"Must be amazing to do what you love. I think some call that the ultimate happiness, getting paid for your passion. I'm jealous."
"Don't be, it's just a matter of personal choice. The trick is that some make that choice and some don't."
I'm quiet now, thinking about what he said. It’s so simple, yet so not. I wish I could make the choice. I wish I... I'm awakened from my thoughts by his thumb traveling across my forehead, gently smoothing out something there.
"When your mind wanders somewhere far away, you get this intense look on your face and a small vein on your forehead pops out and pulses."
I look at his face. I want to rip off those shades and finally see the eyes of the man who reads me like an open book.
"At least pretend there’s some mystery left in me. Every woman has to feel mysterious, you know?" I try to distract him from this thought. Somehow, within just hours of knowing me, he has gotten dangerously close to my true feelings.
"Oh, there is plenty of mystery in you. I have no idea why you react to my words this way. I never know if the next thing I say will put you back in that place. It's like you’re here one moment, then you’re gone the next."
"Oh, I'm here, trust me. I'm just a little tired after running and swimming. The sun isn’t helping either."
"Just take a nap, it's the best!" As he says it, he turns to his back and relaxes his shoulders.
"Great idea, are you going to do the same?" Smiling, I look over his delicious body, which he seems to be completely oblivious about.
"Yep, you bet I am!"
I grab my sun hat from my purse and cover my head, putting my cheek on my arm. I sneak one last look, and see his chest rising and falling as he takes deep breaths of air. Could he be anxious about something? He seems so confident, it hardly looks like a facade. Guys like him can have any girl they want. Oh, I'm not going to think like that; I know where that goes, and it's not pretty. I try to think of something nice instead, and my thoughts go back to the way Alex held my hand, held my body in the water, touched my back. I feel desire starting to build in my core. I want to feel his lips on mine, to know if he’s a soft kisser, or passionate, or rough. I want to experience his touch, to feel his strong hands on me again. I want to be able to touch him, learn every inch of him. I drift to sleep and dream of him, his body against mine, his lips kissing my neck, behind my ear, then lower to my collar bone. He is kissing my shoulder, moving to the middle of my back, lingering there, going up to my neck. I feel feather kisses all over my back, and it sends shivers down my spine. I feel tingling between my legs, moisture building as my desire grows stronger. My breathing becomes more labored and I moan into his touch. I hear him whispering into my ear, "You are so beautiful and sensual, even in your sleep."
Then something snaps inside of me and I realize I’m hearing his voice and feeling his touch, this is not just a dream. I jerk up, bump into his steel frame, and nearly fall off the chaise. His strong arms catch me and pull me into a hug. My heart is ready to jump out.
"Easy there, sleeping beauty, I didn’t mean to scare you. You were sleeping, and your back was getting pink from the sun, so I just wanted to add some sunblock to cover it. Then you made these super sexy noises, and I couldn't help but whisper in your ear.
“Were you having a wet dream? Was I in it?" He’s smiling widely at me, and I feel completely exposed in front of him. My nipples are poking out of my bikini, and I think my bottoms are soaking wet. I have to do something quick, before I blush and he reads right through me.
"Care for a swim?" As I’m asking him, I’m jumping off the chaise lounge and running toward the water. I dive in and gasp from contact with the cold waves. It’s even worse than last time. The air leaves my lungs, and my body stiffens. I can't move from the shock. A big wave hits me and I'm upside down in the water, fighting my way back to my feet. Then, I feel a pair of strong arms grasping me and lifting my body up. As the last time, I find myself crushed against Alex's strong chest, his arms hugging me tightly. This time, I put my arms over his shoulders and around his neck.
"We’re developing a certain trend here. Do you need CPR? I would be happy to administer it."
I look at him: face covered with beads of water, hair all wet and messy, lips slightly parted. I lean in and kiss him before I have time to think this through and change my mind. At first, it’s just our lips nibbling each other, then I open my mouth slightly, and he takes it as an invitation to explore me further. Our tongues meet and dance together, teeth grazing, lips crushing.
