Good Enough to Trust (Good Enough, Book 2 - Going Back)

by Stoneley, Zara

  “I like this one, we understand each other.” She grinned, blew me a kiss, and then carefully reversed away.

  ***

  I went from deep sleep to wide awake in one second flat. Well, that was how it felt. When you’re staying in the middle of the wood, and the most raucous sound you’ve heard for days is a bird, then loud noises tend to have that effect.

  I glanced round to check that the world hadn’t ended and it went off again. A car horn, and not a polite, do you mind, kind of car horn. This was a ‘get out of the road before I flatten you’ type.

  The angry neon of the alarm clock registered in the corner of my brain that was almost switched on. Shit. It was nearly lunchtime already, I’d overslept big time which meant that the noise just had to be Will.

  “Don’t you dare do that again.” I half hung out of the window, well as much as you can with a window designed for midgets, and glared at the bright and breezy Will, who was stood by his Landrover, with his arm stretched into the vehicle like he was just about to pummel the horn again.

  “Yay, you’re out of the land of nod. I did hammer on the door a couple of times but I thought this might work better.” He gave another couple of sharp beeps. “Come on sleepyhead, let’s be having you.”

  It was my fault I suppose, I had invited him over because I couldn’t ignore his texts anymore and it wasn’t fair on him or me, or Ollie. I had to find out what he was expecting from all this, what I wanted and how the hell that fitted in with all the rest.

  “Play with your toys quietly for two minutes.”

  He grinned and I pulled the window to, and shut out the cold air. Pulling on jeans while I was cleaning my teeth worked okay, the jumper over my head not as well, but I’m sure the faint smell of peppermint on wool wasn’t too bad. I’d more or less given up on worrying about my hair, there’s only so much gunk a girl can put on to try and stop the frizz and I think I’d exceeded it. For some reason last time I’d been here I’d not noticed, whether it was the freedom, the being in love or just the being young bit— but wild hair hadn’t seemed so important. I pulled on my oversized pea jacket and tried to push the niggle inside away; being in love, yeah I guess I’d thought I was. And if I thought it, it was as good as being it.

  Love. So maybe I had come down here for a reason, not just running away. But it didn’t change the past. And it didn’t mean it was reciprocated. He might not have left me before, but I was pretty damned sure he had now.

  I clambered into the passenger side at exactly the same time Will climbed into the driver’s seat and we nearly clashed heads. He kissed the tip of my nose and ruffled my hair, so it was a damned good job I hadn’t wasted anymore time trying to tame it. There was something about Will though, rugged, solid, the type of guy every girl should think she wants. Uncomplicated too, I bet if Will told you he’d be there for you then he would. Every single step of the way.

  “What’s going on in that head of yours?”

  “Believe me, you don’t want to know.”

  “Betcha I do.” He shoved the gearbox into reverse and set off back up the narrow, rutted driveway at about double the speed I went when I was facing the right way. And about five times the speed that Holly had done yesterday, although if he hit a tree he probably wouldn’t notice. If Holly had the whole car might have caved in. “So, where first?”

  “A smuggler’s cave.” He’d told me that he’d show me the hidden side of Cornwall, the bits the tourists missed out on, so I’d challenged him to take me to six places of my choosing, all off the beaten track. Seemed fair enough to me.

  Will found me a cave. I’m not convinced it was the real deal, but he spun a good story about smuggling in the middle of the night, even though I’m sure some of the lines came from ‘Smuggler’s Song’, and even in my ignorance I’d imagine a smuggler would be mad to try and land along this part of the coastline in the middle of the night.

  “So how did they get the stuff up to the top? I mean, you need to be closely related to a goat to get up here when you’re not carrying stuff. How would you get barrels up?”

  “Ah, you’re related to a goat? That explains some things.”

  “Like?”

  “Those weird noises you make.” I thumped him as hard as I could seeing as we were sandwiched together at the bottom of a steep path. He made a funny sheep crossed with a cow type of noise.

  “I don’t do that, you cheeky thing.” I progressed to a sharp poke in the ribs, and he groaned and caught my hand, pulling me tighter against him.

