by J. L. Beck
“Ugh, fine, but if I’m drunk tomorrow… and it carries into Sunday, then you’re explaining to Roger why I’m not at work,” I growled bringing the cold beverage to my lips. The coolness was relief that was much needed.
As the first drop of alcohol touched my tongue, an explosion of flavor went off in my mouth. There was no strong taste, just a fruitiness that was almost addicting. Before I knew it, the whole thing had been downed.
“Slow down, Cowboy. I need you to leave this place on your feet, not on a stretcher.” Kandace halted me from ordering another drink. I wanted to pout. Was the drink already affecting me?
“Whatever. I’m a big girl, Kandace.” I walked around her and up the edge of the bar where the ‘bitches’ were sitting. Their attention was on a group of youngish looking men in the back booth.
I told the bartender what I wanted and then averted my attention back to the table. At it sat four gigantic men. Their faces were covered in shadows, but even from this distance, I could tell they were bigger dudes.
“Yeah, Jaxon always comes here… He fucked me once but then said he couldn’t anymore.” One of the girls said, sipping her drink, and eyeing him up like a piece of meat.
“What about his friend… Killer?” the blonde asked with a glint of curiosity in her eyes. I wanted to roll my own eyes at them and their apparent need to pick men up at the club.
“No clue. I mean, his name is Killer. That alone should scare you away. He doesn’t really say anything, and he doesn’t interact with any of the other ladies,” the brunette went on. The bartender handed me my drink, and I turned around to face the dance floor my eyes still lingering toward the booth of men. Why couldn’t I just go dance or something? Why did I feel the need to stare at them?
Taking a gulp from my drink while praying it would give me some type of liquid courage, I watched one of the men get up. His body reminded me of Hulk without the green. His hair was in a man bun, if that was even possible, and his eyes immediately met mine. My breath faltered, and my heart beat out of my chest. It couldn’t be. It had to be the lighting or my eyes playing tricks on me.
There was no fucking way Diesel could be standing across the room from me.
five
KILLER
I HATED CLUB nights. Scouting for the piece of shit lab assistances and other workers of the Corporation. The music was loud, the chicks never shut the fuck up, and the booze did nothing to elevate the monster inside of my head.
“I need to take a leak,” I mumbled to Jaxon, who had chick number two on his lap. Greg told us going out in public wasn’t a good idea. He feared that if someone noticed us, someone from our past, it could cause problems. By problems, he meant they would have to be taken care of—which I had no problem with. If there was someone from my past who saw me and knew me, I would gladly take them out.
After all, if they truly loved me, then they wouldn’t have let me suffer. I got up from the booth, pushing past Savage and Yankee. I had just stepped out of the booth and onto the carpeted floor when I felt someone staring at me. Immediately, my eyes lifted to meet a very shocked, but slightly timid pair of dark brown eyes. I could practically hear her heart beating out of her chest.
She clutched the glass in her hand as if it were a lifeline to reality. I didn’t have time to figure out what she was staring at or what she wanted. Hell, she could just be someone who wanted to have a one-night stand with a beast. There were many of those crazy fucking people out there.
Yet, as I took a step away from her, I could feel my own heart rate spike. My palms began to sweat, and my eyes flickered around the room. What the fuck was wrong with me. Ignoring the tugging that I felt in my chest, I hustled to the bathroom. Pushing past a couple, who were all but fucking in the hallway, I made my way to the men’s bathroom.
It wasn’t until I was done and washing my hands that a piercing pain in my head hit me.
Brown hair. Brown eyes. A dazzling smile. She was a breath of fresh air on a hot summer day. I shook my head fiercely, willing more to slip from my mind. How could it do this to me? How could I only remember bits and pieces of my life? I clenched the soap dispenser and didn’t release it until I heard the snapping of plastic.
