by Thad Ward
Ike started cutting away the skin haphazardly. It was messy, unpleasant, and smelled like a wet dog. Blood got everywhere before he realized he probably should have let it drain upside down first. He knew that you had to be careful not to puncture the viscera and that doing it right meant the skin sort of peeled off all at once.
He didn’t do it right. At all. It looked like a murder scene. The strips of hide weren’t anything he could craft with or likely sell anyway, so he left them in a bloody pile to the side. He took the meat of the larger skeletal muscles like the breast and limbs, avoiding any of the organs. Some of those were probably edible, even nutritious, but he had no way of knowing what was safe.
Despite being the most intact door he’d seen thus far, the door to the next room readily succumbed to a little brute force. The thief probably could have forced it open more easily than picking it. Ike used the tinderbox to start a fire and cook his spoils.
“It tastes like chicken. It tastes like chicken,” Ike repeated to himself as he chewed. It did not taste like chicken. It was pungent, gamey, and tough, but at least it was food. He ate as much as he could stomach and stowed what was left, then washed it down with some of his water, using a bit to clean the blood from his hands. “First thing I’m doing when I get out of here is getting a decent meal. And a bath.”
Cooked Rat Meat acquired.
Ike gathered his stuff and returned to the rat room. It was unremarkable, even bare, which he found odd. Didn’t rats normally build nests? Wouldn’t there be droppings and gnawed bones of things they’d eaten? The floor was a little damp and sticky, and there was a faint smell like rotten eggs, but nothing else to tell him what the room had been for.
Ike found exits on the northeast corner and west side of the room, neither blocked. The blood trail was still clear, so he headed for the western exit.
As Ike approached, he heard another unmistakable scuffling. He raised his bat and shield but heard the sound retreating. “Probably that first rat,” Ike said. Just like the first time, he decided against pursuing it. Dressing the other rats to get meat had left a bad taste in his mouth, figuratively and literally.
The rat didn’t make it far before Ike heard a startled squeak followed by silence. “That can’t be good,” he whispered, walking forward slowly. He kept his bat high, ready to strike, and his shield low so as not to block the light. He focused his senses and tensed his muscles, preparing to attack anything that might jump out at him.
Then Ike saw the rat at the edge of his light, floating motionlessly a foot or two in midair. Its fur looked patchy as if it had been burned since he’d seen it a few minutes ago. He took a step forward to get a better look.
Ike jumped backward as the rat’s body seemed to lurch forward. The faint smell of rotten eggs suddenly intensified. He glanced at the floor and noticed that the thief’s blood trail was being erased. It took his brain a few seconds to realize what was happening.
“Nope nope nope!” Ike said, retreating into the room with the rats. Even without its stats, he knew the name well enough to make the decision. It was an iconic staple from old school tabletop roleplaying games that looked exactly like its name implied: A big block of ooze that was difficult to see and dissolved anything it managed to engulf.
“Well, I guess that means I’ve lost the trail. I am not going that way,” Ike said. He looked back to verify that the cube hadn’t caught up. He wasn’t concerned that it would; the cube wasn’t fast, so it was only really dangerous if you failed to notice it in time. Killing it was out of the question, though; it would simply dissolve anything he hit it with.
“I guess that just leaves the other way,” Ike said, choosing the northeast exit instead. He considered backtracking to the other paths he’d passed where he’d woken up, but that would involve traversing the rope bridge again. Without more information to go on, no path seemed better than any other, but at least this way didn’t involve possibly falling to his death.
It was as Ike was having that thought, strolling blithely along the northeast passage, that the floor gave out beneath him. He let out a clipped curse as he fell painfully on his side three meters down.
Health: 4 / 6
“Of course I’d be daydreaming about how nice it is not to be falling,” Ike spat through clenched teeth. “The gods of irony suffer no fools.” He was just as angry at his lapse in judgment as he was at the person who’d designed the hazard. He rose to his feet slowly, thankful to note that he’d escaped the fall with bumps and bruises but no breaks.
