“No need to apologize, my love.” Tenderly, he brushed a few tendrils of hair away from her face. “These execrable roads would do up the strongest constitution.”
She smiled up at him gratefully. “You are so good to me, Jack. Thank you for salvaging my pride— not only now, but also about Paris. I wanted to leave desperately, but was too proud to admit it. I'm not quite the woman of the world I'd like to believe, am I?”
Jack had to swallow the lump in his throat before replying. “You're the best woman in the world, Nessa. I honestly believe that.” He bent to kiss her, but she held up a hand.
“Not until I've rinsed out my mouth, Jack! But I certainly can't doubt your sincerity now.” She grinned weakly.
He chuckled and helped her back to the coach, where she took a sip of the wine they'd brought along. Truly a remarkable woman! Why on earth had he not yet told her he loved her?
That question occupied him for much of the remainder of the journey, as Nessa dozed with her head on his shoulder. He'd told Miranda Dempsey, of all people, but had not yet summoned the courage to tell Nessa herself. Why?
Fear, he finally admitted. Fear that she would laugh, or, worse, parrot the sentiment automatically— as he'd done to so many women— without meaning the words. He didn't think he'd be able to bear that. Not from Nessa.
As twilight fell and they neared the end of their journey, he finally faced the unpleasant truth. Jack Ashecroft, celebrated hero of Salamanca, Vitoria, and Paris, was a coward.
TWENTY-ONE
NESSA AWOKE from her doze when the bumpy forward motion of the carriage suddenly ceased. “What has happened?” she asked drowsily. Were there highwaymen in France?
“Nothing, my dear. We have finally reached the cottage.” Jack helped her to sit up just as the coachman opened the door. The fresh, cool air streamed in, reviving her at once.
She peered out and caught her breath at the scene before her. The little house nestled cozily in its garden. Rose vines on trellises, leaves just unfurling, covered its whitewashed walls. Diamond-paned windows twinkled, reflecting the setting sun in wondrous hues of crimson and violet, making it seem like something out of a fairy tale.
“Oh!” Nessa gasped. “Oh, how perfect! And we're really to stay here?”
Jack grinned at her response as he helped her from the coach. “We are indeed. I said it was charming, did I not? A bit rustic, of course, but we can obtain necessities from the village. No food of Paris quality, but this is still France, so you won't starve, I promise you.”
He walked up the raked gravel path, took the key from his pocket and opened the door. Pulling her wrap close against the evening chill, Nessa followed him into the cottage. Though not furnished with fashion in mind, everything within was comfortable and clean, save a thin patina of dust which showed it had not been inhabited for some time. She and Simmons at once set about remedying that small defect, however, and by the time the luggage was brought in and fires lit in the parlor, kitchen and bedrooms, all was as neat and cozy as she could have wished.
“Now, my dear, that's quite enough of that,” said Jack, coming back into the parlor as Nessa finished dusting the oaken mantelpiece. “You sit here by the fire and get warm and rested, while Parker and I go into the village to get dinner.”
“Dozing all day in the coach was scarcely tiring,” she pointed out. But even as she spoke, she realized that she still felt lethargic. She sank luxuriously into the deep armchair nearest the fire. “See if the bakery has any of those lovely croissants. Nothing in England compares to them.”
Jack saluted her. “Your wish is my command, Madam Wife.”
He and Parker left, while Simmons went into the bedroom to unpack the trunks. Nessa leaned back against the cushions and closed her eyes. Already she could feel the tight-wound frenzy of Paris seeping away, to be replaced by the serenity of the country. What an excellent idea of Jack's, to come here! It was just what she—what their marriage— needed.
She had hoped that the vaunted romance of Paris would infect their relationship, but romance was not what she'd found there. Debauchery, she now understood, was not romantic in the least. But without love, what separated her relationship with Jack from what the Parisian courtesans shared with the men there?
