“What?” I didn’t really understand what he said? “Translation issue?”
“I am going to get control of the shifting.”
“Isn’t that supposed to happen in about two years?” Was I really not getting what they were telling me?
Rylan frowned. “I’m going to get ahead of it early. I can’t have you worrying that you have a mate that might lose it. That won’t be good for the development of your relationship with me.”
Oh, I suddenly got it. “Rylan, I wasn’t worried about that at all. I have so many things to get through in my head. You seem perfect to me. Don’t fret.” I patted him. Finn did the same thing when he was tired. He rambled. “You’re overdue to let the cold take you. I’ll watch out for you.”
“Thanks.” He didn’t sound like he was kidding. He legitimately seemed to like that I said I would watch out for him. Not that I could take on a bear, but some idiot in his non-shifted form would find I could hold my own in a fight.
Rylan’s breathing changed. Once second he was awake, the next he was asleep. I was wide awake. I listened to him breathe and the whooshing of the computers in the background.
The tears that came startled me. I hadn’t known I was about to cry, and suddenly I was sobbing. Rylan’s eyes flew open. “What’s the matter? Did I do something?”
“No.” I wiped them away. “Sorry. Please don’t worry about me. I’m just overwhelmed, and there’s nothing you can do about it. I’m always causing problems. Pretty much since birth. I bring trouble. I’m hiding in a room while they figure out war over me out there. You came in to guard me. Don’t give me any more of that ridiculous story about not wanting to do politics. My brother. . .” I didn’t finish that thought. Finn asked me to trust him. I’d have to see what was happening on that. “I can’t spend my life locked in this room every time someone comes, and it’s only been twenty-four hours, so I just need to shut up. I never cry, but I keep crying here.”
He made a sound deep in his throat that sounded like a whimper and drew me even closer to him. He smelled warm and spicy, like cinnamon and something else. “What’s happening to you? It’s happening to all of us. That’s part of the mating. It. . .opens us up. Brings things out. My inability to protect my mother isn’t something I ever talk about. But boom, I just did. Finn should never have just announced your presence the way he did. It’s the mating. He can’t hide what he loves. The idea that Mark and others did blows my mind. How did they manage? I. . .” His voice fell off. “This is all going to be okay. I told you before. You came home. That has to feel weird after so much time, your whole life, not being where you belonged.”
I had to tell him the truth. “I don’t believe in fate or ‘supposed to.’ This happened. But I don’t know that there is any rhyme or reason for it.”
“That makes me sad.” He kissed my forehead, hard. “But I’ll believe enough for the both of us.”
7
I woke up alone. I didn’t remember falling asleep, but the heating blankets that were my bear shifters seemed to do that to me. Also, whatever was happening to them with the not-quite-hibernating-but-still-sleeping-a-lot thing was taking its toll on me as well. I didn’t wake up when Rylan left, whenever that had been, but the dinging from the machine Cole had put my sample into did wake me up. It sounded a lot like the alarms they used to have in the orphanage. Ding. I’d jump out of my skin. It seemed I still did.
I walked over to it just as Cole came through the open door. “Sorry, I hoped to get in here before it did that.”
“What is it doing? Analyzing me?”
He put his arm around me and pulled me into a hug. “Yes. Letting me see your DNA. I do a lot more than just visit neighbors. I’m a scientist. I promise you, I know what I’m doing. Sort of.” He winked at me. “You have dark circles under your eyes. You just woke up. Do you need more food? Exactly how many calories per day should you be getting as a human? You know what? Don’t tell me. People rarely know what they need to be doing to take care of themselves. I’ll look it up.”
“I feel really tired. I can’t explain it. I thought it was likely whatever is happening with you guys.”
The hmmm sound he made didn’t reassure me that he agreed.
“Give me your finger.”
I obliged, and he poked me, which I didn’t know he was about to do. “Sorry.”
He squeezed the blood into a vial and stuck it into the same machine that had my DNA. “This will be faster,” he explained.
