“You live together, don’t you? He’s your boyfriend or whatever.”
“Kind of. We do live together, and we sleep together, which is probably not the best idea, but I don’t know that I would call him my boyfriend. Especially lately. I just feel like he’s so wrapped up in himself. What about you? Seeing anyone?”
Maia sits down next to me. “No. I’m tired of the scene around here. Besides, the last guy I slept with almost got me pregnant.”
I practically spit my tea out on her as I’m laughing. “Almost got you pregnant? How does that work?”
“We used a condom, but it broke because he was… well endowed, shall we say. And I can’t take a risk like that again. I’m a single girl living a single girl life. I don’t have any time for a kid right now.”
I take another sip of my hot tea. “Yeah, me neither.” I lick my lips for a moment as the conversation pauses. I’m not ready for children, and Ty and I are barely a couple. I feel like we could be more, but with his job and his lack of restraint with the booze, I’m wondering if he’s not the guys for me. Sometimes he makes me feel safe. And sometimes he scares the hell out of me. As I think about the past couple times that we slipped into each other’s beds, I realize that something about the math doesn’t add up. I’m late.
“Maia, how did you know you weren’t pregnant?”
She shrugs. “I took a test, why?”
I set my tea down on her coffee table. “Do you have any of those tests left?”
Her eyes bug out of her head. “Cami, you can’t be serious.”
My mind is churning and I’m sweating like a fool. If I’m pregnant, I am a fool. “I don’t know.”
She sets her own mug down on the table, and then takes me by the hand and leads me into her bathroom. She pulls a box of tests out from underneath the sink. “Pop a squat, girlfriend. We are figuring this out right now.”
I do what I’m told, and she runs out to the kitchen to get me a plastic cup. I do my business while she waits in the hall, and when I tell her I’m ready, she comes in and dips the test stick inside of the cup. We stand in anticipation while she grips my hands, and I know I’m shaking. I can’t be. It was only a few times. Unless… But I tried to shake Jett’s image from my head. It couldn’t be his, could it?
And that’s when I see it. Two little pink lines.
I’m pregnant, and I don’t even know who the father is.
6
Cami
We’re sitting at the kitchen table eating take-out when I realize at some point I have to tell Ty. He deserves to know, even if he isn’t the father, though I don’t see how I can tell him that. How can I admit to him that I saw Jett? That I had a one night stand with my ex while Ty and I were still just roommates? It’s not like we were together. I didn’t cheat on either of them.
I don’t cheat. I follow the rules.
And yet somehow, I’m still sitting here wondering how I’m going to tell Ty that I’m pregnant. We’re barely scraping by as it is while he’s been between jobs, and I’m a waitress! That’s no life for a child. But I also refuse to make this child face my consequences. I had sex, and now I’m pregnant, and that’s just the way it’s going to be. Though I’m still so afraid of how Ty will react, of what he’ll say.
He’s pulling the last of his Chinese out of the box when I finally gather the courage to speak. “How was work today?” My hands are sweaty, so I wipe them on my jeans. Jeans that pretty soon won’t fit me anymore.
He shrugs. “At least I’m not laid off. Though that place is a real hellhole, Cami. I tell you, I’m going find something better.”
He always says that. And he never does. “I’m sure you are. Do you get health insurance at your job?”
I’ve already done some research and I can get free health insurance through the state but if his is better, it’ll be good for the baby.
He sets his chopsticks down, “Yeah I think so, why? Are you sick?”
I take a deep breath and push the box of Chinese food away from me. “Not exactly, but there’s something that we do need to talk about, Ty.”
“What?”
I don’t know how to say it so I do it like you rip off a Band-Aid. “I’m pregnant.”
Ty’s mouth drops open. “And you want health insurance for an abortion?”
“No!”
“Why the hell not? I’m no father figure. And you? You hardly work!”