I let my fingers run through his hair, pulling it slightly. His arms are traveling lower, to my waist and then to my hips. He pushes our bodies together and I feel his hard erection against my stomach. I grind against it and slide down his body, feeling him draw in a sharp breath. His fingers dig into my hips as he pushes my body against his in an effort to slow me down. I’m completely helpless in his arms, yet I feel more powerful than I ever did with a man before. I kiss him harder, fearing if I stop it will never be the same again. I want this moment to last. I'm not ready to let him go. How would I even look into his eyes after initiating this kiss attack? His eyes, I’ve never even seen them. God, what am I doing? I have to stop! This can't be right!
I break away from his lips, feeling completely breathless.
"I’m sorry! I don't know what happened! Sorry!"
I try to get free from his embrace and scramble out of water as fast as I can. I grab my beach bag on the way and run up the stairs to the hotel. I’m by the elevator in seconds, pushing the button to go up. It takes a few minutes for it to arrive, then the doors slowly open and I jump in and push the button for my floor. The doors start closing but then reopen again. I bate my breath and pray it's not him. I don't know what to say. I feel like a complete idiot. Running away to the water, then assaulting him with a kiss, only to run again. I’m standing soaking wet and dripping in the middle of the cool, air-conditioned space, shaking cold. Then I see him, entering the elevator. I look down and do not dare to look back up. As the elevator doors close, he comes near me and puts his forefinger under my chin, lifting it. I look up at him and see his face inches from me, his ragged breath mixes with mine. I have no words.
He lowers his lips and kisses me again. Putting his fingers in my wet hair and running his other hand down to the small of my back.
This kiss is so much softer and gentler, as though he is afraid to scare me off again.
Then he breaks it and says, "It's ok. Don't panic. And please don't run from me again. You know I'll catch you." He places another kiss as the elevator doors open.
I don't know what to do. Do we go back down, or do we go inside?
He takes my hand and leads me out to the floor. "You’re shaking cold, you need a hot shower before you end up stuck in bed for most of your vacation."
I find my voice and ask, "Would you like to come in? You must be cold yourself."
"I would love to, as long as you’re ok with it. I just didn’t want to let you run away from me like that. I’m attracted to you, and I’d say it’s safe to assume the feeling is mutual.” Holding my shaking hands in his, he runs slow circles with his thumbs, calming me. His voice is quieter now.
“I think it's great, but I see you’re fighting it, and I don't know why. So unless you’re really ok, I would rather not push you." He’s silent now, waiting for my response, still gently holding my hands.
I look at him and feel utterly stupid for acting like a schoolgirl. So I smile and say, "Hey, I need you to do me a favor."
His eyebrows shoot up over his shades from the surprise. "That’s the last thing I expected you to say. You never cease to surprise me. What would that it be?" One corner of his mouth lifts up in a trademark smile I’m really starting to like.
I take a second too long to answer, making sure his anticipation builds.
"Take off your sunglasses. I’m dying to see your eyes."
He nods and smiles, seeming to like my idea.
"How a
bout we do it together?"
He steps closer to me and puts his hands on my cheeks, fingers touching my shades. I nod and raise my palms to his face. We lift each other’s sunglasses away and lock eyes for the first time. I get lost in his sparkling deep blues, drowning in their depth. The color looks almost electric bright. I see him gazing into my honey-hazel ones and beaming with a full smile.
"You are very beautiful, you know that?"
I try not to shy away. "You’re not so bad yourself."
He plants a quick peck on my lips. "Let’s get you warmed up before you catch pneumonia and I'm forced to stay by your bed. I'd rather have other pretenses for that."
Now he’s openly laughing at me, and I blush at the mention of him and my bed.
I quickly turn and lead the way to my condo. He grabs me by the arm and turns in place. "Don’t run! It won't help you or save you. Just let it go, stop fighting yourself." I look up into his eyes and genuinely promise, "I'll try." He hugs me and presses me hard against his body. I feel his cold skin against my cheek and realize we’re still in the hallway, cold and shivering, right in front of my door. "We’re here, this is me."