Deep-rooted chaos was going off inside of my head. It felt like an atomic bomb was about to go off, and I couldn’t hold on any longer. Opening the bathroom door, I pushed through the masses of people. I came to a stop when I felt a small form run head-on into me. I clenched my fists forcing myself not to reach out and touch them. I was feeling violent. There was no saying it would just be a simple removal—maybe of their heart or intestines.
“Oh, I’m so, so—” The young woman’s voice cut off as she looked up at me. Up close, I could really see her. It was the woman looking at me before I ran off to the bathroom. Was she following me? My blood boiled, and my body begged for some elevation of the hate. Calmly as I could, I reached out and grabbed her by the shoulder slamming her into the nearby wall.
“Why’re you following me?” My voice wasn’t my own. Then again, I didn’t know what I used to sound like. Her eyes grew wide, full of shock and fear. I could practically see the lie forming in her mind. I wanted to smile, but instead, I wrapped my hand around her throat. Leaning into her body, I caught her scent. She smelt delicious, like chocolate and strawberries.
“Listen really carefully to what I’m about to say to you…” I whispered in her ear taking notice of the way her body responded to my own. Her heart rate accelerated telling me she was scared, but there was something else there.
“I wasn’t following you, I swear. I was—”
“Shhhh…” I gripped her around the throat tighter. I had killed women. Not that I had wanted too, but in the moment of rage, I did what I had to. Most of them deserved it.
“You’re lying. I can tell. I can hear the spike in your pulse, the way your eyes rolled around as if you were searching your mind for an explanation. The fact it took you a moment to answer me when it was a simple yes or no question.” I lifted my head to look into her eyes.
My hand wanted to grip her harder. To bring the lies to the surface without asking questions. Yet, I couldn’t allow it. Something held me back, and that just made me even more fucking angry.
“I… I thought I recognized you.” She stuttered over her words. My eyes drifted down to her red glossy lips. She was beautiful. Almost as beautiful as her. The girl in my memories. Fuck, I needed to stop. Stop thinking about it. I told myself.
“You think you know me? Who the fuck is it that you work for?” I growled, my fingers digging into her throat. She reached up, her small hands prying at my fingers to stop. She was begging me with her eyes because she couldn’t do so with her words. Forcing myself to ease off, I allowed a breath of oxygen to enter her lungs.
“I work for no one. I just thought I knew you. Obviously, I don’t.” She struggled to get out. Her eyes told me she was lying, but her words—her words made me think differently. Releasing her, I shoved from the wall, not even a backward glance going her way. I needed to forget about her. About the brown-eyed girl who caused me to live in hell.
“Wait… What’s your name?” The girl called out running after me. Did she have a fucking death wish? I stopped dead in my tracks turning around to face her.
She stayed where she was standing, probably sensing if she came any closer, it would be the end of her life.
“No.”
“What do you mean no?” Her voice held confusion.
“Killer.”
“Killer? That’s not a name.”
“You’re right, it’s a job. A thing.” I took a step forward, and then another, eventually coming face to face with her. She had balls of steel. I could rip her apart right here, right now.
“A thing?” She was questioning every word that came out of my mouth. Aside from the anger and rage I was feeling, I was slightly amused by her reaction.
“It’s what I am. A killer, and it is what you will be if you don’t walk aw
ay from me right now,” I whispered for her ears only.
“A killer?”
“No—killed.” A shudder worked its way through her body as she looked at me as if I were fucking crazy. I couldn’t blame her, but the truth was—I was crazy. I was so fucking crazy it wasn’t even funny.
“You can’t just kill people,” she kind of said to herself. I laughed… my body shaking with humor. Did one of the guys set her up to this? To see if I could handle not losing my temper out in public? If so, they were about to make some money.
“I can. I will. Not only that, but I do. Now run along, sweetie.” I narrowed my eyes at her, my eyes growing dark with a warning. It would be the last one she got.
I watched her body sway with fear as she took a step back. Her fists were clenched, and there was a burning anger right under the surface of her emotions. She wanted to lash out at me. To scream. Oh, I could make her scream.
