by Aimee Carson
Love.
Blake closed his eyes. If he hadn’t met Jax, he would be with Sara. And if he’d been dating Sara, right now she’d be trying to convince him to take the promotion. She would have methodically laid out her argument, ultimately concluding he’d be a fool to pass on the opportunity. And eventually he would have agreed and accepted the job that took him away from the excitement of the courtroom, continuing on a path that he now realized had been a noose around his neck since he’d started, slowly tightening over time. Choking him. And making him miserable.
But Jax had dared him to follow his heart.
Jax had set him free....
Blake dropped his elbows to his knees and his head into his hands, staring down at the immaculately polished floor. “Yes,” he said. “I love her.”
The realization had been lingering at the edges of his consciousness for days, taunting him. Admitting the truth out loud only made the misery worse. “And I blew it, big-time.”
Nikki’s hand on his back was gentle, and she rubbed soothing circles between his shoulder blades. “I’m sure this is fixable,” she said with an overly bright tone, as if forcing the optimism. “You were just doing what comes naturally, taking care of the ones you love.” The statement eased the tightness in his chest a bit, and he looked at his sister as she went on. “In your own annoyingly overbearing way, of course.” She shot him a small smile. “Even the mighty Blake Bennington is allowed to make mistakes.”
Mistakes. Like the one he’d made that had cost them their dad’s life. The one that had left his sister fatherless at the age of twelve. Guilt compressed his chest with a painful squeeze.
Her voice turned sober and sincere. “Speaking of mistakes,” she said, “after my accident, I should have thanked you for coming to get me from the hospital.”
He attempted a light tone, but he wasn’t convinced he pulled off the nonchalant manner. “It was no big deal.”
“That’s not true,” she said. “It was a very big deal. Even though you drive me crazy, you’ve always been there for me. And you know how Mom is....” Her voice tailed off.
Blake studied his sister’s face, her expression torn. Instead of finishing her sentence, she finished with a small shrug.
“Yeah,” he said gruffly. “I know how Mom is.”
Abigail Bennington was full of life and totally lovable, but never dependable. And the one thing a child needed was dependability. He’d done his damndest to make sure he’d provided that for Nikki. But it only seemed fair, since he was the reason she was without a father.
His lungs briefly shut down, making breathing impossible. Despite their differences, Jax was right about him needing to be straight with Nikki.
His sister cleared her throat. “Anyway,” she went on, patting his back again, “I could always count on you to bail me out.”
The guilt dug deeper, until there was no escape. He had to confess the truth that was eating at him, because he didn’t deserve her reassuring pat on the back.
“It’s my fault that Dad died,” he said.
Nikki’s hand on his back stalled as she returned his gaze for a moment, and Blake forgot to exhale. If she was angry at him for robbing her of her father at such a young age—and rightly so—would she ever be able to forgive him?
The longest six seconds of his life passed.
Until Nikki finally dropped her hand and said, “I know what happened that night.”
“No, you don’t,” he said, plowing ahead. “I—”
“I heard you and Mom talking years ago,” she said calmly, her eyes steady on his. “The college prank. Your drinking.” A ghost of a smile crept up her face. “The police threatening an arrest.”
She knew. All along, she knew.
Nikki paused, and Blake wondered if he’d ever been able to fool this smart young woman poised on the edge of greatness. Apparently not.
“I’m super proud of the brilliant lawyer you’ve become, Blake,” Nikki said softly. And then her face fell a touch, as if not sure how to continue, but she pressed on anyway. “But—”
The pause was long.
“But...?” he said.
“But I remember how it was when Dad was alive. You used to be fun,” she said, and his gut twisted at the sadness in her words. “I just sometimes wish it wasn’t an either-or, you know?”
She eyed him soberly with a gaze that reminded him more of his father than ever before, a wisdom he’d never really noticed until now. But perhaps that was because he hadn’t been looking hard enough.
Blake stared down at the floor as the moment stretched and he contemplated her words: an either-or.
Lust versus reason.
Need versus duty.
Was there really a reason he couldn’t have both? Veins burning with an emotion he refused to examine too closely, the possibilities stretched before him. And wasn’t that exactly what Jax had been trying to say that day on the boat?
What happened to ruin you?
Decision made, he returned his gaze to Nikki. “I have one more week until Jax’s trial goes to court. Will you help me think of a way to win her back?”
“Of course I will,” she said. And then she lifted a chastising brow. “But whatever you do, it better be good.”
THIRTEEN
Late for your own trial. Way to go, Jax.
Clutching her Ramones tote, Jax hurried up the courthouse steps, muttering curses under her breath. Starting her day upchucking her breakfast had set her behind schedule. And who could have known it would take fifteen minutes to find an empty parking space? The fact that the spot had been the farthest one from the entrance hadn’t helped matters, either.
Jax still felt nauseous as she passed through the courthouse doors and made a beeline for the bank of elevators, stabbing the up button in desperation. Heart tripping too fast for comfort, her palms damp, she tapped her foot, willing the elevator to hurry up. As she watched the numbers descend slowly she suppressed the need to scream in frustration. When the light stopped on the floor above, she let out a groan, glancing down at her watch and wincing. She was already ten minutes behind and she still had to get to the fourth floor.
