by C. L. Stone
“As you wish,” Kota said. He closed the distance between us. His fingers found my shoulders, drawing me closer. His face hovered a breath away from mine. I had to close my eyes as it made me feel cross-eyed. Kota slipped the tip of his nose down to meet mine. He glided his nose back and forth.
Our lips were close enough that he only needed to tilt his head a tiny bit to kiss me.
A shiver, like a whirlwind, danced up my spine. Our noses touching felt like gentle spring breeze against my skin. I secretly wanted it to continue.
He drew away, cheeks red and his lips twisted up. I wondered why I felt odd now. I realized it was because no one was laughing.
“Sang?” Kota asked.
I sighed. “Dare?”
He seemed pleased. “Come with me,” he said.
He padded into his bathroom and flicked the light on. He took my hand and guided me inside.
“Hey now,” Luke said. “You all made a fuss when I did that.”
“You guys can come watch,” Kota said. He pushed the door open wider in invitation.
The others followed us, crowding into the doorway of the bathroom. I smothered my shaking, nervous as to what Kota was coming up with. It was exciting and scary at the same time.
Kota pulled me until I was in front of the sink. “Sit up here,” he said, patting the counter. He put his hands on my waist to assist me so I could hop up and sit on the counter in front of him.
“Close your eyes,” he said.
My heart did flips in my chest, my stomach tightened. I let my eyelids fall. The air shifted in front of me and imagined it was Kota waving his hand at my face to make sure I wasn’t peeking.
I heard the water from the sink behind me turn on for a second and Kota shifting around on the floor. Some of the others started giggling.
“Open your mouth,” Kota said.
I gaped at him. “What are you...”
“You said dare,” he said, the command slipping into his voice but in a happy tone. “Don’t you trust me?”
How much did I trust him? I took a deep breath, letting it out and opened my mouth.
A tender touch brushed up against my tongue and I flinched, pulling back. The object was removed from my mouth.
“Sang,” he said in a sharper tone. “Open your mouth.”
I opened my mouth again and steeled myself. Pressure fell against my teeth as he applied the object again. I tasted mint. I realized it was a toothbrush and he was brushing my teeth. I started giggling as the way he was brushing was ticklish against my gums.
“Don’t laugh,” he said. “I don’t want you to choke.”
I was going to say something, but I mumbled around the toothbrush. He reached up for my jaw, tugging at it with his fingers so I’d open up further. I opened my eyes. He was focused on my mouth, with a determined grin on his face. A flash appeared, causing me to jerk back again in surprise. North had his phone back out and he snapped a picture. I squinted my eyes at him, trying to send him a mean glare, but he only grinned.
“The best part is,” Gabriel said, “he could have put that thing in the toilet first and you wouldn’t know.”
My eyes widened and I choked a little.
“You know I didn’t do that. Calm down,” Kota said. He pulled the toothbrush from my mouth. “Okay, you’re done. Go ahead and rinse. Let’s get back downstairs. You guys get out.”
It sounded like thunder as the guys ran down the stairs. Kota remained behind with me as I bent over the sink to swish my mouth and spit. I pulled back and he had a towel ready for me.
“Having fun?” he asked, crossing his arms over his chest and leaning back against the sink.
“Yup,” I said, smiling as I wiped my mouth dry with the towel. The toothbrush was beside the sink. “Is this yours?”
“Yeah,” he said.
I pushed the toothbrush under the running water to clean it. “Aren’t you worried about girl cooties?”
“Are you worried about boy cooties?” he asked, smirking.
I didn’t know the right answer for that. Did that mean something?
“I’m glad you’re having fun,” he said as he leaned against the sink and watched me. “The guys are doing their best.”
I knocked the toothbrush against the sink. Water droplets flicked back into the basin. “What do you mean?”
“We did this for you,” he said. “It’s been a tough week. A tough several weeks, actually.”
I blushed, dropping the brush back onto the counter and shutting the water off. “You guys didn’t have to go through any trouble.”
“We wanted to,” he said. He turned slightly so he was facing me.
