by S. M. Smith
“And do you feel like this system is working out for both of you?” Ken asks, looking more toward me.
I shrug and nod before I check her face. She has seemed like she’s pretty content with how things are going so far, which makes me just as determined to restrain myself even more. But now I watch a thought run through her head that doesn’t support the confidence she wears that says she’s okay with our arrangement.
“I miss just being us.” She turns to me. “I miss just being able to hang out in our sweats, eating popcorn and watching TV. I miss being able to just sit beside you while we read. Just being in your presence, not feeling like I have to play hostess. I miss just getting to be us. You know?”
“Like when you would spend the time when you were friends before?” Ken asks.
I nod in agreement. “So how do we get back to that without losing any of the chemistry that we do have?” I don’t think I have to admit it to Ken, but I rather enjoy our chemistry.
“I would start with talking to this friend; let her know that you feel she’s being a little overprotective. If she is still too strict for your liking, maybe see if another friend you could trust would be willing to supervise. Just like with anything else you might overindulge in, it all comes with balancing your feelings and reining in the urge to jump out of control when opportunity strikes. You have,” he shuffles through his notes to find something he wrote down, “approximately twelve weeks before the wedding. I suggest you find someone who will not be uncomfortable with helping you both rediscover those platonic aspects of your relationship you both seem to be missing. Otherwise, you may struggle with finding that balance after the wedding, causing one or both of you to become sexually frustrated.”
After all the waiting we’re doing, Lord forbid either of us become frustrated.
Ken takes a moment to make a couple of notes before checking his watch.
“Well that’s about all the time we have for today. I’d like you two to try to get some of this casual time this week. As I understand, you two spend quality time at your parents’ homes. You might even try to get some of this time there.” He smiles kindly as he stands and shakes each of our hands before sending us off.
I can see Jess’s excitement growing as we make our way out to the parking lot. I get an idea, and judging by the look in her eye, I think she just might go for it.
“So…” I pull her in by the waist. The wind picks up and the scent of her shampoo momentarily distracts me.
“So?” she asks eagerly. I smile, dumbfounded, as I try to remember what it was I was going to ask her.
“There’s a game on tonight and Grady is supposed to come keep me company. Maybe… you would like to join us?”
It takes a moment for her to understand the extent of what I’m suggesting as she steps back from me. When she realizes that I just might have created an opportunity to give us this much needed down time, she starts bouncing with delight.
“Yay!!” She jumps up and hugs my neck tight. A chuckle escapes my chest and I’m once again completely captivated by this woman and the scent of her shampoo. “What time does the game start?”
“Seven.”
The smile on her face grows exponentially as I watch her mentally clear her schedule of whatever adorably cute thing she was going to do at home tonight.
“I might be able to make it.” She winks and struts off to her car.
“So that’s a yes, then?” Okay, so maybe I’m just as excited as she is about this idea.
She turns around and blows me a kiss as she climbs into her car and drives away.
***
I open the door, totally amused to see my bride-to-be standing outside with a six pack in one hand and her messenger bag in the other.
“Mind if I join you? I come bearing gifts,” she says, holding up the six pack.
I would have let her in if she had brought bran muffins and soy milk; the beer just proves how much she really loves me.
“Don’t mind if you do.” I step aside to let her in, kissing her forehead as she steps through the door.
“Hey, Grady,” she calls in response to his whooping from my couch.
“Jessie.” He eyeballs me suspiciously. “We weren’t expecting you. Is everything okay?”
“No, the Royals are down by two already. Did the game just start?” She pulls out a bottle and uncaps it, handing it to Grady and then doing the same thing to a second one, offering it to me. She doesn’t take one for herself since she hates beer. Just further proving my point about her loving me.
“Yeah…we are…it did…” Grady narrows his eyes at me. As Jessie leaves the room to put the rest of the bottles in the fridge he leans in and whispers, “What is she doing here? Are you in trouble? What did you do? Did you let the love fern die?”
I nearly spray my drink in his face. “What in the world is a love fern? No. I told her she’s welcome to come over to watch the game with us.”
It’s his turn to hold his beer in. “What do you mean you told her she’s welcome to watch the game with us? Does she even like baseball??”
“Not really,” Jess answers for me. “But I will sit quietly, beside my man, maybe hold his hand or curl up next to him, read, and occasionally comment on a play or two, maybe even cheer if the game gets really good. But mostly I’m going to sit with him for a bit. Because I need some down time with my fiancé. Got a problem with that?”
Grady gives me a look that says he’s impressed, and isn’t about to argue with her.
“None whatsoever. As long as you two keep it PG. I don’t want to have to call Daphne.”
“Gah! Seriously?! Not you too?!” Jessie picks up a throw pillow from beside him and screams into it before storming across the room and plopping down on the loveseat, face first. “Nothing is going to happen,” she shouts into the cushions.
“I know, baby.” Shaking my head, I help her sit up so that I can take a seat next to her. She lays her head on my lap and turns to face the game, anger rendering her speechless. I rub one hand in circles on her shoulder and settle into the couch as I feel her breathing calm down.
