by Jason Letts
“I saw it in a dream,” Nathan explained, and Willy raised an eyebrow.
“A dream? Shoot! You best tell me if you’re having any more of these dreams,” Willy laughed. It’s not like he would’ve been any more inclined to believe the truth anyway. It seemed like Nathan’s explanation would be enough for Willy, but something struck his mind and he became perfectly serious.
“Look, if you had a dream, that’s great. But you might want to come up with a better story because some people around here are starting to ask some questions,” Willy continued, alarming Nathan. “Now I’m saying this as a friend, but you need to watch yourself because the bosses have ideas of some kind of conspiracy.”
“What? Why?” Nathan gasped. He’d been treated like a hero lately, but if he somehow got blamed for the accident, it would ruin everything.
“There’s been talk of an investigation,” Willy said under his breath. “The only reason Manny hasn’t been fired yet is because they want him around to see if anyone else is involved in the accident. I hate to say it, but most of the reason they think something fishy’s going on is because of your sister.”
Nathan felt his blood run cold at the mention of his sister. She’d spent the entire summer trying to warn people of the accident, and now they must think she did something to cause it.
“Cammie…”
That single word embodied all of his regret as it escaped his lips. The last thing he wanted was for his sister to take the blame for something she tried desperately to prevent. That look of sympathy again came to Willy’s eyes.
“Sorry about the bad news and all,” he said. “After she came here, checked out the cranes and the pipes, and told everybody about what she thought was going to happen, people were bound to wonder.”
Nathan glanced around at some of the coworkers who were busy at their jobs around the factory. His boss Vince, grumpy as usual, was talking to someone near the loading dock at that moment. Did he think Cammie had a hand in the accident that almost killed Nathan and the rest of the factory workers? For all the world, now it seemed to Nathan like Cammie was the one who needed saving.
Chapter 3
Nathan and I took turns planning dates, and we’d done most of the normal stuff you’d expect. We’d gone dancing, splurged on a fancy dinner in an expensive restaurant, movies, hiking in the woods, and so on. Even the haunted house was kind of ordinary, well going to it at least. But now we were forced to get really creative, and I think we had just scraped the bottom of the barrel, a fishing tournament.
It sounded romantic when Nathan first suggested it. I imagined us alone in a boat over crystal clear water, beautiful fish swimming below and puffy white clouds in interesting shapes floating above. And really these dates were about us doing things together, and so I happily agreed. But the reality of it was doubtlessly going to be very different.
Some people say that love knows no bounds, but getting up at four o’clock in the morning in the middle of November with nearly freezing temperatures outside to go fishing is one hurdle that even love would dread.
“Are you sure you want to do this?” I asked, but it was really more of a whine.
“We’ve never chickened out on anything before. You mean to tell me you’re fine with hanging out in a collapsing building but going fishing at dawn is too much for you?”
I knew I was blearily exhausted, and Nathan looked about the same, but we were going to go through with it. We bundled up in thick clothes, packed sandwiches into a cooler, and got together our poles and a tackle box. I felt like my mind had checked out and my body was running on autopilot, and I could barely put a coherent thought together.
We finally got everything packed into the truck and started out of town for the lake. It was dark when we left and would still be so when we got there. I scrunched up my hood and tried to use it as a pillow, leaning against the headrest and closing my eyes, but I couldn’t fall asleep.
It felt like there was so much white noise in my head, thoughts that didn’t seem to make any sense. They kept rushing through before I could even tell what they were. Most of them were about Nathan and how I’d hopefully be leaving soon to help him. Cammie and I hadn’t set a specific date for when we would assemble her machine, but I wanted it to be soon. That might mean this would be our last chance to spend any time together.
The worst part about it though, the part that gnawed away at my insides, was that I now had to keep this a secret from him. I had no idea what he’d do if he found out, but it was a good bet he wouldn’t be happy about it. All I could hope for was that it would be worth it in the end. I’m sure he’d forgive me if I gave him his life back.
I was surprised at how long I had to think about all this stuff. Usually Nathan was a little more talkative, but he just kept his eyes on the road.
“So what’s the plan for today?” I asked, not wanting it to seem like I wasn’t paying any attention to him.
Nathan made a weird smacking sound with his lips as he contemplated.
“The plan’s to win this competition. We’ll have to hug the outskirts of the lake and find some rugged terrain where the fish hide, maybe snag a trout, a bass, or even a sturgeon. The trick is to stay super quiet though, so it looks like we’re getting some good practice in with this car ride.”
His sudden criticism caught me off guard, making me sit up to look at him.
“I’m sorry. I’ve just had a lot on my mind,” I apologized.
“Yeah, like what?” he asked. It was starting to get to me how snarky he was being. I obviously didn’t want to tell him the answer, so I scrambled to come up with something.
“I’m just really tired and wondering if this was a good idea. There’s frost on the ground after all! Maybe it wouldn’t have been so bad if we’d waited for the summer,” I said.
Nathan scratched the scruff on his chin.
“Gotta do things with each other while we’re around, right?” he asked, and I looked at him wondering if he knew I was leaving. “Who knows if I’ll be well enough for this kind of thing come summertime.”