He lets go of his hold just slightly so I can get my hand into the bag and dig out the key card. Once I put it in and push the door open, he lifts me into his arms and carries me inside, pushing the door closed with his foot. He follows through the living area and to the bedroom suite, locating the bathroom door rather quickly. We’re in the shower cabin in seconds, with the water splashing at us. It’s cold, and I stifle a scream as it runs down my back. Grabbing onto his body harder to find shelter from the cold water, I feel him holding me tight. In seconds the water warms up, and soon it’s hot and steamy. He puts me down on my feet for a moment before lifting and pushing me against the shower wall. My back comes in contact with cold tiles and I grab onto him in an effort to minimize my exposure to the icy-cold granite surface. My arms are on his shoulders, back arching, chest rising up. Instantly his lips are on mine, devouring me. Sneaking his arms under my butt, lifting me higher, he levels my shoulders with his face. I’m so high I can no longer reach his lips. I sigh at the loss, only to gasp at the feel of his mouth on my neck, right under my chin. His stubble grazes my skin, and I push a little against his mouth. I want no space between us, I want to feel him on me, over me, in me. He makes a trail of wet kisses down my neck and to the swell of my breasts. He looks up at me for a second, as if asking if I’m ok with him kissing me there, and I nod and close my eyes. That's all the approval he needs, and I feel his lips in the space between my breasts. I arch my back instinctively, effectively pushing my chest into his face. I try to wiggle away, but he holds me tighter, moving one arm up to bring me closer to his lips.
"Let go." He starts kissing my breasts, while pulling on the string holding the bikini top in place.
"May I?" That's all he says, asking to untie my top and bare the rest of my breasts. I nod and try to hold on to him tighter to hide my nakedness. His fingers make quick work of the clasp, and I feel my bikini top loosening up.
The bra triangles, heavy with water, stay in place, as if glued to my skin. He grabs the edge of one of them with his teeth and drags away. My taut nipple pops out and he sucks on it, biting ever so lightly. It sends a tide of pleasure through my whole body, culminating in my core. I start breathing heavily and after a few seconds, I grind my pelvis against him. I need to feel some pressure there. I’m so slick from my arousal that the bikini slides up and down as I grind against his steel abs. He groans and runs his hand down my back and to my hip, slowly nearing my hot spot. I push against him again, as if inviting him. He no longer hesitates. His fingers push away the wet fabric of my swimming suit and touch me. I inhale sharply and without thinking, push into him again. His finger makes it inside of me, and he starts rubbing a sweet spot I didn’t know existed. I gasp and push into him harder, wanting more. He slides another finger in while running circles around my clit with his thumb.
All the while his mouth is on my nipple, kissing, sucking, licking. I’m overwhelmed by the sensations, unable to contain myself any longer. Carnal sounds are escaping my mouth. I’m moaning and writhing in his arms. I feel myself getting closer, the coils getting tighter, and I try to squeeze my legs to make it last longer. I’m losing this battle, but I try to stay in control.
"Let go." I hear his raspy voice, and it’s my undoing. I come so hard I scream his name. I’m shuddering and riding out the waves of an incredible orgasm. Wave after wave, it cascades through my body, leaving me boneless. I peel my eyes open and see Alex looking at me, smiling. He kisses my lips gently, first taking my lower lip in his mouth, grazing it with his teeth and licking it with his tongue before moving on to my upper lip, repeating the same thing. I close my eyes again, getting lost in him.
Finally, I look at him and smile. "This was amazing, I ... I ..." He puts his lips on mine again and does not let me finish.
"You don't have to say anything. I’m happy you enjoyed it. I hope to give you many more." He has a wicked smile on his face now. I’m lowered to the floor, and I realize my legs are shaking. I keep a strong hold on his shoulders and lean in closer.
"I hope so too," I whisper as I tuck my face into the crook of his neck. His thumb finds my chin, lifting my face up.
"Please stop shying away. There’s nothing wrong with what we’re doing."
I nod and lower my eyelashes. He plants a soft kiss on my forehead, and it feels more intimate than anything we’ve done so far. Then he takes a sponge, squirts some body wash on it, and starts running it along my shoulders and arms, making his way to my chest. It’s still partially hidden away by the wet triangles of the bikini top. He works the sponge around and soon my breasts are covered in white foam, the bra long gone. I cross my arms over my chest, pushing cleavage up, but at least covering the nipples. He genuinely laughs at me.
