“Lyssa should go help Sophie collect some firewood,” my mom said, unpacking the cooking gear.
“Are we having roasted Wood Ape for dinner? Is that kosher?” I teased, trying to diffuse the situation. Seeing my mom’s frown, I shrugged. “I know, I know, we would never hurt Bigfoot. We’re here to admire him, get to know him; maybe take him slow dancing, and out for ice cream.”
Lyssa chortled. She hadn’t made any motion toward helping Sophie, and didn't look like she was planning on it.
“Seriously, Sophie’s still coughing. Can you help her?” I said, before my mom could scold my younger sister.
“Why don’t you?” Lyssa spat back.
“Because Dad and I need to strategize.”
“I don’t know who put you in charge.” Lyssa stuck her tongue out at me but dragged her feet over to Sophie. I finished my tent and beelined it to my dad, who had a map spread out in front of him on a folding camp table. Without looking up from the map, my dad put his arm around my shoulder and said, “What do you think, Sammy? What’s our first move?”
Hal leaned in with the camera.
I stared at the map and thought for a moment. “Put out some bait in likely spots; see if anything leaves any tracks?”
“That’s my girl! Just what I was thinking.” Dad grinned and pointed to the places he wanted to check out.
My sisters were on the other side of the clearing gathering firewood. Mom was putting together a masterpiece of campfire cuisine. Hal grabbed the body mics and started packing up his gear for the night. Everything seemed momentarily under control, so I decided to make a break for it.
It had been a long-ass week of family road-tripping followed by a torturous day of filming and hiking. I was ready to feed one of them to a passing grizzly bear. I desperately needed some alone time.
“I’m going to scope out a spot by the lake for a possible bait location,” I announced, taking off my mic and putting it next to Hal’s equipment bag. Not waiting for an answer, I grabbed my backpack and headed into the forest.
Compass in hand, I ambled along, enjoying the sound of the leaves crunching beneath my shoes and the twittering chitchat of the birds. I was no bird expert, but I guessed these little guys were wrens, because of their loud songs. The plain gray birds didn’t look like much, but they made prettier music than a lot of fancier birds. I knew how the wrens felt. Overlooked. Like I felt in this contest.
Devan and Caroline acted like we were so far beneath them, and their top-notch education. I liked the idea of letting them savor that superiority for a while. When we beat them without high-tech help, they’d never see it coming.
The horizon started to resemble a bowl of quivering orange Jell-O, but I optimistically found a nice flat rock and sat down, leaning my back against a fir tree to observe what kind of animals frequented the area. Settling in for a while, I had just taken out a dog-eared sci-fi paperback when something far less soothing than singing birds interrupted me.
About thirty feet down the hill, someone—or some huge thing—stomped through the underbrush.
What the hell?
I was a skeptic, for sure, but my mind jumped from images of Bigfoot to other imaginary monsters in the thicket who wouldn’t mind dining on me. I’d probably be tasty to them whether I believed in their existence or not. Not that I wanted to run into everyday predators like bears or mountain lions either. I was weighing various exit strategies when an obnoxious voice rose above the rustling of the underbrush.
“Come on, baby. Here’s a nice spot for us,” Jake cooed. There was no mistaking his sultry voice. It sounded like he was trying to impress some girl, and seeing that we were in the middle of nowhere, it certainly wasn’t his famous girlfriend.
“Did anyone notice you leave?” he asked.
His body spray wafted in my direction. They were getting closer to my hiding spot.
The side of my brain that was grossed out by Jake and his woodsy rendezvous screamed at me to slip away. But curiosity and indecision got the better of me. I had waited too long and at this point wouldn’t have been able to sneak away without being seen.
So I stayed very still, something I was also pretty good at doing thanks to my dad’s training. Bigfoot-hunting with him required us to remain absolutely quiet for long stretches of time.
“No one noticed I left,” Caroline said.
I took a huge, surprised gulp of air, almost choking on my breath. I coughed into the crook of my arm then peeked from behind the tree to confirm what I heard. Immediately, I caught a glimpse of Caroline’s distinctive honey-colored hair.