“Why?” I asked, focusing on the basin. I started folding the towel. Did I really want to know this answer?
Kota wrapped his hands around mine holding the towel, forcing me to look up. His green eyes sparkled against the light. “When I first met you, you were this little haunted girl, and I just didn’t know why. Next thing I know, you’re neck deep in trouble, with us at school and at home. Despite all those problems, you’re positive and hopeful. Every time you’ve been knocked down, you’ve gotten right back up. But there was always some ghost hanging over your shoulder. You’d come up for air for a split second and then slip right back into that distant stare. Now look at you.”
I tilted my head at him, confused. Ghosts? Haunted? Is that how he saw me? I wasn’t sure. I just wanted to stop feeling so kept apart from everything. He’d said I’d eventually feel a part of their group, and I wasn’t sure if I felt that way at all, or if it would ever happen. “I haven’t changed,” I said. “I’m still me.”
“You have changed,” he said. He dropped the towel to the floor at our feet. His arms wrapped around my shoulders and he pulled me into his chest, hugging me. My breath escaped at the suddenness and my arms froze at my sides. “I think today was the first time I saw you smile without those shadows in your eyes. I knew you were different.”
“Different?” I asked.
“Special,” he said. His palm brushed against the small of my back. A soft tingling swept through my core. “You’ve got a sweet disposition. At first I was worried you were dismissive, like I said before. Now I’m wondering if it’s because you forgive and forget because of that big heart you have. You’re too good for the family you’ve been stuck with. The other guys know it, too. So we thought maybe you needed some time away from worrying about so much stuff.”
“I feel like I haven’t done much for you guys,” I said. “You all do so much for me. I don’t know how to thank you.”
He tightened the hug. “You’ve been good for us, Sang,” he said.
My hands drifted up to his back, pressing my fingertips against his muscles. “How?”
He sighed pleasantly. “We’ve been kind of listless the past few years, going through the motions without thinking.” His fingers started to rub in circles along my spine. “You woke us up somehow. I think it’s because now we’ve got something to fight for again... to fight over.”
I withdrew from the hug, gazing up at him. “Fight over?”
He smiled down at me. “It’s not a bad thing. We’re only human,” he said. “It’s good to argue once in a while. Just a little. It shows you care.” He pulled away from me, grabbing my hand. “Come on,” he said. “Let’s go to sleep.”
My free hand pushed at my lower lip as I thought about what he’d said. He was happy they were fighting? I wasn’t sure I understood it. I wasn’t sure I wanted them to fight. I didn’t like fighting and I didn’t like to think they were angry with each other because of me. And why would they fight over me, anyway? I’ve done barely anything for them. Do families and friends fight?
Downstairs, Victor was on the couch. The others were dispersed around the room. North was sitting on top of a blanket near the end and patted the free spot between him and Silas. “Come on, Sang. I don’t think anyone will get to sleep unless you’re over here.”
“Hey,” Gabriel said
. The lip gloss had disappeared from his mouth. “We’re not going to mess with her.”
“Uh huh,” North said.
I stepped over some of the guys and nearly crawled over Silas lying down on his side and plopped down on the blankets where I was supposed to sleep. North still had his shirt off. He plumped my pillow for me as I tucked my legs under the blanket. When I was on my back, with the pillow under my head, Silas blocked my view of the other guys. A hand dropped on my forehead and I looked up to see Victor above me. He had a sleepy smile and brushed my hair away from my face.
I wriggled in my spot, unsure of how to sleep. On one side I had Silas looking at me and the other North was there. Above me was Victor. I was going to sleep in a room full of boys. My skin tingled. Would I be able to sleep at all?
Kota turned off the light and I started giggling. I couldn’t help it. I was nervous and didn’t know another way to release the tension. It set off a few of the others. Someone snorted and we all started laughing.
North leaned over me. “See what you started?”
“Yeah, yeah,” I said. “It’s always the girl’s fault.”
“That’s true!” Gabriel said.
