by Andi Bremner
But it was what she wanted, too. She wanted him buried inside her, she wanted him to lose himself in her, claim her and make her his. She wanted him as much, more she realized, than he wanted her.
Her heart clenched just as her muscles clamped around him, and she felt her climax peak again. “Noah…” she whispered.
“I’m right there with you, baby,” he murmured as he came with her, crying out her name and releasing himself deep inside her. “Juliette.”
Noah lowered Juliette to the ground, straightening the skirt of her dress as he did. Catching her eye, he grinned, his dark eyes flashing into hers. “Um…” He retrieved her torn panties from his pocket, holding them up. “I’m not sure these are any good anymore.”
Juliette made a face. “I think we can safely say they’re ruined.”
He tucked them back in his pocket. “I’ll buy you new ones.” Then he pulled her into his arms and pressed his lips to her forehead in a long kiss, holding her tightly, his eyes shut as he inhaled her scent.
“I’ve been thinking of nothing but being inside you all night,” he murmured.
Juliette giggled. “Really? Even when Ava was talking about her dad’s colonoscopy?”
Noah laughed. “Well maybe not then … but you should know that you’re never far from my thoughts at all.”
She smiled, warming at his words as she relaxed into his arms. “We should get back. Ava and Mike will be wondering where we are.”
“I think they’ll have figured out we needed to be alone,” he replied, “but yeah.” He pulled back sliding his fingers into hers and turning to lead her back in, but Juliette pulled back, smiling up at his questioning look.
“I need a minute,” she said.
He leaned forward, touching her chin “Everything okay?”
“Yeah. You go ahead. I’ll be there in a bit.”
He glanced up and down the dark alley. “I don’t really want to leave you out here alone.”
She gave him a reassuring smile. “I’ll be fine, Noah. I’ll be right behind you.”
He hesitated before giving her a quick nod and disappearing back inside.
Juliette leaned back against the wall of the alley, feeling odd. There was something shifting inside of her, and she knew exactly what it was. She was in love with Noah. It was something she had tried to avoid, she knew it wasn’t possible for him to love her back—he’d warned her of that on plenty of occasions—and yet oddly, she didn’t care. She loved Noah. She loved him in a way she hadn’t loved anybody before, and even though he didn’t love her, could never love her, it somehow didn’t matter. She loved him, and maybe that would be enough.
Nothing lasted forever, but maybe they could share a little bit of something wonderful right now. Because Juliette knew that what they were experiencing was nothing short of wonderful. He made her feel special, adored, loved, and cherished. When he touched her she turned to putty in his hands, and when he looked at her the way he did sometimes, like he wanted to eat her up, she wanted to stay with him forever, safe in this little world they’d created in this moment in time.
The door to the bar opened, and Juliette glanced up, almost expecting Noah to be back and was surprised to see Kelly step into the alley. She plastered a smile to her face even though she wasn’t sure she was exactly glad to see Kelly. She obviously didn’t like Juliette, had made that quite evident, and whilst Juliette knew that was down to nothing more that simple jealousy it also made her wary. Jealous people could be the most dangerous.
“Juliette,” she said. “Hello.”
Juliette smiled in return.
“How are you? You know after the incident in the shop yesterday? Fainting.”
“Fine,” Juliette replied carefully. “It was nothing. Low blood pressure.”
Kelly tilted her head. “I thought you said low iron.”
“Low iron, low blood pressure,” Juliette replied easily, “same thing.”
Kelly regarded her for a long moment before she pulled out a cigarette and lit up. Juliette declined when she offered her one. “No thanks. I was just about to go in and find Noah.”
“Actually,” Kelly interrupted, “I wanted to talk to you about Noah.”
“Oh?”
“Yeah, Noah. You know the guy you’ve been fucking for the last few weeks?”
“I know who you mean,” Juliette said, her voice quiet and cold.
“Well, you don’t know him like I know him. You might know him, but not like us. Not like me. You never knew Charlotte, and you never knew him and Charlotte together.”