“Maggie, is this guy fucking with you?” A blonde walked up to her hooking their arms together. I looked at her sideways. She had a disgusted look on her face as if I would approach her friend.
“No. No. We were just done talking,” the woman who now had a name said. Maggie. I racked my brain for a memory, anything that could connect me with this person. She said she recognized me, but she didn’t say from where.
“All right, then. Beat it, dude.” The blonde pushed her friend back as if I were going to attack her. I sneered, on the verge of ripping into this bitch.
“Why don’t you go back to wherever it was you came from?”
The blonde’s mouth had hung open for a moment before she snapped it closed, her eyes turning dark.
“I don’t know who the fuck you think you are, but—” The bitch stepped forward causing my blood to sing. I almost wanted to get my hands on her just to see what kind of fucked up shit I would do.
“Kandace, enough…” Maggie butted in, interrupting her. I glanced at the blonde, and then back to Maggie again.
“No, this fucker doesn’t talk to women like that,” she said to Maggie before directing her attention back to me. “Did your Momma not raise you with manners, asshole?”
“Kandace, it’s fine.” Maggie stepped in front of her, shielding her body from mine. As if removing me from her sight would get her to calm down. Maggie had balls, but at least with hers came a dose of common sense. The blonde was just fucking dumb.
“No, it’s not, men don’t talk to women like that. It’s the twenty-first century, asswipe,” the blonde yelled directly at me, her eyes narrowing in anger. Maggie was holding her arms back as she tried to push through her.
“Is it? I couldn’t tell. You’re complaining about me not respecting you or your friend, yet do you see what you’re wearing?” Nothing she could say to me would penetrate the ice covered tundra called my emotions.
“Did he just call me a slut?” the girl asked her friend, astonished. I was done with this shit show. Instead of responding, I turned around and walked back toward the table. What happened next, I never saw coming.
“Hey, asshole.” I heard the voice of the Kandace girl behind me and whirled around to face her. Her fist was raised and coming toward my face. The impact of her knuckles touching my skin didn’t hurt. There was no pain, only anger and rage that she had been dumb enough to think she could touch me.
I didn’t take notice of the prying eyes around us or that Maggie had grabbed her friend and pulled her away from me. Instead, all I saw was fire and hate. I was fueled and ready to go.
My hand shot out, gripping Maggie by the throat. If she wanted to take her friends place, then so be it. “You should have let me walk away the first time. You dragged your friend into our little mess and now you want to take her place. Huh? Is that it? You can’t save everybody. It’s time someone taught you that.”
My fingers dug into her delicate skin. I could feel the blood pumping through her veins and the screaming of bystanders as I gripped her tighter.
“Killer.” My name was being called, but I wasn’t releasing the girl. No way in fucking hell. I was going to finish this.
“Let her go.” Jaxon’s voice entered my ears, but I didn’t care. I just squeezed harder. A pain deep in my chest formed. It radiated down my arms and into my hands. I could hear her gasps for breath and see the flutter of her eyelashes as they closed. I could feel the slowing of the blood in her veins as her body began to shut down.
“People are watching, Killer.” Jaxon’s warning reminded me of the pain I could endure again. My hold on her went slack as I brought her into my body. She was breathing, barely, but she was. The crowd around us was watching intently to see my next move, to see if I would slaughter her.
I could practically hear their whispers.
“What have you done?” The blonde screamed, tears forming in her eyes. Why was she sad? She was the one who had done this.
“Give me the girl,” Jaxon ordered. So I did. I released my hand from her throat and gave her to him. Something in my chest was giving way to the person that I was. I could feel a fracturing of my coldness falling away.
Why?
Pain spilled through my head forcing another memory through.
“You were a good person, Diesel. You deserved the best in life. I know I never told you this… that I waited until it was too late, but I love you.”