And, as if being late to her day of judgment wasn’t bad enough, knowing that Blake wouldn’t be there to soothe her worries made it a hundred times worse.
For the millionth time since their fight, her heart crumpled. All the guitar playing in the world wouldn’t ease what ailed her. She’d spent the first few days in abject misery, until she’d grown so tired of being miserable she’d finally pulled herself together and thrown her energies into her plans for the club. Assuming, of course, that Sara got the charges against her dropped so she could get her old job back.
The elevator finally arrived with a ping, and Jax entered, pushing the button for the correct floor. Amazingly enough, the thought of losing her job no longer sent her into a fit of panic. It hadn’t taken long for her to realize that she would trade it all in if Blake loved her enough, trusted in her enough to let go of the stupid fear that held him in its grip. But he didn’t trust her judgment, not with the decisions she made about her life...or as the mother of his baby.
The crushing truth pinned her heart painfully, but she pushed the thoughts aside as the doors opened and she exited the elevator. Now was not the time to dwell on what could have been. Her baby was depending on her, and Jax had a date with a judge....
With a hard swallow, she gripped her tote tightly as she hurried down the hall. Nerves and baby butterflies knocked in her stomach as Jax pushed through the door to the courtroom, braced for the chastising glares. Or perhaps reprimanding words of warning. She just prayed the bailiff wasn’t waiting to clap her in handcuffs and haul her away. But she was shocked to discover the staff hovered around a computer monitor, completely unconcerned the accused had arrive
d late.
She stopped short, adjusting to the fact that her expectations for disaster had morphed into a nonevent.
“Jax,” a female voice blurted, and she turned to see Nikki and Abigail—along with several of the kids and staff from the club—waving as they sat at one of the benches that lined the courtroom like pews in a church. Which seemed fitting, seeing how her prayers had just been answered.
Too bad the one that really mattered hadn’t come true.
The encouraging smiles of her friends and makeshift family, along with Abigail’s two-thumbs-up gesture, were so welcome that a sting of grateful tears threatened. Jax swallowed them back and waved in return.
Hoping to take a seat before her late arrival was noticed, she turned and hurried up the aisle toward the front of the room. And then she spied the back of a familiar dark-headed figure clad in a gorgeous suit, and her stomach stopped, dropped and rolled to her toes.
Her footsteps slowed, and when Blake turned in his seat and met her gaze, she spent the next five seconds trying to pry her heart from her throat.
The look he shot her was loaded. And as his eyes roamed over her with a mixture of relief, elation and hunger, her body thrummed in response. His desire was a given, but was he glad to see her? Or was he just glad she looked well because he was worried about his baby? Maybe he was just grateful the mother of his child might avoid a conviction now that she’d finally shown up.
Heart tapping out a rhythm so fast she was sure the beat could be felt across the courtroom, she adopted the coolest, most unflustered look she could and slid into the seat next to Blake.
“I’m late,” she whispered stupidly, because it sure beat weeping and throwing herself into his arms like the emotional, hormonal woman she was. And the only other option was to punch him on the arm and tell him to start dealing with his father’s death in a constructive way. “I couldn’t find a parking spot.”
“No worries,” he whispered back. “There was a bit of a delay so no one’s noticed.”
“Where’s Sara?”
“I paid her generously for her time and told her I’d take care of today.”
Despite her twenty-three years of practice, breathing suddenly became a complicated process. “Please tell me you aren’t planning on losing my case so I don’t get hired back at the club.”
His gaze firm, he oozed confidence. “I plan on getting every charge against you dropped.”
She blinked hard. “Oh,” she said, feeling even more stupid for suggesting he’d intentionally sabotage her future. Of course he wouldn’t want her convicted of a crime. She was carrying his child. “Well...” She struggled to swallow past her tight throat. “Thank you.”
His gray eyes held her captive, so cool juxtaposed against the handsome planes of his face and dark eyebrows, one bisected by that tiny yet very significant scar. Given all they’d been through, her thanks had sounded weak and anemic, and a flush of embarrassingly awkward heat infused her face. The bustling of the courtroom staff sounded far away. Reflexively she laid her hand on her abdomen, gathering strength from the adorable little imp currently wreaking havoc in her belly, wishing she could allow herself to hope for something more.
“Will you marry me?” he said in a low voice, startling her with the words.
The burning threat of tears was instantaneous, and she was grateful the threat never materialized. It would be hard to hold an intelligent conversation while crying like a silly baby. Because her heart longed for her to scream yes. But sometimes blindly following her heart wasn’t the wise thing to do.
Sometimes the future, your best future, depended on remaining rational. Logical. And this was definitely one of those times.
Although she whispered, her voice was strong. “I love you, Blake,” she said, the words so heartfelt they hurt coming out. “And maybe I am a little overly sensitive about my past. But I deserve better than a man who is constantly questioning my judgment.” Blake grimaced and sucked in a breath, regret radiating in his expression. But a simple “I’m sorry” or an “I messed up” wasn’t going to cut it. Their life together, their family, was too important for her to give in so easily. She forced herself to continue to meet his gaze, refusing to concede too soon, and she straightened her shoulders for good measure. “And I can’t live with a man who is marrying me only out of a sense of duty and responsibility.”
