by S. M. Smith
She nods and gives me a quick once over without saying a word. Her eyebrows peak when she notices my shoes but I just shake my head, warding off whatever comment she might have, as I follow Stephen to my office.
“A girls’ day?” he asks, standing just outside my door, allowing me to enter first.
“Yeah. I thought we could all use some quality time after the whole Caleb thing.” I say shyly, hoping I’m not going to offend him with my excuse.
“Sounds great. I’ve got a couple of games with Grady and the boys I can’t put off any longer. Do you want me to pick you up after your spa time? We could drive home together.”
“No. I’m not sure when I’ll be ready to head to Dad’s yet. You go on ahead and I’ll see you down there for sure Sunday morning.” I try to busy myself by uploading the edits I completed before he and I ended up in a semi-tangled mess on my couch last night.
And yep, there the images are again.
“Are you okay?” he asks, dipping his head down to try to catch my eyes. I don’t dare look up.
“Yeah.” Ugh…I totally looked up. Now I’m breathless again, and I’m pretty sure that my face is getting redder and redder by the second. I try to give him an innocent smile, but the way his chest fills out his suit vest has my insides growling like a hungry pride of lionesses. “I’m just a little distracted right now.”
I attempt to swallow a sip of coffee, but he decides to take that particular moment to smirk at me. By the grace of Jesus alone, I manage to keep the coffee in my mouth, but just barely.
“Am I distracting you?” he asks, that smirk still firmly planted on his face.
He stands and saunters around my desk, gently leaning up against it just beside me. I lean back in my seat, trying my hardest to create some space in between us. He crosses his Herculean arms over his chest and leans forward so that his face is inches from mine. I gulp…yep, gulp.
“This wouldn’t have anything to do with last night, per chance, would it?” His voice is low and husky and I nearly lose it right there again. I manage a deep breath that barely helps. He smells delicious.
“Nope.” I lie. I’m pretty sure he can totally tell.
“Mmmhmm,” he leans in a little further so that I feel his breath just below my ear. Every nerve from my neck down flares, paralyzing me in my seat. I can’t even open my eyes. “I think I need to get to work. Enjoy your coffee.”
I nod and just like that he’s gone, leaving a familiar hum in his wake. I hear him tell Daphne to have a good day and not a heartbeat later my desk phone rings.
“Holy steamy romance novels, Batman! You okay?” she sounds as out of breath as I feel.
“Um... yoga…and facials…did you get them scheduled?” I ask, finally getting some train of thought back.
“Not yet, but I can definitely see why you would need some girl time.” She hangs up, giggling.
***
I wake up in the same manner as yesterday, only 4:23 isn’t as early. Our yoga class isn’t until seven, and well, since running wasn’t as much help yesterday as I had hoped, I decide some muffins for the girls would be a good start to our day of rest and relaxation. So as to not to wake anyone up with a blaring radio, I pop in my earbuds and turn on my running mix anyway, hoping to get my heart to beat at least at a consistent pace.
I wrap my favorite apron around me and get to work. Two hours later my apartment smells delightful, and a basket with enough muffins to feed a small country are cooling on the counter as I dress and prep my gear for the day.
Shaina arrives at the yoga studio first, her belly filling the cutest neon pink work out shirt. She glides with grace and elegance in the largest shades Dolce and Gabbana produces, a soy latte in one hand, and arms outstretched to pull me into a hug.
“Why, in the name of all things holy, are we meeting for the earliest yoga class known to mankind on a Saturday?!” she whines, pulling back. Her voice is hoarse, and it wouldn’t surprise me if she woke up about five minutes before leaving her house.
“Because I’m in need of some serious relaxation. Muffin?” I hold out my Tupperware container a little too enthusiastically. She props her sunglasses on top of her head swiftly before reaching in and snatching a muffin as if it would jump out of the bowl and take off down the street.
Another set of ladies approach the building, and I offer them a muffin as well. Daphne follows closely behind them and gives me a weary look as I thrust the container of muffins in her face.
