by Amity Cross
“Zoe?” Dee was looking at me, a frown creasing his brow.
I looked at Frank, and he shrugged, going outside.
“Zoe?” Dee asked again, and this time, I looked him in the eye.
“What?”
“You love him, don’t you?”
“Loved.” I almost choked on the word. I had loved him, but I couldn’t live with that kind of hurt again. “The emphasis being on the past tense.”
“I don’t believe you.”
“Well, I believe me,” I said, shoving through the stage door. Conversation over.
It was a short walk to the bar we’d agreed on going to. The last gig of the tour was over, and this was meant to be a party to celebrate. Ninety-nine percent of our shows had sold out, our merchandise was down to zero, and album sales were up. We should be happy. The band was going crazy, but I couldn’t feel anything.
Dee walked with me, his arm around my waist.
“You don’t have to baby me,” I said, shrugging him off and jamming my hands into my pockets.
“Zo.”
“You should be celebrating with the others.”
“I want you here,” he said. “You’re a part of this too, and if that means I have to take care of you, then so be it.”
We stood out front of Ding Dong Lounge, our bar of choice, and he hugged me.
“Zoe.”
I stiffened at the sound of Will’s voice and pulled away sharply from Dee. I didn’t dare turn around because if I did, I would have punched the curly-haired asshole right in the face, and I needed my hand to play guitar.
“Leave her be, man.” Dee’s voice filtered through my simmering rage. “Don’t you think you’ve done enough?”
“I need to explain.”
I didn’t hear any more. I kept walking, disappearing inside the bar and leaving Will’s empty words behind.
I never got drunk. It wasn’t my thing, killing brain cells and wasting a day on a hangover, but right now, it was all I wanted to do. So I sat at the bar and ordered a triple scotch and coke and a bottle of cider. The scotch was gone in under a minute, and the cider began to follow.
All this anger was unnatural. It pooled in my gut like acid, and I would’ve done anything to dull it.
I’d been sitting there for at least ten minutes when someone stood next to me, and it was the last person I expected. But the more I thought about it, the more I realized it was the one person who would’ve wanted to confront me. After all, I’d wanted to do the same thing, albeit for different reasons.
Mish was standing there, her pretty face contorted in anger. She stood right in my personal space, and I couldn’t have cared less.
“Stay away from him,” she said like it was a threat. “Will is mine.” Mine, like a thing to be owned.
I stared at her unblinking, and without a trace of emotion, I said, “If you’re so secure in your relationship, then why do you feel the need to come over here and bother me with your pathetic, empty threats?”
Mish stared at me open-mouthed, and I knew I should’ve felt a little good about the fact I had her lost for words in under five seconds, but she was still standing all up in my face. So I stood and declared, “If you don’t mind, you’re in my personal space, and I would advise you to get the hell out of it.”
She took a few steps backward, her eyes betraying her fear. As much as I wanted to hurt her, laying a finger on her would solve nothing. She wanted to hurt me too, but it was better to leave everything well enough alone. So I just turned around, sat back on my stool, and downed a mouthful of cider, staring into space. Some after party. Some fucking tour.
“Zoe?” Chris was beside me. He’d witnessed my moment of moral triumph. “That was epic.”
“Was it?” I shrugged.
“Here’s to tellin’ crazy bitches what for.” He tapped my bottle with his and gave me a wink.
Suddenly, I felt a little better.
I glanced up and saw Mish talking to Will, the expression on her face furious as she pointed at me. He glanced over and caught my gaze, and all I could do was sigh and look away. I didn’t have anything left inside of me that gave a crap. This just had to end. I couldn’t see him anymore. I couldn’t be within five feet of him. I had to get away if there was any chance of me coming back from this again.
“I’ve gotta get out of here,” I declared suddenly, and Chris gave me a look.
“Are you okay?”
“No. I just need some air.” I snatched my jacket from the bar and walked away, my breath tight in my chest.