At first, the heady discovery that there was pleasure— great pleasure!— to be found in the marriage bed was enough for her. But more and more, of late, she was finding herself dissatisfied with mere physical pleasure, odd as that sounded. There was a part of her she had yet to surrender to Jack, and a part he had not surrendered of himself. Until their hearts were involved, until they could trust one another completely, their marriage could never be complete.
Nessa opened her eyes and looked around the cozy room with its chintz curtains, simple woodwork and deep upholstery. Surely here, in the quiet of the country, with no distractions from Society or Jack's estate, they could finally find each other? She was determined to try.
She must have dozed, for the next thing she knew, Jack and Parker had come in through the kitchen and were making quite a racket as they put things away. Rising, she hurried in to see what they had obtained.
“There wasn't much selection, as two of the three shops in the village had closed already,” Jack said in response to her query. “But we were able to buy bread, butter, eggs and milk.”
“That should be sufficient for tonight, I should think. Is that a root cellar?” she asked, pointing. “If there are potatoes or onions, they will round out the meal nicely.”
There were both potatoes and onions, as well as a quantity of garlic in the small root cellar. Simmons made it clear that she considered kitchen duty far beneath her, but grudgingly agreed to help.
“If I can do it, certainly you can,” Nessa pointed out to the affronted lady's maid.
“Hmph,” was Simmons' only comment as she stoically cut up potatoes and put them into a pot to boil.
An hour later, the four of them sat down to their simple but hearty dinner at the large table in the kitchen. Simmons and Parker had both resisted this arrangement as beneath the dignity of their master and mistress, but were won over by Jack's argument that there really was no other suitable table in the house.
“Very well,” Parker said, “but only this once. I cannot but think sharing your meals in this way must undermine the romantic atmosphere of this setting.”
Nessa started and stared at the man, but he had turned his attention to his bread and potatoes. Jack merely chuckled and shook his head.
The moment the meal was over, Parker ushered Jack and Nessa into the parlor, then pressed the tight-lipped Simmons into service to help with the washing up.
“That was lovely,” Nessa declared, sinking back into the comfortable armchair she'd occupied before.
“Lovely? My dear, you are absurdly easy to please, I must say.”
Though she knew Jack was teasing, she answered him seriously. “I don't require fancy food and elegant surroundings to be happy. A peaceful setting, with you at my side, is enough.”
He looked at her strangely, and she felt a twinge of panic. Had she said too much, revealed her feelings too clearly? Or was he merely unable to share her sentiment, and baffled by it? His next words reassured her somewhat.
“I can't promise your surroundings will always be peaceful, but I shall do my best to be a part of them. I had always believed that I would wither without excitement, myself.” His voice deepened. “Now I come to realize that excitement takes many forms.”
Even as she felt her body responding to the suggestiveness of his tone, Nessa couldn't help wondering whether he saw their lovemaking as simply an agreeable way to pass the time. Was he counting on her to keep him amused— excited— in this rustic exile?
Still… “It does indeed,” she agreed. She would not let this odd obsession she'd developed to tap Jack's deepest emotions deprive her of the pleasure she found in his arms. “Will the fire in the bedroom have warmed it yet, do you think?”
He rose and to
ok her hand. “Let's go find out.”
Though tiny in comparison to their chambers in London, Fox Manor, or even the Paris hotel, the bedroom was as comfortable and cozy as the rest of the cottage. The bed dominated the room, piled high with feather mattresses and pillows under its colorful counterpane. One glance at it, and Nessa felt desire and sleep begin to wage a battle within her.
“As Parker and Simmons are otherwise occupied, I suppose we must make shift to undress each other,” Jack said, closing the door behind them.
“I suppose so.” Without further prompting, Nessa began loosening the intricate folds of his cravat.
Encircling her with his arms, he unfastened the row of tiny buttons down her back, one by one. Pausing occasionally for long, leisurely kisses, they worked their way downward until both were stripped to the skin.
“And now,” said Jack huskily, sweeping her into his arms to carry her the two or three steps to the bed.
The mattress was even softer than it had looked. A moment later, both of them were nestled under the covers, their whole lengths pressed against each other. Nessa felt wonderfully comfortable, and even with Jack's lips upon hers, she felt a great lassitude sweeping over her.