“Again?!?” she exclaims, eyes wide as she takes in the muffins. I had filled her in yesterday when she started asking about my "steamy” shoes. I thought she was going to die laughing in the middle of my office floor so I threatened to kick her with my “steamy” shoes. She left, but not before making a big production of my need for yoga and a massage.
“I don’t want to talk about it.” I brushed her off, but Shaina gives both of us a curious look so Daphne fills her in.
“Someone has been having some very stimulating dreams this week.” Daphne winks. “A lot of pent up energy, if you will.” She makes some frantic gesture with her hands to allude that I’m in all sorts of a mess with my overactive imagination.
“Ahh!” Understanding hits Shaina and she literally laughs out loud. “Oh, honey. Didn’t you guys just start dating?” I pull my shades back over my eyes, hoping they get the picture. They continue to giggle at my expense.
“Well then.” Shaina hooks an arm through mine. “I guess, we will just have to make sure you get all this tension worked out today, now won’t we.” Her smile is genuine, but I’m sure deep down she’s getting a kick out of all this.
The morning instructor arrives and unlocks the doors, allowing our small group to enter, muffins and all. She gives me and my Tupperware a leery look until I offer her one, immediately making me teacher’s pet. She gives me an appreciative look as I follow the other girls into the studio and unroll my mat out in between Daphne and Shaina.
Inhaling slowly, I start mentally chanting 1 Peter 5:10 over and over again, reminding myself that I will be delivered from this. I make it through the basic breathing techniques the instructor starts us on, but the moment I close my eyes, the images are back.
He will restore me and make me strong, firm and steadfast.
“What are you whispering over there?” Daphne hisses at me.
“I’m not.”
“Yes. You are,” she hisses back, causing Shaina to snicker from her Lotus position on the other side of me. Our instructor gives us a warning via the stink eye.
“My meditation for the day,” I answer quietly as I try to move fluidly to the table position as the instructor leads us.
“Oh honey….He’ll definitely restore you, there’s no doubt about that.” Daphne snorts, causing Shaina to break pose and nearly collapse on the floor. The instructor gives us, what I assume to be, her final warning look and I consider moving my mat to the back of the room and away from Daphne.
Fortunately she stops with the unwelcome comments and I finally start to enjoy the class. I stretch my muscles as we move through every position, pushing myself to limits I’ve never been, the whole time focusing on nothing but breathing and posture. By the time the class is up, I feel grounded again, like I can relax through a good massage.
At the spa, everyone is on their best behavior as we prepare for our massages. By the time the masseuse is done with me and I join the girls for facials, I’m feeling light as a feather and have nearly forgotten the whole reason I needed this day. The girls, however haven’t forgotten my dilemma at all and are keen to remind me of it as soon as I get seated.
“So just how dirty are these dreams?” Shaina asks, head tilted back with green goop drying on her face and sliced cucumbers hiding her eyes. If the goop wasn’t holding her cheeks in place, I’m sure there would be the biggest cat-ate-the-canary grin there.
“Dirty enough she had to have it massaged out of her,” Daphne rumbles from her seat and I nearly throw the cucumbers fr
om my eyes at her.
“The yoga did the job; the massage was just for the fun of it. But keep laughing it up, ladies. Just remember what they say about paybacks,” I tell them, settling back in my chair.
Light flute music plays behind the ambiance of a water fountain, reminding me of a swanky Asian restaurant Stephen and I tried a couple of weeks ago. The thought of him brings some heat to my cheeks. I’m glad that there’s dried green goop all over my face and that the other girls are too blinded by cucumber to see. After a few moments, Shaina gets antsy and picks up the conversation again.
“So this whole thing with Stephen, you seem really happy. Tension-filled wet dreams aside,” her voice betraying the inevitable smirk on her face.
“I am. Things are definitely different. From both my relationships with Jake and Caleb.”
“Good. Listen, love, don’t get me wrong. You had every right to have a problem with Caleb.” Daphne interrupts Shaina’s confession with a snort. “But I’m really glad Stephen doesn’t make you so… whiny.” Daphne explodes into laughter from her lounger beside Shaina.