The machine beeped almost immediately, and he stared down at the screen. “Damn. You seemed fine. I should have known it was the adrenaline masking. Major accident like that.” He put out his hand, and I took it.
My heart raced, which made me dizzy. “Am I okay?”
“No, you’re very anemic, and I think you might be bleeding internally. We’re going to fix that.”
I pulled at my hair until it hurt. I couldn’t seem to stop. “I hate hospitals. Please don’t put me in one. I’ll stop bleeding. I just will.”
Cole’s expression changed, he was suddenly hard to read. Or maybe I simply couldn’t understand what I was seeing because of the panic racing through me. I’d run away. He couldn’t make me. . .
He drew me to him slowly even as I tried to tug away. “Sshh. Now, don’t be afraid. Nothing—I mean nothing—will ever happen to you with me around.”
“I hate hospitals. They hurt you there.”
My mate nodded slowly. “Orphanage problem or somewhere else? See, Finn taught me that word.”
I swallowed. “Orphanage. Good job learning the word.”
“You’re not going to a hospital. I’m just going to take care of you right here. I like to know that you have these fears though. That’ll help me understand when you don’t tell me you’re feeling sick or have pain in the future. Rather than think you don’t trust me.” He kissed my head. “All will be well.”
I didn’t remember anything after that for a long while. I was on the couch in the main room the next time I could really think clearly. My head was in Cole’s lap, and my feet were on Rylan’s. They were both reading. In a chair across the room, Finn sat reading as well.
“Hey, look who opened her eyes.” Cole touched my cheek. “Processing yet, or are we going back under?”
I hated being sick. Disliked every second of it. “Did you go under or are you using we to just be a jackass?”
Cole snorted, and Finn laughed. Rylan shook his head. It was the doctor who answered me. “You did warn me how you lash out. You’re all fixed now. Once the medicine that knocked you out wears off, you should feel incredibly better. Thirsty?”
“Oh, don’t be mad.” Rylan winked at me. “He drugs Finn and me whenever we need it to have operations. You wake up feeling like hell.”
Nausea presented itself right then, and I closed my eyes. “I don’t want to throw up on the couch.”
Finn pushed my legs down and then picked me up. “Good idea. Let’s get you to the bathroom. Do you know what else would be a great idea? If you could never, ever do that again. Never have internal injuries that you don’t mention again.”
“I wasn’t in pain.”
That didn’t seem to matter. I’d done something wrong in nearly bleeding to death, and it didn’t seem they were going to see it any other way.
We’d apparently gone to war, and no one had told me. I’d been on the planet for seven days and with the guys for five of them. I guessed. I wasn’t one hundred percent sure on the timeline. My injuries and need to recover had left me pretty much bedridden, and I hated it. The grumpier I got, the happier that seemed to make Cole.
“People start to get aggravated with treatment when they start to feel better. Bears are the same way. You weren’t really objecting much that first day. I think. . .I think you were sort of in a slow decline, and then it sped up. I’m just glad I got in there when I did.” The bear showed in his eyes. “I have to remember that you’re different, slightly more fragile.”
; He stood by the window, looking outside with me at nothing. We might be attacked at any time, and I was standing inside doing nothing. “If you tell me how fragile I am one more time, I’m going to punch you. Hard. Then you can tell me how fragile I am.”
Cole side-eyed me. “I have this real issue going on where I find you sexy as hell, but I can’t do that because you are still in recovery.”
I shoved at him but he didn’t move. “This isn’t going to work.”
“Oh, we’re back to that. You spent the last two days not talking. Before that, I was fairly certain you’d warmed to the idea.”
My head hurt. “Are you trying to be an asshole? What am I going to do here? I can’t be pampered and wander around the house like a. . .I don’t know what. . .for the rest of my life. I have to have something to do.”
“Get dressed. We’re going for a walk.”
I hit the wall, which was stupid because it made my hand hurt, but I just didn’t feel like being reasonable. That was the most irrational thing I could think to do. I sighed. “Cole.”