“Mmmm,” she murmured, as he trailed his lips down her throat to the hollow between her breasts. His hands massaged the back of her neck, her shoulders, loosening muscles she hadn't even realized were still knotted by the day's journey. Exquisitely relaxed, she burrowed deeper into the mattress, inhaling the masculine scent that was Jack, her own hands moving more and more slowly over his body.
Nessa blinked. Sunlight streamed through the chintz curtains, falling on her face, dazzling her.
“What…?” In complete confusion, she struggled to sit up and look around at the cozy little bedroom, where just a moment ago, it seemed, she and Jack had been settling in for a night of lovemaking and sleep. The morning was well advanced, and Jack was nowhere to be seen.
“I fell asleep,” she groaned aloud. Right in the midst of their lovemaking, she must have dropped off. She sat back against the pillows with a sigh. Poor Jack! He'd been so eager, and she'd… Goodness, what must he think of her? Of himself? She hoped she hadn't insulted him beyond forgiveness.
A light tap sounded upon the door. “Come in,” she called out, her spirits rising. She'd apologize at once, explain how tired she'd been—
Simmons walked into the room. “Will you be wanting to dress and have a bite to eat, my lady?”
“Oh. Certainly. Ah, where is Lord Foxhaven?”
“He and that Parker have gone into the village for more provisions. He'll be back within the hour, I should think.”
Nessa thought for a moment. “Very well. I believe I'll wear my new rose morning gown— the one I bought in Paris.” Jack had expressed admiration for the dress when she'd purchased it. Perhaps it would put him in a better frame of mind to hear her apology when he returned.
She smiled to herself. She intended to follow that apology with more tangible restitution, if she could get him back into the bedroom. After nearly twelve hours of sleep, she felt beautifully rested and ready to advance her romantic plans.
Or almost. Upon standing, a twinge of the queasiness which had plagued her for the last week returned. Swallowing, she managed to fight it down, then turned to see Simmons watching her with a most knowing expression on her thin face.
“A bite of toast and a sip of tea will help you to feel more the thing, my lady.”
Nessa frowned. “Yes, it usually does. But why? Do you know what is wrong with me, Simmons?”
To her surprise, her rigid abigail gave her an almost motherly smile. “I believe I can guess, my lady. If you'll forgive my asking, how long has it been since you last had your monthly courses?”
A sudden light broke upon Nessa. “Why— several weeks, now that I think on it. Oh, Simmons, do you truly think I may be with child?”
The abigail nodded, the crinkles at the corners of her eyes making her look more approachable— more human— than Nessa had ever seen her. “I do indeed, my lady. This morning queasiness is a classic symptom. Not to worry, however. It should pass in a few weeks.”
“I'm glad to hear it.” Despite the lingering upset, though, Nessa's heart was suddenly light as a feather. She carried Jack's child! She would be a mother! And Jack—
She turned abruptly back to Simmons. “Pray say nothing to Lord Foxhaven— nor to his valet, either— for the present. I'd like to be absolutely certain before raising his hopes.”
Actually, she felt quite certain Simmons' guess was correct. But if she told Jack now, might he not voice emotions he did not truly feel out of simple gratitude that she was providing him an heir? Contrary as it might be, she didn't want that. She wanted to know first that he loved her for herself, all other considerations aside. If he did.
“Certainly not, my lady.” Simmons sounded faintly shocked. “'Twould not be my place to mention such a thing. Though… I rather think Parker may suspect already, even if his lordship does not. You'll not be able to keep it a secret for long.”
“No, of course not,” Nessa agreed. But if all went well, she wouldn't have to.
~ ~ ~
SHIFTING THE AWKWARD parcels in his arms yet again, Jack decided he'd been foolish to leave the carriage behind. He'd hoped a walk to the village and back would help to clear his mind, but if anything he had more questions than when he'd left.
“Almost there, Parker,” he called back encouragingly. His valet carried even more packages than he did, though he hadn't uttered a word of complaint about his master's questionable judgment.