“Whiny?!” I peel the cucumbers off my eyes as I sit up. She and Daphne lift their heads up simultaneously and nod awkwardly so as not to drop their cucumbers.
“Well, don’t take this wrong, but yeah. Whiny.” Daphne’s voice drips with contempt.
I replay a few segments of my conversations with Daphne and Shaina about Caleb. I can see where complaining about the same things that were bothering me for months on end could be whiny.
“I really should have left him sooner.” Hindsight is 20/20.
“Yes. Yes you should have.” Daphne agrees without missing a beat. Shaina chuckles.
“Anyway, I like Stephen. He brings out… a glow in you,” Shaina says.
“A glow?” I raise my eyebrows and giggle, feeling the tightness of the dried mask.
“Yeah. You know that ‘in love’ glow.”
My breath catches in my throat, but doesn’t get stuck. I’ve loved Stephen for a long time, but things are different now and I’m not sure that I love him quite like that. Yet.
“He told me I’m his future.” I confess quietly. Daphne nearly flies out of her seat, clearly shocked that I hadn’t told her this yet.
“When?! And what did you say to that?” she asks offended.
“Last week. And well, I haven’t really said anything. But we’ve started talking long term. Well, more like getting to know what the other wants and is planning for. Our plans mesh kind of well actually.”
“You two were made for each other.” Shaina props herself as she sits up.
“Seriously.” Daphne agrees, giving her a very matter-of-fact look before turning back to me. “So…how do you feel about being his future?”
“It scared me at first. I mean I couldn’t talk to him at all. But Dad made a comment while we were leaving church last week about how much life he’s seen in me since I’ve started dating Stephen and it all started to click. I mean, I ‘whined’,” I say rolling my eyes at Shaina, “about Caleb not making me a priority and not taking me and my life seriously, and here is Stephen, willing to put his goals and career on the line to take care of me and my career. And it’s not like I haven’t taken into account what he’s done for me since even before my break up with Jake. Now that I see the intention behind it all, it’s actually kind of… swoon worthy.” I blush. Or I would have without the mask anyway. I think I can see smiles on the girls’ faces.
A timer goes off then and a staff member comes in to hand us warm towels. I lay the towel over my face, lay back and soak in the warmth, letting myself think of him. For the first time in several days, I can picture his square jaw and hooded eyes without setting my body on fire.
I wonder how his game is going, if he has left yet for his parents’ house and if not, if it’s too late to ride with him. I think of the coffee he brought me yesterday just because, and the way he smelled when he leaned in close. Daphne’s words stroll through my mind again.
He will do just about anything to make you smile.
And that he does. I finally let myself see a future with him and because it’s imaginary at this point, the idea of any part of it not coming true makes my heart hurt.
***
We sit down to lunch after a short wait filled with getting to feel little kicks from Shaina’s belly. I’m thankful I don’t feel the jealousy I once felt about Shaina’s pregnancy anymore. Another sure sign that I’m in a better place now.
We all place our orders quickly, having worked up a hearty appetite. Once again the conversation has turned back to the change in me my friends are finding quite agreeable.
“You kind of remind me of how I feel about Luc,” Shaina says over a sip of water. I take this as a total compliment. I’ve seen them in their element and the type of relationship they have, it’s kind of epic.
“Thank you,” I flush.
“You’ve fallen, haven’t you?” Daphne asks quietly, examining at me as if seeing something new she can’t quite place her finger on.
I think about it for a second. Images of us at the altar, in a delivery room, in a backyard playing with little blonde haired babies all flash across my eyes. I can’t help the growing smile on my face. Before I can answer, I see both girls smirk and nod at one another.
“You know, I think I might have.” I can’t hold in the giggles, and they join in with me.
Chapter Eight
~Stephen~
It rained just enough last night to make everything a little damp; the air now is crisp and the sun is a comforting warm. Spring time in Missouri can be somewhat cantankerous, and we are almost always on high alert for severe storms and tornados, but today is looking to be a pretty nice day. I take my cup of coffee out to the deck, just reveling in God’s beautiful creation, wondering just how I got to be so deserving of the life He’s given me.
