by Lynda Aicher
“Not my business?” Stephanie sprang from her seat, the defensively tucked arms splaying wide in an arc of frustration. “You’re my mother. How can it not be my business?”
“Would you feel the same if I was waiting with accusations in your dorm room after you returned home from a night out?”
Her daughter stiffened, indignation flaring. “That’s not the same.”
Cali stepped forward, keeping her arms loose at her side instead of crossed tightly over her chest to mirror her daughter’s posture. “How? I understand you care about me. But what I do in my own life is my business. Just like yours is.”
Stephanie squeezed her eyes shut, her fists tightening in time with the pinched muscles on her face. “But you’re my mother,” she finally said, as if that explained everything.
“Yes. I’m your mother.” Cali took another step forward, bringing her closer. “But I am also a woman with my own life.”
Her daughter exhaled a tight breath. “I guess I’m not taking that very well.”
Cali quelled her instant urge to apologize. “I understand it’s an adjustment for you.”
“Talk about an understatement,” Stephanie scoffed, arms curling into a tight hold around her waist. She spun around and paced to stare out the window into the back courtyard. After a tense silence, she spoke again. “Can I ask who you were with? Is it someone I know?”
And how could Cali answer that question? A question she’d never anticipated. She cleared her throat. “No. You don’t know him.”
“Where’d you meet him?”
“Steph.” Cali licked her lips, suddenly glad her daughter was looking away. “I’m not going to do twenty questions with you. I’m sorry I was late this morning. I never intended for this part of my life to impact you.”
Her daughter gave a light snort, a clear sound of ridicule. “Yeah. Obviously.” She turned away from the window to eye Cali. “Can I at least ask his name?”
Crap. She was damned if she did and damned if she didn’t on that one. Not answering would only increase Steph’s suspicions and distrust, while answering it could allow her to connect the dots. And her daughter wasn’t dumb. She’d connect the dots.
“Jake,” Cali finally answered. “Jake McCallister.” A tidbit she’d only learned thanks to Edith. Did it say something about her relationship with him that she only knew his last name because someone else had told her? Yeah, it probably did.
“Jake?” Stephanie cocked her head, her hands propping on her hips as she followed the path Cali knew she would. “As in, the Jake Edith introduced us to in the courtyard? The man who was eating you up with his eyes? That Jake?”
Cali willed the blush to remain off her face, but she wasn’t sure it worked. “Yes. That Jake.”
“Mom.”
“What? He’s a nice man. I have a right to go out with nice men.” Yeah, go out. That’s what they did. The duplicity was hard to pull off and she could only hope her daughter was too distracted with her own anxieties to pick up on Cali’s.
Stephanie covered her eyes with her hands and took a deep breath, the ends of her ponytail falling forward to drape down her shoulder. Cali’s motherly urge was to take her daughter in her arms and give her the comfort she so obviously needed. But she probably wouldn’t welcome that right now. Not when Cali was the cause of Stephanie’s distress.
“I still don’t understand why you and Dad split.” The barely spoken words were said behind the cover of her hands and Cali had to strain to hear them. “You two never fought. You talked, laughed, were friends.” Stephanie dropped her hands and looked up, unshed tears making her blue eyes shimmer. “I still don’t get it.”
There was no way Cali could answer that with complete honesty. That had been the crux of the problem through the entire divorce. Her children were old enough to sense there was more to the problem than ‘they’d just grown apart.’ But there was no way she could articulate what really drove her to leave their dad.
And Peter had made sure everyone knew it was Cali who’d instigated the divorce.
“It happened. I can’t explain it more than I already have.”
Stephanie sniffed and made a couple of hasty swipes at her tears before they rolled down her cheeks. She stuffed her hands into the pocket of her hoodie, the action making her appear young and vulnerable. She hunched her shoulders and moved around Cali toward the front door. “I need to go.”
“What about shopping? Isn’t the formal in a few weeks?” They’d planned to look for a dress for Stephanie’s sorority’s formal.
“I’ll take care of it,” Steph said around another sniff. “I just can’t do it today. Sorry.” The last bit was mumbled as she hastened toward the exit.
“Stephanie.” Cali waited for her daughter to still. Steph’s hand perched on the doorknob. “My dating isn’t about hurting you. I love you—” Cali stopped to swallow back the tears bulging in her throat. “I would never do anything to intentionally hurt you or Logan. You know that, right?”
A long silence hung between them filled with all the pain, anger and unanswered questions that had fractured their relationship since the divorce. Cali bit her lips, blinked back tears and fisted her hands to keep from reaching for her daughter. She couldn’t handle the rejection she knew the touch would receive.
“I know.” Stephanie opened the door, keeping her back to Cali. “I love you too.” Then the door clicked shut, cutting off the words and her daughter.
Cali moved stiffly to the bottom of the steps before she sank down, her legs giving out as the strength drained from her. The fact that the conversation had been inevitable didn’t ease the guilt or pain balled in her chest. The ache still came, and Cali’s conscience still kicked at her for causing her daughter’s distress. What kind of a mother hurt her own child? It didn’t matter that it wasn’t deliberate. She was supposed to protect and shield her daughter from pain.