“Because I want this baby. And there’s no discussing that. And working at a diner is good honest work, Ty! At least I have a consistent job. And I’m going to school. I’m doing something with my life—what the hell are you doing? Drinking at the bar with your buddies and pretending like something’s going to change? It’s never going to change, Ty. Wake up!”
I push back from the table and stomp off to my bedroom, slamming the door behind me. His initial reaction was that I was going to have an abortion. That was totally, completely unfair. Not like he wants any type of extra responsibility—I should have known. I’m so stupid. And I’m stuck.
Stuck in this relationship, stuck in the city, stuck missing Jett, and carrying a baby.
7
Cami
The months fly by, and before I know it, I can no longer see my feet. This huge belly has made me unattractive to him, and he makes a point to tell me every chance he gets. Our tenuous relationship has now completely fallen apart. At first, he said he would marry me and that we would raise our baby together, but then, as I got bigger, his worries got larger. We hardly even speak anymore. Ty and I are practically roommates once again, the way we should have stayed. I can’t believe I let this happen. Some moments, I can’t believe I left home at all.
At sixteen weeks, we find out that the baby is a girl. That's what started the alienation between us. He really wanted a boy. Of course, it doesn’t help that the baby isn’t his. I did the math, but luckily, he hasn’t. This baby is Jett’s for sure, although I think I have Ty convinced it’s his. He used to get so drunk that he honestly couldn’t remember if we’d had sex or not. I don't care as long as the baby is healthy, and each passing day brings me closer to meeting this miracle residing within.
I wake up early on this rather cool May morning with a pain I’ve never felt before. I reach over, but his side of the bed is cold, so I drive myself to the hospital. His phone is going straight to voicemail and he isn't answering my texts. Frustrated and alone, I call his office and am told he hasn't been in for the past two days. The pain of labor preoccupies me, and Maia has come to stay with me. After eight intense hours of tears and pain, I’m staring into the face of my perfect baby girl.
“What are you going to name her?” the midwife asks while checking her vitals.
“Ella Paige,” I reply through the tears of joy that are now falling.
“Six pounds on the nose,” she says while swaddling my little Ella in a blanket. She hands her to me and my heart falls in love all over again. “We have to take her to give her a bath, but I promise she'll be back in no time.” I nod and close my eyes in exhaustion.
The door is flung open, revealing a disheveled Ty. “Hey baby, have you had the baby yet?”
“Yes,” I hiss at him, biting my tongue so I don't cause a scene.
“Still a girl,” he asks, mirroring my hiss.
“Yes.”
I'm looking at him with disgust as the nurse and Maia wheel Ella back in. Baby girl Garrett, my last name, is written on the pink cardstock, with her little footprints below. Ty’s eyes grow wide when he sees her bright brown eyes and the long, dark fringe of lashes she has. “Olivia. We can name her Olivia. After my mother,” he says.
“She already has a name,” I scoff.
“You mean you named her without asking me?” His face is already growing red to match his bloodshot eyes.
“I've been here for almost ten hours and spent two of those trying to find you, asshole. I'll name her what I damn well want to, seeing as up until now, you’ve greatly expressed your disappo
intment in the baby being a girl.” His face grows dark, and he takes a step towards me as I hold my Ella closer to me, fear evident in my expression.
Maia comes in at that moment. “Cami, is there a problem?” I shake my head, never taking my eyes off Ty.
“Well, can I at least hold her?” he asks. I nod hesitantly before handing her over. Maia hovers around him with a look of irritation on her face. His phone begins to ring, so he hands her back to me. “I gotta take this,” he says, turning to leave the room. Maia sits on the bed beside me.
“You know you can be honest with me, right?”
I look at her and sigh deeply. “Everything will be fine,” I reply, lying even to myself. Ella begins to wiggle and whimper in my arms, and I bring her forehead to my lips.
“Sounds like somebody is hungry,” Maia says with a giggle. I smile and place the bottle that a nurse has made into her mouth, the cute little cooing sounds she makes melting all my troubles away. After she falls asleep, I hand her to Maia to go back to the nursery and close my eyes as exhaustion takes over.