No! No! She couldn’t love me. Who was Diesel? Why couldn’t I remember who I was?
six
MAGGIE
MY FEET CARRIED me down the hallway in a rush. I was tired of being terrorized by these people. Those who called themselves my friends while talking behind my back, and those who never went out of their way to care about the girl who was being bullied.
“Maggie’s a fatty…” They taunted. The tears escaped my eyes without warning as I pounded down the hallway. I could hear their laughter and footsteps following me.
“Why’re you running, Maggie? Are you trying to lose some weight?” Blake, who was Roger’s best friend, yelled down the hall.
You’re not fat, Maggie. These people are just fucking stupid. I had to tell myself that over and over again. Yet, I was running. I was running from the bullies while telling myself that none of it were true. Why was that?
“Are you crying yet?” Blake’s voice entered my mind. It was cold, and it was directly behind me. As I turned around, I caught a glimpse of the steel like anger in his eyes. I had never done anything to him. I had hardly ever spoken a word to him.
“Just leave me alone,” I gasped out. My chest was filled to the brim with sadness. The agony of it all weighed heavily upon me.
“Leave you alone?” He smirked. “What’s the fun in that?”
His steps grew closer and closer until he was a foot away. I squeezed my eyes shut, holding them closed. I could make them go away. I could make all the hate and sadness in the world go away.
“Open your eyes, fatty. I have a surprise for you.” I could make it stop. I could make the pain go away.
“OPEN. YOUR. EYES,” he screamed in my face. I could feel his saliva on my cheek, but I didn’t move so much as an inch. I wouldn’t give him that satisfaction. I could feel his rage, yet I still kept my eyes closed.
“You little fucking bitch.” His hand came up to my face, and I could feel the rush of air as the sting of his fist fell upon my face. More tears escape my eyes, but I didn’t say anything. I didn’t even murmur in pain. On the inside, I was screaming, begging him to leave me alone.
“Don’t touch her.” Diesel’s voice met my ears. My eyes popped open, and I looked up. The look on his face said he had seen the whole thing.
“Or what, cripple?” Blake goaded him. I was used to being the one who stuck up for him. It was always me carrying the weight of helping him. He didn’t deserve to be treated like this. Neither did I, but that’s what I got for being there for him.
“You think I’m crippled? You think I can’t help myself?” Every step Diesel took and every word from his mouth came with a purpose
.
“I don’t think…” Blake snorted. “I know.” Those were the last words that came from his mouth. I watched as Diesel’s fist raised over and over again until he made sure the kid was left in a puddle of his own blood.
Classes had been dismissed an hour ago, and I knew if this had taken place during school hours, we all would be in trouble. However, the bullying never took place during the day. It was always away from prying eyes.
Blake laid on the floor, his body curled in on itself. I wanted to stop Diesel, yet there was a part of me that didn’t want to. I knew I would though, just because I would never allow him to turn into them.
“Diesel.” My saying of his name brought his mind back to the present as he looked at me with deep concern. His eyes glided over my tear-streaked face.
“Come with me,” he ordered wiping Blake’s blood off on his blue jeans. I was hesitant to follow him. Never had he actually asked me to follow him somewhere. Usually, I was doing the following all on my own.
“Maggie,” he said my name sternly, turning around to me. I was still standing where I had been the entire time. My muscles told me not to move, but the look in Diesel’s eyes told me I needed to.
Forcing myself forward, I walked over Blake’s still breathing form on the tiled floor and closer to Diesel. Once I was close enough that he assumed I was following, he headed toward the AG room.
When he turned into the classroom, and up the steps to the second floor that was never used, my body told me no. Don’t follow. I had never been scared of Diesel. To me, he was a man who was on the verge of death with every breath that passed his lips. The things he had to endure in his life when he should’ve been making happy memories hurt my soul.
“Come on,” he ordered, breaking me from my thoughts. Placing one foot in front of the other like a scared puppy, I walked up the stairs. The place smelled of books and dust. I watched him walk over to a far corner of the room where a big window overlooked the greenhouse on the other side.