Was Nessa seriously ill? Jack wondered. She'd never before fallen asleep right in the middle of his lovemaking— indeed, no woman ever had! If not, he feared it boded ill for their relationship— not to mention the blow to his pride. Of course, he'd far rather absorb such a blow than discover she had some life-threatening illness, he told himself quickly. What a self-centered cad he was!
Snorting in self-derision, he set down his parcels so that he could open the kitchen door. “Just leave everything on the table,” he told Parker. “No doubt when Mme. Guignard gets here she'll organize everything her own way.”
Belatedly realizing how absurd it was to expect a valet, a lady's maid or, worse, Nessa herself, to do the cooking and housekeeping, he'd arranged for a woman from the village to spend a few hours there each day for the duration of their stay.
“No doubt, my lord,” agreed Parker. “You'll wish to check on her ladyship now, I presume.”
Nessa rose as Jack entered the parlor and came forward to greet him, a vision in soft rose—a color he thought suited her particularly well. Her hair was simply but charmingly styled, caught back with a pink ribbon to cascade down her back. Best of all, she was smiling.
“Good morning!” she exclaimed. “At least, it is morning for a little while longer. I apologize for being such a slugabed.”
He clasped the hands she held out to him. “Are you well, Nessa? I've been concerned about you.” Just now, however, she looked the picture of blooming health, making his query seem rather foolish. Still, she seemed touched by it.
“Thank you, Jack.” She met his eyes directly, and he saw nothing but warmth there— and perhaps a hint of a question. “I'm perfectly fine, now that I've caught up on my sleep. My… timing last night was unforgivable, however.”
He brushed that aside. “Think nothing of it,” he said, just as though he hadn't spent most of the morning agonizing about it. “You were tired.”
“I was,” she conceded. “But now I am not, and should like the chance to make it up to you.” There was no mistaking her words, or the seductive glance she slanted up at him.
Instantly he responded, both physically and emotionally —a powerful, almost frightening combination far beyond anything any other woman had ever produced in him. “I'd like that,” he managed, huskily.
She squeezed his fingertips, then gently drew him in the direction of their bedro
om. He followed most willingly. The moment the door was closed, she turned to face him again.
“The pleasure you bring me, Jack, is the greatest I've ever known. Never doubt that.” She pulled him down for a kiss.
Jack obliged, but couldn't help wondering what it was she was trying to tell him. Was this a convoluted goodbye? Sudden fear shot through him, distracting him for a moment from his desire. Perhaps she really was desperately ill, and knew it! Perhaps—
He held her away from him, examining her face, trying to read her thoughts. “Nessa? Are you certain you are all right?”
To his amazement, she giggled. “I'll admit, my phrasing was rather melodramatic, but I simply wanted to convince you that my falling asleep so inconveniently last night was no reflection on you. I… wouldn't cause you pain for anything, Jack.”
“Nor I, you,” he declared, making it a vow. “Never again. I…” Yes, it was time. He owed her this much. “I love you, Nessa.” He underscored the words with his eyes, putting every ounce of sincerity he possessed into his expression.
Her eyes widened. “Do you, Jack?” she breathed incredulously. “Do you truly? I'd hoped… sometimes imagined… Oh, Jack, I've loved you for months— since before we were wed. I—”
But he silenced her with another kiss, this one deeper, fuller, infused with more meaning than any they'd shared before. She fairly melted into him, her rapture, her love, clearly communicated. Jack thought for a moment that he might collapse with delight and relief, but instead he carried her to the bed, as he had last night.
This time she showed not the slightest inclination to sleep. As eager as he, she helped him to strip off her gown and his shirt and breeches, their efforts punctuated by frequent kisses. No words seemed necessary as they hurried to consummate their newly declared love.
As she had in the duke's conservatory, Nessa climbed astride him, fastening her mouth to his yet again as she eased herself onto his waiting shaft. No sooner had she begun to rock in that oldest rhythm, however, than Jack pulled her even closer, then rolled them both over so that he was now above her.
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