“If you’re going to hit walls, it’s going to hurt.”
I’d seen very little of Rylan or Finn in the last few days. We were at war, and that apparently meant they were busy. Finn stayed behind closed doors, and Rylan disappeared to wherever he had gone. Not that I could tell we were at war. Everything was quiet, exactly as it had been since I’d arrived.
I put on my clothes that Cole acquired for me when I was laid up and followed him out of the house. The air was warm, and now that I wasn’t bleeding inside my body, I wasn’t bothered by it. How Cole had operated on me remained a mystery, but since all I could seem to manage was to either be a baby or a bitch, I hadn’t asked him about it.
“Where are we going?”
He didn’t answer, so I continued to follow him. After a minute, I spoke again. “Going to answer me?”
Cole shook his head. “You’ll see where we’re going when we get there.”
“Hey, I’m injured here, doctor. Could you maybe slow down?”
He whirled around. “Are you in pain?”
“No.” I caught up to him. “But you can’t go from not letting me move to making me run.”
“I can, apparently. I’m doing it right now.” He took my hand. “You didn’t lose your spleen. It’s still in there. You’re not bleeding, and I think maybe you need to move your body a bit. Come on. I’m going to show you something you can choose to do if you so decide.”
We eventually rounded a corner and came across abandoned houses that had clearly seen better days. Peeling wood, windows hung sideways. Doors swung open and closed in the wind.
“We should have more small-clanned bears living on our land. Like Easton did. Like the two bears following us now do. They’re just looking. They mean no harm.” I hadn’t even known they were there. It was like I was constantly going to be a toddler wandering around with no awareness. A memory rolled over me. These places looked strikingly familiar. This was how they had housed us on the colony on Mars. I sighed. I hadn’t thought so much about that year in my entire life as I had managed to do this week.
I pointed at the shacks. “Well, no wonder if this is where they could live when they didn’t feel like being the bear.”
He put his hands in his pockets and walked forward. “It’s important to have more shifters living on our land. They’re not just our people that we help take care of, they help us defend this territory during war. Three of our bears are with Rylan right now, holding off would be assailants. Not to worry. It’s going just fine.”
So the war was taking place. Just in that silent bear fighting way. When they really battled, they didn’t make a sound. “I wouldn’t want to live in these.”
“I know. Me neither. Fix them, would you?”
I blinked. “What?”
“Fix the houses. I don’t mean decorate them. They can do that themselves. I mean fix them. You fly spaceships. You lived in the woods.” I didn’t remember telling him that part, but maybe I did, either before my operation or after. I’d apparently been rambling a lot during recovery. “I bet you are good at building, demolishing, and remodeling.”
He wasn’t wrong. “I wanted to build a house and live in a lot. Alone.”
Cole pointed at the area. “Well, you’re not living alone. But you can build houses and people will come to them. We run this planet. I know Finn looks like he’s not stressed. But. . .”
I shook my head, stopping him. “Finn is plenty stressed.”
“You see that, then. I’m not surprised. You are our mate. Okay. This would help him. Manage everything here. I’ve got to be more available medically to the population during a fight. Rylan will keep us all safe while Finn leads. In the event of an emergency, we’d all battle. You’ll be safe.”
I waved my hand. “I’ve never been safe. You all seem preoccupied with assuring me of my safety. Trust me, it’ll be a miracle if I make it without being blown up.”
“I think you say that just to make me upset.”
I winked at him. “Do I?”
Cole laughed. It was a nice sound. We weren’t yelling at each other. I wasn’t angry. This was better. I walked toward the shacks. “I can do this.”
“I know. So you’ll do this. Starting in a week, when your physician thinks it’s safe. Walking now, yes. Wielding a hammer, no.”
Adorable man. “What about sex? When am I cleared for that? Because I don’t have your scent yet, right? That is part of what happens with the sex. I wear you.” I touched my shirt. “In my pores.”