Although I know she’s probably on the highway headed home now, I dial Jessie’s number just to check in with her. She was so determined to have a fun girls’ day yesterday, I hadn’t texted or called her. She was all wound up Friday morning, which of course set my libido into overdrive and well, so it is probably best that both of us took a breather. That doesn’t mean I didn’t spend most of my day thinking of her and checking my phone every five minutes.
“Good morning,” Jessie’s brilliant voice sings as she answers.
“Good morning, beautiful. Are you feeling any better today?”
“Much. Turns out some yoga and a massage was exactly what I needed.” I can hear her smile in her voice.
“Well, you know, I’m not a bad masseuse myself.”
She giggles, and the sound sends me up to the clouds.
“Oh, I have no doubt that you are. But we need to be good. How was your game yesterday?”
“Well, I was a little distracted so it didn’t go so well.”
“Distracted?” Her voice growls provocatively and so does my gut.
“I thought you said we need to be good?” Good Lord, her giggles are divine.
“You’re right. I’m about an hour out. Are we still on to help with the youth service today?”
“Yes. And then Mom has made chicken and noodles for lunch.”
“Sounds great. Hey, do you think we could go for a walk or something after lunch? I have something I want to discuss with you.” She sounds a little anxious, which doesn’t set well with me.
“Sure. Is everything okay?” I try, but can’t hide the concern in my voice. She takes a minute to respond, which immediately ups my anxiety.
“Everything is absolutely fine.” She sounds confident, wiping away any concern and replacing it with curiosity.
“Okay. Well, please be careful and I’ll see you when you get to the church. I—“ I stop myself, leaving an awkward pause. I can’t believe I almost said that.
“Stephen? Are you still there?”
“Yeah. Just be careful, okay?”
“Will do. I’ll see you in a b
it. Bye.” She hangs up and I throw my phone on the patio table, tossing it away as if it had bitten me.
I almost told her. Her reaction to my declaration last week wasn’t quite what I had expected at first and well, telling her this while she is driving could quite possibly send her off the road, so I’ll find a better time and place to tell her. When she’s ready.
The back door opens, and I pull the fingers I had wrapped in my hair, out. My father brushes some water droplets off the seat beside me and takes a seat.
“Something bothering you, son?” he asks with that voice that inflicts guilt even if you might not have something to feel guilty about.
“Nah, Dad. I’m good.” I nod with finality, just in case.
“Uh huh. You know I’m here if you need me. You can talk me, I uh,” he glances back toward the door. “I can keep an open mind.”
“Really Dad, I’m fine. Just need to watch my words before they get me into trouble, that’s all.”
He raises an eyebrow at me and just nods, seeming to not need a further explanation. I pick up my phone and coffee mug and head back inside before he decides he wants more details.
***
I try to get Jess to tell me what she wants to talk about the entire time we’re at church, but she isn’t spilling and well, trying to talk when you’re supposed to be supervising a few dozen teenagers isn’t really easy either. By the time we see off the last of the kids, lock up the building and get in my car to head to my parents’ house, I’m itching to find out what is going on. She doesn’t seem to appear anxious; in fact she’s radiant and much more relaxed than the last time I saw her. Well, she’s pretty radiant all the time, but I might just be biased.
The weather and temperature are turning out to be perfect, so I roll down the windows as I pull out of the church parking lot. She leans her head back as we hit the road, exposing her delicate throat. Her gorgeous, chocolate hair flies behind her, her smile gleams, and the peaks of her cheeks push her designer shades up as she laughs with the wind.
Man, I love everything about this girl. I do, and I don’t know exactly when I realized it, but let’s just say I have been in love with her for a while now. I don’t think anyone really knows when they make a decision like this. It’s not like God sends down some messenger angel to shoot you with an arrow or something. Whatever the case, I’ve known long enough to nearly watch her slip out of my reach twice. I’m not about to let her get away this time.