Juliette watched her. Kelly obviously had more she wanted to say, and even though every instinct told her to walk away, Juliette decided to let her get whatever it was off her chest.
“They were great together,” Kelly continued, taking a long drag on her cigarette. “He and Charlotte were soul mates. You know the kind of love you see in movies, the kind of love that you root and cheer for. They had their ups and downs of course, everyone does, but they were truly meant to be together. They couldn’t take their eyes or hands off one another. You know if wasn’t so goddamn sweet it would have been sickening.”
Juliette was quiet. Her mind told her to walk away but her feet were rooted to the spot and she had to admit that she was curious. No one talked about Charlotte, not Noah, and not really Renee or Ryan either. Her photos graced Noah’s house, but she was more like a ghost that a person and Juliette had no idea about the girl who’d stolen Noah’s heart. Who he’d made his wife. But Kelly did, and Kelly it seemed, was the only one talking.
“And he was there when she died. Tried to save her, did CPR and everything, and then she died in his arms. Do you know the story?” Kelly asked.
Juliette shook her head.
“They were water skiing,” Kelly explained. “They were always on the water together. She was just as adventurous as he was. They were always skiing, scuba diving, surfing, fishing, or whatever. Anyhow, they were water skiing and she went to take a jump, but something went wrong and she missed, hit her head and was knocked out. By the time Noah got to her, found her under the water and pulled her up it was too late. He took it hard … we all did. Charlotte was incredible. This amazing, beautiful, clever and talented woman that was also the nicest person you could ever meet. She was a primary school teacher, and at her funeral there were all her students which just made it all the more horrible, you know? Because Charlotte would have made a wonderful mother. She and Noah were talking about having kids when she died. I think they’d already started trying.”
Juliette swallowed over the lump in her throat, staring at the ground as she absorbed the story Kelly told. It was awful. A truly tragic story and her heart broke for not only Noah, who’d lost such a love, but also for Charlotte who’d lost her whole future. Sometimes, shit stuff happened to good people.
“I know you probably want to imagine that Charlotte was a bitch or something, but you’ll be hard pressed to find anyone with anything but nice things to say about her.” Kelly paused to inhale and then exhale her cigarette before dropping it to the floor and stubbing it out. “You probably think I’m a bitch for telling you all this, but the truth is, Juliette, I like you. I think you’re sweet, and I get why Noah likes you. But I think you should know that all he can ever do is like you. He can never love you. He can never offer you anything more than a few fucks here and there. Don’t think you can change him, that you can heal him or anything because you can’t. We’ve all known him for years—I’ve known him for years—and we know that when it comes to Noah there is no healing for him.”
“You don’t think Noah deserves a second chance at love?”
Kelly laughed. “Of course I do! Hell, no one would love to see Noah fall in love and move on more than me. But I don’t think it would be fair for you, Juliette. I can see how much you like him, I think you might already be in love with him, and it’s just not fair. Nothing can ever come of it, and you’d only end up getting your heart broken.”
/> Juliette stared at Kelly a long moment before she turned to go back into the club. In the doorway she turned to face Kelly, staring at her hard. “Thanks for the advice and the concern. But it’s my heart, and, trust me, when I can say that I’m not in danger of getting it broken. And then if I am? So what? Do you know what’s worse than a broken heart?”
Kelly narrowed her eyes. “What?”
“Never falling in love in the first place.”
Chapter Sixteen
Juliette
The sound of an alarm clock ringing had Juliette pulling her pillow over her heard and groaning. Then, as the alarm continued to blare, a thought bloomed.
Wasn’t it Saturday? She never set her alarm on the weekends.
Sitting up she floundered on the table beside her bed searching for her cell. It was only after she’d switched off the offending alarm and rubbed the sleep from her eyes that she took in her surroundings.
“Ryan!”
