by Cheryl Wyatt
“Eh, you know. Hanging in there. Trying to. It’s hard. Anyway, seriously, how are you?”
“Fair, but I didn’t call to talk about me. I’m checking in on you and little Levi. You guys have been on my mind. Especially in church. You really should come for a visit.”
“Maybe we will. I need to find a job. It’s hard for vets.”
“It shouldn’t be.”
“Yeah, but I did a decade of explosive detection. It’s not like I can use that in a civilian setting.” Asher laughed.
Caleb was glad to hear it. “You could become a pastor. Also, do you still have your K-9?”
“Kevlar? Yeah. He retired with me.”
“You could always unretire him and work as a K-9 cop. We have an officer here who should be retiring soon.”
“When’s that?”
Caleb chuckled. “Soon as he figures out he’s too old for the job.”
Asher chuckled and asked Caleb to hold on a second. Caleb eyed his watch, surprised how late it had gotten and how long he’d been gone. Kate hadn’t called, so she’d apparently been fine with Tia. She watched her alone on occasion, anyway.
Still, he’d given his word to Bri to share the babysitting commitment, so he needed to check on them. Dusk had descended over the yard, lake and their retreat center grounds. Tia’s bedtime was an hour ago and Kate was strict with it. He started back.
The smell of cooling cupcakes hit him through the open window.
Caleb jogged the cabin deck steps and saw Kate on the couch asleep and curled into a ball. A box of tissues sat askew within reach. Crumpled ones rested in her hands, tucked under her chin. Evidence she’d been crying. Totally unlike her.
Did something happen while he was gone? His gut clenched. Asher came back on the line.
“Listen, I need to check on Kate. She’s here, asleep.”
“You’re with her? How’s that going?” Asher asked.
“Answering that would take more time than I have right this minute, but send up prayers, would ya? Especially for Kate and her family.”
“Sure. Remember you can pray, too. Later, Caleb.”
Caleb removed his shoes and Mistletoe’s harness leash. The pup wriggled with nervous energy. “Settle down, buddy. Looks like they’re all asleep,” Caleb whispered. He checked on Tia—asleep.
Caleb tiptoed back where Kate rested in the family room. He reveled in how small and vulnerable she looked on Bri’s couch. Yet Kate was anything but vulnerable.
Compassion consumed him for her as he peered around at the strewn tissues. Her phone sat nearby on the floor, so chances were she’d gotten an upsetting call or text.
Sound asleep, she shivered in the rare summer breeze from an open window. Goose bumps covered her arms. He shut the window.
Despite the room chill, warmth spread through Caleb as he stood in the quiet cabin where he, Bri and Mom had spent countless hours connecting as a close-knit family.
Memories of how they’d made the best of what they had even when they had very little made him smile. There was always laughter and love, lots of encouragement and hugs. And his mom was never short on discipline, even in the midst of their dad’s abandonment. He admired her for that, big-time, now. Although it hadn’t always appealed to him as a youth, it made him into a decent man.
Caleb stood in the middle of the rug, peering at Tia’s door. He smiled at how another generation had converged on this cozy cabin. A feeling swept through him, filling him with his long-held but pressed-to-dormant desire of having a family.
Love, marriage and children had always been part of his plan. He just knew that he had to serve as a ranger first. Only then, once he’d proven that his father was wrong about him, would he be ready to settle down and find love. And that made sense, didn’t it? Wasn’t it logical to push himself and find what he was capable of so that he’d know for certain he was ready to make a lifelong commitment?
His father had been a failure on every level, and though he tried not to think about it, Caleb knew he was afraid of following in his father’s footsteps. If he could serve as a ranger then he could know for certain that he was a better man than his father had been. Then and only then would he be ready to give love a try. One day.
Today, that day seemed unreachably far away. And for the first time, Caleb found that fact disturbing and unfortunate.
Kate shifted. He peered back down at her. A different kind of warmth spread through him. He’d really come to care for her. Deeply.
Kate was his best friend’s sister. That had to be the reason for this raw ache seizing his chest and throat. Right? Caleb took Kate’s face in, hating to see the lines of strain, stress and fatigue evident even in sleep. How he longed to see peace prevailing in her pretty eyes again.
Hang in, sweetness.
He thought the words and willed them across the air, in hopes they’d carry some comfort to her. He swallowed, care welling from some deep place. He wanted to hold her and make everything okay. She’d unwittingly detonated every defense he had. As if sensing his presence, Kate curled more tightly around herself. She might still be cold, despite the closed window. A quilt made by Grandma, Mom’s favorite, lay draped over the couch, tucked between the sofa and the table behind it.
He leaned as carefully and quietly as possible over Kate, still sleeping soundly and snoring like crazy. Endeared, he smiled. At his movement, Kate made funny sighing sounds, which meant she’d woken a degree but was dozing back. He froze while she drifted. She made such a sweet scene, he tried not to stare.
He tugged the quilt from the back of the couch and pulled it over Kate as softly as he could. As he leaned away from the couch back, he realized he was off balance.