I couldn’t really hear over the music, but someone grabbed my arm as I moved through the room. I figured they were trying to call out to me, but I didn’t notice. When whoever it was pulled me around, I stiffened. Will was holding my arm, some unknown expression on his face along with a dark bruise below his right eyebrow where Dee must have punched him. It burned where his fingers touched my bare skin, and it hurt too much. My heart felt like someone just stabbed a piece of jagged glass right through it, and I tore myself away.
“Zoe,” he said, and it came out strangled.
“Don’t touch me,” I hissed, taking a few steps back.
“Please, Zoe. Let me explain.”
“No.”
“Why are you pushing me away? I want to make this better. I can’t…” He ran a hand over his face. “Why won’t you let me explain?”
Suddenly, I didn’t feel so numb anymore. Anger welled up inside me, and it was all I could do to stop myself from punching him in the face and giving him a matching bruise. Instead, I let it all out. “Because when your boyfriend of three years that you love and trust comes home and tells you he’s been seeing another woman for six months behind your back and that they’re getting married a week from fucking Tuesday…” I almost choked on a sob and clutched my arm against my stomach. “He broke more than my life. That kind of shit destroys a person. It destroyed me for such a long time and fucked if I’ll let someone else do it to me again.”
He was looking at me open-mouthed, and I swore he might start crying. There was nothing else to say, so I just turned and walked away. Let him go back to Mish. Let him do whatever he wanted. I couldn’t care anymore. I didn’t care.
Will grabbed my arm again, stopping me from running away. “Zoe, you’re everything to me. Don’t say this meant nothing to you.”
I wrenched myself away again, and I slapped him in the face—hard. “It meant everything,” I hissed as his hand came up to his face in wide-eyed surprise. “Then you shit all over it. I let myself care, and all it did was this. If you do it once, then it’s only a matter of time before it happens again. I won’t be that person ever again. I won’t let anyone else be that person.” I took a few steps back. “Stay away from me.”
This time, he didn’t come after me as I pushed my way through the crowd.
Outside, the air was cool, so I threw my jacket on and flipped up the collar. People milled outside the bar, and the security guard nodded as I caught his eye. Giving him a thin smile, I walked up the street a short way, looking for a quiet place to clear my thoughts.
I ducked into a dark alleyway and leaned my forehead against the cool brickwork. I was only a few steps within, so the street light lit me up as I tried to calm myself down with deep breaths. It wasn’t working that well.
I pulled my phone from my pocket and thought about calling Dee, but I’d dragged him through enough of my shit already. It wasn’t fair to him to keep leaning on him as much as I had. His life had suffered for it too in a way.
“Hey, baby.”
My head snapped up at the sound of a familiar voice. Just outside the alleyway, in the orange streetlight, stood the man I had once loved. The man that had lied, cheated, and broke my heart. The man who had destroyed my life.
I took a step back, suddenly wary, and clutched my arm. The arm he broke.
“Jason.”
My heart thudded in my chest, and it was another emotion he made me feel now.
> It was fear.
Chapter 20
Jason stood at the end of the alley, hands in his pockets, a smile on his face that did nothing but chill me to the bone.
He hadn’t changed much since the last time I’d seen him. Same messy brown hair, same broad shoulders, same playful demeanor. Except now, I knew it was a mask hiding something else. Something that had always been there. Something dark.
“I saw your gig tonight,” he said, taking a step toward me.
Instinctively, I took one back, but it was only into the darkness of the blind alley.
“How’ve you been?”
“How’ve I been?” I spat in disbelief. He was asking this now?
“Yeah.”
“Awful,” I hissed.
“Yeah, so am I.” He seemed to take my barb the wrong way. I meant I was awful because of him. I was broken because of what he did to me.
“Zoe, I…” He frowned, stepping closer. “I broke things off with Deb. We’re getting divorced.”
“Good for her.” So her name was Deb. He left me for someone named Deb.
“I realized something.”
“That you’re a douche?”