I threw down my hand in disbelief that he could find something even worse to say than what I’d feared.
“You can’t say things like that! You’re going to be fine for a long time, so you can’t just assume you’re going to be completely incapacitated in a matter of months.”
“You don’t know that!” he shot back, and I crossed my arms.
“I know this is hard, but you can’t let the disease run your life while you’re healthy. It’ll take time to work out, sure, but you’re not doing yourself any favors by dwelling on it,” I said, completely bewildered about why we were suddenly talking about this again.
“You have no idea what it’s like,” he said, a clear note of criticism in his voice. “To just have everything around you suddenly fall apart for no reason, to have the things you thought you could hold onto just slip out of your grasp.”
I turned away from him and looked through the window.
“I feel like I’m starting to,” I said under my breath.
If this was how he was going to behave, I for one didn’t want to be stuck next to him in a small boat for an entire day. I contemplated telling him to turn around, but we were already outside of the city.
The tall trees rolled by, most of them barren of their leaves, and I hoped if I spent enough time watching them Nathan would have a chance to get his head together. Every now and then I’d glance at him and the scowl he had on his face. I still got the impression he placed some of the blame for the disease on me because I tried to help him. It wasn’t fair, but I couldn’t think of anything to do about it.
A bend in the road brought us to the lake, and I gasped when I saw the clear blue water nestled between mountains stretching out in front of us. It really was gorgeous, lined with pine trees and rock walls that separated it from the road. Coming back in the summer when we could lounge on the beach really would be heavenly.
Seeing the lake remin
ded me of something too, and it struck me so strongly that I didn’t hesitate to put our former disagreement behind us to bring it up.
“Cammie told me once that you saved her from drowning in a lake when she was five. Is this the same lake?” I asked.
Nathan gave something of a half-chuckle half-snort.
“This would be the lake,” he responded finally, giving it a quick glance. “We spent a lot of time here as kids. I must’ve been nine then, probably didn’t give it a second thought.”
I smiled but turned away so he couldn’t see it. It didn’t surprise me that it wasn’t such a big deal to him. Being selfless came naturally to Nathan, and it was one of the things I loved most about him. Even Cammie hadn’t seemed overly concerned about it when she told me. She was just in the water a little too deep or something and Nathan came over to pluck her out. Her life had never really been in danger because he was right there to save her.
After progressing along the winding lake road, we finally made it to the marina where the competition was being held. There were long docks leading out from the shore, boats of various sizes lining them. Nathan didn’t have a boat of his own, so we’d be renting a little motorized rowboat.
A group of people gathered outside of the boathouse for some kind of opening ceremony, and others were managing their equipment in the parking lot. The registration table was set up nearby, and we’d have to go to it, but that meant exiting the car and embracing the bitter cold, which I was hesitant to do.
“Tough it up,” Nathan encouraged, opening his door and climbing out. I pulled down my hat and did the same, already thoroughly feeling like I didn’t want to be here.
We met at the back of the truck to dig out our equipment. We surveyed our poles, the cooler, backpacks containing clothes and other personal belongings, and that was it.
“Where’s the tackle box?” I asked.
It was obviously missing, but Nathan rummaged around our stuff anyway. There wasn’t anywhere to look after he pushed around the backpacks. We must have left it in the house.
“Why didn’t you grab it?” he asked, making me wince at the accusation.
“Me? What about you?” I retorted, unwilling to accept the blame.
Nathan groaned out of frustration, softly knocking the butt of his fist against the side of his truck. He glared at me, but I didn’t budge. His lips were twitching, holding something back.
“Just say it, Nathan,” I snapped.
“You should’ve grabbed the tackle box,” he scolded me, and it felt like a slap.
“Why does it have to be my fault?” I countered. “If it’s so important to you that we do this, we can just buy a couple lures or whatever. It doesn’t have to be a problem at all.”
Nathan and I were basically shouting in a parking lot, and there were probably people around who could hear us. I should’ve felt embarrassed, but I was too angry to care.
“Why are we even fighting like this?” Nathan scowled, and after all he’d done to instigate it, I couldn’t believe it had come out of his lips.
“How can you say that to me?” I said through my teeth.
“Oh, so that’s my fault too? Looks like everything’s my fault. Here’s something I will take the blame for. I don’t think I want to do this anymore.” He was steaming, and not the good kind.
“Why would I blame you for that? I’ve been saying since we got up I didn’t want to do this. It’s a wonder you never picked up on it. The only shame now is that we have to drive all the way back.”
Nathan nodded his head repeatedly, driving home to me that I’d hurt him. This whole thing was killing me inside, and it all was excruciatingly pointless, but I could tell from the look on Nathan’s stern face he wasn’t done.
“Yeah, I can see how being stuck with me in a car for a couple hours would be terrible for you. Most girls would just break up with me though instead of trying to run off to another dimension. But then again most girls wouldn’t be so dependent on me either.”