  “Want a bet? It’s very sexy you know.”

  “Oh, yeah.”

  “You don’t believe me, do you?”

  I raised a sceptical eyebrow. “About the sexiness of goat noises or the smuggler bit?”

  “Both. Okay, how about I take you to the best place for hot chocolate in the country?”

  “Big claim.”

  “It is.”

  “So hot chocolate is a Cornish speciality all of a sudden?”

  “Hot chocolate is a Cornish essential m’dear.”

  I laughed, because I couldn’t not when I was with Will. “What about beer?”

  “Another essential, same as whisky, which is why you need to believe in smuggler’s caves. Come on.” He put out his hand and I grabbed it, letting him pull me behind him up the rocky tangled pathway with an ease you just had to admire. A goat-like ease. “Seeing as you stayed in bed so late I think we better get some lunch.” I liked that too, a man’s recognition that I liked to stop and eat now and again.

  I settled for the hot chocolate and was glad I had. The café was small, but oh so cosy, complete with an open fire and a dozing cat and enough room for us to relax and spread ourselves out a bit.

  “Okay, I admit it’s good.” I wiped the chocolate froth from my upper lip and glanced his way, expecting him to be laughing at me, but he wasn’t even smiling he was just looking.

  “Sophie.”

  I hate it when people say Sophie like that.

  “Will you stay?”

  “You don’t think I’m going to abandon a hot chocolate this good, do you?”

  “You know what I mean.” And I did, and he knew I did.

  “I’m not sure I belong here.”

  “You could try it. I’d like you to stay.” He wasn’t looking at my face anymore, he was looking down at my hand. He buried it in his big, bear’s paw.

  “You hardly know me. I can be a right cow.” I laughed, tried to keep it light, but the way he was gazing at my face told me it wasn’t working.

  “I like cows.” But he didn’t say it in a funny way, he reached out and traced a finger down my cheek. “And I like you too, Sophie. Don’t ask me why.”

  “Gee, ta, not because of my sharp wit, stunning looks and body then?”

  He ignored the joke. “Oh I love your gorgeous body, and the way you laugh at everything.” He was holding my hand, but it had a path straight to my heart. Which sounds corny, but that’s the only way I could describe it. I wanted to shout, yes, yes, I’ll stay, we’ll be happy. But I couldn’t.

  “I’ve never met anyone quite like you. You always see the bright side and you’re smart and nothing like the other girls I’ve met.”

  “That’s because I don’t have to tramp the hillside and milk sheep every day getting all windblown and miserable.”

  “Ah, is that what you were trying to do when I met you? Trying to milk my bullocks?”

  “Don’t you milk bullocks then?”

  “I’d like to see you try.” He gave me a mock stern look. “No, on second thoughts, I take that back before you take it as a challenge and go and try.”

  “See, I’d be hopeless as a farmer’s wife. I know nothing.”

  “You’d be a gorgeous farmer’s wife, one of a kind. You’re different, unique.” It wasn’t his normal confident grin; it was a question on his face that squeezed my heart, the one he was holding, until it ached. But that was the trouble; loyal, steady Will wanted a wife. And e
ven if I was willing to try, I knew I’d make a crap one. I’d be the wrong one.

  “Different isn’t enough though, is it?” Maybe it was for him, but for me, well I think I’d been pretending, kidding myself that I didn’t need passion and adventure, but I did. Which was why, all those years ago, I’d opted for daredevil Ollie and not the measured excitement of Dane, with Dane I reckoned what you saw was what you got, but with bad boy Ollie you’d just never be sure. Ever.

  “It’s a start. Stay Sophie. I’m not a city type, I can’t follow you back. I’m just a country yokel.”

  “You’re not just a country yokel, Will.” He wasn’t, he was a gorgeous hunk of a man and even a couple of weeks ago I would have been tempted to take him up on his offer. I could have stayed here, at least for a year, had fun with Will and his brothers. But I couldn’t just say yes anymore. Not even if my body kind of wanted to. Even if I’d let Ollie down, I couldn’t let myself down. Not again. And in his heart I’m sure Will knew that what we had was just, well just what we had. “I’m not a city type either, but we’re different, we want different things.”

