by Cheryl Wyatt
She swallowed, but other than that minuscule reaction, Caleb could not tell whether his words were getting through.
She squeezed his shoulders. “I’ll never forget all you’ve done for me. I hope you know how much your presence meant.”
“I do. I was glad to do it.”
He brushed sawdust off Kate’s cheek and for a second she seemed to want to lean in. He knew the feeling.
He swallowed and did the absolute last thing he wanted to do. He stepped away.
“Lunchtime. Let’s go to Sully’s. We won’t have many more opportunities.”
“Yeah.” Her voice held the same sadness he carried inside. But putting distance between the two of them would be best for them both.
Wouldn’t it?
* * *
Watching Caleb walk away to lock up the bunkhouse, breathing suddenly became hard for Kate. She turned to wait at the Jeep. She felt as if her world was crashing in. Mom wasn’t returning Dad’s calls. Ever since the memorial service, he’d been frantic, trying to save his marriage, trying to get through to his wife—to no avail. Had his efforts arrived too late? Would Mom’s heart ever crack open again? How did it get so hard?
Was Kate destined to be the same way? Follow the same destructive coping patterns? She felt she had no other way to go. What did she know about opening herself up—even to the chance of happiness?
Kate closed her eyes. I don’t want to be that person, Lord, the one who lets pain close them completely. Please help me to unlearn any negative coping mechanisms. If I have this tendency to shut people out now, I’ll lug that baggage into a marriage.
For probably the first time in her life, she really wanted to talk about her feelings, see if she could get a better understanding of her own heart. But who could she confide in? She couldn’t talk to Mom or Dad. Grandma was heart-deep in grief over Grandpa. Caleb didn’t need to be distracted by her woes any longer. Not when he was leaving to go live in full-time danger. Mitch’s wife, Lauren, was wrapping up storybook ball details. Bri was swamped with wedding planning.
Kate didn’t know what else to do, how to handle all this angst inside. Who did that leave to talk to? A caped patio intruder came to mind. The only person on Earth she felt she could talk to had disappeared. She’d gotten a sweet note right after she got back from Chicago, but she hadn’t had the energy to give it much attention. There had been nothing since then. So much for being able to depend on the bandit.
Yet, he wasn’t even a close friend. How messed up was that?
Kate thought again about Caleb. He’d listen. He’d care.
But he might care enough to be a distraction that would lessen his alertness in training. If he was going to be a ranger, then she wanted him to be as prepared as possible for the lethal situations he was bound to face once his boots hit overseas ground. He didn’t need to lose his focus thinking about her problems. He’d be a good ranger. He’d be good at anything he did.
Even being a husband. She wished more than anything right now that she could be the woman on the receiving end of his ring. But it wasn’t meant to be.
The sadness felt crushing. She needed to pull herself up.
Help me enjoy the time with Caleb I have left. I don’t mean to be a pill, but I’m angry at his leaving. That’s not fair, I know. But all I seem to be right now is irrational. Help me. It’s going to be harder than I ever dreamed to let him go.
“Whoa!” Caleb reached for her arm the instant she stumbled in a road rut. “Kate? You okay?”
She nodded. “I will be.”
“Did you get dizzy, or what? Are you sleeping and eating enough? You look like you’ve lost weight. You didn’t have any to spare.”
She shrugged. “Then let’s go eat. I’m starving.”
Caleb got a thoughtful expression. “Okay, but let me pick you up after you freshen up, okay?”
“We’re going to Sully’s. I can wear this.”
He plucked sawdust out of her hair. “Go home. Shower and change into something nice. Let’s make tonight special, okay?”
“Only because I like dressing up, and because I got a killer pair of heels in the mail from a thoughtful bandit, will I oblige.”
He grinned. “I’m loving the small glimpse of Kate spunk.”
“Yeah. Kate-it-up. That’s me.”
He brushed her arm. “I didn’t mean that. Kate, be who you want around me. That’s all I’ve ever wanted you to do. Just act and think and say exactly what you want around me. Okay?”
A smirk curled her mouth up. “Trust me, you wouldn’t be able to handle me in full form if I let loose.” She patted his cheek and went to her Jeep.
To her surprise, he chuckled and sprinted to her window. “Kate Dalton, was that the flash of flirtation in your eyes?”
She grinned. He settled his hands on the glass she rolled down. “I hope you know I wish like crazy things were different.”
She lowered her chin. “I know. Me, too.”
He lifted her face and she blinked, startled. “Caleb, please don’t kiss me unless you mean to stay. Please.”
He nodded. “I know you’re right. But that doesn’t make this easy. You’re a hard woman to resist, Kate.” His hand withdrew. He was right. The chemistry between them was sublime. They loved being around each other, even when the verbal sparring peaked. But it could never go beyond the friendship they now shared. Of course they’d continue to care about each other. They’d be in each other’s lives in some capacity always because of Bri.
But what difference did all that make when he’d be gone in a few weeks? They needed to get through this current infatuation without giving in.
No matter how short the time she had with Caleb, he’d left an indelible mark on her soul, her outlook, her life, her heart. Somehow, she knew remembrance of his smile on a hard day would be all she’d need to chase the blues away. How had he come to mean so much?