I gasped, refusing to believe I’d heard what had come in through my ears. There was no way to express the kind of shock that tore through me then. I didn’t even know where to begin. Obviously Cammie had told him about my plan—I couldn’t believe she’d done that—and Nathan had somehow interpreted it that I was trying to get away from him. I couldn’t guess where all the resentment came from. I worked and contributed to the bills, so I never felt like I overly depended on him. He’d never mentioned anything of the kind either.
This was when Nathan was supposed to apologize to me. Sometimes he’d get frustrated and say things he didn’t mean. I waited for it, but it never came.
I shook my head, more at Cammie than Nathan. Sometimes that girl was too good for her own good. Why did she tell him? I thought we’d sorted everything out. My blood was boiling and I felt like I could strangle her. I used to be calm and composed, but the anger in my body was clouding my mind. The rest of the parking lot was empty because the opening ceremony for the competition had begun, but none of that mattered anymore.
“I was going to do it to help you! You’d never even know I was gone!” I shouted, my face feeling flushed.
“Do I really have to explain to you what the problem with that is?” Nathan asked, holding his sides and leering at me.
“Apparently you do, because I don’t see anything wrong with it. First you tell Cammie not to do anything, and now you’re dumping on me for it. Isn’t it a little strange how you constantly bring up how awful it is to have the disease, but you won’t let anyone do anything about it?”
I wanted to go to him and just hold him, hoping it would put him in a better frame of mind. Maybe if the stress of it started to wash away he could see things a little more clearly, but he was way too far out of reach.
“Forgive me for not wanting to drag other people’s lives down with me!” he raved. “Cammie abandoning her schoolwork to try to find a cure is ridiculous, but that’s nothing compared to what you’re trying to do. You can’t seriously think you’d be able to save me by fishing through parallel universes, and that’s probably why you weren’t even going to bother to tell me about it. That’s the worst part of all.”
I closed my eyes, wondering how he’d gotten it so wrong. This was the disease doing this to him, I told myself. Last year he’d been able to choose to sacrifice his life, and he was fine with it, and now Huntington’s had been forced upon him and he was lashing out every way he could. The disease was taking him away from me, and that’s why I had to destroy it.
“I absolutely know it would work. You have to understand that I get how interconnected the universe is, and I have more faith in Cammie’s experiment than even she does. But, most of all, if there’s even a shred of a chance that I can do something to help you, I’m going to take it because of how deeply I care about you,” I explained.
That was the last card I had to play. If Nathan couldn’t understand that I was doing these things because I loved him, I didn’t know how else to put it. Nathan turned away, and I was even more confused about how expressing my feelings could pain him.
“You care enough to do this, but you won’t give yourself to me?” he muttered, facing away, and I could barely hear it.
“What?” I asked, having to come around the side of the truck to check if I’d heard what I thought I heard.
“Nothing. Let’s just go,” Nathan said, opening the driver’s side door.
“Are you upset with me because I haven’t slept with you yet?” I gasped, unable to fathom how this conversation could get any more twisted.
“It makes you wonder…” he trailed off.
“Nathan,” I said, grabbing his sleeve out of concern so he would finally look at me. “Having sex isn’t going to solve this problem. It doesn’t mean I don’t care about you either. I told you I’m not comfortable using my body that way yet, so please don’t hold it against me or wrap it up with all this other stuff when it’s really not connected.”
“Yeah, what
ever. Let’s just go,” he said dismissively. “I guess I’ll be driving since you still don’t know how.”
Every word he said drilled into my heart. I’d never imagined that things with Nathan could unravel so quickly. I thought our love was invincible, and I had to again remind myself it was the disease getting in the way. Nathan was still trapped in his body, waiting for me to save him.
“That was uncalled for. I was going to learn when you started teaching Cammie!”
He pulled the door shut and I wasn’t even sure if he heard me. Now I was standing in the cold while Nathan waited for me to get in the other side. I didn’t want to be around him, but I got in anyway.
As soon as we started back toward the city, I immediately tried to fall asleep. If what he really wanted was my body, then my mind was free to check out. My exhaustion somehow managed to overcome the mess of churning thoughts, and I soon got sucked into sleep.
*
The first thing I did when we got home was jump out of the truck and march into the house toward Cammie’s room. She was in for it, and my only hope was that I could both chew her out for betraying me and get her to change her mind and help. After my fight with Nathan, I knew executing the plan was more important than ever, but at the moment the appeal of just shrieking at her like a banshee was undeniable.
Plowing through the living room and running up the stairs, I turned for Cammie’s door and threw it open. The room was empty. Rats. All the pink in her room managed to irritate me even more, but I’d have to look elsewhere if I was going to find her.
Descending the stairs, I reached the kitchen door just as Nathan was carrying in some of the supplies. The tackle box sat right on a chair next to the table in plain view. I grabbed a scarf, put my hat back on, and went for the door.
“Where are you going?” Nathan asked.
“Out,” I answered.
The real answer was to the city library, which was several blocks away. Considering the scope of Cammie’s social life, she had to be there. It’d take me a while to make the long walk, but I certainly wasn’t going to ask Nathan for a ride after the way he’d chided me for being dependent on him.