Not cause it.
But short of remaining a hermit for the rest of her life, there was nothing more she could do. Stephanie would have to learn to deal with the fact her mother dated. More than that, her mother had a life outside of being just a mom.
She gave a short puff of derision as she removed her heels and pushed to her feet. Yeah, a life. Part of which she found disgraceful enough to keep hidden from everyone she knew.
What did that say about her?
The answer was one she wasn’t willing to dig into. For the first time in years she felt physically and emotionally connected to someone. Someone who connected with her. And that bond, no matter how perverted or depraved it may appear to others, was strong enough to keep her tethered.
With everything she’d given up since the divorce, this was one thing she couldn’t force herself to let go. Jake was hers. Being his sub was about her. For her.
Some may see it as selfish, but as long as no one found out, it would be her guilty pleasure. One she would continue to indulge in.
No matter how much it threatened to hurt her, she knew she would return to The Den that night. To Jake.
Chapter Eighteen
Her newest weekly package from Jake arrived at four, right in the middle of a quiet afternoon girl chat with her neighbors, Allie and Kendra. Cali quickly tossed the box into her office and dismissed it as work-related to her suspicious friends.
“Work?” Allie questioned, doubt heavy in her voice. “Must be pretty important to pay for a Saturday delivery.”
“More coffee?” Cali lifted the carafe and motioned toward the two women, who both declined. She topped off her own cup, even though the brew now tasted bitter on her tongue. Putting on her most charming smile, she shifted her attention to Kendra. “So how’s the new job going? Have you settled in yet?”
Cali prayed Allie would go with the change of topic. Cali couldn’t discuss what was really in the package. Over the last month since she’d agreed to be Jake’s sub, his special deliveries had become anticipated. A gift of some sort she was expected to wear that evening
when she saw him. She now had several new outfits appropriate only for the club, a set of nipple clamps, a bullet vibrator that he owned the remote to, a pair of thigh-high spike-heeled boots and an array of sexy underwear.
It was at the point that she’d had to dedicate a special section of her closet just for his gifts. A back corner hidden behind her normal clothes, that is.
“Cali.” Kendra’s voice interrupted her thoughts. “Are you even listening to me?”
“I’m sorry.” Guilt flushed her face. “I got lost in my own thoughts about work. That was rude of me. You were saying?”
Kendra eyed her, doubt clearly etched on her face. “Never mind. The new job is fine.” She gave a dismissive wave with her hand and jump to another topic. “How’s Stephanie doing at school? I haven’t seen her around lately.”
“Yeah,” Allie piped in. “Not since Paul and Lacey’s engagement party. I guess school is keeping her busy, huh?”
Cali took a drink of her coffee and work to keep the flinch of pain from showing on her face. “She’s fine. Just busy at school. Getting home to see Mom is not on the top of her priorities. You remember how it was in college.”
Allie laughed, a slightly sarcastic sound to it. “God. Once I hit college, I never went home unless a holiday forced me to.”
If that was the only reason for Stephanie’s avoidance, Cali would be fine. In truth, her daughter had barely spoken to her since the morning she’d caught her coming home from Jake’s. She’d received a few text and email messages, just enough so she knew Steph was okay, but no phone calls or visits.
It was the silent treatment as a form of punishment. One Cali was taking because of the guilt that clung to her. She could only wait until her daughter came around in her own time.
Kendra glanced at her watch and stood. “I gotta get going.”
“Date tonight?” Allie prodded, a speculative arch to her brow.
“No,” Kendra dismissed a little too quickly. “Just need to get home.” She pushed her chair in and made her way to the sliding glass door. “You guys have a good week. Same time next Saturday?”
“Sure,” Cali answered. The three women had started their little afternoon chats a few months back in a completely unofficial way that had now become somewhat of a routine they all anticipated. Or at least Cali did.
Kendra gave a small wave and exited, leaving a slightly awkward silence in her wake.
“So what do you think is up with her?” Allie asked as she watched the other woman stroll across the courtyard to her condo across the way. “She’s always so secretive about her life.”
“I don’t know.” Cali gave a shrug. Secrets were not something she wanted to dig into. Not when she had so many of her own. “Maybe she’s still settling into the area. It’s not easy moving to a new city alone.”
Allie sat back, her brow furrowed in contemplation. At that moment, Cali could see her friend’s analytical lawyer mind ticking away behind her deceptively attractive face. “It just seems strange, like there’s something she’s afraid of.”
“Aren’t we all afraid of something?” The questions slipped out before Cali could think to hold it back.
Allie gave her a sharp look. “Yeah, I guess so.”
Cali stood and started picking up the empty coffee cups and dessert plates, the soft clinking of china echoing in the quiet room. She tucked a loose piece of hair behind her ear and made the quick trip to the kitchen sink, her hands full of dirty dishes.
“So, what are you afraid of, Cali?”
The question startled her. The dishes clattered into the porcelain sink. Cali tried to pull off a light laugh. “Spiders. You?” She turned to look at Allie, who’d followed her into the open kitchen to lean against the small island separating the kitchen from the breakfast area.