Whoa. I shook my head in disbelief.
“The boys were busy with one of their contraptions,” Caroline said, running her hands through Jake’s overly gelled hair.
Yuck. My fingers felt sticky just looking at them.
“They don’t know that I took the rechargeable batteries and replaced them with dead ones,” Caroline shrugged.
“Nice! That’s my evil girl.”
I guessed that Caroline and Jake had already ditched their mics too.
Jake grabbed Caroline and pulled her against him. They started making out hot and heavy. I shielded my eyes and decided they were distracted enough. It was my chance to sneak away.
“Ooh, baby. What are you trying to do? Get me to tell you all my contest secrets?” Jake snickered.
Like the Netherfield team needed any more advantages. Posh cabin, fancy gizmos, and now insider information.
I couldn’t hear her mumbled answer, but I didn’t have to.
Caroline was clearly using Jake to get the scoop on what the challenges were going to be. Why else would she be into a twerpy little sleaze who was cheating on his girlfriend?
“Less talking, babe. More kissing.” Jake’s romantic sentiment was followed by the sound of smacking lips and slurping noises.
The two participants groaned, as did I, but the sound escaping my throat was not one of pleasure. I needed to get out of there or find a magical tree that grew noise-reducing headphones.
In the meantime, I covered my ears and plotted my next move, but it was hard to concentrate when I was so grossed out. Then I remembered why we were there in the first place. The contest. Suddenly, the embarrassment of catching a slimy make-out session wasn’t the issue at all. Why should I be embarrassed when Caroline and Jake were cheating, in both senses of the word? My stomach dropped and I bit my bottom lip to stop myself from yelling out. I was pissed and I had every right to be. And there was no way I was going to crouch and hide any longer. I stood and took one last glance from behind the thick, old fir. Jake and Caroline were still sucking face and hadn’t noticed me, so I turned to go.
And discovered I wasn’t alone.
Chapter 5
“I may be a science teacher, but science hasn’t yet explained everything. There is still plenty of mystery in the world. That’s what makes science fun.”
—Myron Berger, additional commentary, “Myth Gnomers: Season One”
Devan stood three feet away from me. His hands were on his hips and a fierce grimace clouded his face as he stared at Jake and Caroline. His frown deepened when his eyes caught mine, like it was my freaking fault his team member was rolling around in the leaves with a barely pubescent TV host. I returned Devan’s death glare, right before he stomped in Caroline’s direction, loudly. The couple stopped kissing and broke apart, surprised to have company. I stood in my hiding spot, stumped by Devan’s attitude toward me.
Caroline sat up and picked pine needles out of her hair. “Oh, great. Dad’s here.”
“Caroline, what are you doing? We’re going back to the cabin. Now,” Devan said, scowling at Jake until he stood up.
“What’s it to you? Is she your girlfriend? I guess you aren’t giving her what she needs . . .” Jake said with full New Jersey bravado, tucking in his shirt.
“Bugger off, Jake. Or . . . I swear . . . I’ll beat you senseless.” Devan’s accent was a bit too refined to sound very
threatening. He sounded like a cranky member of the British government. Circa the American Revolution, which, by the way, we totally won.
Jake took a step closer to Devan, fists clenched. “Ohhh, I’m so scared.”
Caroline jumped between the two guys and put her hand on Devan’s chest. “Oh, Devan. It’s sweet of you to worry, but I’m a big girl. I can handle myself and we were just having a little fun.”
Devan’s eyes narrowed. “With this jerk? Seriously, Caroline? Come on, we’re going.”
Caroline didn’t move, but slowly straightened her hair with her fingers and shot Devan a go-to-hell look. Devan crossed his arms and huffed.
I wasn’t sure why Devan cared, but, other than the fact that she was cheating, Caroline had every right to make out with guys, skanky or otherwise. If anyone should have been protective, it should have been Kyle, her own brother.
I narrowed my eyes in Devan’s direction. Pompous, self-righteous, judgmental ass.