When my eyes adjusted to the dark, I caught the outline of Silas’s face. He was still on his side, looking down at me. His tongue shot out, his eyes and lips contorting as he made a face. It set me off with giggles again.
The others started laughing.
“Sang,” North grumbled.
“It was Silas!”
“Silas doesn’t giggle like that, I’m pretty sure.”
Silas’s eyes nearly glowed in the dark and I could tell he was grinning. There was no way I could sleep with him looking at me. I pulled a face at him as I flipped around and he chuckled. He moved closer to me, enough to where I could feel his breath on the back of my head. North had turned around so I could see his back and the outline of his cheek and ear.
My heart raced. My blood surged through me. My ears strained to hear any little noise of the house and of the guys. Breathing slowed around me. I sensed Silas behind me. I admired North’s back muscles and his arm. I wondered if Victor was asleep on the couch yet but I was too nervous to check. If he was looking back at me, it would be impossible to sleep thinking he might be watching.
I willed myself to keep my eyes closed and to remain still.
The Truth about Dreams
I dreamed I was drowning.
Someone was shaking me. No matter how strongly I wanted to open my eyes, I sank deeper. My limbs were numb, un-cooperating.
A voice spoke and in my confusion, I didn’t recognize it. “Sang Baby, wake up.”
“Ti eínai láthos?”
“I don’t know what’s wrong. It sounded like she stopped breathing.”
Shivers rattled through me but I couldn’t draw myself up out of wherever I was.
“Sweetheart. Baby. Sang. Sang!”
My eyelids fluttered, my lungs opened up. It was like I was discovering I could breathe for the first time. My hands drifted up and landed on something soft and warm.
The world stilled and when it did, I was falling asleep again, descending back into the shadows.
“Sang!” The shaking started again.
Flashes of light swept across my brain, memories and consciousness slipped in all at once. Something’s wrong! Who’s got me? Someone has me! I needed to stop it.
My hands were on someone who had grabbed me. My heart jumped to life in a panic. My hands flexed out of instinct and my fingernails tore into softness.
“Fuck... shit ow.”
I was dropped and it shook me enough that my lungs opened up again and I was coughing. There was a dim lamp on somewhere, and I barely made out Kota’s living room through my sleep-blurred eyes. I rubbed at my face to clear my vision.
North was sitting back on his heels as he hovered above me, his arms crossed. His dark eyes shot questions and confusion like spitting fireballs at my face. “What the fuck?”
My poor brain couldn’t piece together what happened quickly enough. I gripped someone. That someone was North. “Oh god. Did I do that? I’m sorry,” I cried out. My body started quivering so hard that my bones rattled together. “Oh please, I’m so sorry.”
I pulled myself up to my knees, backing away from North’s intensity. I sensed someone behind me, and felt a big hand on my back, a calm warmth against my quaking. Silas.
North re-folded his arms. “What the hell was that about, Sang?” he shouted at me.
I didn’t know. I couldn’t think. I hurt North. I felt so bad. “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.”
North growled, letting go of his arms. He crossed toward me on his knees, grabbing me by the elbows. I felt something warm and wet pressing to my skin and knew he must have been bleeding. “Why did you claw me?” he shouted again.
“Whoa, hey,” Silas barked at him. He hooked an arm around my waist and dragged me away from North. “Stop it.” Silas pushed me behind his back, blocking my view of North’s rage.
I started shaking again, tears clouding my eyes so I couldn’t see. I’d hurt North. He was bleeding. I pressed my hands to my face to hide myself, my shame.
Someone came up next to me, wrapping arms around my waist and hugging me close. I smelled Victor’s opulent berry cologne. I pressed my head against his shoulder, my tears wetting his t-shirt. I felt so terrible, that I didn’t deserve his comfort.
“I’m sorry,” I whispered.
“She stopped breathing and she clawed my arms. I want to know why,” North growled.
“It wasn’t her fault,” Silas said. “She didn’t mean it.”
“I know she didn’t fucking mean it,” North shouted.