Anger flashed in his eyes, but it was so fleeting that I wondered if I had imagined it. “No. I realized I should never have left you.”
Well, this was news. He should’ve thought about that for the six months he was off sleeping with this Deb chick behind my back.
“I don’t want to know.”
“Zoe, I want you back. We can fix this.”
What the hell? Was he deluded? Was he high on something? “Did you break her arm, too?” I asked, my voice hardly audible even to me.
“What did you just say?” His eyes were suddenly full of astonishment.
“I said did you break her arm, too?”
“Zoe, I didn’t break your arm.”
Rage suddenly flared up inside me, and I couldn’t hold it back. “You cheated on me for six months, and then when you finally had the guts to come clean, you hit me and then pushed me down the stairs. You left me there! You’re nothing but a heartless fucking prick.”
“Zoe, I apologized for hitting you. I didn’t mean it. I didn’t.”
I had no patience for his attempted lies. I was so angry that tears began to fall. “I lay there alone in the dark with a bone sticking out of my arm in fucking agony! You lied to everyone and destroyed my life, Jason. I feel nothing but hate for you.”
“Zo, you need to calm down.” I barely registered that he was glancing around warily as if someone would come along and bust his arm or, God forbid, find him out for the liar he was.
“You want me back?” I scoffed. “The only reason you don’t have a criminal record is because there were no witnesses. You knew it the moment you decided to run, and here you are, the moment I get it back together, trying to worm your way in. I’m not a victim anymore.”
“Shut up,” he hissed, stepping toward me, anger flaring up in his expression.
“Stay away from me, Jason. If I ever see you again, you’ll regret it.”
That was the wrong thing to say. His expression contorted as he lost control of his rage, and before I could get out of the way, his fist came through the air toward me.
You know when people tell you afterward that things happened in slow motion? That they could see everything happening before their eyes in tiny bite-sized chunks of time but could do nothing to stop it? That’s exactly what happened right then. Jason’s fist hurtled toward me, and I couldn’t get out of the way. When it connected with my left cheekbone, I felt nothing. It was surreal.
And just as suddenly, I fell to the ground on my side with a surprised gasp. I clutched my face, sharp stabbing pain beginning to throb through my skin.
“Zoe!”
I glanced up, my eyes wide, and I saw him. Will was stalking toward us, his gaze flickering from me to Jason, and I swore he was going to snap and launch himself headfirst into a fight.
“Stop,” I said and peeled myself from the gutter.
He didn’t hear me and pushed Jason hard in the chest. “What the hell, man? Beating up on a woman.”
“Who the hell are you?” Jason scoffed, pushing him back. “What’s it to you? Mind your own business.”
“I love her, and if you lay another finger on her, I swear to God I’ll kill you myself.”
I scrambled to my feet and pushed between them. “Stop it.”
“He hit you,” Will said thinly, the anger in his voice raw. He stared at Jason, not taking his eyes off him for a second.
I ignored him and turned back to Jason. “Once a hitter, always a hitter.”
Jason was seething, and I knew I’d struck a nerve. Was this the reason this Deb was divorcing him? Had he shown his true colors to her, as well?
“You fell,” he said. “How many times do I have to explain it to you?” Was he so delusional that he convinced himself his lies were the truth?
I let out a snort of disbelief. “God, you even believe your own lies. Does it help you sleep at night? Knowing that you broke your girlfriend’s arm and lied to everyone about it? Knowing you destroyed my life?”
Will’s voice was dangerously low. “He’s hit you before?”
I nodded, not taking my eyes off the man who ruined my life.
Will gently pulled me aside and stepped up into Jason’s face, looking like he was about to beat the hell out of him. One thing I knew was that I wouldn’t let anyone fight my battles for me anymore. I wouldn’t be a victim again.
I saw Will’s hands ball into fists, his knuckles white with tension, but before he did something he would regret, I stepped forward and punched Jason in the face. Hard.