With the sun filtering through the blinds, I wake to find Ty passed out in a chair. I shake my head and call for the nurse to bring Ella to me. Ty begins to stir when the door creaks open.
“Cam, I'm sorry for being such an ass,” he whispers, coming over to sit by me on the bed. I nod, unable to find the right words to say.
“I love you, you know that, and I love Ella too. She’s absolutely beautiful, just like her mother.” I smile at his words; the word beautiful hasn't been used to describe me in months.
Three years later
8
Jett
I need to get out of the house, away from all the eyes surveying my every move. It’s been four years. I should know that they’d still treat me like an eighteen-year-old kid, but I’m not a child anymore.
“I’m going out for a while. I need to clear my head,” I mumble to my mother as she sits at the kitchen table. My hand is on the doorknob when I think better of it. I walk back over to her and kiss her on the head. “I’m ok, I promise.”
She pulls me down into a hug. “I know. I’m just so glad you’re home.”
I'm sitting at the bar, drinking my beer, when I hear a familiar voice over the loud music blaring overhead. “Jett, is that you?”
I turn around, and there's my old friend Shawn Wilson. “Yeah, man, it's me,” I reply.
“How the hell are you?” he asks, holding his hand up for a fist bump.
“I'm great, man.” I know it’s a lie. I am not great. Hell, I’m barely holding it together, but I don’t need some crazy small town gossip about it.
“Did you just get back? I heard you did a full tour, that’s some crazy shit.”
“Yeah, I’m readjusting, I guess.”
“It's so good to see you, bro. It's been a long time,” he says, smacking me on the back.
“Yes, it has. Grab a seat and have a beer with me,” I say, tipping my beer in his direction.
“I'll have to take a rain check on that,” he replies. “I’m on my way to Sara’s.”
“You son of a bitch, you're still with her?” I ask with a laugh.
“Yeah, sure am. Well some days anyway,” he says with a wicked grin.
“Well, I'm at the parents’ house for about another week, hit me up.”
He pauses for a moment and sits down next to me. “I’ll do you one better.”
He slides a business card out of his pocket and sets it on the bar. “You ever heard of these guys?”
I read the card. ‘Brotherhood Bar and Billiards’ it says in dark blue writing.
“No, new place in town?” I offer, hoping it’s better than the dingy bar I’m sitting in.
“Memphis. And it’s not just a bar, if you know what I mean. It’s a true brotherhood, you know? A place to go when things get rough. Not to say we don’t rough some shit up too. You got your brother’s old bike laying around?”
The Harley—damn thing was a classic. Of course my parents had kept it; it was worth something, not to mention Jackson would have died for that bike. “Sure. Why?”
“You gotta ride to be asked in. Actually, that’s just the beginning of the list of things you gotta do. Joining takes time, hell, I’ve been doing it a year.”
“Is there going to be hazing and some shit? I’ve done that enough.”
“Ha,” he laughs. “It’s not like that. But you know, you gotta earn your spot to run with these guys.”
“What’s this about? This sounds like y’all do some crazy illegal shit or something.”
“Like what you saw over there was any worse? I’m just saying, man, these guys? They’ll get you. Think about it.”
He gets up from the stool and I pull the card off the bar and slip it in my pocket. “I will,” I say as he heads towards the door.
I smile and shake my head. I can’t believe he’s still with Sara and in some crazy motorcycle gang. The wild one has finally been tamed. Or at least caged. I finish my beer and glance at the clock. I pay my bill, and instead of heading back to my parents’, I grab a motel room. It's only about a quarter mile, so I figure I'll just walk and let the cool air sober me up a bit. Wouldn’t it be some shit for the rumor mill if the newly returned home vet got a DUI? I won’t give the town gossipers the satisfaction.