Regardless, until he was gone, she’d enjoy the scenery and memorize every aspect of his face. Only now, when she looked at him, she wasn’t so much snagged on the breathtaking smile, gorgeous eyes, appealing chin dimple and strong jaw. Her attention hitched more on the kindness swimming in those curious grays, and on the care evident in the softness of his smile.
* * *
Her face looked lighter, more at ease as she studied him. He realized something. He had cheered her up, not BB.
Still, she wouldn’t quite open up to him in the same way yet.
She’d protest like mad when she realized he was taking her to Golden Terrace tonight instead of Sully’s. But he had to take the chance to see if there was a way to work things out between them.
Gravel crunched under their tires as Caleb pulled Kate’s Jeep out of the retreat grounds. “One day, we’ll have money to pave this. I’ll get a raise being a ranger.”
Kate nodded but shifted her handbag nervously in her lap. Moments later she leaned forward in her seat, straining the seat belt. “Hey, this isn’t the way to Sully’s.”
Caleb grinned and kept driving.
“Are we running an errand or something?” Kate fiddled with her hair in the visor mirror.
“Or something.” Caleb tempered his smirk.
The second he pulled up to Golden Terrace, Kate shifted to stare at him. “Why are we here?”
Caleb met her gaze. “I love Sully’s. Don’t get me wrong. But I wanted to take you someplace special. Things are heating up overseas. My C.O. needed an answer as to whether I’m in for another tour.”
Now she really fidgeted. “What did you tell him?”
Wow. This was hard. But he could be nothing but honest. “I told him if it increased my chances of making ranger school, I’d come back early, if need be.”
She looked crestfallen. “But you might miss Bri’s wedding.”<
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“I know.” Caleb didn’t want to think about that, or the pressure-cooked way he was beginning to feel at thoughts of everything and everyone he’d have to leave behind. “But I’m here tonight. Let’s eat. I’m starving for GT’s steak.”
“Ah, so it’s the steak you’re after.” She mustered a grin, though it looked a little forced.
“Actually, that’s the secondary reason I’m here. The first is that I wanted to take you somewhere nice.”
“Sully’s is nice. It reminds me of—” She blinked and paused at GT’s door.
Caleb held the door for her. “The military?”
She nodded then stepped quietly inside. The romantic decor didn’t bother Caleb as much this time. In fact, he was almost glad for it. Although he couldn’t say 100 percent for sure why.
Still, when they were seated at a Zorro booth, Caleb cringed.
Again, the steak had better be good. He couldn’t help but smile at Kate, who blinked wide-eyed at the Zorro image. “Wow. Memories swarm back.” She pressed a tender hand to her throat, to a sunrise charm necklace he’d left her as BB. She smiled and blushed.
Through dinner, Kate grew quieter with each bite. “Did you really have to bring me here? This is sorta depressing.” She pinched off a piece of nut-dusted French bread.
“That does it. You can’t be depressed tonight.” Caleb wasn’t sure what got into him, a little bit of BB, thanks to the Zorro image, maybe, but he got up out of his seat, down on one knee and started singing along with the sound system, belting out a country twang rendition of Barry White’s “Just the Way You Are.”
“Get back in your seat, Landis. This instant or I will make you bleed!”
He laughed and slid back into his seat, but to her chagrin, tables around them applauded. Even the staff whooped.
“Now do it up right and propose to her!” a man said nearby, which drew more clapping, cheers, whistles and applause.
Caleb chuckled as Kate’s face darkened into seven shades of red. “I can’t believe you did that.”
He smiled. “But you’ll never forget this night now, will ya?”
She laughed. “No. I certainly will not.” She grew serious. “But if that was your last-ditch effort to make sure I don’t forget you, Caleb, it wasn’t necessary. You are etched forever in my mind and memories.”
“Only your mind and memories?” Say heart, Kate. Come on. Give me something to work with here. That glimmer you mentioned.
Her lips pursed. “Would it matter if I said more, Caleb? Would it really and truly make a difference?”
Wow.
That was the hardest question his heart had ever been asked. Because, in truth, he honestly didn’t know.
He understood Kate’s reasons for not wanting a military husband. But he also knew his own reasons for wanting to be a ranger. The deepest sense of sadness hit because he feared deep down, ranger school was too deeply ingrained to let anything or anyone compete with it.
If he had to choose, could he put Kate over his dreams? That the answer didn’t readily come was not a good sign.
Kate was quiet and aloof the rest of the week at all the events they shared. Work. Prop building, which they wrapped up. They finished the second bunkhouse remodel in record time. He helped the trauma crew with expansion projects and got them in good shape there. Kate expressed thanks then slogged off, joy stripped away more each day he encountered her.
Time for an intervention.
Time to break out the bandit once more.
Several shifts later, before dawn and while on his run, Caleb maneuvered stealthily in dark clothes to Kate’s cabin step. He went to put a bandit note where he’d left others but to his surprise, he found a note waiting for him that said, “To BB.”