She holds true to her silence, and I’m pretty sure it only takes an inning for Jessie to fall asleep. Her gentle breath warms my thigh and makes it semi-difficult to watch the game. My hand finds her hair and I can’t help but get excited that this is how I could be watching games, baseball or any others aside from football actually, for the rest of my life.
Football games…well those will be a little different. Jess is a football fanatic. Like beats me and half the guys I know in our fantasy league every year. No, football season will be better than this just because there will be a lot of smack talk and maybe even some friendly arguing. Then there’s the making up part.
“What are you smirking for?” he leans forward to inspect what Jessie’s doing. His look gets even more worried when he confirms my suspicion of Jessie being asleep. “Wow. You have it bad, dude. If she can make you look like that while she’s sleeping, I can’t even imagine what she’s like in--“
“Don’t.” My tone is so threatening that Jessie jolts straight up. The hint of sleepiness in her eyes tells me she wasn’t privy to Grady’s impudence.
“Everything okay?” she asks, switching her gaze back and forth between Grady and me.
“Everything’s fine, babe. Just a bad call by the ump. ” I smile and pat my thigh again to have her lay back down, but she stretches and gets up instead.
I watch her make her way to the counter where she left her bag before pinning Grady down with a fierce don’t-ever-talk-about-her-like-that-again look. He winces and turns his attention back to the game.
“So Daphne asked you to babysit us as well?” Jessie calls from the fridge. I hear it close before I see her walk back in with a bottle of water in one hand and a fresh beer for me in the other, her iPad under her arm.
I had hoped Jessie would let this go, but clearly she isn’t going to.
“Jess—“
�
��No, I’d like to hear who all little Miss Bossy Pants has recruited for her war against all things physical between us.” She props a pillow on my thigh and lays down beside me once again, dangling her feet off the armrest of our cozy loveseat.
“She just asked that if given the opportunity, I make sure that you guys weren’t left alone for too long. In my opinion, you two have already made this undying vow to one another, so I don’t see why you are still waiting,” he says nonchalantly.
Jess starts to sit up to address Grady’s ignorance, but I hold her in place with one hand on her shoulder and kiss her forehead.
“Don’t bother,” I whisper to her. I turn back to Grady, “We’ve already had this conversation. If you can’t wrap your head around the logistics of it all, then at least understand that this is something we’ve agreed to. Something that we want for each other. Support us, or ignore us. I don’t really care either way, but stop making assumptions that we’re being stupid for waiting.” So I might still be a little irked with his constant disrespect of all things involving Jessie.
“I don’t think you’re being stupid.” I think he’s mocking me, but the look on his face tells me that he’s being dead serious right now. I don’t see this very often so I’m a little astounded.
“I don’t have to understand it to respect it. I may not get all the biblical mumbo jumbo behind this decision, but I respect that you both have agreed to something as a couple that requires a faith in one another to show physical and emotional control. It’s admirable. Really.”
It takes me a few moments to fully process that he’s still being sincere before I can mutter my appreciation. I feel the gentle nod of Jessie’s head and her body relax. Grady and I watch the next couple of innings in silence while Jessie reads from her iPad. After a little while, she turns her iPad off and sits up, grinning from ear to ear.
“Good book?” I ask, amused by her glee.
“It’s alright.” She smirks.
“I’m glad you’re enjoying it.”
“You know what I’m enjoying more?” she snuggles up next to me, pulling my arm around her shoulder. I kiss the top of her head.
“Yeah. Me too.”
Chapter Seventeen
~Jessie~
Daphne nearly explodes in her seat after answering her desk phone. I look up from the viewing screen where I’m showing a couple their wedding photos just in time to see her nearly run into the table we’re sitting at.
“I’m sorry to interrupt, but Jessie, it’s Kasey.” Her eyes bulge out of her skull when I don’t recognize the name of whoever is on hold at her desk. “From the bridal boutique.”
“Oh! Is it in?” I ask, feeling my chest get heavy.
I have dreamed about my dress every day for the last four weeks. The realization that I now need to go in and have it pinned for alterations steals the breath straight out of my lungs.
Daphne is so excited she’s speechless, which is no easy task, mind you. She just nods and looks at me expectantly.
“Could you excuse me for one moment?” I ask the young couple watching mine and Daphne’s odd interaction with amusement. I quickly walk back to my office and grab the planner Stephen got me. I make my way back to Daphne’s desk where she’s frantically shuffling through her planner as well.
“I have Thursday evening free,” Daphne suggests.
“I can’t Thursday, we have a counseling session. What about tomorrow?”
“I can’t. Tuesday night ladies Bible study til eight.”
“I can see if maybe Shaina or Janine could go. Then you could go to the final fitting.” She starts to pout and I know she really wants to make sure everything goes right at this fitting, so I add, “To make sure that everything looks perfect before I take it home.”
“Hmm. I guess I could do that.” She mulls over the idea of not being in control of this fitting, and while I appreciate her excessive focus on the tiniest of details of this wedding, I’m starting to get offended that she can’t trust me with one measly dress fitting. It’s my wedding for crying out loud!