The evening air is cool and crisp and sobers me up almost instantly. As I’m walking, I hear the roar of motorcycles. That damn card is burning a hole in my pocket. Part of me wants to call Shawn and see what he says about me prospecting, the other part of me just wants to get out of this tiny little town and move on with my life. I get to the motel and check in. The place is pretty shitty, only one of two places to stay around here. Just as I’m about to settle in, my mom’s face pops up on my phone, and I swipe right to answer it. I should have called. I forget there’s people here who want to know where I am. That I’m safe.
Shit, I’m a terrible son.
“Hey, son. I was just checking on you.” I walk through the door of my motel room and sit on the edge of the hard bed.
“I’m good, Mom. I just walked through the door at the motel. I decided to get a room in town tonight instead of driving back home.”
“You’re turning in early, sweetheart,” she says incredulously. I snicker at the tone she’s using.
“Mom, I’m not a teenager anymore. Besides, my body is still conditioned to sleep for short periods of time. When I’m tired now, I sleep. It’s simple,” I remind her.
She clears her throat and then continues. “I'm so proud of you, son.”
“Thanks, Mom,” I reply, unsure of what else to say.
“I love you, Jett. Goodnight.”
I head across the room to the bathroom. Looking in the mirror, I hardly recognize myself. When did I become this person? With stubble on my cheeks and circles under my eyes. Hell. That’s where it happened, even if I’m not sure when.
I walk back into the bedroom and sit down on the squeaky bed. Pulling the card from my pocket, I dial the number on the thick paper.
A gruff voice answers. It’s loud in the background, and I can barely hear him. “Hello?”
“Wilson? It’s Stewart.”
“Oh hey, man, what the hell is up?”
“I’ve been giving some thought to your offer.” I need purpose in my life. Something to do besides get drunk and sit at some crummy ass hotel.
“Yeah, and?”
“I want in. I want to prospect, or whatever you called it.”
“Come by the club tomorrow, man, we’ll talk it over with the members. But for now, there’s some pretty little ass at the bar I’ve got to take back to my room. You just wait, the women here are going to think you’re a god.”
That sounds good. I could use a little ass in my life. “Ok brother, I’ll see you then.”
I shut off my phone and lean back on the bed. I need sleep. I would get up early in the morning and grab my brother’s bike. Lucy hasn’t seen any use since he left for
Afghanistan. It’s time for her engine to roar once again. I’m ready. This is the right call.
9
Cami
Everything has been absolutely perfect since Ty quit drinking. We’re raising Ella together and he’s acting like a father. We’ve been going out and doing things together, and he hasn't had any strange late night phone calls. He’s actually dating me, telling me how beautiful I am, and how much he cares about our family. He’s going to work and staying focused. Of course, I keep waiting for the other shoe to drop. I’m not an idiot. I know this isn’t going to last forever.
The ringing doorbell draws me back from where my mind has taken me. Opening it, I am surprised to see my cousin Julie standing on the doorstep. I haven’t seen her in almost a year and now she pops in out of the blue?
“Cami, oh my God, you’re looking so good!” she says, pulling me into her embrace.
“You look great too, Jules,” I reply as I pull away. Sure she looks great, she always does. But what the hell is she doing here?
Standing there with her sends a twinge of jealousy through me. Her blue eyes sparkle in the light, even under the cover of clouds, and her clear, tan skin is just unbelievable. My aunt did a good job finding her dad, who was some Italian hunk. She won in the gene pool; between my aunt and the Italian sex god, they created one hell of a knock out.
“I should have known you’d be in a dress,” I mutter under my breath. She hears me and shakes her head at me with a smirk, causing her dark hair to blow in the cool breeze. Julie has always been pretty, but damn has she bloomed into a voluptuous beauty.
“It sure is cold down here. I thought Tennessee was supposed to be sunny and hot.” She wraps her sweater around her.
“It’s only January, so it’ll start warming up soon,” I reply, leading her into the house. I shut the door behind her before starting my questions. “What the hell are you doing here?”
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