Her entire bedroom floor was covered in plastic cups. Plastic cups half filled with water. “Ryan!” she screeched again even as she began to laugh. He must have crept in there during the night and placed them around, and it must have taken him ages as well.
The bedroom door was pushed open—knocking over a few cups in its path and sending water onto the plush white carpet—and Noah and Renee stood in the doorway. It took them a few seconds to take in the scene, their eyes going wide, before they, too, began to laugh.
“Ryan!” Renee called.
Noah shook his head. “Little bastard.”
Ryan appeared, dressed in nothing but a pair of sleeping shorts, grinning like a Cheshire cat. “What’s the matter?”
“Ryan,” Renee admonished with a whack across his head, that seemed to be the family way of reprimand, “Juliette is our guest.”
“Yeah? Well I was just being nice and leaving her a drink of water. You know in case she gets thirsty in the night.”
“Well you are going to have to clean this up,” Renee said, “and please, for the love of God, no more pranks.”
Ryan laughed and walked off to the bathroom muttering something about cleaning up later. Renee watched him go, shaking her head before she, too, headed off.
“Here,” Noah said over his laughter, “let me help.”
He picked up a few of the half-filled cups and moved them out into the hall as he cleared a path to Juliette’s bed.
“I can’t believe he did that,” she laughed. “It must have taken him ages.”
“Bastard,” Noah grumbled as he reached the bed. “He’ll keep though. I’ll think of something good to get him.”
His eyes flashed as he climbed onto the bed beside Juliette and pulled her into his arms, planting his lips firmly down on hers.
“I have morning breath,” she protested, wriggling against him.
“I don’t care. You taste delicious to me.” He pressed his face into her hair and inhaled deeply. “And you smell fucking awesome, too.”
Juliette giggled. “Noah. The door is open. Someone might see.”
“So?” He pressed her back onto the pillows as he towered over her. “Let them see.”
He pulled to one side the t-shirt she wore to bed and kissed down her throat, over her shoulder and collarbone. He paused when he got to the scar on her chest, running a finger thoughtfully over the puckered purple scar. “What is this again?”
“I told you,” she replied, “from a medical procedure I had years ago. It left a scar.”
He frowned. “What kind of medical procedure?”
Juliette swallowed over the lump in her throat. She didn’t hide her history from people. There were plenty who knew. Harry knew all about it, as did Bethany and a few of her other friends in Lexington. When people asked, she told them. She just didn’t like that initial telling, the initial sharing of her story. She didn’t like seeing their eyes cloud over with pity, and she didn’t like the fear she saw there either. Fear that she was contagious, somehow tarnished because of what she’d been through. They didn’t mean to have those thoughts, and Juliette suspected most people didn’t even realize they did, it was just their natural reactions to hearing her story. Oddly though, Renee hadn’t had that look in her eye when she told her.
“It was a long time ago,” she told Noah slowly, gauging his reaction. “It’s a port where they inject the treatment straight into the veins.”
He pulled back a little and looked at her, a frown darkening his brows. “What kind of medicine?”
“Chemotherapy.”
His eyes went wide, and then he pulled back a little, sitting back on the bed as he stared at her. “What the fuck? You’ve got cancer?”
“Had,” she corrected, “a long time ago. I’ve been in remission for years now.”
“Remission? Doesn’t that mean it could come back? Shit, is that why you fainted the other day?” He ran a hand through his hair, fear in his eyes.
Juliette sat up and put her hand on his knee, eager to reassure him, to chase the fear from his eyes. “No. They don’t expect the cancer to ever come back, so remission is just another term for cured. And no, that isn’t why I fainted. I fainted because I have low blood pressure and low iron.”
“So, you’ve fainted before?” His eyes washed over her, examining every inch as if looking for signs of cancer.
“Yes,” she replied, “it happens. But I’m not sick. I’m not sick.”
Noah nodded, but he didn’t look all that convinced.
“Hey,” she said suddenly, brightening and changing the conversation, “aren’t we going Jet Skiing today?”