“Okay, I’ll book it and call Shaina ASAP.” Daphne pushes a blinking red light on her desk phone and sweetly calls Kasey back to attention.
I leave her be and finish showing the couple their wedding photos before leaving them to put together their order. While they talk through images and sizes, I check back in with Daphne. She’s on the phone when I reach her desk, but holds her hand over the receiver and whispers to me.
“Shaina’s busy. Janine?”
I nod at her and rush back to my office to grab my cell before checking in with the newlyweds.
“I’m sorry about that. What have we decided?”
***
I hear the ding from the front door but can’t tear my eyes away from the mirror.
“Sorry, I’m late. I—“ I see Janine’s reflection in the mirror stop dead in her tracks as she takes the sight of me in my dress totally in. She catches my eyes and sees the tears before I can hide them. “Oh, honey.”
She rushes up the steps and wraps her petite arms around me.
“You look absolutely beautiful,” she tells me, still wrapped in her arms.
“I’m sorry. I just wish my mom were here.” I sniffle and realize what I’ve said. “Not that I don’t want you here, Janine. I’m sorry, that came out wrong.”
“Oh, honey. Please don’t apologize. I understand. I wish she were here too. Then she could help us both get through all this.” She smiles as she pulls back and takes my hands. She steps back and takes me in again. “But you know what? I think she would be so incredibly proud of the woman who is standing here today. I know I am.”
So I was fighting back more tears. Her sweet comment, one of many I’ve received since our talk the last time we were here, has them sliding down my face. I pull her back in again. She lets me squeeze her, but finally wiggles out of my bear-like grip. She tries to be inconspicuous about wiping tears from her eyes, but I totally see it. She steps back down and turns her analytical eye toward my dress.
“I think the length is perfect. Can you walk across this platform without snagging on your shoes?”
I step down off the pedestal and walk across the room needing to pull my dress up. Kasey has me stand back up on the pedestal so she and the seamstress can go about pinning the hem before starting to tug and pull at different seams to see if anything needs to be taken in. Janine shifts around behind them, watching every pin go in and asking occasional questions.
“All right, we’re all done. I’ll help you get out of the dress without getting poked,” Kasey says, helping me off the pedestal.
“Jessie…” Janine says as we walk back toward the dressing room. She stops just outside the door and takes my hands again and smiles. “Stephen has loved you for a very long time. I can’t thank you enough for finally making my son so very happy. And I can’t tell you how happy I am that I’m getting such an incredibly beautiful, both inside and out, daughter.”
We’ve come so far in such a short amount of time. I struggle with the desire to pull her into a hug, but the reminder that a random pin might poke her keeps me from doing so.
I smile joyfully, and reach for the door of the dressing room. As my hand grips the handle, an intense stabbing pain explodes across my abdomen, causing me to double over, nearly tumbling to the floor. Air catches in my throat as I try to breathe through the pain, which starts pulsing as if it’s trying to escape through my stomach.
“Jessie?! Honey, what’s wrong?” Janine kneels down beside me, holding my shoulders up.
“I. Need.” The pain is just so much. “The dress. I need to get it off.”
Kasey and Janine help me into the dressing room and hurriedly work the buttons down the back as I try my hardest to stand up straight for them.
Please God, make it stop.
Another sharp pain, not as strong as the first, but still equally painful causes me to nearly fold again.
And please don’t let me rip thi
s gorgeous dress.
“Where does it hurt?” Janine’s supermom mode kicks in as she comes around to my front and helps to pull my arm from the sleeve.
Breathing is still hard, let alone talking, so I place my other hand just below my belly button and swipe it from hip to hip. Janine doesn’t say anything but her eyes widen and something tells me she knows what’s wrong.
A knock on the door is the manager of the boutique, asking if we need help with anything.
“Call an ambulance,” Kasey yells through the door.
“No!” I manage to say through my gritted teeth. I look up at Janine and plead with my eyes to have her take me to the hospital. “Dress first. Then you can take me?”
“Absolutely,” she assures me.
Like the world’s fastest pit crew, my dress, bustier, and slip come off and I’m assisted in getting back into my clothes within a matter of minutes. Kasey tells me that she’ll call Daphne to schedule my final fitting and wishes me good luck before Janine gets me to the car.
***
“Where is she?!”
“She’s resting, Stephen. Calm down,” I hear Janine say from the hall.
The doctors gave me something to relax after a full pelvis exam and ultrasound, and then admitted me into a room where I could rest.
“What happened?” I hear the panic in my love’s voice and I want nothing more than to hold him and tell him everything is going to be okay.
Janine starts telling him about being at the boutique when I doubled over. I try to speak up, but when I open my mouth, it’s dry and nothing wants to come out. I try clearing my throat, anything to let him know that he can come in. It works because not a second later his terrified face bounds around the door and is at my side.
“Oh, Jessie.” He cups my face, panic all over his face.
Peace falls over me like a slow rain, though, and I feel what tension the medication didn’t take care of fall away. Janine stands just inside the door and watches us with fear and tears in her eyes. By the look on her face, she knows what is happening. I know she doesn’t want to scare me, but her silence isn’t very comforting either.
