies.
Tobias gives a deep moan. “Damn, girl, you’re going to make me come before I can get inside you.”
“Then take me now.”
My own brazen words don’t even surprise me. I want Tobias. I want him now — like this — whatever we are. I’m tired of waiting. I’m tired of denying myself. I want to be taken.
And he does. Tobias growls as he dips just far enough to take my ass in hand and then lift, bringing my legs up to wrap around his waist. In a moment, he is down on his knees and has me on my back on the wood decking, the water pouring down on top of us. His big body over top of mine cuts off the flow, but it runs in rivulets down his shoulders and the crown of his head.
I keep my legs wrapped around him as Tobias lowers his core to mine. He adjusts his hips, and his cockhead aligns with my pussy lips. He kisses me, seeming to breathe me in as he does, and his hand travels down my breast — pausing moment
arily to twist my nipple and send electricity through my nerves — before his thumb turns circles over my clit. I arch the small of my back, asking — pleading — for him to enter me.
Tobias dips, and his lips moved down to my breasts. He takes a nipple into his mouth and sucks as the tip of his shaft presses into me. I arch my back, begging for more. The back of my head presses into the decking, and my ass practically leaves the ground. Tobias surges forward, his cock entering me and filling my tight pussy. I gasp and utter surprise at his size. I have sent my own fingers down there plenty of times, but Tobias opens me wide.
I strangle out a crying moan as he pushes further in, my virginal walls struggling to expand and accommodate him. He must’ve noticed I am tensing and that my breath is coming in short gasps, because he pauses to look up at me.
His barely contained passion comes out in the short, breathless quality of his words. “You okay? We doing okay?”
I’m breathless, but I nod. “Yes. Please. Keep going. I just never… Never had someone so big.”
“I’m sorry, baby, I’ll go slower. You just make me so damn hot. I’ve been needing you. I’ve been needing you for so long.”
Something about those words makes my heart thump faster and my body feel like it’s soaring. Tobias begins to move his hips with just the slightest of rocking motions, easing in and out of me in a maddeningly slow pace. I writhe beneath him, my body needing to twist and move in order to work out the intense desire and energy building up inside.
Despite all the water pouring down on top of us, I know the wetness between my legs is the sole product of my passion for Tobias. One final thrust, and he is fully seated to the hilt, his balls brushing against my ass. I dig my fingers into his back and expose my neck. He sucks down on the soft flesh there, our bodies moving as one.
His moans are low and full of gravel compared to my high, breathless gasps. My nerves are on fire, and every muscle in my body seizes as a wave of euphoria rises from my pussy up into my chest and then clouds my brain. I want to cry out — I want to scream my pleasure — but nothing comes. My throat strains in silent ecstasy.
I whisper, “Tobias. God, Tobias.”
And he responds with a deep groan, thrusting hard twice before his body stills, and I feel the pressure inside of me.
Her small body tucked underneath mine, the warm water flowing over top of us, the calm sounds of nature right outside the tent — is the most beautiful, sensual experience I have ever had. Casey lay beneath me, her head resting on my forearm as a cushion.
It feels good to be inside of her, so I don’t withdraw. I bury my face into her neck, feeling Casey’s chest rise and fall beneath my own as she catches her breath. The noises she made — God — those gasps. She had me wanting to drive into her like an animal, but those same gasps made me oh so aware that she needed me to take it slow.
I feel a stirring in my chest — something I thought had died long ago. My occupation is one in which emotions are buried. Emotions are volatile and dangerous. I can’t have these feelings out in the field and function properly. But maybe — just when I’m home — I can indulge myself a little. Maybe — just with Casey — I can let myself feel a little.
Casey’s fingers graze up and down along with the water cascading along my back. Her lips brush against my temple, and her words comes out in a whisper. “This has all been so amazing. You have been so amazing. I never thought my first would be so romantic — like a dream.”
Her first? I lift myself from her neck just far enough away to be able to see into her eyes. “Your first?” Those beautiful eyes of hers become troubled, and I know she didn’t mean to say it. Something happens inside of me. My gut twists, and I can’t place whether it’s guilt or pride. “As in your first? You were a virgin?”
I peer down our bodies and remove my cock from her sex — looking as though I would see the evidence there. I must look like a dumbass, and I feel even more like one when she says — a bit defensively, “Is that bad?”
I snap out of it, swallowing on a dry throat. “Of course not. I just — with the kid — I know she’s not yours, but still. Unexpected.”
I can tell Casey is getting uncomfortable, which is the last thing I want right now. My stomach is still roiling with the emotions that I can’t place, but what I know is that I don’t want her to get away. She rolls, making it apparent that she would like me to remove myself from over top of her. I sit back on my rear end and turn the water off, but when Casey moves to get onto her feet, I pull her so she’s sitting across my lap on the decking.
