by Elaine May
I’m not doing it, no matter what Daddy says or how many times he tries to call me to bully me into it. I’m my own woman and I don’t need a man.
Oh God, what is wrong with the whole world? I will not let myself go crazy over all this. It’s not happening. I take a look at my surroundings, I can see a few more people walking their dogs, but none are as handsome as my boy. In the distance another figure takes my interest. Even from this distance I can tell the person running closer to me is male, he holds himself well. Even from here he reeks of self-confidence and a devil-may-care attitude. I keep my head down, trying to ignore him and just keep throwing Sammy’s ball but I can’t help but have a look at the man who keeps getting closer and closer to me. Oh shit, it’s him.Oh God, why is this happening to me, I’ve been trying to forget his eyes since I saw him again and because the Gods are obviously messing with me they’ve decided to throw him back in my face.Sammy comes running up towards me and I can’t look away from Charltonas he keeps running towards me. I stroke Sammy’s head and point towards him so Sammy knows who I mean.
“Go get him, boy.” I say with a laugh, just imagining what my dog could do to the cocky git. Sammy runs off in Charlton’s direction. If he wants to be apart of my life again then this is what he has to get used to, my over-excited and lovable dog. I let out a laugh as I watch in slow motion as Sammy’s speed increases and he gives a little jump as his front paws push at Charlton’s chest, pushing him down onto the wet grass. I raise my head and I am left speechless as I run towards them, hearing Charlton swearing and groaning to no one as Sammy tries to lick him to death.
“You should keep your bloody dog under more control.” He shouts at me and I can hear the anger in his tone as he tries to push Sammy off him as he just wants to keep licking his face.
“He only wanted to say hello.” I respond and at hearing my voice I can see Charlton suddenly stop as he looks up at me. His eyes are staring at me and I just can’t return the favour. I know the moment I do I will be lost in those hazel eyes of his again, still the way I remember them.
“Noelle.” Sammy jumps off him and trots over to me, so very proud of himself, good boy.
“What are you doing in the park at this time of the morning?” He says as he gets up on his feet next to me.
His lips look almost inviting as he frowns at me, but the look doesn’t stop me from wondering how they would taste, how they would feel against my own and then at that moment my legs give way from under me as I feel strong arms wrap around my waist. As soon as he does it, I feel my whole body become alight to his and in tune with him. Without knowing what I am doing I feel my body turn towards his chest and settle there within his warmth. I can smell his scent and it leaves me shaking in its wake. As I stand there in his arms I can’t believe I am allowing him to affect me like he did when I was a child. I can’t let him have this effect on me, I won’t let him because I will not succumb to his fake charms and everyone else’s demands on me. I can feel the anger brewing within my blood and all I suddenly want to do is hit him and scream at him.
“Are you OK?” He asks, with concern in his voice. He is so handsome that I could fall into the abyss, but I know what type of guy he is and I will never need that again.
I’ll never want it. I roll my left hand into a tight fist and hit him in his firm chest. It hurts but it must hurt him more if the sound he makes is anything to go by. His presence is firm beside me as he keeps holding me tight and then he leans in towards my ear.
“I bet your pussy is already starting to get wet for me, princess.” His eyes are begging for me to say anything, but the truth and the annoying thing is he’s right. I hate that’s he’s right. I hate that he can do this to me.
“Get off me.” And I use my fist again and he lets me go. Sammy growls by my side and Charlton takes a few steps back, raising his hands in surrender, only having eyes for my dog.
“What?”
“You heard me, Charlton Williams.”
“I like the way my name sounds from those lips of yours.”
“Arghh just leave me alone please.” I try to straighten myself out as he just keeps looking me up and down.
“I can’t do that, I’m afraid.”
“And why not? Just because our parents think we’d be perfect together doesn’t mean we would be.” I raise my head to show my defiance but he only smirks.
“It’s not just our parents. I do too.”
“And guess what? I don’t care, Charlton.” I start putting the leash around Sammy’s neck and looking back at Charlton again. He looks at me with a small level of anger, but I won’t let it faze me.
“I think we really need to talk.” He takes a moment, looking down at Sammy.
“Without anyone else.”
“I don’t think so.” I can’t believe he wants to keep pushing this, there is no way I am falling for him, not again, and I’m definitely not going to marry him.
“What about breakfast? Right now.”
“U…ummm, I don’t think so, and what about Sammy?” His look turns questioning and he almost looks adorable with it. There is no way this man is adorable.
“My dog.” His eyes shift to Sammy who gives a little bark.
“Can he wait outside?”
“For half an hour only and he needs a bowl of water.”
“Done and done. You owe it to me to talk at least once, so I’m sure he will be just fine.” He actually looks like he thinks he’s already won with his arms folded in front of his chest. Oh, handsome, you are nowhere near winning this game.
“His name is Sammy and I don’t owe you anything.” I spit at him and he looks shocked, can’t handle the truth handsome. I can’t believe this guy, and then he reaches out and takes my hand.
“It’s just breakfast. What harm could it do? It’s not like I’m taking you to my bed straight away.” My heart stops for a second at the thought of his bed. Why do I suddenly like the idea of that?