  “It’s him, isn’t it? That Ollie, he’s the guy you came with the first time round and he’s why you’ve come back.”

  “I’m not right for you Will.”

  “An old line.”

  “But a good one.”

  He smiled, and it nearly reached his eyes. “Can’t blame a guy for trying.”

  “Maybe I’m just not the type of girl who wants to settle down.”

  “Oh, I doubt that somehow.” He tucked my hair behind my ear. “You just haven’t found home yet.” The brotherly hug was a bit like being with Charlie. “But you know where I am if you need me. So, we can just have fun until you’ve finished whatever you came down here to do?”

  “We can.”

  “How do you fancy a ghost hunt?” So he took me to a house that was supposed to be haunted, then a farm where you could buy Ruby Red beef that he said would melt in our mouths and bought me a soft pink rose quartz stone that he said represented unconditional love. He was a bit self conscious when he said it.

  “It’s a happy stone for a sad girl who likes to smile.”

  “I’m not as sad as I was.”

  He smiled then, and closed my fingers round the small gemstone and I wished life was simpler, wished I could have loved him and stayed with him. “Come on, let’s go get the steak cooked and drink a nice bottle of wine.”

  He did that building a fire bit when we got back and I watched the deep concentration on his face as the flames took and he coaxed them into something more destructive. And it was the look he’d had on his face as he’d coaxed me to the brink of orgasm, the look he’d had when he asked me to trust him, the look he’d had when he asked me to stay.

  He was gorgeous, like a good spoonful of Cornish cream, rich and full and good but someone I knew I could have too much of. Life wasn’t fair, but no one ever said it was, did they?

  Will was a mate, a brilliant mate, the type of man you could take out with your friends or share a film and a bottle of wine with. But, whatever he said, I don’t think that would ever be enough for him. Relationships are like that, one-sided sometimes. One person wanting more, but putting up with less, never giving up, never satisfied, always hoping. Or they can be equal. Wanting each other in the same way. And that’s the glue that keeps them going, the glue that keeps people together.

  He half turned and looked at me, the flickering flames behind him. “Don’t go, not yet.”

  Chapter Nine

  I might have laughed at Holly and her ancient automobile, but at least it was vaguely practical. Mine wasn’t, but I loved every glamorous inch of it. And there weren’t that many, inches to spare that was, especially when you had suitcases and rucksacks. The car had been a present to myself when I got my first pay packet, the convertible I’d wanted since I’d passed my driving test. Speedy, thirsty and a show off—yeah you didn’t need to be a psychologist to come up with a comment.

  I pushed and prodded until the car gave in and swallowed up my belongings then I took one last glance at my hidey-hole before heading back to real life.

  There was still a heavy dew on the grass and even the birds were hushed and I didn’t even put the car stereo on, just let the steady thrum of the engine be the accompaniment as we headed through the high hedged ghostly lanes. The sun was breaking through by the time I got to the first ‘A’ road and was joined by the first of the commuter traffic, but I still managed to keep up a steady speed as the eerie dampness lifted and the weak winter sunlight trickled through.

  I’d thought I’d stay down here longer, but now I felt like I’d outstayed my welcome. Will was great, but if I stayed, maybe it wouldn’t be as great because you can’t stay friends forever when one of you wants more than the other, can you? Which was why I couldn’t stay around Ollie any longer, because I wanted him. And if I stayed I’d be messing up his life. He’d told me he couldn’t do it, couldn’t do the ‘him and me’ thing anymore. He’d realised it would never work, just as I’d realised with Will. And it didn’t matter how much some tiny part of me wanted to turn back the clock, if he didn’t want it then I couldn’t change a damned thing. And I was old enough to realise.

  I shifted down a gear as the traffic built in front. He was happy down here; he had work, a life. A life that didn’t include me, and when he came back from his few days away the last thing he’d want to see was my beaming face welcoming him home. He wanted peace and quiet, and I wasn’t so selfish that I was going to spoil it. But I was sorry. Sorry that it had all gone wrong, but that’s fate I suppose – the way it was meant to be whether I liked it or not.