He removed it and sprinted back into the woods to read it in an abandoned deer stand. He gulped when he read the official invitation to meet again, if only once.
Sensing the desperation in Kate’s words to the bandit, Caleb couldn’t help but oblige. This had been a long time coming. If it meant that he got found out, then it was time.
He wrote on the invitation for her to meet him at midnight Tuesday on the dock where they’d met before. He grinned as he folded the paper into an origami monkey and took it back to her porch.
No turning back now. It was a done deal.
Would their third meeting be the one where she finally recognized him?
Tuesday night at midnight would tell.
Chapter Thirteen
“Squeee!” Kate grabbed Bri the instant she opened her door. “He’s meeting me Tuesday at the docks!”
Bri blinked. “Who?”
“The bandit! I’m serious! Look.” Kate showed her the note. For some reason, Bri’s mouth thinned and she looked a little guilty. “That’s...that’s really something,” she said at last. “Here, come in—let’s get started.”
Bri opened packages of wedding-table decor so they could begin putting together rehearsal-dinner treat bags.
“Are you excited about tomorrow?” Kate grabbed her shoulders and squealed again. “You’re getting married! I can’t believe this. It’s surreal.”
Bri popped an almond into her mouth. “You’re telling me.” She showed Kate the treat bags and they went to work. “Ian figured out the arrangement of the wedding party. I hope you’re okay with the fact that my brother will be the groomsman walking you down the aisle.”
An almond lodged in Kate’s throat. “You’re kidding?”
“Nope.” Bri shrugged. “Is it really that big a deal?”
“I suppose that makes sense, since I’m the maid of honor and he’s the best man.” Kate’s forehead pinched. “Besides, it’s the only chance I’ll ever get to walk him down a wedding aisle.”
Bri gasped and stood, clutching Kate’s shoulders. “What do you mean by that?”
Kate sighed. “It’s a sob story. You don’t want or need to hear it.”
“Yes! Yes, I do. Spill.” She pulled her chair around and straddled it, facing Kate. “Catch me up!”
“We have trouble.”
“What? Who?”
“Me. I do.”
“You said we. You and Caleb?”
“Yes, well, sort of. I like your brother.”
Bri bounced in her seat, clearly thrilled. “That’s not a problem. That’s fantastic!”
“No! No, Bri, it’s not fantastic. It’s terrible.”
“Well, I think it’s wonderful that you and my brother are falling in love.”
“The dreamy way you say that makes me wanna smack you.”
Bri laughed. “Look, Kate. He’s struggling with this as much as you are. It’s a dilemma. But if you both know how you feel, then doesn’t that mean that the hard part is over?”
“He’s talked to you about it?”
“Of course. He’s my brother. We talk about everything.”
“Then you know that the hard part is nowhere near over. It’s going to end terribly. We can’t stop being friends. As entrenched as we are in one another’s lives, there’d be no way to avoid each other.”
“That’s not the answer.”
“Then what is? We can’t keep going like this.”
“If you’re asking me to tell you how to stop something already in motion, Kate, I honestly can’t. Not only do I not know how to stop it, I quite frankly wouldn’t want to. Think about where Ian and Tia and I would be if I kept resisting falling in love.”
“This situation is different. He’s headed to war.”
“Then I guess you are, too. Only yours might be a losing battle.”
“What battle?”
“Fighting off the inevitable if you’re destined to be together.”
“If we were destined to be together,
I would not have reason to fight this. But he can’t be the one who’s meant for me. God knows my fear of falling for a guy with a military career. I can’t go through what Ian went through, not to mention what’s tearing apart my parents’ relationship right now.”
“If you’re not willing to take a risk for the chance to be happy, Kate, then I really don’t know what to say. I can’t encourage you to stay safe. Not now. Not knowing how much my brother would love you if things worked out.”
“That’s just it. Things can’t. They won’t. We keep this up and we’re both destined for heartache and so are our friends and the people who love us. I’ve got to put a stop to it and fast.”
“Yeah, well, good luck with that, Kate.”
“Grrr! You sound just like him when you say that.”
Bri grinned. “Thank you. I’ll take that as a compliment.”
“Bri, this isn’t funny. It’s serious and potentially heartbreaking.” Kate sighed. “Please promise me you’ll pray for God to work this out of my heart and his.”
Bri’s smile fled. “No. I can’t promise that. And I certainly won’t pray it.”
“Why, Bri? Come on. A little help here.”
“No. I wouldn’t be helping either of you if I prayed for that. Ian agrees. He saw it coming before I did.”
“Don’t say that. You’re starting to scare me.”
“Why? Because you don’t like the idea of your heart yearning for a military man?”
“Yes. It’s not prudent. I don’t want it.”
“That’s where I disagree. Because deep down, I think you do want it.”
“Then I’m unwise. Falling in love with your brother would be the biggest mistake of my life.”
Bri didn’t respond other than to purse her lips in that frustrating way that meant she loved Kate but didn’t agree.
Kate wished there was hope to hope for. “How does one know, Bri, when it’s safe to hope for the impossible?”
“It’s never safe, Kate. But it’s always worth it.”
Maybe it was time for Kate to stop playing it so safe.