If he slipped, he’d land on her and there was no way around it. It was never, ever a good thing to land on a sleeping combat soldier who’d spent three years surrounded by potential ambush.
His precariously leaning angle and slowly slipping socks didn’t help. He tried to brace himself via couch arm. All he could think about was the hard left hook he’d get hit with if he didn’t restore his slowly slipping posture soon. Stupid socks.
He clenched his teeth and pressed his knee into the couch to restore his balance so he could stand. Unfortunately his knee effectively pressed into the couch front and the wood creaked. She jerked. He froze, a mere two inches from her face.
Kate’s eyes fluttered open and she blinked then stared wide into his eyes. Rather than seeming irked or startled, her gaze swept gently, lazy and lovely and pleasant, over his face.
Her untoward expression zip-lined his mind back to the night on the patio and their first moonlit kiss.
They were so-so-so close to repeating that moment now. His mind alarmed. Yet he could not move.
Caleb called to action every ounce of self-control he had to not only keep his eyes from veering to her mouth, but to rapidly restore his precarious balance. He managed to lift away some, albeit not very gracefully. Disappointment blinked harshly across her pretty eyes, making him want to lean back in.
Which meant it was time to move. Like now. Really. Move. Now.
“I brought you a blanket,” he managed. “You looked cold.”
“Thank you.” She cuddled it close, her gaze drifted again.
“It’s nice to be close to someone, Caleb. Thank you.”
Close? Far from as close as he wanted to be in that moment. Someday, maybe, Kate. Just not today.
The odds were insurmountable. He’d be foolish to go there in his thoughts, let alone try. It would be years before he was done with the rangers, and he couldn’t expect a woman like Kate to wait for him. Nevertheless, the moment held them and she seemed startled by the intensity of it as much as he.
With more effort than he’d ever, ever had to exert in his life, Caleb tore his gaze away from
her lovely face, pressed his palms into the couch and shifted himself away from her and this closeness...and the crazy cozy reckless way they made him feel.
Something tiny slid off the couch.
Her hand shifted and he realized she’d caught the slipping animal, the little stuffed monkey she must have been holding. She brought it back to rest close to her heart.
Caleb wished he’d gotten it for her. Not the bandit.
Argh! He was going to end up with a clinically diagnosable split-personality disorder because of all this.
Talk about stressful.
Kate shifted to sitting. “I’m sorry I made you mad.”
“When? Earlier? Kate, I’m not mad.” Not at her, anyway. At himself? Oh, yeah. Completely. “I’m sorry. Can we talk?”
She motioned to the deck door. “Let’s go outside so we don’t wake Tia.”
Remembering the cold, he tucked the quilt around her but made sure not to touch her or stay close.
On the deck at the table, he motioned for her to sit. He noticed that she left an empty seat between them, proving she still felt the need to maintain some distance.
“Okay, so let’s play the questions game. You get some and I get some. And we both have to answer honestly.”
Caleb blinked. It wasn’t what he’d expected her to say...but if this was the only way she could bring herself to open up, then he was up for it. “Okay. I’m normally not a game guy, but this could work.”
He appreciated her effort. If she’d truly be honest.
Wait! That could backfire.
Caleb didn’t consider himself a praying man until this moment. Then he became desperate. Please, don’t let her ask about the bandit. She didn’t seem to suspect, probably because he was such a klutzy uncool dork as Caleb. Completely opposite to who he was as the bandit.
“You first.” He reclined as best he could.
“First question, what flavor of cupcake do you like best?”
He grinned. “I know you’re not going that easy on me.”
She laughed. “You’re right. Tell me about your wounded faith walk and church experience. Why did you stop going?”
“I used to. Same one you’re going to. Different pastor, though.” His jaw clenched. This was hard. But if she was trying, he needed to, as well. No matter how hard.
“What happened to the other pastor?”
He met Kate’s eyes. “He left town, humiliated.”
Kate moved one chair closer. “Why did you really leave church? What happened?”
“Because my dad’s mistress...was the pastor’s wife.”
She stayed silent a moment absorbing that. Her hand came over and covered his. Warmth spread up his arm.
He so badly wanted to twist his hand around so they rested palm to palm. His fingers itched to twine themselves in hers. To claim her somehow. A link. A bond that would never be broken. Foolish thoughts, but they bombarded him anyhow.
She cleared her throat gently. “I don’t know what to say other than I’m sorry it happened to you and your family.”
He raised his shoulders, then released a sigh. “Yeah. Me, too. But if it hadn’t been her, it would’ve been someone else. Dad messed around on Mom way more than she ever knew.”
Exactly why he was determined to prove himself the better man. He definitely planned to be a faithful husband—someday. Yet staring into Kate’s eyes, “someday” felt bereft of the appeal it usually held.
After all, his “someday” held zero hope of including Kate.
* * *
“Caleb, can I ask you a question?”
“You can ask.”
Ugh! Kate hated that answer. “See? You want me to open up, but look at you.”
He peered sideways at her. “Okay. You got me there.”
“Does Bri know about your dad’s infidelity?”