Several heartbeats passed as Jax braced for the speech she was sure he’d prepared. With his years of practice swaying juries, no doubt it was going to be a doozy.
Warrior, Jax. Remember, you are a warrior.
“I’m not asking you because of the baby,” he said in a low voice, his jaw set, emotion brimming in his eyes. “And I’m not asking you because being with you makes me happy, or because I see your scars as a sign of your incredible strength. I’m not even asking because your amazing courage has inspired me to give up a promotion that would have made me miserable.”
Her voice came out with a surprised squeak. “You’re passing up the promotion?”
“I’m passing up the promotion.”
Her heart softened a touch, and his eyes caressed her face. With effort, she steadfastly ignored the muscular body encased in a beautiful suit as she breathed in his fresh, sea-breeze scent. The familiar thrum of awareness returned, and the pounding in her chest cranked higher as he went on.
“I’m not even worried about the fact that Nikki and my mother will kill me for permanently blowing my chances with you,” he said as he shot her a helpless grin.
Her heart turned over in her chest, and she suppressed the need to return the smile. At least his prepared speech was living up to her expectations.
He leaned in, and the intensity in his eyes and his proximity left her spinning, her body sighing happily at having him close again as he went on. “I’m asking you to marry me because I’ve fallen in love with you and I can’t imagine any other woman being more perfect for me than you.”
Heart hammering louder in her ears, Jax feared she was beginning to lose the war with her encroaching tears, her heart mushier than ever before.
He loved her.
Hope gaining a huge foothold, Jax tried for a chastising tone, but barely even convinced herself. “You picked a fine time for your confession, Suit.” She sent him a watery smile and sniffed, lifting a brow. “But don’t you want to wait until the outcome of my trial before you make the marriage commitment?”
“Convicted criminal or not,” he said, his voice strong, “you are the woman for me.”
She forced back the surge of tears. “That’s the most romantic thing I’ve ever heard.”
Hope flared in Blake’s eyes. “Jax, please marry—”
“Okay, folks,” the clerk said from the front of the room, and Jax bit back the scream of frustration. “Technical malfunction fixed. Though we hardly needed the IT crew.” The man scratched his balding head, clearly perplexed. “Somehow the computer cable got pulled from the network card.”
Surprise shot through her, and Jax whipped her head around to look at Blake—the man who was now leaning back in his chair with an expression akin to the cat that had swallowed the canary. A very delicious canary. Jax recognized the faint glimmer of amusement in his eyes, and her stomach did a slow-motion flip as the reason for the delay finally sank in.
Eyes wide with disbelief, she leaned in close to Blake. “Did you pull the plug to buy me time to get here?” she whispered.
His brow instantly crinkled with humor. “Certainly not,” he said smoothly. “Because that would be wrong.”
But the light in his eyes suggested otherwise.
She blinked hard once, trying to adjust. How he’d pulled off his little stunt without anyone noticing, she had no idea. But after years of being the man who ensured society followed the letter of the law, obeyed every rule in the rulebook, the
hell-raiser Blake had briefly made a reappearance.
All in an effort to ensure Jax’s tardiness would go unnoticed.
And with that, every defense she had left in her arsenal drained away. Her heart melted, pooled at her feet and spread far and wide. Coating her world with hope.
Impressed, and terribly, terribly touched, all she could do was stare at Blake. And when the clerk announced that it was time to begin, she was still so powerfully affected that Blake had to pull her to her feet when Judge Conner entered the courtroom.
* * *
The trial seemed to drag by in slow motion, but through sheer strength of will, Blake focused all his efforts on the proceedings. But it wasn’t easy with Jax beside him, smelling of apples spiced with cinnamon. Her red blouse brought out the honey coloring of her wild, tumbling hair, and the denim skirt was long enough to be respectable—but with enough bared leg to be a major distraction.
The return of those sexy cowboy boots wasn’t helping, either.
And when the verdict came to drop all the charges against Jax, Blake let out a long, slow, satisfied breath. Jax turned to him, her eyes bright, her lovely face glowing, and it took every ounce of self-control he had not to claim her delectable mouth in a kiss. To ease the gnawing ache her absence had brought.
Because he needed this bold, courageous woman in his life.
“Now, Ms. Lee,” Judge Connor said, his demeanor, as always, staid, “let’s see that you steer clear of even the appearance of trouble from here on out. And as for your opinion of the Ramones...” The older man’s eyes twinkled as he nodded in the direction of Jax’s tote on the table, the band’s logo clearly displayed on the side. “You’re wrong. The Clash and the Sex Pistols were much more influential.”
Spying Jax’s suspiciously innocuous expression, Blake tensed.
But her smile was surprisingly submissive. “Yes, sir.”
He exhaled in a quiet whoosh, and, as the courtroom began to disband, Jax shot Blake a defiantly innocent look.
