by Sydney Addae
What if she couldn’t get past this? How would she ever have kids?
The phone beeped.
“No, no, no, not already.” She glanced at the phone, it was too far to see who was calling but she suspected it was Jim and didn’t answer. It stopped and a few minutes later started again. He wouldn’t let up.
Vanessa slid to the head of the bed and grabbed the phone. Relief spread through her when she saw the name. “Hi Shyla.”
“Bad timing?”
“No, not really,” she lied. “What’s up?” She hoped Shyla didn’t want to talk about the school fair next week, she wasn’t in the mood to talk about work. Not when she’d hurt the man of her dreams tonight. God, what was wrong with her? How could she have let him leave the one time he wanted to stay?
“You okay?”
“Yeah, great, why?”
“At dinner —”
“Because I didn’t eat? I wasn’t as hungry as I thought… I guess.”
“Not that. You acted… every time Jim moved close to you, you inched away.”
Vanessa’s chest tightened. “Oh no, no, no… I didn’t.” She didn’t realize she’d done that.
“Yeah, you did. He noticed and stopped, but… are you sure you’re okay?”
“It’s weird, Shyla, really weird.”
“I’m on my way, do I need to bring another bottle?”
“What?” Vanessa looked at the clock on the nightstand. “It’s after 10, you don’t need to do that.” She sighed and rolled on her side. “I don’t know what happened tonight but I’m sure I’ll be fine tomorrow.”
“I’m sure you won’t. Be there in five, walking out the door now. Don’t argue.”
Vanessa stared at the wall, bit her lip and released a long sigh. “He wanted to stay.”
“Jim?”
“Yes. First time, too. Why didn’t I let him stay? I mean I love this man. No one has ever loved me the way he does. What if he wants to break things off?”
“Hmm, I doubt that.”
“Seriously Shyla. I hurt his feelings.” She placed her arm across her eyes.
“If you hurt his feelings, he knows you didn’t mean to. Same thing about loving him, if it’s real, on both sides, you won’t break up over this.”
Vanessa thought about her friend’s words and sat up slowly. “What do you mean if? He loves me. I love him. We’re getting married in three months, I’m not letting anything get in the way of that and you can take that to the bank.” Seeing Ethan unlocked bad memories, but that had nothing to do with her and Jim, she needed to tell Jim what happened in Newark. Husband and wife shouldn’t have secrets. So why didn’t she tell him when he asked what was wrong?
“You know I like to play devil’s advocate to get people thinking outside the box. So just suppose, not that this is real or anything, just make-believe.”
Vanessa rolled her eyes.
“Suppose you realized you don’t love him as much as you should, what would you do?”
“What? Love him as much… that’s crazy. I love Jim with all my heart. I’m in love with that man and want to live the rest of my life with him.” Normally hearing those words gave her a warm, cozy feeling, but not tonight. They sounded scratchy, with an underlying pathetic quality which surprised her.
“Devil’s advocate here, remember? Just asking questions, which you didn’t answer by the way.”
“Because it’s a stupid question, and you know it.” Standing she headed toward the kitchen to refill her glass. Not love Jim? That’s impossible, right? She thought. He treated her the way she always dreamed and gave her whatever she wanted. At 38, she doubted she’d meet anyone, especially in this corner of the world, who’d love her like he did. No. Shyla’s question was completely off the mark and disrespectful.
“Not stupid.”
“You never liked Jim, why?”
“What?”
“You heard me.” Vanessa took the full glass into the living room and stood in the middle of the darkened room. “Why don’t you like him?” She heard a car pull up, a few moments later a door closed. Standing she walked to the door and peeped through the viewer. Shyla headed up the walkway holding two large plastic bags.
Vanessa opened the door and waved her inside. “What did you bring?”
“We don’t work tomorrow so I grabbed a couple bottles and snacks.”
At the mention of food, Vanessa’s stomach growled. “Leftovers?” She peeked into one bag after Shyla placed it on the table.
“Yes, figured you’d be hungry. Just something I cooked yesterday.” Shyla removed two plastic containers.