“I don’t think so.” I try to pull my hand away from his, but he keeps his grip tight. The effect his hand has in mine shoots that same electricity up and down my arm as it tightens. I can feel myself suffocating under his razor blade stare.
“It will happen. I’m sure of it. You want me.” I look at him, raising an eyebrow in question and he just keeps smiling with a knowing look in his eyes and even though I hate his confidence I still can’t seem to say no to him, which surprises me more than anything considering I keep telling myself how much I hate him.
I do hate him, I do, and nothing will change that, nothing, not even a breakfast with him.
“Just breakfast?And only this one time?” I confirm, just to make sure he knows there will be nothing else happening. I will not be giving in to him again, no matter what he says or does to me.
“Just breakfast.” He repeats, and I can’t help but release a small smile. Before I know what’s happening he is leading me through the park to the little cafe that’s opposite. When we get to the entrance we notice that dogs are welcome and Charlton opens the doors into the café and allows me and Sammy to enter before him. We take a table through the back and he pulls out my seat for me. OK, I know what he’s trying to do. He wants to get in my good books. Well he has no clue who he’s dealing with. I take the menu in my hand because if I don’t he’s going to go straight for my wrist and I start to roam my eyes across the words, all the while feeling the man opposite me staring at me like he wants me for breakfast. I don’t quite believe that when I see every day what London has to offer a man of this guy’s calibre.
“What would you like?” He sits there watching me and I instantly feel the nerves take over my body.
“I think I’ll go for the full breakfast, please.”
“Would you like a drink?”
“Yes please,I’ll have an orange juice and a tea.” As he steps away from our table and makes his way over to the counter I can’t get over how self-confident he is about this whole situation. What does he think makes him so speci
al that I’ll forget everything? My eyes stay focussed on him and I just enjoy getting to watch him, without him knowing of course. He has grown into a fine specimen. He looks over to me and smiles as he notices me watching him. Oh, shit, that can’t be good and I quickly start to busy myself with Sammy. I am not interested in this stupid plan our parents have and there’s no way he would be interested in it either if he was beingreally honest with himself. I know what he was like and the boy I knew would never be told what to do. I see him make our order and then come back to our table with our drinks. He hands me my orange juice and places the other drinks on the table. I inhale a large breath as he takes a seat opposite me and his gaze rains down on me. I feel like in this more calming situation he is able to read my soul as he does it, taking everything in that he has no right to.
“What are you doing with yourself now then?” He’s going to start off with the basics and try to get to know me then. Ok handsome I’ll play along, for a little while at least.
“I help Daddy with the business and run our charity program.I love that part, getting to help people who really need it. What about you?”
“I went to college like you know and then did some travelling which I loved. When I came back I went to university and then I started to work for your father.”
“What?” Did he just say what I thought he did? The sips of orange I’ve just drunk want to come back up.
“You didn’t know?” No, I didn’t know you smart arse and he looks so proud of himself, I wish I could knock it right off him. Just then our food arrives, and he begins to eat his breakfast. I can’t help but play around with mine but when I dare to look up at him I watch as he eats and the way his strong jaw moves around the food he is eating. Every now and then he looks up and I can tell he knows I’m watching him and he gives away a knowing smile.
“Aren’t you hungry?” He asks me, with his fork in mid air. I try to calm myself at his question, he’s watching me as much as I’m watching him, and I just shake my head in response to him. I can’t find the words, the fact that I’m not the only one taking everything in has rendered me speechless.
“I want to know more about you.” He asks me just as I attempt to put some egg in my mouth.
“Me? There’s nothing you need toknow about me.” I try not to give away my emotions, not to this man anymore.
“I’ve always thought there was something interesting about you. I should have your number. You know, so we can start things rolling.” He wants my number, I don’t think so handsome. I can feel the walls of the café closing in around me, forcing away the oxygen I need to breathe as he continues to look at me. I can’t breathe, my lungs start to burn as I try to breathe in the oxygen that is no longer there. I can feel his eyes on me as I struggle along, and I realize that I have to get away, I have to breathe again and there is no way I can do that in here with him staring at me the way he is. I stand up far too abruptly and I see the shock in Charlton’s eyes, but at this point I don’t care. All I want to do is get out.
“I don’t think that’s a good idea Charlton. Whatever this game our parents are playing is? It won’t work.” As quick as lightning I take Sammy’s lead and start to walk us to the door before I hear his voice.
“How do you know that if you don’t give it a chance?”
“I gave you a chance once before.” I turn my back on him and walk out of the café. As soon as my face hits the cold air I instantly feel my lungs fill up with it. I quickly move away from the doors and move towards home, Sammy following in my wake.
CHAPTER SEVEN
As the time goes by I get to see more of him out of school too. I get to go to the Williams house on play dates and I have so much fun with Louisa and sometimes with Charlton as well. He doesn’t play with us but sometimes we play with him outside. It’s so much fun, I love spending time with them. One time we got to play hide and seek and I had to go off and hide with Charlton. He took my hand and we went to hide while Louisa tried to find us. There was a funny feeling in my hand as soon he took hold of mine, but I liked it so much.