As Ike dusted himself off, he heard an odd clattering, creaking noise from the darkness around him. He focused on it immediately and saw half a dozen monster windows appear on all sides.
“If it’s not one thing it’s another,” Ike said, readying his bat. It vibrated slightly in his hand. He didn’t wait for the skeletons to swarm him; he rushed the first stat window he saw and brought his bat down hard. The skeleton, still assembling itself from a pile of bones on the floor, didn’t stand a chance. It clattered back to the ground, then crumbled to ash a moment later as the bat’s effect took hold.
Ike had mulled over his weapon’s enchantment more than any of his other items. It was his only way to attack, after all. He’d wanted something generally useful, like a weapon that did extra fire or holy damage, but he hadn’t learned any enchantments like that. He’d eventually decided to focus on something specific to undead and find some other way to manage against other opponents. Idalia’s description of the undead resulting from a curse had given him the inspiration, and the code from Minor Combo had provided much of the framework he needed to pull it off.
The system had taken extra time to process the Curse Lifting enchantment when Ike had written it. He’d also received some sort of achievement called “Original Enchantment,” presumably because it was brand new. He supposed that had to do with it being a beneficial effect on a weapon. Weapons that dealt with status ailments typically inflicted them rather than removed them. The unusual combination had brought the cost down, but it had still cost two mana.
Ike wheeled around to find three more skeletons facing him. He sidestepped the one on the left as it lunged, thrusting the tip of the bat into the sternum of the one on the right. The damage was minimal, but the skeleton began to shake violently before collapsing. Basing the enchantment on hints of conversation had been a gamble, but the strategy was paying off.
A skeletal hand raked Ike’s back, causing him to cry out in pain. He couldn’t keep his light on all of the skeletons at once and one had managed to rattle its way behind him.
Health: 2 / 6
“Not good,” Ike said with a grimace. One more attack like that and he’d fall. He had no way of knowing what would happen if his health dropped to zero, but he was sure he didn’t want to find out the hard way. There were four skeletons left and no margin for error. Ike clicked the heels of his boots together. The skeletons around him suddenly moved as if they were in slow motion.
Ike was proud of this one. It used code from Muffle, which triggered during movement, and Preservation, which effectively reduced the speed attribute of a container’s contents to zero. Instead of stopping time on an object, though, it slowed the user by a tiny bit, banked it, and allowed it to be released in an emergency.
The two skeletons Ike could see reacted too slowly to stop his attacks. He stepped through a wide, low backswing, hitting the first skeleton in the kneecap and following through to hit the second skeleton in the back. As they were shuddering, he turned and shined his light on the skeleton he had dodged and the one that had scored a hit on him.
Even at half speed, Ike had to make an effort to dodge the skeleton’s attacks. The one that had lunged leapt toward him. He stuck the bat in its ribcage and guided its descent, driving it into the ground. As he did so, he brought his shield up to meet the attack of the skeleton that had hit him. It scraped its bloody finger bones across the surface of the shield. Ike took special satisfaction drawing his swing back and
sending its skull to shatter against the ceiling.
The world resumed its normal speed. Ike swept his light through the room to ensure the skeletons were really most sincerely dead and no more surprises were lurking in the shadows. When he was sure he was safe, he walked to the corner and sat with his back against the wall.
“I think this dungeon is out to get me,” Ike said, still catching his breath. “I’m not sure what I did to piss it off. Maybe I disparaged its mother’s potato salad or something.” He removed his tunic, unrolled his bandages, and did his best to apply them to the wounds on his back and side. He had to use up more than half the roll, but Ike figured that’s what they were for anyway. After a few awkward minutes, he redressed, leaned his head back, and closed his eyes.
Health: 5 / 6
Ike was pleased to see his health had ticked back up a few minutes later. He couldn’t see the skeleton’s claw marks on his back, but they felt much less painful. Health regeneration was slower than he was accustomed to in most games, but at least it wasn’t as slow as real life.