I had seen enough. I backed away a few steps then hightailed it out of there, leaving them to their uncomfortable arguments. I had walked about a quarter of a mile when footsteps pounded the ground behind me.
Please let that be Bigfoot.
In stark contrast to my earlier wish to avoid all things huge and scary in the forest, this time I hoped my visitor was imaginary or mythical. But I knew it was Devan, jogging to catch up to me.
“Sophie, Sophie!” he shouted. “Wait!”
I kept walking. The jerk-off didn’t even know my name.
With his long legs, he caught up to me easily and put a hand on my shoulder. “Sophie, I need to talk to you.”
I shrugged his hand off. “It’s Sam.”
He looked at me with a blank expression.
“My name is Samantha.”
“Oh, sorry.” He tried giving me a little smile, but it just looked like he was constipated.
I kept walking.
He followed behind me like one of those elderly speed walkers who frequent my high school track. “I just want to talk to you for a second about what you witnessed.”
I stopped abruptly. “Okay. What?”
“I hope you won’t mention Caroline’s little lapse in judgment. She must have been a bit star-struck, and Jake may have talked her into it.”
“Um, she didn’t look like she needed much persuading.”
“That’s absurd. Caroline has far better taste,” he said.
Ugh. Cute or not, Devan was such a prick.
“It has nothing to do with taste,” I said. “I heard him offer to help you guys cheat.”
Devan’s mouth dropped open. You could have parked our minivan behind his molars. “You did?”
“Yup.” I gave him a huge smirk.
Devan bit his lip and avoided my gaze. “That doesn’t make sense. Caroline’s smarter than all of us put together. She hardly needs to cheat,” he added.
“Maybe she’s not smart about everything.”
“You don’t understand. She’s already taking half her classes at MIT. Her IQ is off the charts.” Devan was speaking quickly now, his voice rising in pitch with each breath.
“Oh.” I’d underestimated Caroline, thinking she was just a pretty and spoiled girl. I wouldn’t make that mistake again.
Devan’s eyes pleaded with mine. “Please. All I ask is that you don’t share this information with Colin or Dr. DeGraw.”
“And why would I keep it to myself?”
“I . . . well . . .” This stumped him for a moment. “I promise you a fair competition. I’ll keep Caroline and Jake away from each other.”
He offered me a boyish grin and some puppy-dog eyes. “I’m begging you for a fresh start,” he said.
I raised my eyebrows but didn’t say anything.
When he didn’t get his desired reaction, in desperation he tried a different tactic. “Listen, I know how much this competition must mean to you and your family. If one team is disqualified they’ll probably cancel the whole thing.”
I stopped for a moment to think. On one hand, I really hated cheaters, and I didn’t want him to think he could walk all over me and get away with it. But on the other hand, he was right. My family needed this contest to happen. We desperately needed that money to save our house.
“Fine. One more chance,” I sighed. “But don’t make me regret this. If I get even a hint of any cheating, I will go to Colin.” I pointed at his chest and gave him the Berger death glare to make sure he knew I was not to be trifled with. “I’m not intimidated by your fancy school or your expensive clothes. Or impressed.”
He held his hands up. “I’m not trying to impress you. I was just offering a clean fight, as a gentleman.”
“ ‘As a gentleman’? What are you, sixty years old?”
Devan laughed a little and shook his head.
“It’s getting dark—I’m going back to my camp,” I said. “I’ll leave the gentleman alone to his valet and his butler.” I gave a little taunting curtsey and began to go.
Devan took a step closer to me. He reached out and touched my arm then pulled his hand back, quickly. “Thank you,” he said in a quiet, yet serious voice. “I owe you, Sam.” He looked like he wanted to say something else, but instead he turned and walked away.
I stood there, my arm still warm where he had touched it. And when he’d said my name, I had felt a tiny, dragonfly-sized flutter in my stomach, which was pretty confusing. I didn’t generally kill dragonflies, but that flutter had to be squashed between two pieces of glass. Pronto. Devan was an arrogant ass and my competition. And Caroline was clearly up to something. I’d have to keep an eye on all of them.