  The traffic had slowed to a crawl and I wasn’t in the mood for sitting in traffic, so I turned off the main road, onto a lane that I was pretty sure ambled its way back towards the motorway at some point.

  Yeah, I was being all grown up. I’d had some fun, checked out my past and now I had to work out what came next. I had texted Holly before I set off, to check she was still in Bristol and going there seemed as good a place as any, a stopover on my way back to real life.

  The car gave a little hiccup as though it agreed, then another louder one as though it had eaten something that disagreed with it.

  “Shit.” It didn’t sound well at all. “What the hell is up with you?” I pulled in and lifted the bonnet, though why the hell I did that I don’t know. People just do it, don’t they? Even though they haven’t a clue what they’re looking for. There was no fire, nothing that looked like it was about to fall off and it was a mistake because when I gave up looking and got back in and turned the ignition key, for the first time since I’d had my sexy little car, it didn’t respond.

  Story of my life at the moment.

  I wound the window down and groaned. Coming off the main road had been a mistake, there was nothing down here. No passing traffic, no houses. Zilch. Not even a bloody cow and a friendly farmer.

  The thought of Will and his green wellies jumped into my mind uninvited. He’d been fun, more than fun, he’d been uncomplicated, giving and kind. And dirty, oh yeah, he’d been dirty and demanding. The kind of dirty and demanding that cleared your head briefly and made everything a bit simpler.

  But I couldn’t ask Will to come and help, and I didn’t even know where Ollie was. Not that I could ask him, from now on Ollie was out of bounds. Which made it that bit harder to stop thinking about him.

  Shit. I picked up my mobile and texted Holly. ‘Be later than planned. X’

  ‘Problem?’

  ‘Car broken.’ That would give her a laugh, all the times I’d called her rust bucket and not once in the time I’d known her had it actually broken down. It had belched out nasty fumes, shot out arctic air from the heater and had the type of suspension a crate on wheels would be proud of. But it had never just, well stopped.

  ‘Where are u?’

  ‘Miles off.’ I opened up the map on the mobile and looked at the littl
e blinking pointer that was me. ‘I’ll share location with u. See if u can find a garage near? Can’t call, phone needs recharging.’ It did. The last thing I wanted was my mobile to die on me. I had an in car charger. In Cheshire, not in the car. Ha, funny how the only time you need these car things is when you’ve taken them out.

  The birds were chirruping and the soft sun was actually shining and it all made me almost mellow. Except I wanted to be somewhere, not sitting still.

  ‘On my way. Don’t argue. See u soon x’

  Which was sweet, but… ‘U a car mechanic now?’ I added a smiley face to soften the blow, but what was the point in two of us sitting here like lemons? Less lonely, granted, but it wasn’t going to help with getting me out of Cornwall. And right now I wanted to be out. Far, far away.

  ‘Lol, will get someone x’

  I put the phone down and relaxed into my seat. This could be a long wait, and I didn’t really want my own company, but what the hell.

  I’d never thought I’d see Ollie down here. One day of course I imagined I’d have to bump into him, after all he was Dane’s cousin and chances are that we’d have crossed paths. But here? And yet, like I’d said to Holly, I’d dreamed a million times of walking into one of our old haunts, one of the pubs, up by the waterfall, and seeing him there like he had been years ago. And I had. And he’d been there and I knew that I must have loved him then, or at least thought I had. I’d come here with him because I’d have followed him anywhere he’d asked me to.

  So that was progress, right? I’d sorted out what I’d come here for— I’d wanted to check whether it had been worth it, check whether I’d been here for a reason, or if I was just running away. So I should be pleased I’d got an answer. But it hurt. It hurt because he couldn’t love me back. Maybe, just maybe, he hadn’t been able to follow me home at first, but he could have come quicker if he’d cared. But what did it all matter? We’d cocked up then, and now he had walked away. Said he couldn’t do it. Maybe he had someone else, maybe he just wanted to be on his own, no responsibilities. Sophie had been wrong, he wasn’t jealous, it wasn’t because he’s seen Will’s car, he wasn’t like that, I knew him better than she did, and he’d been more than happy to share me with Will that first evening hadn’t he?