Allie assessed her, one full glance from head to toe before she gave a light snort. “Mice. Can’t stand the furry little shits.” She pushed away from the counter and moved toward the sliding door. “Call me if ever want to talk about what really scares you.”
With that dangling statement, Allie slipped out the door and disappeared into the early darkness of late fall.
Cali exhaled the breath she hadn’t realized she’d been holding and leaned against the sink. Was she that transparent? She couldn’t be, or else she’d never have kept her secrets for so long. Allie was just too damn perceptive.
But then, the exposure of her secrets had never scared her like they did now. It was one thing for people to find out her husband didn’t want to have sex with her. It was a completely different thing for the same people to find out she was a submissive to the owner of a renowned sex club.
Yeah, it was the exposure of that little secret that scared the shit out of her.
* * *
“See anything that interests you?”
Jake ignored the question and studied the crowded dance floor, his eyes glancing but not holding on the sea of undulating bodies. He resisted the urge to check the time.
“No,” he finally replied to Seth, who’d stepped up next to him on the small private balcony that looked down on the main floor. The music thumped and boomed in the expected rhythm of enticement.
“She coming tonight?”
“Who?”
Seth gave a snort. “Your sub. Or did you think that was still a secret?”
Jake clenched his fists before giving his full attention to Seth. “What makes you think I have a sub?”
Seth looked him over, his observant eyes searching. Jake held still, refusing to flinch. “Couldn’t be the tempting Ms. Reynolds you’ve been rushing into private rooms for the last month. Or the fact that you’ve reassigned all of your clients. Or how about the strange car that’s been in our private garage in the mornings?”
Yeah, how about that. Jake looked away, unable to hold his friend’s penetrating gaze. Why was he keeping Cali a secret?
Seth turned to stare down at the crowd. Jake watched the man’s profile, doing his own search for clues. Seth was the classic middle child, if the three men had been brothers. The one who tried to smooth things over and hold everything together. So what did that make Jake? The rebellious, irresponsible younger brother? Well, fuck.
Things had been stilted between the three men since his little departure declaration. “I’ve reassigned clients as part of my transition. You know that.”
“Right. You going to reassign her too?”
“No.”
The slight arching of a brow was Seth’s only response before he looked back at the crowd. The tension vibrated between them, another beat that blended with the music in unspoken words and questions.
“I see Ms. Reynolds has arrived,” Seth said low enough that Jake almost missed it.
He snapped his head around to stare at the entrance. There she stood, dressed in the outfit he’d sent over that afternoon, the one he’d chosen specifically to entice her. It worked on him as well.
His phone vibrated with the expected texted message. Standing instructions had been left with the doorman on what to do whenever Cali arrived.
Seth chuckled and shook his head. “Does she know you’re leaving?”
Jake tensed. “Why would she care?” He winced. That sounded cold even to his ears.
Seth leaned in, his eyes narrowing in contempt. “Because she deserves better than to be led into this life and then abandoned by you. You should remember how that feels.”
“Fuck you,” Jake gritted out, his hands fisting at his sides. “It’s none of your business.”
“It is if I’m the one who’s left cleaning up after you.” Seth gave him a scathing once-over before he stomped down the stairs and slammed out the door at the bottom.
Damn it. He didn’t need this. Jake raked his fingers through his hair and cursed again. The anticipation and pleasure at seeing Cali was now diluted under the murky layers of anger and guilt.
Seth had no right to bring up his past. They didn’t do that to each other. The three argued all
the time, but there was an unwritten rule that the fucked-up and shitty pasts that had brought them together were never used against each other. Deklan had nailed him a month ago and now Seth was shooting low too. It pissed him off.
And they wondered why he was leaving.
His past had nothing to do with Cali. For that matter, his future was nobody’s business but his. He didn’t need Seth’s scorn or righteous indignation. Hell, he didn’t need any of this. He’d call back that club in Savannah and accept the job offer tomorrow. It was as good a place as any to disappear to.
Jake paced away from the rail, cursed and spun back. Fuck. He leaned against the metal barrier pressing his palms down hard enough to leave marks in his skin.
Then what was he doing with her? The thought of letting her go, of letting another Dom touch her, spiked his anger in a completely irrational way.
She belonged to him.
Yeah. He shook his head. Not if he was leaving—Seth was right on that.
So he’d prove them all wrong. Tonight would be the perfect time to change those assumptions. To prove to everyone that she could be his sub without the feral possessive crap that was clawing at him.
He pushed away from the rail, a plan in place. Tonight he’d begin the process of moving Cali to another Dom.
Even if it killed him.
Chapter Nineteen
The bouncer’s eyes flashed with appreciation as he helped Cali remove her trench coat. The outer garment was required for concealment as much as warmth. It still surprised her how much that simple acknowledgement of interest from other men stoked her arousal. It was the secret security and knowledge that she had nothing to fear from their interest that freed her to feel.
Because she belonged to Jake.
She rubbed her hand over her bare neck. Even without a collar, no one else would touch her here without Jake’s permission. That thought alone made her feel protected and powerful.