“She knew about the pastor’s wife, but she didn’t know all the rest of it. Neither did Mom. For some reason, Dad didn’t feel the need to hide it from me. He threatened to leave if I ever told. So I kept quiet. In the end, he left, anyway.”
She felt bad Caleb bore it alone. She also felt dismay that Bri never told her parts she did know. If her best friend didn’t even feel comfortable confiding in Kate, maybe Caleb was right that her inability to show weakness made it hard for others to share their struggles. “My word, I’m not sure what to say.”
He smiled. “That’s a first. Mark it down in the history books.”
She giggled. “You have a great outlook on life, Caleb. So upbeat, and you mostly manage to find the positive in things.”
“Mostly?”
She shifted uncomfortably. “Well, with regard to your dad and his treatment of you, it seems you’re pretty driven by an agenda to prove yourself. That’s all I meant.”
His jaw tightened, but to his credit he seemed to consider her words. “So, my turn to ask a question, Kate. What made you finally decide to leave the military and come to Eagle Point?”
She didn’t even need to pause to think. “Mitch and Ian. They’d been talking about opening a trauma center. They said I’d be an asset and asked me to pray about joining them. They knew my heart was to leave the military. I hate Chicago and didn’t have anywhere else I wanted to go. So the rest is history and here I am.”
“You still have tremendous respect among the military community, you know.”
“If that’s meant to make me want to go back, it won’t work.”
“I don’t want you to go back. I see how happy you are here. Well, aside from all the family stuff you’re going through. I want you to be where you’re happy.”
Kate hated that the words flashed in her mind: I might be happy with you.
“I’m sure, with your family’s history, that it was not an easy decision. I admire you for making it, though.”
“Did you know my unit had a saying, ‘Kate it up’?”
“No.”
“Yep. Because everyone thinks I’m so tough. Even the guys would tell their boot-camp recruits to ‘Kate it up.’ I think I let them all down by stepping away.” She shifted. “It’s hard to continually live up to that, though. Ya know? To carry the weight of what other people think of you, when they expect far more than a human should be put to. It’s one thing to excel, but being viewed as a prodigy can be a curse.”
“I agree you’re a prodigy. You excel at all you do.”
She frowned. “Not relationships. I completely bomb those.” She shook her head and pulled her hair over her shoulder. Then socked his arm playfully. “Laugh. It was meant to be funny.”
“I was trying to be sensitive. Relationship failures are rarely funny. Especially if you’re searching for the one.”
“I’m not actively searching. Just, you know, scoping local possibilities out.” She hoped he got the emphasis on locals. There was no denying by now the attraction between them wasn’t going away. If anything, it had strengthened. Connection had grown out of friendship. She refused to stop cultivating that. But they both had to remember that friendship was as far as their relationship could go.
Once she found a guy and Caleb left for ranger school, this awkwardness with the attraction would fade. They wanted different things, and they’d both be happier when they found them.
“Caleb, it’s probably a real good thing you are leaving in two months.” There. That was honest. Right?
“Yeah. I know what you mean.” He angled his jaw to give her one more smile that was part wistful, part regret.
She might mean something to him. But she sure didn’t mean enough to be able to compete with his long-held dreams.
Kate couldn’t help but acknowledge the little pings of hurt the truth of that caused. She didn’t mean enough to make a difference in his plans. But he’d come to mean en
ough that the truth of that stung.
He rose. “We should go check on Tia.”
“Yeah.”
Still, as she followed Caleb inside and watched him peek in on Tia and took in the tender smile that touched curvaceous lips as he watched Tia sleep, Kate couldn’t blame herself one bit for half-wishing he’d not make ranger school.
She was a self-absorbed friend sometimes, but these wayward thoughts had nothing to do with friendship. The one thing she’d come to learn for certain about him the past few weeks was that Caleb Landis was a guy any girl could fall hard for. She needed to be sure she didn’t make herself susceptible to his many charms.
He might call himself dorky, but Kate couldn’t disagree more. He was a hero in every sense of the word and a man any woman would be proud to call her own. If the army hadn’t beaten her to his heart, she’d enlist everything she had into loving him. A guy like that? Yeah. Totally worth the risk.
Too bad she wasn’t going to get to be the girl to take it.
Chapter Eleven
“Tia, did you do this?” Kate indicated a frilly pink blanket Caleb was wrapped in like a burrito on Monday morning.
Tia angled the same way Kate did to watch Caleb’s broad shoulders rise and fall with sleep. “He seemed cold.”
“He looks cute.” Kate giggled, tempted to take a picture.
Caleb stirred. Breathing pattern hitched, he flipped like a pancake on the couch to face them. Forced blinks told Kate he was attempting wakefulness. A slow grin spread across his face as he took in his two admirers. “G’mornin’, ladies.”
“Cute, Landis. Although hot pink doesn’t quite suit you.”
He looked at the blanket, shrugged and grinned. It pleased Tia that he wasn’t a bit embarrassed. He stretched and rose, smoothing his rumpled T-shirt. “Wha’ time’re Bri and Ian back today?”
“Noon-ish they said. Wanna go for breakfast at Sully’s?”
Caleb started folding blankets. “Great minds think alike.”