“Yeah.” Noah still looked troubled.
“Well come on then,” she said, standing up on the bed. “Get your little brother to clear out my bedroom and then let’s get going. We can talk later.”
Although Juliette had no intention of bringing it up again. It was a dark time in her life, a time where she’d been frightened and scared and in pain. A time when she felt like a pin cushion, where she didn’t trust that tomorrow would come and where she’d been so very alone. And then there was Claudia. Thinking about that time in her life, of the months and months she’d spent in hospital naturally reminded her of Claudia, who had also fought for her life, but unlike Juliette, hadn’t won her battle.
No. She’d explained her scars and her past to Noah, and there was no reason to bring it up again. No reason at all.
****
Juliette eyed the Jet Ski speculatively and began to think that perhaps it wasn’t the best idea to go jet skiing. Especially not when she’d only just started learning to swim and could do little in the water beyond float, kick her legs, and do the rudimentary movements of freestyle. Noah had strapped her into a life vest, securing it snugly around her, but even still Juliette was felt more than a bit of apprehension.
“You’ll be fine,” Mike called to her from the Jet Ski where he sat revving the motor. “You’ll love it I promise.”
Juliette nodded and swallowed as she waded out into the water with Noah. At least the water was flat, only the tiniest ripple teasing the otherwise smooth, calm ocean. Overhead the sun was bright and warm, and it was a beautiful August day. Everyone had had a turn on the Jet Skis, and Juliette had watched on, taking note of the way they skimmed over the water, how the engine roared, the way the water sprayed out behind them, how fast they went and how much fun everyone seemed to be having. She might be nervous but she knew once she got started she’d have a great time, and besides, Noah would be right there beside her.
Noah. She watched him out the corner of her eye as he helped her on to the ski before climbing on himself. Something had changed between them that morning, and she wasn’t sure if it was because of her revelation that she’d had cancer at one stage in her life or because she knew that her feelings for him had developed into something more of because of what Kelly had said to her last night. She’d tried not to let Kelly’s words bother her. After all she hadn’t said anything Juliette didn’t already kn
ow, and yet she couldn’t stop thinking about them. Juliette knew about Charlotte. Noah might not mention her, but she knew—from his mom, from his friends and from the fact that her photographs littered his house—that he and Charlotte had had something incredibly special. She also knew that Noah was damaged, left so emotionally raw from his grief that what they had right now would be all they would ever have. Juliette told herself that was fine. What they had right now was pretty fucking wonderful, she decided, and if that was all they would ever have then that would be enough.
Wouldn’t it?
“Hold on,” Noah called as she started the engine, and Juliette wrapped her arms firmly around his waist as the Jet Ski roared to life and lurched.
Mike, who manned the other Jet Ski, let out a loud hoot, and then he was flying across the ocean. And within seconds they were following him.
Juliette held on tight to Noah, pressing her face into his back as they took off. The wind and water sprayed over her face, and her heart pounded in her throat, but after a few minutes she began to relax, peeking over Noah’s shoulder. They were right out in the ocean now, the shore a distant blur, and a small thrill washed over her. It was fun, and as Noah curved the giant machine across the sea Juliette relaxed even more, lessening her grip on his as she appreciated the moment.
Years ago, when she was in hospital she used to imagine what it would be like to be in the ocean. Claudia’s family had a holiday home in Florida and she’d talk forever about the beaches, the boardwalks, the gorgeous life savers. She promised Juliette that when they were both better, both cured, she’d take her to Florida and they would jump off the pier that was right near their house. Claudia would’ve loved this, Juliette thought, her eyes pricking with tears even as a smile stretched across her face. But cancer robbed her of the chance to grow up and do all things they talked about. Simple things like make out in the backseat of a car with a boy, or go skinny dipping in the ocean.
All too soon they were back at the shore and Noah was helping her off. She trembled, a giant grin plastered to her face, a remnant of both the thrill of the ride and her thoughts of Claudia.