“You can’t yell at her like that,” Victor said. His hand found the back of my head, his long thin fingers massaged at the base of my scalp. “Sweetie, calm down. It’s okay.”
“What’s going on?” Kota’s voice shot through the dark, full of command. Where had he been? Where was everyone else? Victor held my face so close that I couldn’t see.
“Sang clawed the shit out of me,” North shouted.
“Stop yelling,” Kota said.
North’s voice boomed, “I’m not fucking yelling. I’m asking. Fucking Sang--”
The air electrified as shouting erupted at once. Silas boomed something in Greek that I didn’t catch and North was shouting back, in what sounded like the same language.
There was quick movement next to us and Victor yanked me up until I was standing. He swept me away from where the shuffling was going on. I turned my head enough and through my tears it looked like Silas had lunged himself at North. North was on his back, with Silas holding down his chest to keep him on the floor. North’s fist sailed and made contact with Silas’s shoulder.
“That’s it,” Kota said. He marched over to the two of them and pushed at Silas’s back with a foot. “Silas get off of him. Now. Everyone gets an hour tomorrow.”
Silas backed off of North. His fists clenched and his shoulders heaved. North growled, jumping up to his feet.
“I’ll make it two hours,” Kota said in a voice darker than I’d heard him use before.
The room quieted. I shook, terrified, confused. What did he mean? Two hours of what?
Victor moved his hand from the back of my head to my face, pressing my cheek with his palm. His thumb smoothed at a spot under my eye, wiping my tears away. “Shh, darling,” he cooed under his breath. “Don’t cry. God please, don’t.”
“This is what’s going to happen,” Kota said, “Sang and North upstairs. You two stay down here.”
“You can’t do that to her,” Victor said.
“Now.” Kota’s command rang out in the single syllable. There would be no compromise.
Victor grunted. Before his hands slipped away, I felt something that later I would wonder was his lips against my forehead. I would never know for sure.
My body rattled where I stood. I crossed my arms under my breasts, sinking
into myself. I couldn’t do this. I should go home. I should stay there forever. I didn’t deserve them.
Kota hooked his arm under my legs and lifted me off the ground. I pressed my cheek to his chest, exhausted, confused, scared to death. I hadn’t meant to be such a blubbering mess but I was still a mush brain after sleeping.
I’d hurt North.
Kota marched me up to his bedroom. I heard North following behind us. I wanted to jump from Kota and run home. I couldn’t face North. He was so angry with me for clawing at him. I didn’t even have a good reason. I didn’t know why I’d done it. I had that dream. He’d tried waking me and for some reason I reacted so badly. No one had ever tried to wake me like that before. I didn’t know where I was or who he was. My explanation was inexcusable. He would hate me.
Kota carried me into the bathroom. North flicked on the light. Kota set me to perch on the counter. “Lock the door, North,” he said.
There was a click. I focused my eyes on the chrome towel rack hanging on wall. I couldn’t face anyone. I sucked in a deep breath, but another typhoon of shaking swept over me as I sensed their eyes on me. I felt so tiny and lost and sorry all over again.
“Sang,” Kota said softly. “Stop crying.” He snatched tissues from a dispenser, bundling them and pressing them to my cheek. “Please, sweetie, stop crying.”
I swallowed, peeling my lips apart to whisper, “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to.”
“I know that,” North said, his tone immensely softer than it had been downstairs. “Kota, let me have her for a second.”
I didn’t want this. My heart was pounding so loud and it felt like it was burning. I hiccupped on a sob.
Kota stepped back and in his place came North. North’s strong hands slipped around my body. He wrapped his arms around my back and pulled me in close until I was pressed up against his bare chest. My hands were between my breasts, wringing against themselves and now crushed between us. My tears touched his skin.
He dropped a hand on my scalp and his fingers smoothed my hair. “Sang Baby,” he said, “I’m not mad, okay? I was upset because there was something wrong with you and I didn’t know what. You scared me.” His cheek pressed against the top of my head and I felt the gruffness of his unshaven face against my forehead. “I’m sorry I yelled.”