I wrap my big arms around her, nearly engulfing her. “Don’t get up. Not yet. I like the feeling of you against me — like this.”
After a moment of hesitation, Casey relaxes her muscles and lets me hold her, her cheek turning into my shoulder, her nose against my neck. Her little fingers trail over my bicep, giving me goosebumps. God, she feels good. I love how she touches me. Those confused feelings swell from my gut into my chest, and I try to ignore the feeling of possession that comes over me — knowing she is mine — only mine. I can afford to let myself feel a little, but I can’t afford to let myself feel this much.
Casey huffs before she says, “I think I need to talk to Jenna.”
“Why’s that?”
“Because I know this isn’t going to last, Tobias — she doesn’t. She likes you, and she likes that I like you.”
I wrap my arms around her more tightly. “I happen to like that you like me.”
I feel the smile she has going on her lips against my neck. “I like it, too. But you’ll be leaving, and then it’ll just be the two of us again. I need to make sure she understands what this is.”
Christ. Why does that stab in the heart like a dagger? I ignore the itching in my throat and turn my head to give her a kiss on the temple, instead. A change of direction is best before that pain twists too deep. “How is it that you came to be your niece’s caretaker? Your parents aren’t around?”
“My parents are around, but they were never that interested in grandchildren. By the time Susan was out of the house and I was sixteen, they were pretty much done with the whole parenting thing. So, when Jenna showed up, it didn’t take too much for me to get her ready for kindergarten when I was getting myself ready for school. And then I’d just pick her up on the way home, and we took care of one another.”
“Took care of one another?”
“In a way, Jenna’s the best thing that ever happened to me. She kept me focused just when I was starting to get boy crazy, and having her helped me get through the pain of Susan’s loss.”
So weird how things come full circle. How I can spend the better part of twelve years halfway around the globe, and here I am with Casey Yates in my arms. My little sister’s best friend. The younger sibling of a girl I… knew in high school. Shit. That gets me thinking, and a new stirring begins in my abdomen, this one not pleasant at all.
“How old is Jenna? I mean — when’s her birthday?”
Casey’s lips leave my neck, and she bends to look at me. “April sixteenth. Quite some time away.”
My muscles tense as I do the math. Twelve years. Nine months. Ten years. The two weeks leave I had that summer. Susan Yates. Visiting my parents. Susan coming home from college. Shit. Shit, shit, shit. This is going to come out horrendous, but I just need to up and be a man and asked the question. “Casey. Forgive me, but did your sister get around much?”
That makes her sit up straight. Casey sits in front of me, half off my lap now, staring intently into my eyes. “She wasn’t the Virgin Mary, but I’m sure she wasn’t as sexually active as some other people I know.” She arches her eyebrow at me, letting me know exactly who it is that she knows.
Yeah. I’m well aware I used to be a man-whore — and that in my young and stupid days, I didn’t wear a condom — ever. Double shit. I just had unprotected sex with my little sister’s best friend. I am such a goddamned ass. Everything — the warm feeling in my chest from earlier,
the roiling in my gut now — it all comes together and wrenches my insides. Emotions assail me from every side, and I began to panic. My breathing comes heavy and fast.
Casey’s eyes go wide, and her chin drops before she asks, “You think Jenna could be yours?”
My grip on her falls lax, and I begin to feel sick. “It’s very possible. It lines up.”
The look on Casey’s face transforms from surprise to realization to horror. She skitters away from me in a backward crab and grabs a towel then her clothes. She looks at me with that horrified face and holds the towel up to protect her body from my eyes.
I can’t say anything to change this. I can’t make this better. I’m in shock — I know the signs. I’ve seen it in soldiers. Disassociation with the world around me. Sounds not registering. My body like rubber. Knowing what Casey must think of me but not having the grasp on my mental acuity to even say a word. She just lost her virginity to the absent father of her dead sister’s child.
A monster, that’s what I am — and she sees it. It’s written all over her face. She despises me. She’s right to. It’s the last thing I’m aware of before she turns and flees from the real me. A monster.
Jenna is nowhere around when I exit the bathing tent, so I begin pulling on my clothes — mostly naked in the clearing as I go. I have a feeling Tobias will be coming after me, so I leave everything behind besides my shoes, and I bolt.
I run my fingers through my wet hair, trying to tame it as the full realization really hits me. Did I just have sex with the Jenna’s father? The same man my sister had been with ten years ago? A permeating sense of shame flows through me as I crash through the woods in the direction of the main campsite. I want to cry. I want to hold my head in my hands and collapse.
SEAL's Secret: A Secret Baby Military Romance Page 6