“Thanks, I could eat something. Don’t know why…” She took the plates from the cabinet and avoided Shyla’s gaze. Now wasn’t the time to discuss Jim, they’d get to him in a bit. She wanted whatever food Shyla placed in the microwave, it smelled divine.
Ten minutes and a cleaned plate later, Vanessa’s world brightened. Her thoughts were clear. Focused. Determined. She loaded the dishes in the dishwasher and hand washed Shyla’s containers while Shyla poured them each a glass of wine.
“Whenever you’re done I’ll be waiting to answer your question,” Shyla said from the living room.
Vanessa left the kitchen and looked at Shyla sitting in the large recliner holding a glass. “Okay.” She crossed her arms over her chest.
“Jim’s okay. It’s not that I don’t like him, I don’t like the idea you feel you have to settle for him, that’s all.”
Vanessa’s eyes widened as she stared down at her friend. Friend? Maybe not after that critical indictment of her personality. Did Shyla have any idea how insulting her comment was? Probably not. Which made it hard to stay pissed. Her friend had always been a straight shooter with a heart of gold.
“Now you’re going to insult me?”
Shyla released a long sigh and leaned forward. “This is why I hate getting involved,” she murmured. “I didn’t mean it as an insult and apologize. What I’m trying to say is you talk more of how good, respectful, and kind Jim is than your love for him. Sometimes I get the feeling you’re holding onto Jim because of how he treats you and you don’t think you’ll do better. If I’m wrong, chalk it up to this glass of wine and forgive me.” Smiling, she held up her glass as if she didn’t realize the sucker punch she’d just delivered.
Vanessa opened her mouth to deny Shyla’s words. But as they settled she acknowledged several kernels of truth. “He is good and kind.” Without looking at Shyla she poured a glass and sat on the sofa.
Several thoughts, most conflicting, ran through her mind. “I’ve never really been in love before but what I have with Jim is how I’ve imagined it would be.”
Shyla coughed. Her hand flew to her mouth. “What? Never been in love? How’s that possible?”
Vanessa stared into her glass as if it held the answer. “Not sure. I dated in high school and college. It seemed something always happened, they’d do something stupid or ask for money or want to live with me.” She shrugged. “Then I stopped dating and focused on getting my Master’s.” She looked at Shyla. “What about you?”
Shyla waved away the question. “I fall in love all the time, it’s a great feeling.”
Vanessa laughed even though she envied her friend. Growing up, all her friends experienced the angst of their first love. They never believed she didn’t feel the same as they did, her past boyfriends thought she was cold, indifferent, too independent, and the list went on because she never acted like she cared or loved them enough, whatever that meant. So far it didn’t seem to bother Jim.
“How long did you stop? Not that it matters in the context of this discussion, I’m just being nosy.”
“Six months, then I moved here for this job.”
“That’s right, trouble in Newark brought you here.” Shyla held up her glass. “Their loss, our gain.”
Smiling, Vanessa raised her glass and sipped the fruity wine that tickled the back of her throat. “Good stuff.”
�
��Of course.” Neither of them said anything for a few moments. “But that doesn’t mean you love him.”
Vanessa conceded the point. “But it’s enough for me.”
“Good, because the way you were looking at Ethan, whew, that was hot, which was nothing compared to how he looked at you. Honestly, if the two of you knew each other, I would’ve told you to get a room.” She fanned her face with her hand.
Vanessa’s drink went down wrong. She coughed and took several deep breaths when she could. “What? I can’t believe you said that.” She pointed at Shyla, who watched with a smug expression. “We, I didn’t look at him like that. Plus, he talked to you.”
“Just met him. Let’s face it, he didn’t look at me the same way he looked at you. Me, I was firmly placed in the maybe friend category. You… you were Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday night delights,” she sang.
Vanessa’s cheeks warmed as she smiled at her friend’s antics. Ethan. She’d locked out the memories of their meeting while she was with Jim. Now they sprang free.