He visibly swallowed. “Well, I guess it would depend on how rough that got. We’ve been not so mercilessly giving Rylan a hard time about how injured you suddenly were after being with him.”
It had been a little damaging. And I’d loved every second of it.
“Don’t do that.” I brought his hand to the outside of my shirt but on my breast. His gaze fell straight to it, and the bear appeared before vanishing. “Yes? No? With the bears that live around here watching?”
He sucked in a long breath. “I’d like to, very much, and I think on the safety end of things, in a soft bed, it’s probably okay.” He cleared his voice, then added, “You on top so you control things? That’s how it works, right?”
“It can.” I didn’t know what made me talk to Cole the way I was. He seemed to like it. There was color in his cheeks and a noticeable bulge in his pants. “I’ve never done it that way. So if we were to do it that way, you’d be my first.”
He stepped closer to me. “I’d like that.”
“Me too.” I brought his hand to my neck. I’d never done that before. I knew what I was telling him. Take me. Own me. Out in here in the fresh air, not feeling trapped, that was all I wanted. “I trust you.”
He dropped his hand, and my most gentle mate practically dragged me back to our house. I was flat on my back on the bed before I knew what hit me. He kissed me so carefully, keeping himself off of me.
Sometime, he’d have to tell me how he operated. I had no scars, no indication I’d been hurt at all. Still, the few minutes we lay there breathing through our kisses, he was so tentative. Was it my injury or his inexperience?
It didn’t matter. I wasn’t going to break. Not doing this. I pushed at him until he rolled over. His eyes were huge. “Jessica, love.” He breathed heavily. Whatever else he wanted to say, he didn’t. That was fine. It wasn’t the time for talking.
I undressed him slowly, keeping my own clothes on until the last minute. I liked how he looked at me, I liked the way his gaze followed my every move. I like watching his cock harden.
“You’re beautiful.” I used a phrase he’d given to me once. “I don’t think I told you that.”
His nostrils flared. “Jessica, I think you might be tormenting me.”
“I am.” I rolled over and crawled toward him. “But in the best possible way, right?”
I climbed up his body. There would be time to learn each other, time to
figure out each other’s bodies. To take him in mouth, as I heard people did, and let him put his mouth on me. I was wet, practically dripping.
I took him deep inside of me, and he cried out. It was a beautiful thing, watching Cole find pleasure for the first time, to experience this with me. I moved, up and down, ever so slowly, and knew the second he was lost to me.
Cole was officially out of his own head. That’s where I wanted to be. I took his hands in mine to balance better, and I moved on top of him until we were both panting. Minutes turned. I didn’t know how much time had passed. Who cared? This was all that mattered. Fuck, war. Fuck, worry. Fuck, anything else. This was the world. The universe. The everything. I wanted to feel like this every fucking day.
I changed my rhythm so he’d rub more on my clit. That was best at this angle and sure enough, the slow burn of pleasure grew with each pass.
He let go of one of my hands to caress my breast. “Yes, right there. Pinch. Whatever you want.”
Cole did as I instructed him. I increased my speed, and his hand dropped down to my heart. He pressed down on the spot where he could feel it beat. Tears came to my eyes. That was so sweet.
I lost it. Right there. I came in a flurry of pleasure and tears. I couldn’t differentiate one from the other. I didn’t want to. All of it was right in that moment. As though, by taking Cole inside of me, I finally did come home.
Cole held me for hours. Neither of us slept. The need to constantly sleep was gone from all of us. Whether that was because it was finally warmer or because there was war on our borders, it didn’t matter.
I finally voiced a question I’d wanted to ask. “What happens if they overwhelm us? There are so few of you here.”
“There are few bears who would want to battle like that. Most bears just want to be left to their own lives. The few that would come here and challenge us won’t run through us. But we are not a small number. There are three of us here. Hundreds and hundreds of us out there. One of them told Rylan yesterday that you gave them hope. A quarter of them don’t find mates. Maybe they’re coming from elsewhere.”
Planet Bear Page 8