I am like a snarling animal just waiting to strike out at the cocky bastard if he even thinks of following me, but he doesn’t. Why would he want to go through with this madness? There is only one way it will end and it won’t be good for either of us. I can only hope that when this whole madness is over I’ll be the one laughing because I can really make his life hell.
Payback, I already have ideas running amok in my mind.He destroyed anything I ever felt for him long ago and in the process I lost a part of myself too. I fell hard for his good looks and charming personality and he wants to cast his spell over me for the second time. I’m not going to be that stupid again. I go back to the shop as fast as I can and go through the back entrance so I can swipe at the elevator to take me to my floor. I need home. I need to be by my own. He is so sure of himself, so sure that I will just go with it and fall for his charms. Well I’m not that stupid any longer. I’m not going to fall into the same trap of his beautiful face and charms and succumb to his demands. I did that once before and I am damn sure it won’t happen again.
Not any longer. Once I calm down I give Sammy his breakfast and then make myself some and spend the remainder of the day playing with Sammy. My good boy just knows the right way to calm me down and it works by the time I go to bed that evening I am feeling much better. I’m not in an ideal situation but I am sure I can work around it. As I grew up I wasn’t a spoilt child, but my parents wouldn’t want to see me upset. I’m sure that I can work the same magic now. I go to sleep feeling a bit happier but as more memories claim me while I sleep I don’t wake with the same sense of hope. I go downstairs to my office just clinging on to the point that the next day I will be out doing what I love most. Sammy is happy as he always is at my side and I try to get on with my work and not have to interact with anyone else. I don’t want to. I know the role everyone else is trying to force me to play and I don’t want to play that role for anyone. It is bad enough that they want me to do it in front of them and worse my own daddy, the world stage will look on and determine what our relationship is like. I can’t foresee that, I can’t foresee doing it in front of anyone else. It seems far too alien to me.
I stay in my office for as long as Sammy will let me and when I need to take him out I go out the back way. I don’t even want to see Daddy. I think Sammy must know how I am feeling, all day he seems to just be happy lying on his bed by my feet and when I do take him out he stays by my side. I feel like he is the only male I can trust at the moment, I feel like I can’t even trust Daddy.
Before I go back to my apartment I ring through to make sure that I am still wanted tomorrow. My diary is like a military operation, Monday, Wednesday and Fridays are spent in the office and Tuesdays, Thursdays and most Saturdays too I spend doing what I love the most. Going out with my dog and helping people who need it the most.
That is what I live for and I don’t want it to change.
****
I wake up the next day and dress in some old jeans, wellies and a jumper, making sure that both Sammy and I are well fed and watered. I go out of my flat through the back entrance, the thought of seeing Daddy still wants to make me angry. If I do see him I don’t know what I will say to him and I don’t want to do that. I may not know the full understanding of what is going on but he is still my family, we are all each other has. I won’t be mad at him for long, but I still don’t want to tempt fate at the same time.
As the sun shines down, trying to heat the cold air around me, everything else that I have been thinking starts to fade away and as I breathe in the refreshing air it seems to try to refresh my soul in the process. A few minutes after getting out of the building Daddy’s town car comes to greet me and I can’t hide the smile when I see the driver come out and greet me.
“Good morning Noelle.”
“Good morning Brian.” I say in return as he opens the back door for me. I climb in and settle in my seat as Sammy lies do
wn on the other with his head resting on my lap. I hear Brian’s door slam shut and then he looks back at me with the smile I have loved since I can remember. For as long as I can remember Brian has always been my Daddy’s driver, he’s been there for the two of us for so long he’s just like family.
“The park at Lewisham again today Noelle?” He questions as his eyes greet mine in the rear-view mirror.
“Yes please.” I feel the engine roar to life and the car begins to move and I close my eyes as I let my fingers run through Sammy’s fur on his head. I hear his heavy breathing as he starts to fall asleep and the odd snore here and there as he starts to dream, and I can just imagine his leg twitching from beneath him as it always does. I feel bad having to wake him up as the car starts to slow down half an hour into the journey. I open my eyes and I can already see a crowd of people centred in the middle of the park where climbing frames, slides and swings are standing tall. It’s taken a long time to get to this point, the place was covered in litter, the old equipment rusted and uncared for and now as I look out of the car window it looks so different. We have done that. I thank Brian for the lift and a sleepy Sammy follows me out of the car where all the action is taking place. I throw Sammy’s ball a few times as I walk further into the crowd of people. Paint fumes start to travel up my nose as Sally comes to greet me.
“Hi Noelle, thanks for coming.” She says with her arms outstretched to give me a cuddle. This is how she has always greeted me, the more I have observed her I notice she does it with everyone. She just seems so happy that there are people around who are happy to help.
“It’s looking really good. I can’t believe it’s almost done.”
“I know,I’m so happy with it. Are you ready to do some painting?” She asks me.
“I am.” She hands me over a bucket of paint and a brush and then points over to the swings.
“Do you mind starting the swings?” I nod my head with a smile and then call Sammy as I make my way over to the swings. I throw Sammy his ball a couple more times and when he comes back he just falls to the floor as if he’s had enough.