Feeling a little better, Ike rose and checked the room more thoroughly. The skeletons had no treasure beyond a few scraps of cloth that didn’t seem worth the mana to salvage. He considered taking some of the bones but couldn’t think of any way to use them at the moment.
The outside of the room was circular with a single locked gate made of rusty iron bars leading to a set of stairs. Ike wondered about the reasoning behind it. A proper oubliette would only have one exit on the ceiling. Maybe it was a combination: A trap for invading forces who breached the defenses as well as a jail cell. It didn’t seem practical to keep a trap in a main thoroughfare like this. Maybe the occupying force had kept it marked until they were under attack or something.
Then again, maybe it was just forgiving game design. Somehow, the last explanation left a bad taste in Ike’s mouth. This game had been brutal so far. As much as he didn’t want to be stuck in a hole, a random act of mercy just seemed inconsistent.
As Ike considered the door and its purpose in the larger scheme, he heard a squishy, plopping noise from behind him. He wheeled around to shine his light on the center of the room where he’d fallen. “That settles it,” he said. “This dungeon is definitely out to get me.”
The gelatinous cube, it seemed, had caught up to him and was squeezing itself down the trap door. Ike could see the bodies of the three rats in different states of decay, the first rat nearly reduced to bone now. He could also see the scraps of hide he’d removed and most of the door he’d dismantled to cook earlier. “Thorough, aren’t you?”
Ike dug through his satchel in search of the bloody lockpick, casting glances back at the ooze as it reformed itself. On the bright side, it was just as slow dripping down the hole as it was moving the rest of the time. On the downside, he’d never picked a lock before. He finally retrieved the tiny item and set to work on the lock of the gate.
“I do love tight deadlines,” Ike said through clenched teeth. He could still hear the ooze behind him, but he had to keep his light and attention focused on the lock. “This is fine. No problem. It’s just like having a project manager breathing down my neck.”
The plopping stopped. Ike had given up using the pick by itself and had added a sliver of bone in the hopes some tension would help him engage the pins better. It didn’t look or feel that complicated, but it wasn’t in good condition, either. Maybe the only way to open it was brute force.
Ike couldn’t help it. He looked behind him to see the ooze moving in a slow circle as it hoovered up the remains of the skeletons. He had a few more seconds to work, but it would reach him eventually.
Ike was about to abandon his effort and try to force the gate when there was a distinct click. The lock turned and he wasted no time pushing the gate open, retrieving his gear, and heading up the stairs.
Chapter 5
Forming a party
I ke was cheered to see some light seeping into the dungeon through cracks in the ceiling. Dawn had broken since he’d woken up in the dungeon. It wasn’t all that much light, but Ike felt encouraged to have survived so far. He caught himself being hopeful and shook his head. “Things will not get easier. Don’t even think it. You’ll just jinx yourself again.”
All the same, the patchy light did present an opportunity. Ike doused his stone and stepped quietly. He stayed off to the side of the hall and scanned the floor for traps as he crept forward. Maybe he’d be able to avoid the next fight or two now that he could see without giving away his position.
Ike entered a long, wide room with a raised section at the end that might have been a dining hall. He saw the corroded remnants of plates, cutlery, and candlesticks scattered in spots. He might have checked on them if they weren’t lying next to piles of bones. Whatever had happened here had left quite a few corpses. Ike pointed his bat at them and felt it vibrate softly a few times, confirming his suspicions.
The bat’s reaction in the presence of cursed creatures had come as an unexpected bonus. It reminded Ike of how Sting from the Hobbit would glow blue around orcs, a sort of side effect of the item’s magic. It wasn’t written anywhere in the enchantment’s description, so maybe it was unintentional, just a bit of artistic flair that went too far and conferred an actual advantage. Ike made a mental note to pay close attention to his other enchantments for similar perks.