Just thinking his name made her warm and tingly. The way he’d said her name sent tingles down her spine. His deep voice held a sensual, decadent edge that teased the boundaries of decency. The man was a player. He had to be.
“I see you.”
Vanessa looked at Shyla who wagged her finger. “What?”
“You like him.”
Vanessa straightened and placed the glass on the table. His large hands had felt great on her back and he smelled so good. She could have stayed in his arms forever. That brief contact had eased her in some weird way. Worse, she wanted more. “Great body, sexy smile, that voice.” She fanned her face just thinking about it. “The man is lethal, no question about that. Especially that sexy ass pony-tail, yeah, it was good meeting someone who had it going on like that. There’s no harm in looking.”
“Drooling? Any harm in that?”
Vanessa laughed as she picked up her glass and drained it. “No problem with drooling either, did you see his arms? They were huge. And his eyes … they changed colors, went from dark brown to hazel, did you see that?”
Shyla nodded.
“And his hair, so many different colors, dark brown, wine, gold, light brown, and it’s thick and long. I never really cared for long hair on men but his looks good. He wears it well; don’t you think?” She looked at Shyla.
“Yes, really well.”
For the next hour Shyla listened to Vanessa rave about Ethan with a heavy heart. For one, her friend’s life was about to change forever whether she wanted it to or not. Alpha Jayden had contacted her with instructions to help Ethan and Vanessa as much as possible. How could she say no to her Alpha? She couldn’t.
Fortunately, Vanessa was already attracted to Ethan, even if she denied it. That would make things a little easier. Ethan wanted to come to see Vanessa tonight, which would’ve been a disaster. Her appearance on Vanessa’s door had been the compromise Alpha Jayden facilitated. Tonight was covered, but Shyla wasn’t sure how long he’d be able to stay away.
Two empty bottles later, Vanessa lay on the sofa looking peaceful. Shyla had decided to spend the night in the guest room, which she had done numerous times before.
“You okay?” she asked Vanessa.
“Yeah, just thinking how blessed I am. I’m marrying a great guy and had a chance to meet a real stud-muffin.” She started giggling.
Shyla groaned and shook her head.
Chapter 13
Jim walked into Sanders’ house and tossed the keys on the table. “Where is he?” He looked around the living room and in the kitchen before he realized Smokes wasn’t there. “Last time, where is he?” Jim ground out. His jaw clenched so tight he barely forced the words past his lips. Every time he thought of Smoke’s colossal screw-up he wanted to kick the man’s ass into the next state, and would do it when he found the bastard.
Tim Sanders held up his palms and spoke slowly. “Orders came in for him to leave the area, he left a couple hours ago. If you want to talk to him about messing up protocol, you’ll need to call him there.”
Heat flowed through Jim’s body at the rookie mistake Smoke made. “What did he use?” He looked at Sanders.
“Not sure, he was yanked out of here before I could ask any questions.” Sanders paused “I didn’t expect you tonight, what happened.”
Jim ran his hand through his dark, short hair and yanked the ends. “My fiancé wasn’t in the mood. She was distracted, so was I, but I would’ve stayed.” He didn’t want to talk about Vanessa. She was a good person he’d spend the rest of his life with if things worked out, if not, there was always someone from the pen he could use.
“She’s not getting cold feet is she?”
Jim eyed Sanders and shook his head. “No, she loves me.”
Sanders’ brow rose and he grinned. “As much as you love her?”
“Maybe a tad more, anyway my time’s almost up, I need to get this done. Plus, she’s hot, could do worse.” He shrugged, not wanting to get into this discussion again. Tim knew all he needed to know about this thing with Vanessa.
“True. But her being approved in Newark sweetens the pot.”
Jim glanced at Sanders, read the envy in his eyes and wondered if he’d eventually need to kill the man. “Indeed. Are you hunting tonight?” So far he hadn’t been able to learn anything from Vanessa about Newark. If he didn’t have the proof she’d been locked away in that location for 48 hours, he’d think they had the wrong person. He’d thrown several hints, and pointedly asked about her past life in Newark. But other than not getting along with a few people at work and the death of her adopted mother, she had little to say.