"You are hopeless, I just kissed you there bare naked and you were ok, but now you’re suddenly self-conscious? I don't get it."
"I know you probably hear this all the time, but I’m really never like this. I mean, never."
Alex stops washing my naked body and steps closer to me, placing both hands on the wall and encasing me in his space. His face is serious, eyes trained on mine.
He looks at me long and hard. "I was just teasing you. I know this isn’t who you are, and I realize this isn’t your thing. And contrary to what you’re assuming, I don’t hear things like that all the time. Believe it or not, I’m pretty reserved when it comes to women. I am not a monk by any means, but random hookups aren’t my thing either. And this is special." He looks sincere. Maybe even too serious.
I am so confused I don't know what to say. He’s nothing like I thought he’d be. This was supposed to be an easy, vacation fling. Now I don't know what to believe, so I just leave it alone for now and shyly smile back at him. "It is special."
The expression on his face is unreadable, and before I have another look, he turns me around and runs a sponge over my back and hips, lowering to wash my legs. We’re both still wearing our bottoms, and it doesn’t feel right to remove them now. As if sensing my discomfort, he doesn't say anything else, and washes himself after he’s done with me. I feel the air thick with awkwardness, and I try to lighten things up.
"You're going to smell like a girl." I steal a look at his practically naked body sans swimming trunks. He is handsome to perfection, lean and built, yet not too bulky. I finish studying his perfect planes and our eyes meet. Pink crawls into my cheeks and as always, Alex notices. I maintain eye contact, despite desperately wanting to break it and shy away.
Alex’s voice comes out raspy and sexy: "I don't think you should complain about that." His lopsided smile says he’s enjoying the moment, awkwardness forgotten.
"No complaints!" I smile, realizing what he’s implying. He smells like a girl, like me. This is my claim on him, if only temporary. Temporary—this is the reality. Wasn't that what I wanted to begin with? I guess old
habits die hard. I'm a relationship kind of girl. I know I have no right to demand anything from him. I knew what I was getting myself into from the beginning. Why is it, then, that I think back to what he said, about this being special? I’m just hopeless at this vacation-fling stuff.
"Would you stop?!" He’s in my face, hands on my shoulders, breathing hard, eyes on fire. I jerk at his loud voice and the feel of strong hands on my delicate shoulders. I’m so small next to him, it’s scary. My mouth falls open. What is he talking about?
"You’re far away again, and it’s not a good place. There’s pain on your face. What did I say? Why do I keep losing you like this?" His breathing is heavy, and his eyes are piercing right through me, into my soul. I’m afraid to break under the intensity of his stare. Blinking a few times at him, I feel tingling in my eyes, and I pray inwardly that I can stay strong and keep from crying. I don't know what to say. I feel so badly for him. He must think it’s his fault somehow. Still, I’m not ready to talk about my life. I really like this girl I’m pretending to be: young, happy, carefree. I’m not ready to unload the burden of my past onto him and risk scaring him away.
"I don't know… it’s not you… just something on my mind. I don't want to talk about it." I'm blabbering, trying to get through the moment as quickly as I can.
He gently wraps his arms around me and rubs circles along my back, then moves up to my nape and threads his fingers through my tangled curls. I melt into his hug and inhale the smell of his skin mixed with my soap. It’s perfect!
"Ok, let's get out of here." He lifts me up again, as if I weigh nothing, and steps onto the mat outside the shower. I keep my arms at my chest, and Alex wraps a plush towel around my shoulders. My arms squeeze out one by one and make a quick work of wrapping my body tightly and securing the end of the towel. Alex uses the second towel, his movements leisurely, but efficient. He exudes undeniable confidence.
"You know, we could remove our wet bottoms, throw them in the dryer, wrap ourselves in these huge towels and just relax." I’m offering bold things again, and try to keep looking at him without lowering my gaze to the floor. He lifts an eyebrow, his lips stretching in such a familiar smile that I just can’t take it. His eyes are seeing right into me, into the space inside my soul that’s full of insecurities, sadness, and betrayal. I break the stare and look down.
ONE To Watch Me (The ONE Series, Part 1, Book 1) Page 5