He stumbled back a step, hands on his face, and Will stared at me with wide-eyed surprise.
“Bitch,” Jason spat, his hands clutching his face.
“I hope that hurt,” I said, pointing a finger at him. “If you ever come near me again, I’ll rip your balls off and feed them to you.”
I was so wild with anger that when Dee suddenly appeared behind me, I almost turned around and hit him as well. The security guard from the venue had followed, hopefully at Dee’s request.
“Whoa, Zo,” he said, holding my shoulders. “Settle down. It’s only me.”
“Dee?” I asked, blinking hard.
My hand suddenly began to throb, and my face matched its pace. I remembered this feeling. That day, after the paramedics had picked me up off the ground, they said that my body had gone into shock. I was pretty sure that’s what was happening right now. My strong demeanor crumbled, and tears began to fall even though I tried hard to keep them in. I didn’t want Jason to see me cry. I didn’t want Will to, either.
I didn’t understand what was happening when Dee eased me into Will’s arms. I could only watch as my best friend hit Jason hard in the face, putting him flat on his back. He got what he deserved, but I couldn’t feel anything.
Dee hauled Jason off the ground and shoved him against the wall. “You’re not going anywhere. Will, call the cops.” Shoving Jason hard again, he spat, “You’re not getting away with it this time, you hear me?”
“I’ve got it, mate,” the security guard said in a deep rumbling voice as he frowned at Dee, but he didn’t mention anything about the perfectly aimed punch that Jason had just received into his left eye. He had a phone in his hand and dialed triple zero.
Will guided me around the corner so I didn’t have to look at them, but he could have taken me anywhere right then, and I wouldn’t have fought. I buried my face into his shoulder, breathing in his familiar scent, trying to shut out everything. His hands rubbed my back soothingly, and right then, I didn’t hate him.
“It’s going to be okay,” he murmured into my hair, and I hoped he was right.
When I’d composed myself enough, I pulled away from him. I couldn’t let him touch me any more than he had. I’d said I didn’t want to hear him explain, but after the way he stood up to Jason, I knew
I had to let him. I leaned against the wall behind me and closed my eyes, aware that he didn’t move from my side. I pressed the back of my hand against the cool brickwork and hoped I hadn’t done anything more than bruise it. Even though it had felt good to take control and thump Jason, I needed that hand to play guitar.
It wasn’t long before the police arrived and relieved Dee and the security guard of their duty. They handcuffed a furious Jason and read him his rights before stuffing him in the back of their van.
“Are you okay, miss?” one of the police officers asked, the tone of his voice changing drastically.
I nodded, wiping my eyes.
“He’s going to spend the night in the lockup anyway, but I have to ask if you want to press charges.”
I nodded again, unable to get the words out.
“You’ll have to come down to the station in the morning and give your statements,” the cop said, handing Will a card. “Then we can take it from there.”
“Thanks,” Dee said, shaking the officer’s hand.
The cop turned to me. “Miss, are you hurt? Do you need to go to the hospital? We can call an ambulance if you need it.”
“No, I’m fine,” I replied shakily.
“Someone better take the young lady home,” the cop said. “She looks pretty shaken up. And someone should stay with her in case she has a concussion.” He glanced between Dee and Will, and they both nodded.
As the cops drove off, leaving us alone in the street, I suddenly felt exhausted.
“Zoe?” Dee asked, squeezing my hand.
I drew in a deep breath and let it out in a long sigh. Closing my eyes again, I said, “I need to talk to Will.”
“Are you sure?” I knew he was giving an epic death stare at the guy who’d stomped on my heart the night before, but I had to do this.
“Yeah.”
I heard my best friend sigh, then the shuffle of his boots as he walked away. Then Will and I were alone.
There were a million questions I wanted to ask him, but after what had just happened, I couldn’t think of what any of them were. Will’s actions had erased most of the doubts. He’d defended me from my past just like that, and he’d said… Before I could believe that, he had to answer the one question I remembered.