Ike picked his way around the edge of the dining hall slowly, taking care to stay far away from any sleeping skeletons. As he pointed the weapon around, focusing on its vibrations, he swept across a hot spot. The bat began thrumming, not with a constant shake, but with a steady, heavy beat. “Almost like a heartbeat,” Ike whispered, looking at where the bat was pointed: A wide archway at the far end of the hall.
Ike didn’t want to take any chances. He plotted a mental escape route that avoided the majority of the skeletons. If things got bad, he knew where he’d run. He couldn’t risk going back down the hallway he’d come down; the gelatinous cube was probably oozing past the gate and up the stairs by now. Ike just hoped the route he chose might lead out rather into worse trouble.
Ike slowed to a snail’s pace in an attempt to be perfectly silent. Even his heartbeat seemed loud enough to give him away. He flattened himself against the wall and peered around the corner of the archway.
The humanoid creature beyond the archway wasn’t moving. Even so, the tar-like skin on its bulbous form rippled. Faces appeared on the surface, crying out in silent agony or terror, before vanishing back into the mass. Two pinpoints of hateful red light and a vague concavity were the only indications of where its real face was. It sat upon a stone chair that might have served as a throne, spilling over its sides.
It sniffed the air.
Ike realized he’d stopped breathing a few seconds before and made an effort not to gasp as he eased back into the dining hall. The bat was practically quaking in his grip, but it was nothing compared to his heartbeat. He heard the Wailer rise, its fluid girth settling on the floor, and opted to follow his escape plan. He picked his way around the room as quickly and quietly as he dared, adding distance between him and the Wailer until he was on the opposite side of the hall. He slipped out into a short hallway with tiny adjoining rooms to either side that might have been guardrooms.
“Can’t be identified?” Ike breathed. He looked back across the hall to see the Wailer looking through the archway. It disappeared back into its throne room, apparently satisfied that there was no prey around. “Must be the boss.”
The guardrooms and hallway held nothing of note. It was the end of the hallway that interested Ike the most. There, standing slightly ajar, was a broad set of double doors. Light practically flooded in to greet him.
Ike savored the moment. It seemed like he’d been in the dark forever. He stepped out into the sunlight. A blue sky hung overhead. A cold breeze kissed his cheek. He breathed deep and felt long pent-up tension melt away as he took a step away from the dungeon.
Something abru
ptly tugged at Ike’s leg, causing him to fall sideways. He fell none too gently on his recently-wounded side, inadvertently releasing his bat from his grip. It went clattering down the broad stone steps leading up to the dungeon.
“Take that, fucker!” came a woman’s voice. Before Ike knew it, there was a foot on his sternum, a knife at his throat, and a pretty brunette in a purple hood baring her teeth down at him. “Three days! Three days I’ve been tracking you. You slippery piece of… wait. Who the hell are you?”
“Uh, hi Ada. I’m Ike.” He winced up at her, his hands rising in surrender. “I wish I could say it was nice to meet you. Is there a reason you’re trying to kill me?”
Ada frowned. “If I was trying to kill you, you’d already be dead. Who played Neo in the Matrix?”
“What?” Ike said.
Ada thrust the tip of her curved knife under his chin. “Just answer the question.”
“Keanu Reeves,” Ike said. “Good movie for its time. If I’m being honest, though, I liked him better in John Wick.”
“Damnit,” Ada said. She sheathed her knife and took her foot off Ike’s chest. “I could have sworn you were the guy.”
Ike sat up, extricating his feet from the snare that was binding them together. “I’d hate to be the one you’re after.”
Ada reached into a belt pouch and took out a piece of rolled parchment. She unfurled it for him. “Have you seen this man?” she said with an irritated huff.
Ike looked at the wanted poster as he rose and retrieved his bat. There was no mistaking it. “Yeah. I found his body back in there.” He pointed a thumb over his shoulder at the door of the dungeon. “He turned into a zombie and I had to take drastic measures. I, uh, may have stolen his clothes.”