“No. Orders came down to ease off for at least a week until things die down.” He lit a cigarette while staring at Jim.
“So we train, is that it?”
“Nope. It’s all suspended for now, something’s going on, they didn’t tell me what, though.” Tim looked at his watch and yawned. “Heard there was some activity at the mine, lost a few recruits.”
“Why am I just hearing about this?” Jim slammed his open palm against the wall. “Where’s Thorne?”
“Not sure, no one’s talking. Can’t find him or his shadow.” The censure in Tim’s voice clearly said ‘I told you not to trust them,’ but he was smart enough not to voice the words.
Jim nodded but didn’t say anything. Thorne had suggested they work this area for testing because of the lack of security. What happened? He pulled out his phone, placed a call, entered a code and hung up. Glancing over his shoulder at Tim, he decided he needed to run even if it meant breaking orders. “Be back in a bit.”
“Yes, Sir.”
Jim left the house and stepped onto the wrap-around porch. Night sounds filled the cool mountain air. He inhaled deep and strode toward the woods. Turning his phone to vibrate, he unstrapped his blade just in case he came across a surprise. Within seconds he was running and leaping over logs. The faster he ran the better he could see and hear. The last shot he received had his body humming.
His blood sizzled.
Oh yeah, this was what it was all about. Being the best. No one could catch him. Pumping into high gear, he veered towards a flatter area he’d discovered during his last trip. His heart raced. His thoughts cleared. He could do this. He would be better than them all.
He increased his speed. His vision blurred. Sounds crashed and crescendoed in his mind. Blood trickled down his nose but he refused to stop. He’d make it to the rock he’d marked. Sweat ran down his face and soaked his back without cooling the fire raging inside. With outstretched hands he touched the coveted mark on the rock and slowed his pace. When he stopped his legs gave out and he hit the ground, knocking the breath out of him.
As his head spun and darkness shuttered his view, he smiled. “I … I did it.” His head dropped to the ground.
Chapter 14
Vanessa’s grip on her purse and supply bag left nail p
rints in her palm as she moved at a steady clip down the corridor toward her class. Seeing Ethan, the other night in the restaurant had opened mental doors she’d locked down for a damn good reason. For the past two days she’d been arguing with herself, and was almost convinced she’d overreacted. Chased shadows. Fear over how a man walked? No, that wasn’t rational.
Jim had been great, hadn’t pushed when she didn’t want to talk about her reaction, but he didn’t offer to spend the night again either. Probably for the best, she wasn’t sure she could allow anyone on top of her after remembering the kidnapping. There would be no replay of Jersey here, she’d make sure of it.
How?
She hadn’t figured that out yet. Jim wanted the wedding date moved up. At first she said no because of the time it takes to plan a wedding. But after seeing Ethan, and the possibility that whoever had taken her in Jersey had found her, a large wedding was out of the question. There was no reason to wait any longer. Butterflies filled her belly at the idea of a courthouse wedding or a quick trip to Vegas like Jim suggested.
“Morning,” Brenda said, walking out of her class.
“Morning,” Vanessa said without looking at the woman. She entered her class, placed her bag on the desk, and pulled out her bottle of water. She needed to think. After a long pull, she inhaled and tried to relax.
“You okay?” Brenda asked.
Vanessa jerked, her hand flew up to her mouth to stop the water from flying everywhere. Coughing, she looked at Brenda as she held out a few tissues.
“I thought you heard me come in,” Brenda said, standing near the desk.
Vanessa took the tissue, wiped her mouth as she shook her head and clearing her throat.
“You okay?”
“Fine.” She looked at Brenda. “You?” They weren’t friends, not even close, but for the older woman to come in her class there had to be something.
“Me?” Brenda’s hand flew to her chest.
Vanessa nodded and took another sip of water.
“I’m fine. I asked because my brother manages Shae's, the seafood restaurant you were at Friday and he said a friend of yours got sick, went to the hospital.”