I glowered the rest of the way back to my family’s camp. When I got close, the scent of s’mores drifted toward me. I jogged the last few steps, eager to claim my marshmallows before Lyssa ate them all.
My parents were cuddling on one side of the fire while Lyssa and Sophie were laughing about something on the other. I sat next to Sophie, who handed me a stick with a marshmallow impaled on it. I matched her silly grin, grateful for the first time since we arrived. We may not have had money, or perfectly pressed clothes, or Ivy League connections, but I was okay with that. Some kinds of class couldn’t be bought anyway.
Chapter 6
“Bigfoot really put the romance back into our marriage. We love to go to conferences together, or for long walks in the woods. I tell all my girlfriends they should take up Squatching as a hobby.”
—Brenda Berger, president and founder of the Northern Ohio Bigfoot Ladies Auxiliary
My family got to work right away the next day, scouting for locations that my dad thought a Wood Ape would be most likely to wander through.
“Yes! This is perfect!” My dad enthusiastically pointed at each spot we found. “Let’s tie some apples to that tree branch right there . . . no, to your left . . . exactly!”
Colin and the film crew followed closely behind. “Myron, can you explain to the camera, or better yet, pretend to explain to the girls, why you’re tying apples to trees?”
“Of course.” Dad took an apple and presented it to us as if it were an exotic magical fruit. “Girls, we know that Wood Apes are very fond of apples, because Sasquatches are regularly spotted in orchards in the fall. Our plan is to tie these apples up in the tree, in the hopes that a Bigfoot will be enticed and take them. When it does, we’ll have a set of tracks that may lead us to the creature himself!”
“Perfect,” Colin said and nodded to the crew.
We spent the greater part of the day decorating trees with Red Delicious and Granny Smiths and marking the locations on the map. We only stopped when we ran out of apples.
Back at the camp, Colin, Hal, and Dave-the-sound-guy had packed up their gear and were about to get in their Jeep.
“Oh, girls. Why don’t you ride down with the crew to base camp and bring back some more apples?” my mom asked.
Sophie and I crammed in the back seat with Dave and we all bumped along the gravel
service road that connected our campsite to the base camp. It was a longer route than the steep footpath we had hiked the day before, but we still arrived at the production trailers in a quarter of the time it would have taken us to walk.
“We have a big bin of apples in that trailer there. Help yourself, girls.” Colin pointed us to the main truck.
“This isn’t exactly how I wanted to spend this afternoon.” I grimaced.
“Why?” Sophie asked. “What else were you going to do?”
“Anything other than lug 25 pounds of produce up that trail.”
Sophie opened her mouth to say something, but stopped when we saw Kyle emerge from a trailer and leap down all three steps at once.
“Hey guys!” His smile widened when he saw us. “Whatcha doin’?”
“We’re on a very important top secret mission,” I said.
“We’re getting some apples,” Sophie added and Kyle smiled.
“What are you up to?” I asked.
“Just borrowing a cable from the crew so we can hook up our Xbox.” He held out the cord.
Not only did they have electricity in their cabin, but a television and free time to play video games? “Is the Xbox part of your Sasquatch hunting strategy?” I asked.
“Nah, just for fun.” Kyle looked down at his shoes and shrugged.
“She’s just joking.” Sophie put a gentle hand on his shoulder.
Kyle glanced at her hand and smiled, but Sophie quickly moved her hand away and put it behind her back like she was embarrassed to have touched him. I’d lecture her later about consorting with the enemy.
She cleared her throat. “Um, how are you guys settling in?”
Kyle rubbed the back of his neck. “The cabin’s great. The rest of the team is fine, too, I guess. They were both kinda snippy last night.”
“Really? Why?” I asked, knowing full well what was behind their tension.
“I don’t know. Maybe it’s just stress. It’s hard to tell with those two. Caroline’s very serious about her work, and Devan’s not exactly chatty. He’s my best friend, but I don’t know what he’s thinking half the time.”
Sasquatch, Love, and Other Imaginary Things Page 4
